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Swirling by Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

Girl asks, "How can I get my family to accept my black boyfriend?"

Posted by Christelyn, 10 Jun 14

I recently got a letter from a young woman distraught over her family’s lack of support of her interracial relationship. She contends that her parents are so obsessed with the color of his skin that they can’t bother to learn of the content of his character. This, unfortunately, can happen with interracial couples of all combinations, which is why we dedicated a whole chapter to this in my book, Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed.

Here are a few tactics you can implement when dealing with family disapproval.

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* Be Firm; Be Loving. Tell your loved ones in no uncertain terms that this is the person that you love and want to be in a relationship with. Tell them you love them, but the matter is not up for discussion.

* Humanize Your Loved One. It’s a lot easier to object to the thought of dating outside of your race when it’s a nameless, faceless entity. It’s a very different thing when you begin to get to know a person as an individual, and not some preconceived stereotype.Try to find opportunities to mention your partner in everyday conversation. For example, “Greg is so funny sometimes. He knows I love gardening sent me a bouquet of seed packets at work for our anniversary.” Don’t force it. Just let it come naturally.

* Be a united front. Make sure you communicate with your partner what you’re feeling and the challenges you’re facing with family. Strategies together the best ways of overcoming—or perhaps avoiding—uncomfortable situations.

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She's also the co-host of "Swirlr" the first multiracial, multicultural dating show, and publishes the blog, Beyond Black & White.