Blunders you shouldn’t give into when dating after divorce.

Posted by James, 15 Oct

Single again? Well, tempting as they may be, trust me, these three behaviors will screw your chances of moving on from your broken marriage and/or jeopardize your chances of ever finding a wonderful new partner. Here is how you can run away from these post-divorce dangers.

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    1. Every guy is just like my ex.

It’s hard to just trust another man or woman especially if your ex hurt you. But this distrust in potential mates will kill all chances of ever finding someone new because you won’t be able to let anyone in. If you are dating online for instance, if not careful, this mistrust can show even in your dating profile.

Thing like “No dishonest men” or “No mind games” are some of the things that can make potential mates read through your mistrust. Its like you taking a megaphone and shouting to the world: “I have been hurt before and I don’t trust no one.”

Such phrases will immediately scare away potential mates who got their sh** together. They will see right through your distrust and who wants a man or woman that doesn't trust them? Who wants a partner who will keep snooping and following every one of their moves? And much as they may still pursue you, when you get into a relationship, it may not work. Why? Because much as your mate may be faithful and madly in love with you, you just wont take their word for it.

All men or women aren't the same as your ex. Not all men or women fall out of love and divorce their spouses. Not all men and women are cheats.

How about changing the tune to "I am having so much fun knowing my date." Try finding those great qualities in them. Start on a clean slate. Look at this new potential mate as an individual and you will be surprised just how different they are from your ex.

    2. Diving into a rebound relationship

We all know how lonely it can get after divorce. And the loneliness can make someone jump into a relationship before one is really ready to move on. But say you meet someone immediately after your divorce who sweeps you right off your feet, how can you tell whether its the real deal or just you being on a rebound?

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself: Do you have a lot in common? Is it just the physical attraction that is magnetizing you to them; blinding you? Are you happy on your own - without someone in your life? If you are capable of finding happiness within you, then you are good to go. But if you want to jump right into this relationship simply because you can't handle being alone, then you are on the rebound.

First deal with yourself and your issues. Give yourself time to heal from your divorce and a chance to find yourself as an individual. But if you really feel you are ready for a relationship then ask yourself: "What have I really learned from my divorce?" Answering this question could transform a rebound into a solid relationship... especially if its not ENTIRELY based on physical attraction.

    3. Subconsciously clinging onto baggage

Yes, we are not blank slates. Yes, we have all been hurt before. See, most of us hold on to baggage even without realizing it. So how do you release that baggage you have from your relationship with your ex? How do you not let it get stuck inside you?

Start an internal conversation with you. Did you find time to really think about what brought about your divorce? Even if your ex may have played a part in the demise of your marriage, did you have some destructive behavior that may have contributed to it? Blaming the other person entirely is one of the most destructive behaviors.

I know you want to blame them for the way you feel now. But remember we own our own emotions. Instead of telling the other person how angry and sad they have made you, try looking at specific things that caused your anger and think whether there is anything you could do differently in your new relationship that would prevent it from going the way your marriage did. When you answer these questions while being honest with yourself, then its "Goodbye baggage" and "Ahoy wonderful new relationships".

Do you think the above habits have been sabotaging your relationships?

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