Warning: The article below may be offensive to some readers. This is not the objective. It is in no way meant to defame or inflame any parties, groups or persons.
Here’s a little to learn from Michelle Obama
Most of us have fallen for our first family, the Obamas … such a universal picture of love. This has even become something of an obsession, especially for quite a number of professional Black women, with many getting excited about the likelihood that they could find their own Obama. Some would give up anything just to meet a man like him.
One thing most women must realize is that Michelle didn’t meet him the way we see him now – all souped-up and successful. He was once broke and goofy … not the Black Prince Charming ideal many women would die for. Do you think these women would have looked at him in the same idolizing manner then?
We all know the well-worn narrative that the dating world is hard for Black women who want to date Black men that match them in academic and career success. Thing is, whenever the professional Black man comes along, there is always that big ‘BUT’:
He is intellectual but nerdy…
He is ambitious and focused but not social enough…
I am looking for a successful tall and hot man; not some pint sized nerd…
He’s hot but dances like he got two left feet…
And just like the rest of them, another Black man ends up being tossed right into the ‘friend zone’.
Many Black women want their own Obama. But if Michelle had adopted the kind of attitude above, then she wouldn’t have been the first lady today. Here is what we women (not just Black women) can learn from her:
Michelle saw past the goofiness, brokenness and big ears … she made the choice of straying far off the superficial and focused on an abundance of goodness Obama had. So if Black women are to defy statistics (that 45 percent of black women have never been married, compared with 23 percent of white women) then they need to be more realistic. Not to say there aren’t any perfect men but seriously, what are the odds of meeting a rich Havard scholar with the swagger of a rapper like Jay-Z and a baby face? If you are looking for a G like Tupac, chances are he’d be in the hood … not Havard.
My point is, if you are seeking to have a great relationship with a good Black man, they aren’t all taken. There are so many of them around. All you need to do is borrow a leaf from Michelle and see a man for who he really is and not what he has or how he looks. I am not saying you entirely give up on attraction coz it can’t be faked. Instead, be a little open minded … analyze your ideals. If Obama was given the chance of love way before gracing the covers of magazines countrywide, maybe more Black women might just find relationships they could believe in, if only they could dig deeper for men’s unseen potentials.
If Michelle had held Obama to presidential or some other superficial standards, would he ever have had the chance? Stop sizing up a man’s checkbook by his lifestyle. You might be shocked to find that the guy buying rounds of shots has maxed his credit card and the one having some $2 beer is worth a lot. Just coz a man has money don’t mean he’s gotta flaunt it.
Best advice I have read so far is from the article “Five things to consider before the next man passes you by” :
“Single women should avoid using Barack Obama’s résumé as a job description for a position they’re trying to fill or treating their next boyfriend like a prospective applicant … So if a man … meets 83 percent of your criteria and you still let him pass you by, just keep that in mind when the next Michelle Obama gladly takes him and his corporate, grad school-impaired game off your hands.”
And how about eliminating the not-into-other-races ‘BUT’. If a guy fits the cut, he fits the cut – Black, White, Latina, Asian… Hey ladies, more often than not ‘less than perfect’ is perfect enough. There are so many good men out there. All you gotta do is open your microscopic eyes and you will see past their nerdy, goofy, broke (… fill in the ‘BUTS’…) selves.
Sahara,
Following that course of logic the people of Iraq should commend Sadaam as a role model after years of brutal torture and killings if he builds them a community center. Or what if Hitler had given the Jewish people of Germany better housing after the holocaust should we also commend him as a role model despite the brutal torture and uder of 6 millions Jews. Pablo Escobar often gave christmas presents to boys and girls and provided the poor with housing or running water which was funded by his cocaine exporting business involving the murder og government officials, citizens, and police officers. However, since he did build up his community with his drug money shoudl we also commend him as a role model. What you suggest Sahara is that it is ok to take blood money if a person has seen the light. If Osama Bin Laden decides to donate a community center to your neighboorhood you espouse the view that such a man should be commended. It is blood money Sahara. Money that was made of the death, suffering, torture, misery and pain of others. What good is it to take the money Sahara if you lose your soul. Wrong cannot be made into right Sahara. Only right can be made into right. A house built upon blood money will eventually fall.
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Global Warming ; is because of the Multitudes of People on this Planet all use Sing more Heat powered Equipment in order to Survive .
Nobody wants War
Nobody wants Sick People
Nobody wants Crazy people
Some Desire Happy Thoughts at a Dating Site Blog .
Oh Well ?
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P.S. And President Obama is wearing a Jacket in the Heat of Summer ?
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Ria ; That is Similiar to My picture from 2000/ Alas I have Been Successful .
Why change the Pictures ?
I think they all look Good
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Kayshia, I really appreciate your post and comments.
Miri2008, well-stated and I share your views on much of what you wrote. Taking a glance at some of the Article Blogs, I just sometimes “scratch” my head and wonder.
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Elliot: IMO, every dollar bill is tarnished with the stains of unjust wars; unjust trade agreements and corruption….
….add to your list that President Obama should be commended for promoting health care reforms funded by money generated from the theft of Iraqi oil reserves.
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Sahara, excellent post! I could not agree more, but I think others will view profiles they just won’t blog perhaps, but I pretty sure quite few are reading these blogs. Thank could be a good thing as well.
And since all Black Women are not originally from America, the lumping and blind generalized statements of Black Women and/or African-Americans is as multi-cultural and diverse as Black Women themselves from the Carribean, Africa to Black Latinos, so clearly the views and history will be different.
I think any woman or man should date who they want, for whatever reasons that pleasing them. People who don’t like it and what to analyze others decisions…..I say why bother even explaining to them.
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Exactly! yoyo
every dollar bill is tarnished with the stains of unjust wars; unjust trade agreements and corruption….
And atleast Jay Z, is attempting to right his wrongs, God did give his only begotten son so that the Jayz of this world who admitted their wrongs and attempted to makes amendments have a chance at redeemption. Atleast he is capable of manning up and taking responsibility for his actions, without just talking about but being about.
However, I think the national health care if it is passed will be paid in addition by this tax, at first I thought it was unfair, but they have tax smokers for everthing…
http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2009/07/27/politics/politicalhotsheet/entry5192172.shtml
Even though I do not smoke or drink soda pop, I was hoping it would be a tax that all Americans have to pay for, I am willing to pay fair share of the cost for National Health Care…To bad the protesters and my favorite one was some old lady who shouted “Keep the government out of my medicare” LOL
I guess someone should tell her, she is already enrolled in a government based healthcare.
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Yoyo99,
I did not know the money from Iraqi oil reserves was going ot be used to fund health care reform. However, if your sources are accurate then I too would condemn such funds being used to reform healthcare if the purpose of the money is to go to wards rebuilding Iraq.
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Not accurate sources at all Elliot….just the schemings of the conspiracy theorists !!!
Makes us think though.
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Jay-Z is not attemtping to write a wrong. You do not write a wrong by glorifying the very wrong to generations of yonug people in hopes of making profit from the wrong that brought sorrow and misery to lives of so many. To make records for profit glorifying drug dealing, pimping women, or gang banging is not redemption. I again point to some examples: If a notorious drug dealer were to donate money to families for a funeral feast and the burial of their loved ones who consumed and died from his drugs has he redeemed himself if he continues to sell drugs in the community? If a pimp continues to beat and pimp women is he/she redeemed if he/she occassionally purchases the women an occassional gift. Is a lifelong pedafiler redeemed if he offers complimentary couseling to each of the little boys/girls he has abused, but continues to abuse? The point is Jay-Z does not admonish his past behavior and lifestyle instead he glorifies it is seeks to make money off of it while indoctrinating future generations into a mentality that selling drugs will get you women, fame, cars, and lots of money.
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Some of you have gotten way off point here! Stick to the main issue the article focused on
JMHO (and please check your spelling before hitting “submit comment)
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I find this blog to be very cute at the least. I’m thinking, in ’88-89 I was trying to get through high school & beating up boys. I’m reading some of these responses & I am like “wow.” To each his/her own, whatever floats your boat. Everyone wants that “right for him/her fit.” No one should feel bad about what there desires are.
Moving right along. When I was in my 20′s a thug was cute. As a 30 something woman, I’ve outgrown that. Of course you want someone that can relate to you, understand you, interested in you.
So Michele & Barack were attorneys, & all that good stuff. They had chemistry. At the end of the day they could relate & love each other. So if you’re that gold-digger & that’s what he likes, that’s what they can relate to. It’s not like he didn’t know, the signs are obvious. If you’re that successful man & you want a housewife, that’s your thang.
When it’s all said & done, did you do it for love or money & are you happy? No one makes that choice for you but you.
People, stop getting so extra sensitive about these blogs. They are set up to get you busy, confrontational, and prove their point. Stop letting them win.
Heck, would Barack have given me a chance. LOL!
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why do you think people are so adamant about receiving a degree from an institution like harvard?
why is president obama being illogically compared with the “average black man” or any “average man”? it should be noted that he has an undergrad degree from columbia university and a law degree from harvard. at the time he met michelle he had those degrees at the time he met his current wife who is also an ivy league grad. furthermore, they met while he was interning (and she was already employed) at one of the most prestigious law firms in the world. you see, having such degrees and having done such internships are currency within themselves. they hold value and represent the inevitably for success or the extreme likelihood it it. for many, they represent the unambiguous recipe for success.
this is a very pathetic argument that seems to be disconnected from all reality. why is it that, of all women, black women are treated as some sort of monolith? from what i have noticed most women have basic expectations for men.
alas, a lot of hostility towards and cliche stereotyping of black women. what else is new?
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While I agree with some of what you said I found your article one sided. What about the black women or any woman who accepts a man who might be struggling to become a success, she helps him get there then he pays her back by having an affair, and destroying a family.
I did do the Michelle thing and worked for seven years to support a man to become a writer. He became very successful, and we had a good life we were even invited to the White House to meet president Clinton, and then to meet Laura Bush.
Black women work had to support their men and their children, I thing it is the black man who needs to learn respect, loyalty, and honesty, and to realize that to build great successful black families like the Obama’s take a lot of work and you can not do it if both parties are not committed.
Our family was a successful black family in our community that everyone looked up to. I worked hard to have a library named after us, and also from my community work had my soon to be x nominated for an honorary doctorate degree, and he paid his family back by choosing the day of the convocation to bring his girl friend that we did not know he had to the event.
So as you can see in my opinion it is the black man who needs to smarten up.
Why should a black woman take a man and groom and develop him only to be treated with disrespect.When you can just hang on to the one who has already been developed by someone else, as in my case, and just enjoy the ride not knowing what sacrifices were made to get him there.
It is not the first time that it has happened, and it won’t be the last. The Obama saga is not over yet, lets see what happens after all my relationship lasted 25 years.
I hope the president continues to be a loyal husband and father and that he does not disappoint Michelle and his girls, we certainly need to have more black men be like him.
So only time will tell
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I do not think it is entirely black women. I have noticed this trend really amongst all women of all races. I think its human instinct for people to strive for the best they can have.
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I remember when I was struggling. No one was interested in myself at all. Now people are and I never changed. I still had the same hopes and dreams. Was still nice… I think we are all pretty shallow in the end and will not admit it to ourselves.
I must say though the standards many people so called “have” these days is just so high and unrealistic.
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