Swirling by Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

Would This Article Offend You?

Posted by Christelyn, 03 Jun 14

I see there’s some outrage about a recent article Twanna Hines (aka Funky Brown Chick) wrote to advise non-black men on how to date black women. She gives solid common-sense advice (be yourself, don’t be a douche and say you’ve always wanted to lick dark chocolate, stuff like that). But some people are offended that the piece comes of as a how-to on how to care for some rare, exotic pet.

Madame Noire writes…

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

"At best, this article was written in jest to point the finger at some of the ridiculous behavior Hines has witnessed or heard tell of from black women who’ve dated interracially. But even that best case scenario is pretty terrible. At worst, she believes men who would treat black women like fetish fulfillments are worthy of our consideration, time, attention and affection."

Okay, okay. In a perfect world everyone would see black women just like any other woman, because we are. But we don’t live in that world. We live in a world that has for generations, marginalized, fetishized, dehumanized, and a whole bunch of other “izes” I can’t think of right now because it’s still early for me. The media messages continue…just look at all the ratchet reality shows of black women driving the ratings on the cable news networks. We are “othered” all the time, and it’s not Twanna’s fault that she feels the need to remind people that we are just women who want to be loved, respected and made to feel beautiful. Like me, Twanna probably gets copious amounts of emails from men who are interested in black women and want to date them, but are scared shitless because THE MEDIA MESSAGE and REAL LIFE has displayed that black women aren’t interested in non-black men because they somehow idolize the black man’s sexuality and that no other man can compete. So don’t blame the messenger.

I’m really tiring of all the folks in the denial about interracial relationships where black women are concerned is a “new thing.” You KNOW it is. In no time in our history EVER have we had this high amount of interracial pairings, and that goes across all races. Yet black women are statistically the least likely to make those pairings, which implies that dating non-black men are a bit foreign to them, and if you don’t believe me, I got the receipts–volumes of letters from black women who are rudderless about the whole issue, yet want to learn.

And while many black-lady-special-snowflakes often brag that they were never told that they couldn’t date out of their race and don’t understand what the big deal is about why we need books and how-to articles and documentaries (which ironically the company complaining about Twanna’s piece actually took the time to produce a WHOLE MOVIE about interracial relationships) I would suggest that a bit of empathy for your fellow sisters is in order. While YOU may have never gotten the message that interracial dating wasn’t an option for you, THERE ARE THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of other black women who are drilled with that message constantly and are going through great pain and anguish because friends and family are inflicting harsh social consequences for their interest or their choices. So with all due respect, just shut up.

Don’t knock people who are interested in learning about and perhaps one day taking the leap and loving black women. If men of other races are earnest in their interest of us and may stumble or bumble along the way, that does not make them evil or wrong. It just makes them human.

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She's also the co-host of "Swirlr" the first multiracial, multicultural dating show, and publishes the blog, Beyond Black & White.

6 responses to "Would This Article Offend You?"

Leave a reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

  1.   wooley8 says:
    Posted: 16 May


    Like or Dislike: or 0 ()
    Reply to this comment
  2.   lolabunie says:
    Posted: 28 Jul 14

    it reads just like the other hundreds of taboo articles out there. people that are offended need to ease up, its all good..

    Like or Dislike: or 0 ()
    Reply to this comment
  3.   Authorgirl says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 14

    People love to be offended!! Christelyn should know that more than anyone , a good 1/3 of her articles are borderline ( You should lose weight if you want a white guy being the theme that pisses people off the most) but this one is just silly! It is a little tongue in cheek but over all its a cute article. Maybe some people should just gain a sense of humor!

    Like or Dislike: or 0 ()
    Reply to this comment
  4.   dave_74 says:
    Posted: 26 Jun 14

    I didn't read the complete article so I do not know if I would find it offensive or not and to what level. However from this "She gives solid common-sense advice (be yourself, dont be a douche and say youve always wanted to lick dark chocolate, stuff like that)." I think that the writer is actually giving some great advise. A LOT of people from all backgrounds lack interracial dating skills (and most likely dating, communication skills in general) and will actually say things of that sort. If anyone doesn't believe me, go into the chat room for a minute or two and I guarantee you, you will see that or very similar comments.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: or 0 ()
    Reply to this comment
  5.   catzandria says:
    Posted: 07 Jun 14

    Very offensive as black women are just women and respond and react like any other woman would. Approach a black woman as a woman....how simple is that.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: or 4 ()
    Reply to this comment
  6. Posted: 05 Jun 14

    Very much! It makes me feel like I'm some kind of special breed of animal that you have to be careful with what you do or say. If a white male were to come up to me and tell me that they've never been with a woman of color, I would definitely feel honored that they were willing to show their honesty with me.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: or 2 ()
    Reply to this comment