Wild connection

Posted by Jordan, 22 Sep 14

Are deeper voices more attractive?

"Animals show us to take our best attributes, whatever they are, and highlight them, display them." - Jennifer Verdolin

The Cheat Sheet:

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

  • Looks matter! and why biology supports this. (6:00)
  • What MHC is and why it's so critical to successful attraction. (11:35)
  • Why pretending to be something you're not doesn't work in the long run. (22:00)
  • This type of bird actually divorces, Jennifer explains. (24:55)
  • Men are biologically programmed to hear deeper voices better: true or false? (33:00)

  • Jennifer gives us three steps to become more attractive. (38:00)

  • And so much more...

Is it possible to learn how to be successful in dating and relationships from animals? According to our guest for episode 315, it is. Dr. Jennifer Verdolin of Duke University is the author of Wild Connection and she has devoted her academic life to studying the mating and dating behaviors of the animal world.

Today she joins us to talk about what she's observed in the animal kingdom, how humans can apply it to their own lives to better understand themselves, their dating experiences and their relationships.

More About This Show:

Dr. Jennifer is a scholar-in-residence at Duke University; she's also a writer, scientist and animal behavior expert. Her book, Wild Connection, gives the low-down on what the love lives of animals can tell us about human relationships and human dating. She has spoken on the topic with NPR and has her own weekly blog on Psychology Today (links to both are in the resources section below).

I thought she would be a fascinating guest to bring on and we dive into the correlations between animal behavior and human behavior in the relationship world. It turns out there are far more similarities than you might think, and we can learn a lot from our animal counterparts.

On today's show, Jennifer and I talk about those similarities and what we might learn including why animals rarely have miscommunications, why humans do and what we can apply from animals to lessen those miscues, as well as why deception never works in the long-run when you're looking for a lasting relationship. Animals aren't dishonest and don't camouflage who and what they are, humans should do the same.

Regarding the topic of miscommunication, this is a common occurrence that just isn't seen in the animal world. Jennifer says there are three steps we can take to have fewer communication issues.

  • Listen to each other better. men are programmed to pay attention to deeper voices, biologically programmed to do so. men should be aware of this and take steps to listen to their mate's voice. women can speak deeper.

  • Stop talking over one another - animals don't do it because it doesn't work. They want to receive information so they listen. Our brains can't multi-task so if you're thinking of a response while someone is talking it's the same as if you were actually talking according to your brain.

  • Explain what you mean in detail. The greater amount of detail you give the better your chances of being heard and understood.
  • When it comes to pretending to be something you're not, again animals don't do this because it doesn't work to find a proper mate. In human lives, eventually the other person is going to see who you really are. Instead of pretending to be someone or something you're not, find your best attributes and display those because there is someone out there who finds those attributes attractive.

    The best way to feel confident and comfortable in who you are and the attributes you have is to take stock of yourself. What do you like? What don't you like about yourself? Now what can you change and what must you accept? You'll never be 6'5" so accept the height you're at, there IS someone out there who will find you attractive.

    But if there are things about yourself that you don't like and you can change, then do so. Do you like wish you were more confident and charming in social situations? Then make a plan to become more social, more charming and act on it. You'll find yourself becoming more comfortable and more at ease with who you are as you do, all of which makes your more attractive to others.

    Be sure to listen and then take action on what we talk about in this show.

    Please join me in thanking Jennifer for being on the show. She is knowledgeable, funny and she graciously shared a host of suggestions to get you on your way to finding the ideal relationship. What do you think of her advice? Feel free to let us know and thanks for listening.

    Till next time... Stay Charming!

    Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you're interested in The Art of Charm residential programs, apply for a strategy call with a coach. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook or Twitter.

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