Why the sudden preference in white women black men relationships once success kicks in?

Posted by James, 18 Nov 11

white women black menEvery woman despite race dreams of finding love. And the dream is to find a man who comes as a package deal: a great career with great income, his own home, attractive, loving and a man who is capable of taking care of his family. Sadly, in the black community, most such men are in white women black men relationships. These “few good men” are rare to come by. And for the black woman, the dream of ever meeting this well packaged black man seems to be just that … A DREAM!

See, according to what I have been reading on the net, the moment most black men (NOT ALL) gain wealth and become successful, they seem to switch to white women black men dating. Apparently, if we dig into the dating history of a considerable number of black male athletes and those in the show business who are either dating or married to white women, we will find that they were dating black women before all the success. This seems to be the common trend: Black women before success; commitment and marriage to a white woman after success.

There is nothing wrong with white women black men dating. Its just that having seen a lot of such comments on the net against successful Black men who “suddenly” decide to get what many have dubbed “a white trophy wife”, it kinda got me thinking. See, our dating preferences may change from time to time; hell if you really date people for who they are, even after swearing off interracial dating, you might find yourself in one because that right person so happened to be someone from another race. It’s like you meet this person and your obsession with race and color “suddenly” vanishes.

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Back to white women black men unions and the observed dating trend above: Why the sudden change in preference once success kicks in? Yes, they say the White woman may be more experimental in bed, will hurl less drama in your face, will cater to a man’s needs and stroke his ego; whether this is true or not, does success come with some eye opening device that makes these attributes clearer hence the sudden switch to white women black men dating?

For Black women to talk a lot about this sudden switch in preference, it seems to be some popular trend of sorts. And if its true, what does this success come with that warrants such a shift; from exclusively dating black women to dating and committing/marrying white women? Is it a matter of choice or just a mere coincidence?

37 responses to "Why the sudden preference in white women black men relationships once success kicks in?"

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  1.   Roweatkins says:
    Posted: 11 Jan 12

    Black women were not attracted to the Spike Lee's and non- athletes or bad boys when they were young... And in a possible color complex and wala... It's easy to see why many blacken would "switch" once they've become successful ie... Once they've decided to settle down, and yes, not all BLACK women, but certainly African American women carry more stress and tend to be less trustworthy and are less likely to be submissive, and although they tend to the most loyal... Sometimes it just ain't worth it... The same principle that causes women only to focus on the "financially successful" black men who "switch" is the same reason why those same black men switch...

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  2.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 09 Jan 12

    The questioned was asked, why BM switched to WW once success was attained and great input was given in response to the question. Ive come to believe that pretty soon it wont be an issue of BM making the switch once success and fame come into play, switching to WW wont be necessary because WW or a non-BW will become the preferred choice for so many of BM. NOPLAYER why would you say such a thing and whats the matter with you? Im sure Im not the only one but for the last 10 years or so Ive noticed that BW have been trashed non-stop, primarily in on TV and in the box office. BW are depicted in such a demeaning and shameful manner and so frequently that I cant help but feel that this is a new and improved assault on the image of BW. It seems that these demons have taken this to another level. Weve seen the images of the loud talking /ghetto fab /drama queen and that was bad enough but now theyve really started hitting below the belt. Theyve now started projecting BW as the enemy of the BM, you hardly see movies where shes relating to BM is a positive light, its always something negative. Shes always cast as evil, vindictive, stuck up, hostile, materialistic, and always dogging BM. They take it further by depicting BW as unfit, doped up and bitter baby mamas (the movie Precious, Losing Isaiah and The Blindside). This degradation didnt stop with the low income single mother that lives in the hood, now theyve focused the attack on educated and professional BW. In the movies shes the gold digger, the seductress, the high class whore of white men and the evil bitch at the office. In the movie The Family That Prays Together Stays Together Sanaa Lathans role truly did the work for the devil, her character did some damaged because she was casted as a whites mistress and an unfaithful wife to a good, hard working BM. This sends out the subliminal message to BM that even when you try to do right by a BW look how they repay you. Sixty years ago they wouldve lynched a Hollywood producer for casting a BM as a WWs lover in a movie and now its the new craze. Shes always depicted as the savior figure thats so loving, tender and supportive of her BM, while the BW is always depicted as his worst enemy who constantly belittles and psychologically castrates him. Whats the hidden message being sent? Its no secret, BM are demonized from the cradle to the grave but now theyve turned the guns on BW. If BW think theyre losing their men to non BW now, just sit back and wait, itll get worse because the seed is being planted that, if you want a loving, caring wife and a devoted mother for your children, get any woman but a BW! This is the message thats generated to BM but even worse, to our young BM that havent reached dating age yet. This is no joke! If men validate and affirm the beauty and the value of the women in their ethnic group by selecting them as spouses and mates then what happens when this doesnt happen? It leads to lesbianism, self-hatred, depression, IR dating exclusively and a whole host of negative effects for not only the woman but for her ethnic group as well. If YBM are being programed to select non-BF as mates as a result of this poison being pumped into the consciousness of YBM non-stop then switching wont be an issue because many YBM well reject BM from the start. Something to think about!

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  3.   Medium30 says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 12

    Was thinking about this topic and l remembered one day what an African American brother told me about African American women and why they (black men) prefer the white sisters. First l was annoyed with him but later understood him. He said that black women do not want to work and contribute to the family income and l totally agreed even African women are quickly catching that fever, we do not want to work we think my hubby will bring the money l just have to look good buy all the new hair on the market, make my nails. Can someone remember EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS- Chris's mum who wants to eat good, dress good, be treated like a rich woman but hates work even boosts that her hubby has got two jobs- these guys need help which some of us wont give hence their change in preference. Secondly he said that African American women are loud mouthed and ill- mannered claiming that we as black women are strong and black men cannot handle us. I also agreed with him here cos truthfully most of us are loud mouthed and ill mannered take an example of our chat room here, some black women do not care they say anything without caring and one time l was embarrassed when one of them showed her body to guys in chat. Honestly do we need to be that desperate and without brains to degrade ourselves- that's why the brothers are going to leave those of us who still want the brothers around for the white gal. So black gals style up. For the sisters who need black brothers around watch DAIRY OF A TIRED BLACK MAN-it will help you and your relationship.

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  4.   Yarx says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 12

    I thought segregation was dead, and for who I date, I'm not into weaves, and a. Bunch of baby daddy's or and why everyone worried about who gets some black d***, it's more pressing stuff in the world than what race is with who.

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  5.   CALY2011 says:
    Posted: 21 Dec 11

    Interracial marriage is a matter of choice/taste/heart desire. I think its act of racism for anyone to condemn those who marriedor wishing to marry outside their race. Any gold digger could as well find the gold within the race border without interracial marriage. I'm black but my natural taste of woman is white/mixed, no material attached. There used to be baseless/untrue assumption by blacks that white women cannot make a good wife. But record has shown otherwise - I know many black men who went back home to marry the so called "black beauty" only to end up in a bitter divorce when the woman realised how much power the law grants her. If your taste is white or black and both of you love each other, go ahead and marry her/him

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  6.   mr. says:
    Posted: 18 Dec 11

    What if dating the other race is just what i feel and prefer and not that i have anything against my own race?

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  7.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 18 Dec 11

    @r3lliam - I agree 100% " A ybm just cant be smart, hard working or focussed on his future, he must have a car, money in his pocket or be good with his hands (a damn good fighter). These are the traits that make him desirable to ybw and they set his ranking amongst his peers." When I was copying and pasting I must have left it out in my last posting. I was pointing out the reactions to rejection and the compensatory counter moves of both BM and WM not just ybm. I agree it's a waste of energy to engage in those kinds of games. I once told one of the ybm that I mentor, " young blood do you, don't dont conform to no young lady's standard of who or what see thinks you should be, because if you do that then where does it end? All you have to show her is you're willing to get up and go out there every day and fight for your piece of the pie so that you can protect and provide for the woman you love and if thats not good enough then so be it, let her wonder in the wilderness but don't you follow her into it"! I try to teach them that, " to be a man is to be "self defining" and as a result "self determining" and you don't allow no young woman to steer you off of your course because often times she's as young and silly as you are so why would you take your lead from her? I think more of us that are capable should do all that we can to serve as menters and and try to shape the minds of our ybm because many of them are out there by themselves and all too often their mentors are not the right kind of mentors they're more like stewards to the state pen. We really need to take a look at our value system and how we determine the worthiness of a potetial mate and this should start being taught before they start to date because once they reach the dating age more than likely they've already been poisoned by the foolishness on TV and the rest of the madness out their. Once again no disagreement here!

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  8.   r3llim says:
    Posted: 17 Dec 11

    Well first off lets not make this into a discussion as to why other women being better for black men than black women. Because from my experience of observing some black man white women relations, unless she is from impoverish economic status, white women can be at times no better if not worse than black women in choosing a thug, stereotype black man over a decent one. It probably has something to do with the idea that if she wanted a non-threatening guy then shell get a white man but that probably wont be as sexually fulfilling. Also I have to disagree with both you and No Player because any black man or man that wants to seek revenge on black women because they were overlooked need to take whatever money they earn and either invest it in a therapist or alcohol. Because women of all races tend to overlook weak or nice men. Im sure women ignored Bill Gates when he was younger. And now richer than any of them but instead of wallowing in it he does good deeds throughout the world. He challenges himself to be an exceptional man which is what all good men should do: strive to be better regardless of their past pains. My comment isnt so much that black women want thugs more but to the fact that sadly in black American culture, masculinity (which equates to sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex) is very strict and aggressive as opposed to many other cultures. Being in the image of a thug is considered ideal because to some people it represents a black man that is heterosexual, strong in character, authoritative, and able to protect the women they are with. But with black men whom at a young age were more gentile, polite, more cooperative, and didnt have swag or game werent considered as masculine as their thug-like counterparts. I remember moments were people would question whether a black man that didnt have baggy pants and dressed in non-urban clothes that he was considered gay or a punk. Its not that all young black women wanted a thug but that was the only acceptable image that a young black man can have otherwise he would be considered an outcast or not attractable. Many girls may like gangster caricatures until they get older and want a stable man. Unless youre a rapper being a thug doesnt translate well into a stable career. But the thing is I dont believe that all black men that become switch to white or other women as it is that he found a woman of another race that appreciates him. My sister was angry when she discovered that Dave Chappelles wife is Filipino but Im pretty sure she would have never dated him if they were in high school. It is the same with Wayne Brady and a lot of other black men. Dont get me wrong there are black men that will kick Beyonce down a flight of stairs in order to reach Betty White after a severe car accident. But there are some black men at an early age fit the right requirements of a promising black man but are not nurtured to fulfill that role because what is more appreciated is the thug by many people including the girls at their age. And I mean all girls because I knew smart girls from two parent households that dated bad boys and not their nerd counterparts. So they either change and become thuggish to get some attention or remain themselves and are alone. Or in the rare moments date a woman outside their race. Black women arent so much to blame for this as it is that no one wants to motivate young black men to become well mannered and successful. We are either appreciated for being societys deviants or blamed for being incompetent men. And the few black men that become successful tend to lose any obligation to have any affection for black women because they didnt feel their support. They were alone in their climb to success so a black womans feelings arent exactly in his consideration. Luckily for me Ive met many supportive black women in my life so I dont have any ill feeling towards them. In fact if there is one thing Ive noticed is many of those women werent professional, educated black women but simply working class black women so maybe they appreciate the overlooked black men more. This isnt a flaw with only black women because this holds true with black men overlooking black women. Just replace black women with black men and replace non-thug black men with dark skinned girl. My only advice is for young black men to put more effort into building themselves and ignore any affection for adhering to an image by women including black women. That may be harsh but considering that were in a time were books and articles are being released that are telling black women to leave black men for their safety, I feel that black men at a young age need to understand that a womans affect to what they want in them can be as dangerous as Satans whisper.

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  9.   Starr083 says:
    Posted: 17 Dec 11

    Same ole', same ole' propaganda. As a woman, I would hate to be in ANY relationship because I'm thought of as an object as opposed to a person with a mind and personality. Just a thought...

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  10.   whitel0ver says:
    Posted: 16 Dec 11

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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  11.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 09 Dec 11

    I was just thinking, iif its one thing both men and women have in common if nothing else, its the fact that neither likes rejection. When young men and women start becoming romantically attracted to each other all is well until the need to affirm their status amongst their peers kicks in and thats when the games begin. You know the old Ill give you what you want if you give me what I need or the Ill use what I got to get what I want! Young females do the same but a little different, where as the males had to be a certain way or have something materially significant, all the females had to do was be physically attractive or sexually active and they were in, with no questions asked. Young women affirmed their status amongst other young women by not only having a boyfriend but by having a boyfriend that could do things for her, ride her around, and buy her things, thats how she set her ranking, regardless if she had nothing of her own. She really set herself apart from the others if she could get multiple guys to cater to her and if it was known that she wasnt having sex with any of them this really boosted her standing. In this cruel game Im sure a lot of people got ignored and hurt, both males and females and when it happens continuously it sets up resentment and hostility for the opposite sex, particularly if the offending persons belong to their own ethnic group. Men rank themselves on their ability to provide and protect their mates while women rank themselves by their ability to find a mate to provide for and protect them. This is natural and because its natural people may start to feel inadequate when they find themselves unable to do what nature compels them to do. Teenagers (male and females) live for the here and the now because theyre not looking ten years down the road, they get caught up on the immediate because its about what feels good and what makes them look good. A ybw at that age might select a ybm thats headed nowhere fast, future wise and over look a ybm that has a bright future ahead of him but what happens is 10 years down the road the ybw matures and shes now looking for the stability and security that can be provided by a mate with a steady income and a promising career because now she wants a home and she wants to start a family. The ybm that was over looked, in his frustration may have refocused his attention on developing himself and his talents and as a result ended up with success, fame or wealth but he may still remember the rejection and still harbor the resentment and now finding himself a highly desirable BM and realizing the shortage of BM like himself, now its payback time! This thing can play out in more than a few ways, he can refuse to deal with BW in general or he can start to play a game of hit and run all the while leaving a trail of broken hearts behind him. This could be his way of rubbing it in their faces and saying how you like me now! This happens with YBW as well but I think it pains them a lot more because unlike men they dont have as much time to start a family, their chances of attracting a mate decreases as they age and I think it leads some to question their attractiveness as a female when despite their education, income and professional title they still cant find a mate so this could lead to the same feelings of resentment that are held by BM. She may refuse to date BM while opening up to date others, she may bury herself in advancing her career while adopting the BM are afraid of a strong BWmantra or like the BM she may begin to play a game of hit and run as well. All this serves the purpose of compensating for feelings of being rejected, feeling undesirable or being unable to find a mate from their own ethnic group. In closing as adult BM/BW its wrong to hold on to resentment towards each other because of the unwise decisions we made while we were young, foolish and we didnt know ourselves or much about life. We were just trying to gain a sense of our worth, while trying to stroke our egos and we often went about it in a twisted way and made bad decision but that comes with being young. If we still find ourselves as adults still acting out old teenage hurts and disappointments then thats a sign that weve gotten older but we havent matured. So if youre making a life impacting decision such as selecting a spouse as a result of unresolved feelings of hurt and anger then your building your house(relationship) on a foundation of mud and sand and when the rains come, well we all know what happens! Peace

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    • africanvenus says:
      Posted: 09 Dec 11

      All I can say is: PERFECT in its origin meaning. You put all thoughts that have to be put in your postings. Wonderful how you did. It also shows that you studied human race more than well and you are able to put that all in words and you did it fantastic. Thank you thousand and three times for your postings. I loved each and every word ... maybe because I see everything the same as you do. You wrote my opinion and point of views, every thought :-) Thanks again. Aloha.

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      • NOPLAYER says:
        Posted: 12 Dec 11

        @ africanvenus -Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I think when dealing with relationships in general we have to have at least a basic understanding of human behavior and the ability to know what shapes, guides or orientates behavior and cause people to act the way they do. Im willing to bet that a lot of the drama in male / female relationships is not the result of natural leanings but more so the result of outside influences or socialization. As humans we have a dependency on each other from birth until death and in the process of getting those needs fulfilled we learn behaviors that assist us in getting what we need from others. In male / female relationships due to the perverting of the natural roles, power differentials and the misunderstanding of the different natures of the two sexes and how they complement each other weve complicated and made a mess of something thats very simple and thats the ability for men and women to be able to relate to each other in a way thats fulfilling and harmonious. When men and women began to see each other as separate and independent realities instead of twin halves of one reality, the natural cohesiveness and sense of being one was lost. They no longer had that connection they made them feel that sense of commitment and obligation to each other and the knowledge that whatever one did was for the good of both. So to mistreat you was to mistreat myself and to honor myself was to honor you because you were my twin half. We went from I want to make YOU feel good because I love YOU to I will love YOU as long as YOU make ME feel good, see the disconnect? It was at this point that we began to exploit our power differentials, women due to their dependency on men for their survival had to develop a means of manipulating or appeasing the man to get her needs met and so began the game of you do for me and Ill do for you. Once men could no longer to dictate do it or Ill let you starve to death or Ill banish you from the clan man had to find ways of forcing their will on the woman. Society and its various institutions are mostly to blame for the sad state of affairs in male / female relationships because the self- centeredness, individualistic, and self-seeking thats so much a part of the larger society is now being re-enacted in marriages and in the family structure. TV, music and advertizing feeds so much of this into the mindset of people that its almost impossible for men and women to relate to each other in a healthy way. If you hope to have a meaningful relationship or marriage youll have to strip and rid yourself of the values and orientations that are generated in this society because society has lost its way and doesnt know how to get male and females to relate properly to each other outside of pleasure for a profit. Weve lost a part of our humanity that lead us to each other with a desire to love, support, comfort and communicate with each other for the divine purpose of striving to BECOME WHOLE by uniting with our OTHER HALF. Thanks again

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  12.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 06 Dec 11

    My grand-father once said, money has never made a fool a wise man, money will only make him a BETTER fool because now with more money he can act like a BIGGER fool! Sad to say it there are those that switch as you say but we have to look at the cause of the switch. In a male dominated society man are viewed and judged not by who or what they are, theyre judged by what they do and what they have. In this society manhood by itself is closely linked to material things or the markings of success. Some men view women as they do cars in the respect that the car makes a statement about the driver. When we see someone in a Bentley what do we automatically assume about them? They got big money, is the first assumption that comes to mind because a Bentley is associated with wealth and luxury. Lets not lie to ourselves, the WM made his woman the standard of beauty, class, elegance, sophistication, refinement, femininity, purity and sex appeal and I dont fault him for that, he did what men of all ethnic groups should do. His advantage was his ability to control the images of feminine beauty and to feed those images to the rest of humanity and by devaluing other racial groups and exalting his woman he produced in women of other races a feeling of unattractiveness and got their men to view them in the same light. Some BM subconsciously still hold onto the belief that the WW is the ultimate prize of womanhood, you can have the wealth, the fame, the big house and the luxury car but your picture of success is not complete until you add a WW, this is the thinking of some BM. This isnt something that just pops up in their heads once theyve became successful adults, this starts when theyre boys, from the white female lingerie models in the JC Penny catalog, to television on down to the discarded Hustler and Penthouse magazines, the attraction or curiosity basically starts there and its mostly sexual in nature. Due to the limited contact historically between BM and WW its hard to picture any kind of from the heart or soul to soul intimate connection between them. What trials, tribulations and struggles have the two of them endured together like the BM & MW that have bonded them together? Almost none! As a little boy I saw the street players, pimps and drug dealers and right along with the flashy cars and clothes was the trophy piece (WW) and many young boys grew up associating WW as one ofthe finer things in life. If you lived on the nice side of town you lived amongst the white folks, if you went out to the big mall you went out to the white folks mall and if you didnt attend inner city schools and you were bussed out to the suburbs you went to school with the white folks and so on and so on. I made this example to show how many YBM learned to associate everything thats good with whiteness even our beloved Jesus was depicted as white so it shouldnt come as a shock that some of these YBM now as adults associate a white companion with being the ideal companion and now that hes successful or wealthy, in his mind the two almost seem to go hand in hand He mayve started out dating BW because she was what he had immediate access to, he may not have had access to white girls because of where he lived or he may have dated YBW because thats what his family, peers or society expected of him. When he matured, out grew the need to meet the expectations of others and he achieved the success or fame that gave him access to the very women that he associated with the finer things in life then he made the switch. Success and wealth had nothing to do with his decision to switch because if the opportunity presented itself he wouldve more than likely dated WW from the start because deep within his subconscious hes always viewed her as the prize. Im not attacking BM / WW relationships, Im just pointing out some of the foolishness that may be at the root of more than a few of them and as I always say, its not what you do but its why you do it and thats something only the individual knows but then again they may not know it, not if theyre acting from the subconscious. Trust me this goes deeper than BM / WW relationships this comprises relationships across the board because a whole lot of them are built on a big lie!

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    • Reese says:
      Posted: 07 Dec 11

      I don't know. I am here in Tacoma, Washington and you can date who you want. But I didn't realize that it isn't like this everywhere until I traveled. So maybe you have a piont because where it is more accepted there is a higher rate on both sides.

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  13.   Julep says:
    Posted: 04 Dec 11

    I think the key word here is "switch". If you have a preference, then more power to you for knowing what you like. I think it is a true pref when you act on it whether you are "successful" or still working on acheiving that success. My preference started young back when I first started dating. It was reinforced when I could not find a "brother" that on the level with career, family and education. I am educated, single, child-less and have a great career now. Do I have a preference?... yes....will I exclude black men because I have acheived well with my life? ..no I do not think this article is speaking out against interracial dating, but pointing out that there IS a exsisting trend for SOME successful black men to SHIFT to other races when they improve their standing.

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    • r3llim says:
      Posted: 06 Dec 11

      Julep, Your probably right in that regard that some black men may have a preference for white women when they become successful. But here's something that is rarely ever discussed: what if some of those black men switched to white or other races of women because they were constantly ignored by black women. Hill Harper and Sherri Sheppard is a prime example of a black woman passing on a decent black man because he had a 9-5 working at Taco Bell, and wasn't successful YET. Or the number of black girls who didn't show interest to black boys that were "too nice", "lame" and didn't wear the latest pair of jordans or didn't drive a nice car. There is a reason why people bring up the fact that Michelle Obama was taken on dates by Barrack who drove a car with a hole on the floor. Because most women and sadly a lot of black women wouldn't give a guy like that the time of day. I'm really tired of this idea of black women in search of a good black man its as if when a black woman finds a good black man she won't blow him off. I have had a friend who was in the military and pursuing his education tell me that he was approached more by other races of women than black women in america. Another friend has a son who just entered college and while he is a nice guy, really into computers, and well mannered, she has mentioned to me that he was paid more attention by the white girls in his high school more than black girls. Hell Donald Glover (Troy Barnes from "Community") has admitted that he doesn't thnik black girls are into him as much as other races of women because he is not the stereotypical thug. Some black women will ignore the Neil Degrasse Tyson's, Ben Carson's, and Vernon Jordan's in order to show attention to 50 Cent or Bobby Brown. Are there black men who have sick fetishes of white women when they become successful? Yes. But let's not pretend that black women paid a lot of these successful men any attention when they had to take the bus, wore old sneakers, and were working to become successful. Maybe black women need to reevaluate the type of men they show affection to at their early years so that some of those successful black men may remember them once they've made it.

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      • Reese says:
        Posted: 07 Dec 11

        I agree with some of the women are like that, but so are the some men. I think we need to get rid of this ideal of black meaning uneducated or other negative stereotypes. I cannot tell you how many black people have told me I talk white or tried to kick me out of the race because they don't approve of activities or music I like. White people have the freedom to like whatever type of music that they want too. I don't like hip hop much, I go white water rafting, make dolls, scuba dive and I am finishing my degree in Computer science and engineering. And people act like I owned black slaves. I understand that nobody wnats to have to prove that they are really black. I am ashamed to admit that I use to do it. I try real hard to be seen as a real black girl.

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        • r3llim says:
          Posted: 11 Dec 11

          Reese, Your right both men and women can be like that. When I was a freshman in high school there was a girl I knew that was a senior who I thought was beautiful and smar (one of the top in her class)t. But many of the students thought she was weird because she would at time wear forma gowns and dresses. Many men paid more attention to the girls that were either fast or were more tendier in their dress attire. So black men can be guilty of this as well. I'm certainly not saying that black women should show more interest in Steve Urkel over Stephan Urqulle because both men would treat them right and are likely to be successful. But if the choice was between Steve Urkel and a 50 cent wannabe, then the choice should be Urkel if you wish for a successful partner or 50 cent if he treats you better. And your right about black people needing to remove this idea of what is being a black person. Micheal Phillips is an olympic swimmer yet listend to Lil Wayne and rap music. Its amazing how black people are afriad of appearing white for simply being open minded. And many of us don't even keep the a hold of things like Jazz, Blues and Rock n Roll even when they were created by black people. We have to be open minded and accept a diversity of thought.

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      • Julep says:
        Posted: 20 Dec 11

        I have read a LOT of great post and responses and I want to commend all those who took the time to share their unique point of views. My final contribution to this topic is this: We are speaking about SOME men and SOME women. I would like to think that people as a whole have evolved into more thoughtful and self-reflective, open people as each generation is born. If there are SOME black women who will bypass a black man in the midst of his journey to success, well shame on them for being shallow empty shells of womanhood. To all the brothers shunned by SOME women who are like that, you are intelligent to know that they as individuals were never worth your time. To all the black fathers of daughters, remember how important your role is to that little girl. Being that role-model will show her what it means to have "the heart of a real man". To all the black fathers of sons; be there for your boy and show them the facade of popular manhood is build with flimsy material things. It take solid heart and hard work to become a real man. It is ok AND natural to have preferences, but true love is done with the heart and not with the eyes.

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  14.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 01 Dec 11

    @ jeti47 great point! I wonder why do people have to cast aspersions on BM and their decision to marry a non BW when most BW in the IR communtiy are willing to date anybody but a BM. I could she a topic like this on a blog outside the IR community but inside, no it's suspect IMO. I thought it was about everybody being free to date who they want so why question a BM decision to marry the woman of his chioce be he famous or infamous, wealthy or working 9 to 5. Man, it sounds like some hating going on up in here! Peace

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  15.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 01 Dec 11

    @ James- You stated : See, according to what I have been reading on the net, the moment most black men (NOT ALL) gain wealth and become successful, they seem to switch to white women black men dating. RE: The word most is still misleading. What are the numbers of BM that after becoming successful started dating WM when they only dated BW prior, do we know? NO we dont! So it seems like all of this is based on people and their assumptions and perceptions. Do we know the how many married WW before becoming successful or after, no we dont. This is the perfect example of a lie being told so often and for so long that people begin to accept it as the Gospel Truth BM Hollywood entertainers and professional athletes constitute a very small percentage of BM in this country and you can even include BM that earn over a 100k per year. For every Denzel or Reggie Busch theres hundreds of thousand ordinary, blue-collar or semi-skilled BM in America. So why blow up over a few wealthy BM who decide for whatever reason to date or marry WM? What if he never becomes wealthy or successful and then decides to date or marry a WW? It seems only when fame and wealth becomes part of the equation that its blown up and made a big issue. I find it strange that people are so concerned with who BM and BW date and marry, when an over whelming Majority of them marry each other and only a small minority dont and this goes for all minority groups so why the concern over BM and BW and their dating and marriage choices. If its all about freedom to date who you want, were all the same / we bleed red blood and the rest of this color blind BS that so many on the IR scene spew day after day, then a BM, no matter his social or economic station in life should be free to date or marry whoever he wants, regardless if he was dating or was married to BW before, its HIS choice and none of OUR business. I remember on this very board that BW were pissed because Essence magazine featured Reggie Busch on the front cover when he was dating Kim Kardashian at and some found it offensive that a magazine that caters to BW would put a BM on the cover that dated non BW. I wonder, if he made $12 an hour working at UPS loading trucks and she was overweight, unattractive and worked as a cashier at Walmart would anyone have something to say? In closing, no matter what we may think of a BMs decision to marry who he married just know he married her because he wanted to and he could. Love it or hate it, it is what it is or does it only matter if hes wealthy? Give me a break, BM are the most hated and rejected man on the planet and hes dogged by everybody including his own women, so if nothing else leave him alone and let him marry the woman of his choice.

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  16.   jeti747 says:
    Posted: 29 Nov 11

    So what about all the average black women I see out there who tend to go for successful white men...making anywhere from 3 to 8 times their own salary?? So what about all the white men who date only the most fit and most beautiful black females out there?? and what about the divorced or unhappy white women who claim they seek only successful black males, or the "athletic" type males to fulfill their fantasies. For me: My requirements are you have to be a successful woman as well, healthy, think big and 100% single, and attractive...inside and out.

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  17.   James says:
    Posted: 23 Nov 11

    @LeoTiger, these kind of articles are on the right website because we are interracial daters. And having gone through the experience, we know exactly what motivates us. So who better to answer this question than a successful black man in an interracial relationship? We are the only ones who can enlighten those that question the motives behind every successful black man who has a white woman by his side.

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  18.   LeoTiger says:
    Posted: 22 Nov 11

    Im curious as to why this article would even be posted on a website like this, I thought this site was trying to promote interracial dating? (hate that word cuz we are all human beings, hence same race) I personally dont think its a "trend", thats like saying all successful black women date white men? Also why is the focus of this discussion purely biased towards people of color? Ask white men and women this question, it takes two to tango right?

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    • MissNevada says:
      Posted: 17 Dec 11

      12-17-2011 Some of the remarks on here are just crazy.....I am a bi-racial white collar professional. Very successful, intelligent and great to look at. (I am vain too) I was married to a black man for 20 years before he died. In the city and state where I am from 1 out of every 4 black men are felons. 1 out of 4 black men use or sell drugs. I can understand why the black sisters are marry and dating the white men....(may I add you can have them all) White, black they all can be bums, druggies, or felons. I feel sorry for some of the "jungle fever" white men that the black men don't want for one reason or another.............. I am sure kickin them to the curb was mutual. How about just "gold diggers"!! I know more white men that use heroine and the rich mans drugs, that are white collar criminals as well; per capita there are more black men than white men according to statistics as well. . All I can say is try it...........................Go for it. But don't be ignorant.....please. I am glad we all don't pick out white cars or black cars................I am extremely happy that some of you like white mea or the dark meat on a turkey........and some of us just like our coffee BLACK. Color has nothing to do with preference..........................

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      • genafer says:
        Posted: 18 Dec 11

        lady I donot know why you made a comment this is a subject that you will never, never, never, understand

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    • genafer says:
      Posted: 18 Dec 11

      I am curious why the two other black males will not answer the question ? and even yourself is avoiding the ? Yes, I agree a person has the right to date and marry whom ever they desire. I am a professional female that works in the medical field, Its funny to me how many white women comment about dating black male and most of the comments were if a black male was not sucessful then they would not date them, if they didnot have money they would not date them, how stupid, so I wonder is it love or it is about the money and that you can provide a secure enviroment for them, Im just asking ? So when they divorce you and take 1/2 and then go and spend your money with a white man do not get mad ; ( nicole simpson-brown, Tiger woods wife and now kobe bryant wife and I am sure it is tons more) you get what you deserve. Im just saying !!

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      • r3llim says:
        Posted: 19 Dec 11

        Your right we (or maybe I) did not answer the question but gave another perspective to the issue of why some promising black men choose to date white or other races of women as opposed to black women. To answer your question I will say that yes there are black men that treat white women as trophies on their arms. Many black men tend to think that a white woman is not only a symbol of status but also a twisted way to rub it in the faces of white men that they were able to afford one of their precious white women from their grasp. But the black men that you mentioned were egomaniacs anyway. I was referring to the black professional men who lifted themselves through their boot straps but didnt find any sort of attention from black women because they werent of a particular image. But the black men you are referring probably date white women regardless as to how those women may openly feel about them because those black men were narcissists anyway. If they technology existed Im sure they would date women made out of diamond and gold because to them having a black woman next to them does not symbolize success in achieving something that is unattainable. But to me, black men that do that suffer from another symptom of being N-word rich. Because people like Bill Cosby, Bob Johnson, Bill Gates, and Mark Zuckerberg married humble looking women who were there for them before their success and during their years of being struggle. I honestly have to look up who they are married to because those women are rarely ever mentioned. Thats the true level of a successful person when people barely care about the type of women or people that are in your life. But if I can provide a source of this behavior I think it has to do with the lack of a strong black male role model in the lives of a lot of successful black men. Sadly many black children grow up without seeing a healthy relationship between a black man and black woman. They may view black women as being hostile, aggressive, and untrustworthy because culturally black women are more direct and forward about their feelings. White women are stereotyped to being docile, passive, and more submissive. This may lead some black men to think that a white woman would treat them better and not bring in as much conflict and stress in relationships as a black woman. But from my experience I do believe that black women are more loyal and dedicated to black men more than any other race of women can be to them. Its that I think black men need to be reminded of this as well as know that no matter what you do or how other races of women may appreciate your status in the end you are not looked as highly by much of society because you are black. Chris Rock was told by his father: You cant beat white people at anything. Never. But you can knock them out. Like if you have six and the white guy has five: he wins. If a black man somehow believes that because of some newfound fame and fortune that he deserves to marry any race woman other than black then he needs to be reminded that no matter what he is still perceived as being beneath the poorest, most uneducated white man. If anything if a black man somehow feels that his success allows him to buy a woman regardless of whether she loves him or not then he would be wise to stay single and avoid a possible divorce and hell have all of his money.

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        • genafer says:
          Posted: 19 Dec 11

          I hear you talking brother and thank you for the reply. I thought tryant and noplayer comment was just plain rude especially the yawn- the article was hitting close to home. I also believe women of color( blacks and latinos) have been sterotyped in a very negative way. But, I must add most black women are supportive of their man, if they are really trying to put forth an effort to succeed in life. Good luck on your search. Happy holiday to you;

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        • Reese says:
          Posted: 22 Dec 11

          I always apreciate your comments and knowledge. It is nice to hear a different perspective even at time I disagree with you. I understand where you are coming from.

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          • r3llim says:
            Posted: 23 Dec 11

            Thanks Reese and I appreciate your comments as well. Mainly because even though you have issues with black men I can tell that you don't hate us. And you don't worship our feet and accept poor excuses as well which is good.

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  19.   TYRANT says:
    Posted: 18 Nov 11

    Hey James, This is the kind of article I like, an ariticle that bashes "successful" black men for dating/marrying white women. With articles like these floating around, it's no wonder that interracial dating/marriage gets such a bad rap. ROFLMBAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! C'mon James, you have got to see the humor in this-LAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 01 Dec 11

      @ TYRANT- Shame on a brother for even becoming successful or better yet wealthy because he don't deserve nothing good in this world anyway, but OFF WITH HIS HEAD for marrying a WM! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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      • TYRANT says:
        Posted: 07 Dec 11

        I agree, SHAME on EVERY black man who desires to be SUCCESSFUL and HAPPY, and worse, SHAME on any black man who would DARE fall in LOVE and MARRY a white woman. ROFLBAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just got two dollars in change back from getting a cup of coffee at Starbucks, so I think I'll switch my preference and go date a white woman. Ah...the sweet taste of success.ROFL

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  20.   TYRANT says:
    Posted: 18 Nov 11

    Yawn!

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