Why men go for out-of–their-league hotties

Posted by James, 14 Oct 08

Study confirms that men hit on hotties, regardless of their own unattractiveness. No matter how unattractive they are, they think their chances of scoring a hot chick are pretty high.

Karen Brody, a New Jersey bartender says it’s a rule: ‘The schlubbier the guy, the more likely he is to persistently pursue a pretty woman.’ She recalls the time when she was being entertained by some trucker who had very few of his teeth on him. Even after toppling off his barstool, the darting didn’t end.

Well, the Karen story isn’t a deviation from the norm, and it has nothing to do with being all liquored up. This new study confirms that most men think they’ve got a chance with runway models.

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In this study, researchers studied ratings and dating information of 16,550 members of the HOTorNOT.com matchmaking site where members rate each others’ hotness. Results: physical attractiveness of potential mates was more important to men than to women. And based on lack of attractiveness (based on self evaluation and other member’s ratings) men were less likely than women to think that it could stand in the way of a date with a hot person.

Maybe men think all women have the “frog prince” mentality that makes women look beyond physical attractiveness. Or is it coz of the media, where in most movies, the slob lands the hottest chick … eventually? Well, it’s what the lead author of the study and assistant professor at Columbia’s Graduate School of Business, Leonard Lee, tends to think. The far-fetched movie and TV couples make even the most unattractive male have such high hopes.

Well, another outcome of the study is that those who are rated 10 (on a scale of 1 to 10), male and female alike only want to date other 10s.

The data from in HOTorNOT.com suggests men do learn to accept their limitations. Apparently, they get around them by asking for more dates - the men in the study requested a whooping 240% more dates than the women. Does this mean that they recognize the possibility of having to settle for dating someone who is closer to them on the hotness scale?

Hellen Fisher, a professor at Rutgers University who studies mating behavior and romantic love says, "Good looking people are always looking for other good looking people.” Much as she wasn’t in the study, she gives an explanation to why men dart ‘out-of-their-league’ women. "…ultimately, men figure their own good looks are not as important as a woman’s. They figure they’re selling a whole lot of things that women want that aren’t associated with being attractive."

Going by the evolutionary theory, men simply look for a woman who is most likely to produce a strong healthy baby — no wonder we focus on physical attractiveness. We have to picky. We reach for the stars.

23 responses to "Why men go for out-of–their-league hotties"

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  1.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 19 Jun 10

    Hottie is in the eye of the beholder. Still there is such a thing as a lack of accurate self-appraisal. Then factor in commitment-itis. If you chase what you can't have then you'll never have what you don't really want.

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  2.   bardoville says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 09

    I do agree with Zahara77; attraction is important!... I have met many guys who are (in my eyes) unattractive but have fabulous personalities; but no matter how fabulous the personality I just couldn't feel 'that way' about them... Having said that, attraction and peronality IS the winning combo, of course, but it's not always easy to find such a combo, is it?...

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  3.   Zahara77 says:
    Posted: 12 Apr 09

    Let's be honest, attraction may not be the key to a great relationship, but it's damn important! So I don't understand when I read some people who say looks aren't everything. Can you honestly say that you would date or marry someone you weren't really attracted to? Personality and attraction go hand in hand. You really can't have one without the other. Just my opinion...

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  4.   Smile4242 says:
    Posted: 31 Mar 09

    I think it really depends on the person. Many people are very superficial and look at just looks. But I have seen enough examples of ugly men with pretty women to know that while it may not be likely, it IS possible. And perhaps that is what other men see as well. They look at some hottie and see her with some jerk, and wonder why not them. I read an interesting article once that many really really hot woman don't get approached as much as their average to "almost hot" counterparts do, because most men assume they cannot get the hottie. They suffer from less selection, because only hot men and jerks hit on them, with the average nice guy assuming he does not have a chance. When she gets tired of the jerks, she'll date a nice average guy or even an ugly one with a great personality, thus being an example, giving hope to men everywhere. I think some people will hit on anything that moves hoping to win. Others are more selective, and only approach those they think they can get. Either way, the occasional beauty and the beast is enough to give some hope for the average guy.

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  5.   lookn4awife says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 09

    LOL, It is amazing to me that women wants a guy that look as good as she does. Especially, when everybody and their momma is going to be trying to screw your man. To me that is just crazy. As someone stayed, "looks isnt everything" and though it is a major part of how we choose the person that we want to be with. However, I rather have average looks and superior personality, then to have the reverse.

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  6.   seeme412 says:
    Posted: 02 Jan 09

    I think what we are forgetting here is that Online and Offline dating are two different things all together. Online you do not have a the luxury of knowing someone's personality by looking at carefully selected pictures and a positive oriented profile. Offline you have the opportunity to observe the other person before deciding weather or not to take action as in Flirty1's club example. Many people fear rejection. Being online gives them the ability to use the various elements of a particular website to send flirts, winks, and pokes to gauge interest first. This gives some men and women the added confidence to maybe try to "step up their game" a little more than they would in public. Still, in the end, you are only making a judgment from some words and pictures. In the end the average Joe may get a response and maybe even a date from the woman many feel to be "out of his league" but if he does not have the personality to catch and keep her attention they will both have to go back to start. Note that this is not just the average Joe or Jane for there are many people online and off that just Hot physically, but they are single because the same thing... low self-confidence and poor attitude. My advice: Write a profile that reflects who you are. It doesn't have to be a pour-out-your-heart sermon, but let it reflect you. That way if some does contact you first or responds to your message or flirt, you will know that you have things covered up to that point. If your profile is fake and full of fluff it will come out in the wash. As for pictures, take a cue from Flirty1, smile! Smile big! Because that is just about the only key to personality that you can show online. Who wants to be around a sour puss? Good luck in your search.

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  7.   Flirty1 says:
    Posted: 02 Jan 09

    Believe it or not phatkitty, looks are not everything. Lord knows that I've dated along the looks spectrum from one end to the other and everything in between. Looks are just a part of the package. Yes, you have to like what you're seeing but attractiveness does not make up for a poor attitude and a lack of social skills (neither does money). You need the whole package to make things work. Here's an example. I met a guy at a club once who was quite short and average looking. There were other guys that were taller and good looking. However, the guy that had the most attention that night from all the women was the short guy. Why? He had such an amazing personality. He was outgoing, nice, and funny. He knew how to draw people in. All the other guys could do was look. So, no looks are not everything.

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  8. Posted: 27 Dec 08

    Well, to be honest, phatkitty, I personally was once engaged to a man who was in fact, seriously obese, and to be polite, the last man in line at the looks counter...we met in college and his personality knocked me over and I fell head over heels in love with him...unfortunately, his friends could not understand what I was doing with him and pushed things to the point where he actually confronted me believing I was only with him for his "money". Considering the fact that he was middle class financially and that I had a promising career that would allow me to not need anyone financially...I was heartbroken to think he really didn't know me to accuse me of such things...needless to say, our relationship ended...as for the comments from bmac0619...I was never asked out for my junior high nor highschool prom...and until I went online, I've only been asked out twice...once getting off the subway and once in a grocery store...I've gone 12 years straight without a date...so yeah...sometimes women aren't even asked out...of course, for me, now, if someone is extremely obese and has bad hygiene I wouldn't at all consider dating them...for one thing, bad hygiene is just gross...and secondly, even with men who work out alot in the gym and are "fit"...I"m so much of a health freak, that if I open their fridge and the things they purchase are not organic and are basically the typical North American diet..we just do not have enough in common! I know I'd drive someone crazy to be constantly reading the labels and concerned about what goes into the environment...so it wouldn't be fair to have someone else put up with my ideosyncracies unless he has the same! I have no intention of changing anyone~eating or purchasing habits...it's not that I'm better or right...I just recognize what seems cute to a man at first, would be the thing that drives him to drink the next...so it's wiser to be with someone who can relate to my health concerns...therefore an overweight man now just would not fit into my lifestyle!

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  9.   phatkitty says:
    Posted: 21 Dec 08

    You know Flirty1, I know you are trying to be diplomatic about things, by saying looks arent everything. With that said, would you go on a date or even hold a conversation with a man who has hair growing all over his face, a genic defect? Or a man that has abnormal bulbus lumps of flesh protuding on about 90% of his body including his face. I have seen the latter. We are so quick to say looks arent everything, but when we are faced with certain circumstances, we have to take a good look at ourselves and re e-xamine our attitudes. Now if you can honestly say that you still wouldnt mind, then my hat's off to you mi laday. one luv

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  10.   Flirty1 says:
    Posted: 10 Dec 08

    You know how people say that luck is when preparation meets opportunity? I think that the same can be said of romance as well. I think that as long as you are happy, secure in who you are and feel that you have the life you've always dreamed of (i.e. you feel that it is complete) then the right person will come along.

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  11.   Eric_T says:
    Posted: 08 Dec 08

    Oh, and here's a quote from another blog on here titled, "Is Wealth the Key to Marraige?" -If a man wants to settle down, its important to be rich, according to a pioneering study of the marriage market by psychologists. Much as there have been earlier studies suggesting that women are drawn to men of high status, power and wealth, rather than just looks, this new study proves it all with evidence. So there ya go ladies and gents. I didn't miss much in my evaluation of our culture.

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  12.   Eric_T says:
    Posted: 08 Dec 08

    "I would say that around 10% of the women that have showed interest were in the somewhat to extremely gorgeous range for me." I meant to say somewhat attractive to extremely gorgeous.* Additionally, the culturally pushed values that I mentioned are worthless endeavors. I do not evaluate anyone based on those standards and suggest that we all set our sights on people who can actually value a member of the opposite sex for their ability to genuinely care about others. But to do that we actually have to be the kind of people that genuinely care about others. This means not evaluating our worth based on who we can show off as a reflection of our self worth. It means being true to ourselves when it comes to attraction, and then learning to sift through pretty faces to find people who actually give a crap about others more than themselves. With today's media presence pushing the exact opposite..., good luck finding one in the U.S.A.

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  13.   Eric_T says:
    Posted: 08 Dec 08

    From my experience on this site, it works the same way on the flip side. I've had flirts and interests from women that, though I like their profiles and what they have to say about themselves..., do not pique any physical interest. I would say that around 10% of the women that have showed interest were in the somewhat to extremely gorgeous range for me. Yet, at any given day I can expect at least two interests and more than likely from women who must have high expectations. And just in case I catch heat for saying this..., look at what this study is about. Women who know that they're way too good for these guys that are far less attractive to them in comparison. Well, men know the same things about their attractiveness. I think women reach far over their expectations as well. When you think about it, our culture is bent on telling us that we cannot accept anything less than unrealistic. This message gets picked up on by both men and women. And honestly, it leads to people doing one of two things: attempting to sleep with or consume as many dates as possible or hold out till they find the "perfect one". And since our culture also pushes the whole "a man is worth the quantity of sex he has at the proportionate quality of the women consumed" and "a woman is only as valuable as the career she possesses and the kind of man she can pull down and keep," we automatically have a polarization of behaviors. The men go after hot women to consume. The women go after men with quality jobs and to some degree quality looks and personality. But culture has degenerated the humanity of the male sex by setting the tone that embracing our animal nature is the quality thing to do. It teaches us that patience, honor, respect and all other virtues are simply worthless pursiuts in favor of getting what you want when you want it. Or it tells us that these qualities are only to be used as tools to get what you want. So, men go after disproportionately hot women because their self esteem and value has been wrapped around the culture value of the hotness their newest tag or girlfriend. But women do the same thing, only most of the time hotness plays a slightly lesser role to their ability to claim a man with bragging rights. Anyway, that's what I think about this subject. PS. And I'm not saying that I'm some kind of gift to the female gender. But I do know that I'm attractive and I do know that I get a lot of unnatractive interests.

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  14.   bmac0619 says:
    Posted: 04 Nov 08

    you know i had a friend who said to me sometimes you neverknow that the most beautiful girl in the world may be the loneliest girl because everybody assumes that she is in a relationship. i havent found that to be true. the fine ones that i have met with either play games or may not even be worth it after all the work you put in to get them.

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  15.   fred_steven says:
    Posted: 03 Nov 08

    i always go for what i want, i am a good lookin man ,that wants a beautiful woman, one that knows what she wants, i am agood provider, faithful, careing, dont beleive in straying either, i know how to treat my lady, the grass is not always greener on the other side.

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  16.   phanindra says:
    Posted: 02 Nov 08

    thanks for this site to meet people all over the world thanks again.

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  17.   Flirty1 says:
    Posted: 02 Nov 08

    I admire men (anyone really) that goes for what they want. Looks aren't everything. Good conversation and chemistry endures in the end.

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  18.   toph2429 says:
    Posted: 27 Oct 08

    Hmm. I knew it was a science. The whole beauty and a beast thing.C'mon now.

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  19.   ZeeM says:
    Posted: 20 Oct 08

    Blubronxtail is right in a lot of her observations. Personally, Ive also noticed that outwardly attractive men are not so attractive on the inside. They would prefer to treat women like shit and could care less because they feel they are doing the woman a favor by being with them. In addition, in the beginning stages, men who arent attractive slowly turn into acting like they are the best thing that ever happened to that woman. I dont know where this comes from. When I get with average men, they act like they are so grateful, and then slowly start acting like I should be grateful they gave me the time of day. Needless to say, we arent together long and after a thorough dumping, they are ready to change back. Why must I get rid of them to keep them in check?? I often get hit on my toothless, fat, disgusting men or equally young, acne, goofy guys and I ask myself, why? They know they dont look like me and that we dont run in the same circles. I run into these morons at gas stations or grocery stores and the only reason I even speak to them is because Im shocked at their audacity to begin with. Men on my level dont approach me as much because they feel they have more to lose and hate rejection. Everyone does but if you dont try, how will you ever know??

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  20.   Member says:
    Posted: 18 Oct 08

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  21.   Bryan says:
    Posted: 18 Oct 08

    i think what bluebronxtail wrote is true. i also think that those guys who aren't on the attractive side have the mentality of if i get her i get her, if not oh well ill try someone else. Some guys do feel that when they are attractive and know it that he feels that he can have any woman he wants and does make it difficult for some guys who actually care or really want to get to know the person. i mean ive been told that i look like justin timberlake, robin thicke, david beckham, paul wall, but im still modest and im still shy even when i get compliments like that. seems like every man is looking for the "trophy wife" or someone that appears to be that level. but i think that any guy who is confident enough to approach a beautiful woman and has something that they can offer to them the looks wont mater. end the end is not looks that stays it conversation. yes, looks is a starter but its not the only thing that may be used in this process

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  22. Posted: 16 Oct 08

    I have noticed this myself. I consider myself cute but men have called me "hot". I'm looking for someone of any race that has an equal attractiveness. However I am hit on by males that don't even come close. Now I have dated and have been in long term relationships with men who haven't been the hottie type. I have noticed that they are very proud to be with you almost to the point that they want to show you around at any given time. Since their points go through the roof on who they can get , they end up also attracting other women who would normally be out of their league. So now they have girls checking them out that would otherwise snub them in a club all because they brought you along. It's funny to see how the old mating dance still goes on to this day. Or even that an unattractive male will show me pictures of women from his past just to let me know that he's been with attractive women before so I should feel honored to be on the list. I often ask males now if they find themselves as attractive as they find me. This question rarely gets answered. Also I'v noticed the more attractive the male the less likely he usually is to settle down with one woman or even be faithful. Why slow down when it's apparently so easy to have multiple women drooling over you. Plus with them being attractive they don't usually have to do as much. The can just talk and a girl will normally be so taken with their looks that other qualities are deemed unimportant. Kindness, respectful,curtosy etc. , they all go out of the window when a guy is hot and knows it. Usually the more less attractive male uses other means to keep or hold on to his prettier companion. He may use the right words, gestures to make sure she knows that she's truly appreciated. I myself have still been looking for the hottie guy that is still a sweetheart and still respectful and hasnt let his looks go all to his head.

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  23.   sally says:
    Posted: 15 Oct 08

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