Why do men cheat?
200 men tell you the real reasons behind infidelity
What is wrong with men? Can’t there be one d**k one woman? What makes men cheat?
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Having dug through past research, marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman that most answers on male infidelity came from the wife’s viewpoint. So Newman thought it would make more sense to ask the men. In his new book "The Truth About Cheating," Neuman surveyed 200 faithful and unfaithful husbands to get at the real reasons behind men’s infidelity and even better, what the cheats say could have made them avoid straying.
As per 48% of the men, emotional dissatisfaction was sited as the primary reason they strayed. I know most women may be asking “Isn’t cheating for men supposed to be all about sex?” So much for that myth: only 8% of the men blamed sexual dissatisfaction as the main factor in their infidelity. “Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is sex.” Well, Neuman says, “…men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they’re appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they’re trying to get things right.”
Men are less likely than women to express their emotional feelings, so it’s quite hard to tell when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. Its considered as unmanly to ask for a pat on the back or some attention form your woman hence most of their emotional needs end up being ignored. “But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness — and once you set the tone, he’s likely to match it,” Neuman says.
Well here comes another shocker: 66% of the cheating men in the group reported feeling guilt during the affair. The repercussions of cheating are a little scary. It’s not like the only men who cheat are the uncaring jerks. In fact 68% of those who strayed never imagined ever being unfaithful and they definitely wished they hadn’t. Problem is guilt has never stopped a man from cheating. “Men are good at compartmentalizing feelings … They can hold on to their emotions and deal with them later,” Neuman explains. So even if your husband swears on his own children that he would never cheat, don’t assume it can’t happen. Both of you should take the necessary steps toward creating the marriage you want and preventing infidelity.
They say birds of the same feather flock together. Well so do cheaters. 77% of the cheating men admitted to having a good friend who also cheated. Being around fellow cheaters makes cheating seem normal and legitimizes it as a possibility - “My friend is a good guy who happens to be cheating on his wife. So even the best of us do it?” Sad thing is, you cant forbid your husband from hanging out with Mr. Cant-keep-his-weewee-in-his-pants. All you possibly can do is request them to hang out in a less tempting environment which is not easy to control. The best thing both of you can do is build your social circle around happily married couples that share your values. This will be a supportive environment for your marriage.
40% of cheating men admitted to have met the other woman at work. “Oftentimes the woman he cheats with at the office is someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts,” Neuman says. “That’s another reason why it’s so critical that he feel valued at home.” There are usually warning signs that he is somehow drawn to a colleague: if he praises or mentions the name the female coworker more than he would a male counterpart, brace yourself. It’s high time for you to set boundaries about what is and isn’t okay at work. For example, working late if it’s only him and her, having dinners out to discuss a project. One thing you have to realize is you can’t control what your man chooses to do at work.
How many times have you heard a woman cry, “What did he even see in her? She is not even attractive. This is an insult!” Well, according to Newman’s survey, only 12% of cheating men said the other woman was more physically attractive than their wife. Newman decodes thus by saying that a man doesn’t cheat because he thinks he will get better sex by sleeping with a hotter looking woman. “In most cases, he’s cheating to fill an emotional void … He feels a connection with the other woman and sex comes along for the ride.” Women, focus more on making your relationship more loving and connected, rather than getting your body just right or mastering new sexual positions. However, I am not saying sex doesn’t matter. IT DOES! It’s one of the main ways your man conveys his love and feels close to you, so be sure to keep that a priority too.
Here is another shocker - Only 6 % of the unfaithful men had sex with a woman after meeting her that same day or night. In fact 73% got to know the other woman for more than a month before they cheated … a connection was established. Newman says that one may actually have time to see the warning signs before he actually cheats. Some women may even see it coming before he does. Here are some of the common signals: he spends more time away from home, stop initiating sex, picks fights more frequently, or avoids your calls. You definitely might want to confront him, but most men will deny it especially if nothing physical has occurred.
Neuman suggests, that wives should take charge of what they are in control of – their own behavior — and take the lead in bringing their marriages better places. Show appreciation for him, give him priority and show him how much you want him by initiating sex more. Give him a reason to put you at No. 1 in his mind, Neuman says. Be open about your marriage and how you feel without dragging a third party into the conversation. Newman says to try, “I think we’ve started to lose something important in our marriage, and I don’t want it to disappear.”
More importantly, be committed to keeping tabs on your love life and doing what it takes to keep it working for the both of you. Remember, it takes 2. Play your part.
79 responses to "Why do men cheat?"
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Slitherin says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
You know, I've seen a lot of talk shows where women come out and talk about their ex's and how they were cheated on. Never once, while looking at them, did I see beautiful people. Anger and hatred can make a person very ugly, so be careful, and try to be confident, rational and smart. These characteristics are much more beautiful.
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Suzi008 says:Posted: 18 Dec 08lol - Hey King - no problems with self-esteem there!
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pooch says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
Him walking away showed me that he was not a man for real. update for the previous post.
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pooch says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
Men cheat because they choose to cheat. Sometimes it has nothing to do with the woman in their life. I been told over and over again that I was a good woman and I was a beautiful woman inside and out. But this did not stop the man am in love with from cheating on me with, his ex and another. I think I had to learn to say no, and move on. They never change until they are ready to change. They know deep in side what is right and what would be good for them, but some just want to be able to be free to do what they want when they want. And I blame some of the women who: such as myself acting like I cannot let go when I should--> just be strong and do it for good and move on. I blame some women who are in to this "friends with benefits" thang because men tend to think that all women flow with the bullshit and think alike. I blame women who lay up with men the same night with meeting them. Men tend to think once again every woman will fall for the bullshit they present. Men also are testers they like to see how far they can take you and what all you will fall for. I learnt through my heartack to lay the cards on the table on what I will an will not deal with, even though he still walk away. But him walking away still show me he was a man for real, and at least he isn't around to continue taking me through the pain. And also he showed alitle respect on the other hand to walk away. I learn to understand that no man deserves me if they can not value my selfworth, expecially if your the same one telling me am a good woman and do the opposite. Men also study women, this is why they try to pull a lot of unnesscessary bullshit. Men need to grow up and learn to get it together and stop playing the "I do not know why I do it" roll. We have a generation of children who are looking for guidance.
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king-ding-a-ling says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
eyes cheetz! huh well well now, cuz eyes got da """KING DING A LING LING" now lordy.......lmfao odf can i get a witness?
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pingu says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
Lets talk of Abraham, solomon, David, (mswati, opsss he has) and they had so many wives. what do you think? ITS A FIRE THAT WAS PUT BY GOD himself. And man will always have to quench it its beyond his control
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nats says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
I think men are just assholes that they take advantage of good hearted women that are faithful and will love them and they see this as somebody they can walk over and cheat all the time with and she will stay faithful. This makes me mad. I think if a man wants to cheat he should just ask for a divorce and leave and not stay and have his cake and eat it. I believe most cheats have low self esteem and they are just trying to seek approval from other women all the time but they should look to God and stop fucking around!
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jlove says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
I think everyone cheats for a reason. Myself, I don't think it is right because you always end up hurting someone, but as far as men, I think they cheat because it is easier for them. If there is kids involved in the marriage, men don't have to sty home all the time with them and have more time to do what they want. Women in certain instances have to worry about getting pregnant do to an affair. If you want to be in a relationship with someone it is alot easier on everyone involved, especially children if you make sure you want to be commmitted before you say "I DO">
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whiteangel says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
I'm no expert on marriage or infidelity, but these days I don't believe its either male or female, it is both sexes. I've been in a marriage of infidelity and yes it was hard, but I made a decision not to continue with it, and should I have been unfaithful I would have expected much the same. For the guys that say is unnatural for a male to be faithful - never marry!!! I know so many will disagee but let me put it out there - Who thinks the internet has helped marriages? me personally I think it is making it worse (just an opinion)
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Freddy says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
I think that Squid as a supplement is a good alternative to fish. Go squiding people.
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Member says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
Wow...you ladies are a bit pissy. Listen. Don't be so hard on him or yourself. Show him how it feels to be cheated on and do it to him. Flash it in his face and make him feel the pain you do. Your not a victim. Nobody is a victim. Suck it up and wear the pants women. Take charge of your life and enjoy your time on this beautiful planet. I will bet you that when your smiling and enjoying life he will follow right along after you like that cute puppy you've always wanted him to be. Men enjoy games and taunting. We women have instilled this in them...it's our fault. Think about that one for a moment.
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JADED says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
wow...to rusty above me... 25 partners? now that sounds like a bit of sexual addiction...not just a simple case of cheating... why didn't you just have respect for your wife and tell her so that SHE could give you what you needed...not 25 other women?
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RustyBore says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
I have cheated in the past and I'll tell you that it wasn't because I didn't love my wife. Maybe I didn't get what I wanted at home, then again maybe I did. So whats the deal? I cheated because I was never happy with the sex I got at home, it was OK, just wasn't what I expected. I probably had 25 partners, only one of those was whatI would say was fantastic. I still think of her and she was the very last one. Why? She knew how to make a man feel like he was king. she used thos muscles between her legs to her advantage.She was the best and I haven't looked further. That was 30 years ago.
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JADED says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
there is so much to say on this subject...where do i even begin? i am currently married to a cheater... and his lies, deceit, betrayal, dishonesty, and infidelity have definitely ruined my life in more ways than one... i don't believe all this bullshit about "do more for your man" "tell him and show him how much you love him and want him" etc...etc... don't you think all of us that have been cheated on have done this? well maybe not...but i sure as hell know i did everything... and it does not matter how much love or romance or sex or forgiveness or understanding or anything that i have shown this man, he is still a piece of fucking shit who cares only about himself...NOT ME i can relate to the asian girl (hurttomanytimes) who has the black x-boyfriend...that is similar to my life...i have been with my husband for years and he has been pulling the same crap...cheating, fucking me over, and then going overboard to make it up to me, convince me of how much he loves me, only to do it all over again within a 6 month period...i don't understand why he does it, and i know he doesn't either...although he is bipolar and not on medication, and this is one of the main reasons...but i also don't know how i can be so fucking stupid to think that it actually is not going to happen again... i have lost count of how many times i have been hurt or fucked over by this man, but i only know of being cheated on once...that is not to say that it didn't happen more times, because it could have, i just don't know about it, and my husband is an extremely good liar, who is extremely convincing, and will do anything to cover his ass...so who knows... so if you are a woman who is good..honest..faithful..forgiving..loyal..dedicated..loving...giving..etc...etc... in other words, everything that a wife should be...and you are still cheated on, should you really start blaming yourself? NO because it's not about you it's about HIM (or her - whomever is cheating) you can be the best most amazing person in the world...and still be cheated on...i'm a firm believer...ONCE A CHEATER...ALWAYS A CHEATER...that is the bottom line...if they have done it in the past, they will definitely do it again...we would all like to believe it won't happen again, and that someone could never hurt us again like that, but the truth is LEOPARDS DON'T CHANGE THEIR SPOTS... if you know of your spouse cheating in a past relationship, chances are 10000000% that he (or she) is going to do it to you too... i think the guy (SoleilMauvai) summed it up best when he described that women like us give off a "vibe" telling these fuckheads that we can be walked all over and taken advantage of, then forgive that horrible behavior... since when did being a good woman go out of fashion...sad i tell you... what's wrong with the world today is that people have no fucking VALUES... that is the problem with everything in this world... rewind 50-60 years...and think about it... when people got married or were in a committed relationship, and they said to another person that they loved them, that they would be honest and faithful, stick with that person through thick and thin, they actually meant what they were saying...i meant what i was saying when i said my vows...my husband did not...why the hell would i still be married after all the hell i have been put through? only because i am an old fashioned girl inside a 2008 body - like june cleaver/martha stewart inside of christina aguilera's "superbitch" character in her video...that's the best way i can describe it...if i was not that, if i was like all these cheap easy dirty whores of today that have no morals, then i would have left my piece of shit husband long ago...and he knows what he's got, like asian girl's man...that's why he won't let me go... well fuck now i am REALLY pissed off
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yup says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
I am just going to speak from experience on this subject. I have been cheated on numerous times by the father of my children. I left him almost 4 years ago after calling his phone and some chick answered. I had caught him a few times, but thought for our babies we should stay together. After leaving & trying to date a year later, I found out just how many people play that game. Yes it is a game, to see if you've still got it, a need to fill some kind of void I guess. But little did I know girls are playing the same game guys are! Seriously??? I could never bring myself to even try being with more than one guy at a time, nor do I want to. I believe in being faithful no matter what. The pain is to much to bear when the truth finally does come out. So in closing guys and girls are guilty equally I think. Most of the time the girls will accept the offer knowing about the other one, and guys will accept just the same!
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polskiboyfriendcheated says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
i think it's selfishness and greed. and yes- about emotional commitment. i met a guy online and he told me all about his girl, i told him about my guy. tthen, i started thinking..shouldn't i be telling my guy about how i felt? talking to online boyfriend- because yes, my emotional confidences were a form of cheating. it felt good to talk to someone, so i talked to a. on myspace. long story short- met a. in person, and listened to him tell me about how this girl wouldn't have sex before marriage -so he dumped her. he told me about how he put numbers (like 44+) on his myspace and website- so that his girlfriend wouldn't know how many women he was sleeping with besides her. he told me so much, that i felt sick. but we had some fun, and it felt like a connection...so i gave it a chance. dumb- he cheated. he was online with someone else the day after i left. i confronted him about the comments she was leaving- he said he loved me etc- but he had already started up with a new woman! after 6 months we have broken up again and again with someone always crawling back. now? i just want to forget him...but still. this last time- he was plotting christmas and new year's eve plans with another women online...withoput telling me.
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Member says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
I think men cheat because they just like having sex. They like different variations of sex, different flavors of sex and that's it. They love the woman they are with, but having sex with one woman just aint... enough. Most of the men who cheat. I have met men who don't cheat, love one woman and having that one intimate partner. That type of man is very hard to find, but most of the time when I meet a man like that I learn that they have very loving female relatives whom they respect to the utmost. A mother that was married for years to their father, and showed love to one another all the time. Anyways... women don't have to accept a man who cheats, but they have to recognize that he aint gonna change, he will lie, steal and cheat just to have a sexual fling or an affair.
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Desi says:Posted: 17 Dec 08I do know in my heart there is such a thing as true love. I've always known it , I wonder if some people just don't have the compacity to show their true feelings because they have been hurt in the past ? I just wonder! I was that way with my husband when we first met , but I remember thinking , I should not have to hide the love and compassion and attraction I feel because I'm afraid to get hurt , I will show this man I have not been disabled by hurt. We all get hurt . Its a fact of life . I just decided to show him , instead of telling him , and guess what ? For six years hes been a man of action , and also he'll tell me every now and then some feelings or emotions , but I can read him , so I just know and he knows how I'm feeling too , I seem lucky for this . I must say my adventurous side is too adventurous for him and sometimes that is really hard ! I want to go out and romp around in the forest with him , or go on drives , you know ? He likes to be at home with me , Go fishing , hang out with the guys , and I don't show a hint of insecurity , that way I can hang with my friends when I want also . Its worked well , yet once again as I say this I think , sheesh , if I say this out loud will it all go to hell ? I dunno why I think this way , someone should tell me . DES
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Member says:Posted: 17 Dec 08
might i add, there are *always always* signs of someone sexually and/or emotionally unfulfilled esp. if you spend (constant) time with that person, you should be able to detech it sooner than later. everyone is different,yes, however we should know and could usually sense wen somethings wrong even without words. most of us are too busy gratifing ourselves and feel that everything is peachy,while the other is crying out.....or we ignore vital signs,which is a common mistake.
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Member says:Posted: 17 Dec 08
I believe the reason there are cheating spouses and lovers is becase there is a lack of unfulfillment within oneself. and if you are united through marriage or even a monogomous relationship and your significant othere isnt your best friend, that is, knowing what you need and how to get that to you,one will fall "victim" to prey and cheat. We are all humans and are equally tempted to do so especially when we decide to commit honestly to someone....no, this action will never be justified, however, it can be determined and finally avoided if we would define the underlying problem before hand. as for multiply spouses in ancient times, that was something that the kings did because they felt a need to strecth thier power, and that also doubled their chances of having successful heirs because of the different blood lines from different women.any one whom did that that wasnt royalty was just being a player, and the women had no voice and no choice but to live with it... and as for religion,how would you explain the many faithful people living without even believing in God???
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Mr_Success704 says:Posted: 17 Dec 08
I've realized that both men and women point the finger too much at each other rather than really looking at what's most important. I do not approve cheating in any way. However, I don't believe that a person serious about a relationship enters the relationship with aspirations of cheating. Nowadays, you must keep your relationship/marriage exciting. You may have to do some things you normally would do or you may have to change some things about yourself just to minimize issues within the relationship. We often times enter relationship with so much baggage from life and previous relationship that their is no room for TRUE LOVE!. Maya Angelou once said "If a person shows you who they realy are believe them!" Don't believe the hype both men and women. If he/she cheated once they are likely to cheat again. Don't open up your heart to more damage believing and hoping that things will change. Allow you self to heal completely and then move on. No man or woman deserves a cheating mate.
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TriniGuy says:Posted: 17 Dec 08
Newsflash! Most of the women that married men have affairs with are also married. The latest poll shows that almost as much women cheat also. What's the reason?
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Desi says:Posted: 17 Dec 08
My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years . I have no fear that he's cheated or ever will , because I do praise him , only because he deserves it , I call him handsome , and tell him I want him , because I really do . I think in a lot of cases women simply cannot respect their husbands so they cheat with women who will , for a time,but him being married , how can they respect him for long ? I wish someone would give me some feedback on this also , I'd love , absolutely love to have a conversation about this ???!!!? dezzy79@msn.com , I would love to chat. Also , my husband is a great father , takes great care of the kids , is an awesome father , hes been my oldest son's real father for 6 years . Treats him just like hes his own , no one would ever know Devin was not his child. I respect him , and praise him , love him,call him handsome , iniatiate sex , or make shy comments , he knows me , I know him , its just the way it is , as I say this though , I think what if ? In my past I have cheated on those I did not respect , I'm sure they did too. I just hope in my happy marriage Karma will not come back to haunt me ? Can anyone give me advice on this ? I hope this helps someone other then me !!! Desi
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Britneyfq says:Posted: 17 Dec 08
Another thing why should I work on a relationship and make him feel important and make him feel like he walks on water when he isnt doing the same, guys think that once they get you they dont have to do anything to keep you, well all relationships take work and the work never stops and it is on both sides to keep working not just the women and the women shouldnt get punished for not knowing what her guy wants with out him telling her, last time i checked no one is a mind reader, girls do it too just stop, communicate what you want it isnt that difficult.
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Britneyfq says:Posted: 17 Dec 08
There is something wrong with the world, why would anyone want to hurt someone that much. Being cheated on is probably one of the worst feelings in the world, it makes you feel like you arent good enough and it is your fault, no one should ever make someone not feel good enough. Obviously you dont care about the person anymore if you cheat on them or if you even think about cheating on them, be mature and say it is over and then go hook up with that girl. And it is not just the guys, there are girls out there that try and make Men cheat, there is even a book out there that tells you how to make a man cheat, that is fucked up, this world is fucked up if someone would actually buy that book let alone write it. Treat others as you would like to be cheated, would you like to be cheated on? My guess is no, so dont do it to other people.
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mebfh says:Posted: 17 Dec 08
I belive that cheating is childish and that both men and women cheat some will never stop other it may just be a hobbie
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PushItRealGood says:Posted: 17 Dec 08
it takes both the females and males to work out the relantionship if their is love their - communication is the key !!!
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lisa says:Posted: 17 Dec 08
I have had my full life experience of cheating; Six years to be exact. Been with this guy from high school, you know the one you hope to spend the rest of your life with. Long story made short……… for those six year I have been cheated on, abuse, and to top it off disrespect. I met this other guy who was showing me all the attention that I was so longing for. Ended up that I cheated with this guy, but was still in love and living with my boyfriend. I ended up leaving my six and half year’s relationship and doesn’t have one single regret. Now, it is my ex calling, wanting to take me for lunch, calling checking see how I am doing and before he didn’t show one ounce to say that he cared; But he still loves me and want me back.
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fereshteh says:Posted: 26 Nov 08
I think men cheat because they are insecure. I married a man that had a history of cheating on his ex. I found this out later in the marriage. He cheated on me with an uneducated married secretary at work. He said and still say that he loves me and admits no responsibility. As far as I am concerned we had no lacking in our marriage to justify his behavior. My wedding dress is still hanging in the closet. Shame on any one who is unhappy and does n't say it. Or is that they are happy but they just want more and more. I hate my husband and will never forgive him. I am going for a divorce. For all the men out there, there is no excuse for this selfish behavior. For all the girls that approach married men, you are just as insecure as the men. What happened to loyalty and integrity? What happened to " I do". Maybe we change it to what "I don't".
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MsNiceSmile says:Posted: 19 Nov 08Tatted2death i agree with you! I don't know why people feel they have to to cheat?! Isn't it easier just to say, "Hey, I am not happy. This isn't working out" and walk away than to cheat, then lie to cover it up, start to feel guilty, and go through all the B.S? Man (Woman) Up and Speak your mind!!
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phil66 says:Posted: 19 Nov 08Reply to soleilMauvai All I know is that more than 80% of men would cheat or have a potential to cheat on their wives at some point in life.And this has nothing to do with whether they love their wives or not.And it is not like men all around the world had a conference and decided to be cheating on their wives. This goes to show that this is just something about men.The concept of marrying one woman is something that had to be enforced through religion.
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Kathryn says:Posted: 18 Nov 08The sad thing about it is: Is that we have all been there, and we women want to try to make out men happy, but we have to remember we can make no happy but our selves, we want to put the blame on the other person and make it like the other person is at fault for the relationship falling apart, but in reality we need to know what it was about that person that drew up to them, it may have been an mental thing, or a phyiscal thing in the beginning, but if you don't feel that real spark in the beginning we tend to blame ourselves..I just wanna know why this one question that has been burned into my head.. "Why do the men say ...I love you, but I am not in love with you anymore? Do they even have a clue as to what they are saying when they say that? Don't lay besides us and let the tears fall and then the next day get up and do the same thing.. Just move the hell on and go and get the grass on the other side and see if the next woman is willing to play that game...More than likely she will see you and play you for the fool, for letting the best thing walk right the hell out of your life..
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douglas1957 says:Posted: 18 Nov 08I thought the whole concept of the article was sexist. NEWS FLASH-THERE ARE WOMEN WHO CHEAT & LIE,TOO! And guess what! There are men out there who have been deeply hurt by bad behavior on the female part as well! The article should have been more gender-neutral instead of male-bashing.
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SoleilMauvai says:Posted: 17 Nov 08Somebody's obviously not been doing his research... All evidence points to our ancestors for the last 2 million years not being all that unlike our closest current relatives (chimps), who are by-and-large (though not exclusively) monogamous. :P Having young with one of the longest periods of dependency in the animal kingdom (possibly THE longest, by a large margin), does not lend itself well to having to many mates.
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phil66 says:Posted: 16 Nov 08
Men cheat because nature did not intend a man to have one wife,it is inherent in a male human behavior to engage in sex without strings attached or feelings being involved.Marrying one woman is just a religious concept,it has been deeply engraved into our psyche that that is the norm.Ancient societies had men marrying more than one wife.This is still a reality in some cultures around the world.
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SoleilMauvai says:Posted: 16 Nov 08
Important thing to note: The author here is not condoning cheating, [he]'s exploring the motivations for it. Actually, the whole point of the article is to explain why it happens and how to avert it, which I think is one of the major keys to success for both partners in a relationship - make sure you can give them "better and more" than they can get anywhere else. :)
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curious4787 says:Posted: 16 Nov 08i should add that as sweetlayd comments we are all grown or are we? An adult doesn't make excuses they seek solutions to problems
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curious4787 says:Posted: 16 Nov 08
i am a man who has always been curious why women come to the conclusions that they do and after reading the article and suggestions i have to agree with them 100% but i have to add also that women after the relationship believe men should stop being men and change themselves to suit them that won't happen often if at all so it really is better for her if she understands the man in her life extremely well that is if she wants him enough. It is very easy to quit and if its a short-term fling then u get the same short attention from him
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sweetlayd says:Posted: 16 Nov 08I feel there is no excuse for cheating ever we r all grown just speak up and let the other person know what you are looking for and what u want --for pete's sake!
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ManChild65 says:Posted: 14 Nov 08
I have read this and do not agree with the author. I don't think it is cool for a married man to cheat on his wife. To me, you lied to her, yourself and God. If you didn't want to be married, you shouldn't have done it. Besides, I seen first hand how women get once the man put the ring on the finger. They want to wear the pants and the dress. Ladies, you can't have it both ways. You must let a man be a man. If he does cheat, kick them out the house. It's just that simple. Now on the flip side, if a man is not married, no kids and wants to date only, he should. The same statement goes for the woman. When you are in a relationship, there should be some respect. In the country people get married for every reason under the sun except the one true reason. LOVE.
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Casarin says:Posted: 12 Nov 08
I am new at posting responses and this is my first so bear with me... I feel men cheat, because one they can and two the opportunity is there. A man can have the most attentive, beautiful, sexual wife at home and still cheat. They are not secure in their manhood.. they have to make sure they still have "game" or know that other women find them attractive. I also agree that it takes two to tango and that women cheat just as much as men.
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Connie10 says:Posted: 12 Nov 08
You hit the nail on the coffin rid_dizzy. I totally agree with your comment.
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rid_dizzy says:Posted: 10 Nov 08
It always takes two to tango. Lets's stop blaming genders. I think a man and a woman are both equally responsible to work on a relationship. Communication is the key to every single problem in a relationship. Infedility arises due to misunderstandings because of lack of communication. If this is taken care of, then I'm sure we can always make relationships work in any given circumstance. Easy to say but hard to do.
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SoleilMauvai says:Posted: 10 Nov 08
(It is very late here, so I hope this is not to incoherent, my apologies if it is.) In response to some of the other posters here questioning why the results of this study may not gel with their own personal experiences: I agree that this study is not all-inclusive. There are other kinds of men that were not part of this study (involved but not married men, for example). That adds a lot more layers of complexity in many ways, especially how radically both partners ideas of commitment may differ from each other. (In actuality, rather than what they claim.) The biggest thing that stands out to me though is how some users have pointed out that they have been no shortage of "there" for their partner, and still been cheated on. As a guy, I can say that it's a little more complicated than that. Always putting yourself out (emotionally) for a person is not the same as always being there for them. You might be offering quite a lot, but none of it might be what they need at the time. Many women I've known who had this problem were also very resistant to considering it a possibility, let alone a problem. Immediately, trying to broach the subject (and I can be quite sensitive and eloquent at times) would be met with denial, or an existential crisis of how they felt like their love was inadequate. Sadly, the root of this brand of "not being there" has little to do with being there, and a great deal to do with an unwillingness to examine one's own self and accept the idea that changing one's approach to certain things in life might be necessary to accomplish the goals they hold most dear. (Something I've done quite a bit of myself.) The other major point of that same particular issue is that women who have this problem repeatedly are often the ones that let it happen in the first place by repeated forgiveness. Maintaining good interpersonal relationships is based on a solid understanding of what is expected of each person involved, an awareness of what the consequences will be for disregarding these expectations, and (possibly most importantly) an understanding that the consequences will always be there, no exceptions. (This applies whether you're talking about training a dog, raising a child, maintaining a romantic relationship, or managing a corporation.) As a guy I can tell you that many guys can "sense" (for lack of a better term) when a woman is willing to repeatedly forgive being cheated on and will overcomit so completely that she will consistantly let herself be walked all over. This is the same mentality that can (in extreme cases) become 'Battered Wife Syndrome'. Now the vast majority of the "healthy" guys I know avoid women that give off that vibe like the plague, because they've got no desire for a woman that will let herself be taken advantage of by creeps like that. By contrast, that vibe often tends to attract "unhealthy" guys who *want* a woman they can have at home that will let them take advantage of their overabundant generosity of spirit and give them the opportunity to sleep around with whomever they like.
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hurttomanytimes says:Posted: 10 Nov 08
He says I mean the world to him. He said the reason he cheated before bcoz he never thought we could ever get married bcoz i am an Asian and he is black. After being with him for more than 6 yrs and taking him back after he cheated on me which was more than 6 times (yeah i m really blind in love that there is no cure) i introduced him to my mother and thinking that now he met here and now he see that there is a future together he wont cheat on me...boy was i wrong. I caught him again talking to another lady. The funny thing is that this is how it starts just talking then being with them for two weeks then he gets bored (that's wat i think but he tells me that he will die if he loses me..Watever) and leaves them and sweet talk his way in by spoiling me all over. Now that it happened again i begged him to let me go and promise me never to contact me ever again. He says, "she is just a friend and has a boyfriend and knows about me." ha! That’s a laugh he tells me this every time i catch him. Well this is not the problem. The problem is last time two years ago when i left him and got engaged to another guy (about whom i told him about when he tried to contact me to get back) he showed up at my place and when i didn't let him in and told him that my fiancé was over he broke all of my house windows out of anger. And he got in trouble with the law. So you wonder how i went back to him. Well my engagement didn't work out and that guy was very controlling and wanted me to marry him right away and when i asked for some time he went crazy and contact my 6 times removed boyfriend and called my mom and told her i was with a black man before and the best thing for her to do is marry me to him. And called me at work at threaten me to hurt me physically. ...and me stupid scared from that contact my 6 times removed boyfriend and he comfort me and somehow came back in my life. He broke off his engagement and apologized that he will never do anything to hurt me. Oh well so much for that...he just did the seventh time. I know he is going to contact me again like other times and spoil me. My question is why i m so stupid to fall for it every time. Will i ever be able to say goodbye to him in my life time? What is wrong with me? I know he keeps doing it? Why he wants me back? He knows that i love and care about him a lot. Funny as it may sound he is my 1st true love and i still can do anything for him. And when he is with me he treats me like a princes and I treat him like a king. Even his friend tells me how much he loves me. So!!! Why he keeps cheating on me? Why do I keep taking him back? Why I love him with all my heart and soul? Why I lie to my family and tell them he is very good man? I ll be the most stupid woman in the world if i marry him after knowing him this well? I am afraid i will end up marrying him and be miserable for rest of my life? Background on his life: divorcee, after divorce got involve with a gal he really loved she cheated on him many times. So he told me she messed his head up he doesn't trust any woman. But he needs to stop bcoz i am not her. my Background: divorcee, was arrange married, he is the 1st real boyfriend i ever had. He is the only man i ever will love. Any other man i get involve with i don't care abt them that much. What is my problem? I hope i don't through myself in the fire when i am aware that i will not have long term happiness with the "6 times removed boyfriend". See I can give advice to myself bcoz i know the diffrece between from right to wrong. Then why i continue to torture myself?
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hurttomanytimes says:Posted: 10 Nov 08
He says I mean the world to him. He said the reason he cheated before bcoz he never thought we could ever get married bcoz i am an Asian and he is black. After being with him for more than 6 yrs and taking him back after he cheated on me which was more than 6 times (yeah i m really blind in love that there is no cure) i introduced him to my mother and thinking that now he met here and now he see that there is a future together he wont cheat on me...boy was i wrong. I caught him again talking to another lady. The funny thing is that this is how it starts just talking then being with them for two weeks then he gets bored (that's wat i think but he tells me that he will die if he loses me..Watever) and leaves them and sweet talk his way in by spoiling me all over. Now that it happened again i begged him to let me go and promise me never to contact me ever again. He says, "she is just a friend and has a boyfriend and knows about me." ha! That’s a laugh he tells me this every time i catch him. Well this is not the problem. The problem is last time two years ago when i left him and got engaged to another guy (about whom i told him about when he tried to contact me to get back) he showed up at my place and when i didn't let him in and told him that my fiancé was over he broke all of my house windows out of anger. And he got in trouble with the law. So you wonder how i went back to him. Well my engagement didn't work out and that guy was very controlling and wanted me to marry him right away and when i asked for some time he went crazy and contact my 6 times removed boyfriend and called my mom and told her i was with a black man before and the best thing for her to do is marry me to him. And called me at work at threaten me to hurt me physically. ...and me stupid scared from that contact my 6 times removed boyfriend and he comfort me and somehow came back in my life. He broke off his engagement and apologized that he will never do anything to hurt me. Oh well so much for that...he just did the seventh time. I know he is going to contact me again like other times and spoil me. My question is why i m so stupid to fall for it every time. Will i ever be able to say goodbye to him in my life time? What is wrong with me? I know he keeps doing it? Why he wants me back? He knows that i love and care about him a lot. Funny as it may sound he is my 1st true love and i still can do anything for him. And when he is with me he treats me like a princes and I treat him like a king. Even his friend tells me how much he loves me. So!!! Why he keeps cheating on me? Why do I keep taking him back? Why I love him with all my heart and soul? Why I lie to my family and tell them he is very good man? I ll be the most stupid woman in the world if i marry him after knowing him this well? I am afraid i will end up marrying him and be miserable for rest of my life? Background on his life: divorcee, after divorce got involve with a gal he really loved she cheated on him many times. So he told me she messed his head up he doesn't trust any woman. But he needs to stop bcoz i am not her. my Background: divorcee, was arrange married, he is the 1st real boyfriend i ever had. He is the only man i ever will love. Any other man i get involve with i don't care abt them that much. What is my problem? I hope i don't through myself in the fire when i am aware that i will not have long term happiness with the "6 times removed boyfriend". See I can give advice to myself bcoz i know from right to wrong. Then why i continue to torture myself?
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tatted2death says:Posted: 08 Nov 08In my book there is NO excuse for cheating.......if you're not happy; SPEAK UP dayummit!!!....and if the other person still refuses to work with you....MOVE THE HAIL ON!!!!... It's just as simple as that. No need to complicate things with all the finger pointing. Just "don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya".....lol.
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shestheone says:Posted: 08 Nov 08
I don't know if i neccessarily agree.. i know i was always "there" in every sense for my exes who've strayed. Those that have cheated have wanted me back.. begging etc. and i have given them another chance (see how i say "them", yes it's happened more than once) for them only to go and do it again. Silly me for giving them a second chance? Not really, i never go back after that but i know that i've done all i could. I sooo don't get it. Why? Why do they do it and really regret it after? Ego? That's what i've put it down to from experience..
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