Whether or How to disclose an STI when dating online

Posted by James, 18 Oct 11

STI Dating OnlineEven at the best of times, dating can be pretty complicated. Now, imagine what it can be like when you have an incurable sexually transmitted infection (STI). Facing the humiliation, people’s ignorance and rejection can be quite oppressing for sufferers trying to penetrate the dating arena, no matter how positively they may want to live their lives.

We are living in an era where people come clean about so many things on their online dating profiles; sexual orientation being the big reveal at the moment. I came across a few profiles of individuals who had declared openly that they are HIV positive – no photos though – but I guess that is understandable. But I am thinking, when you come across a profile “Hi, I am a very hot and loving woman who has been living with Herpes for 4 years now………..” See those dots after that sentence? I bet that is what most of us see after the mention of “Herpes”.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

When you leave it for a few weeks then maybe reveal it, most prospective mates become faced with the trust issues and RUN!!! They feel they were being led on. When you let it scream on your profile or reveal this during the initial contact, a big chunk will walk away. I guess that is why we have dating sites designed for singles living with STIs. So here, you freely list the condition you have along with your eye color and hobbies.

Well, one health adviser told her patient after meeting a new guy she liked: "Just say to him, 'I have HIV,' and don't add anything. He'll either deal with it or run away. He might need time to think about it."

So it got me thinking, are there more of us who have STIs on the site but choose to withhold this information because of the stigma that still surrounds these infections? When should one disclose this when dating online and how? Should such personal health status be listed on our profiles?

9 responses to "Whether or How to disclose an STI when dating online"

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  1. Posted: 22 Oct 12

    you should put an option on the profiles where one can disclose what he/she is suffering from. Its easier to write than to say.

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  2. Posted: 09 Nov 11

    Eireland I respect your openness, and I hope that it brings you equal disclosure from the people you meet but I've never heard a woman or man disclose their imperfections upon hello. So kudos to you for breaking the mold. May more of us be as honest and accepting of ourselves as you are.

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  3. Posted: 01 Nov 11

    I don't know...I think this should be treated like any other scenario where you disclose as needed. I wouldn't introduce myself like that to someone on the street or in person. We don't say hi my name is and I have...why should it be done on-line? If that's the case then people in recovery should too and those living with mental health issues too and people with cancer and high blood pressure or diabetes. As a culture we are so quick to judge and think that we should be in control of everything. I don't want to know everything up front...that's overwhelming and ddiscouraging considering there's something wrong with all of us..I'd rather know if you're a control freak and are going to jump me once I say I love you and when nobody is looking.

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    • Eireland says:
      Posted: 01 Nov 11

      You make good points. I've done it both ways. I guess it's personal preference.

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  4.   soreal1 says:
    Posted: 24 Oct 11

    i beleive that no one should pay for other's mistakes, means :if u've been lied too before don't think that all people on the site are lying being in a relationship is more about accepting each other

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  5.   Reese says:
    Posted: 24 Oct 11

    I think honest is always the best policy in everything. You don't have to worry about being found out.

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  6. Posted: 21 Oct 11

    All This is about being real. When I read about people who disclose their status, this is very encouraging. I urge people to be real disclosing one's health status is very inspiring! There are people wvery kind that they would even nurture someone even if he were HIV positive, provided that person he or she disclosed it from the begining. The same thing would apply for someone to put pixs on their profiles which are ten years younger than their current age! Friends let us be real the question is "how can you be real in an unreal world?". Be sincere to yourself and to others then life will move on. God bless everyone who has had the good heart of disclosing the ailments. God bless you.

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  7.   Eireland says:
    Posted: 20 Oct 11

    I have herpes and decided to just be upfront about it and put it on my profile. I may chase away a few people but I have confidence the one I am searching for will see through to the real me. There are a 1000 reasons to not click with someone, herpes is just one of them. I have to tell you though, the first time I put the hsv 2 status publicly on my profile it was such a weight off my shoulders. Such an awakening moment. My original fear was that someone I know might see it. I am at the point in my life where I have enough self confidence and comfort to not care what others think. It's a wonderful feeling.

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    • intrigue13 says:
      Posted: 23 Nov 11

      Thank you Eireland! You're my hero...I wish everyone was as confidant and open as you. I recently dated someone who didn't tell me about is herpes status until after a couple of dates. Although we were not intimate, it eventually created a wedge between us because the way he told me was not straightforward. If he had been upfront I'm sure my interest in him would not have waned, but because I judge people on their actions I considered his actions rather shoddy for being indirect about his status.

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