Where do women of other races find good Black men?

Posted by James, 14 Oct 10

black men interracial datingSo many reasons have been cited to explain why quite a number of Black women are single or dating outside their race. Some say it’s because men like to feel needed and important in a relationship and its very hard for a Black man to do that with a powerful woman by his side.

R&B star, Dawn Richard (pictured) had this to say...

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

“…it’s sad because we as women—especially women of color—don’t really have a great example of a black man anymore. And, I don’t even want to say that because I don’t want people to think that I don’t believe in it. But, in the generations that are coming up, men aren’t what they need to be, and it’s sad. That’s why you see more and more black women single or dating outside of their race. It sucks because I don’t think we really want to, but it’s the reality of our black men not stepping up to the plate.”

Just like Dawn, some women believe there are very few good Black men left. Dawn thinks Black men are “not stepping up to the plate”. Others say: good Black men have been taken by women of other races.

So where do these women find these good Black men? And if there are very few of them; based on the high number of interracial relationships between Black men and women of other races, does this mean non-Black women choose to JUST settle for the ‘not-so-good’ Black men?

110 responses to "Where do women of other races find good Black men? "

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  1.   shydude74 says:
    Posted: 02 May 12

    anywhere they please

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  2.   scandiblond says:
    Posted: 09 Dec 11

    As a white woman i had so far not been lucky with this online dating. 3 times i have let myself to let my guards down. I been lied, cheated and scammed too, all these with 3 different guys..makes me wonder if the 4th will have all of those above...LOL Now i know what to look for and where/what the signs are. I am not giving up on finding a good honest blk man, he is somewhere out there. So still searching...There is a good blk man for me out there.

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  3. Posted: 05 Aug 11

    The are good black men everywhere but of course if you are a good black man, your not gonna get laid. Simple as that. If it wasn't for the possibility of men having sex with women, men wouldn't even bother talking to women. What, you really think men endure your S**T because you're such a brilliant conversationalist and awesome companion? Most women have it easy cause sex comes pretty easy to females. I'm not coming from a position of strength. I'm coming from a position of weakness. At least I recognise this fact instead of burying it under self-deluding machismo. Men have to put so much effort to get laid or get a girlfriend, going from one girl to the next, suffering rejection after rejection, hoping, wishing that this girl does not blow you out like all the others and even if she does she won't give a S**T about it in doing so. Then (Praise the Lord) you may actually strike lucky. So therefore you passed all the relevant tests. 1) The looks test. 2) The job test. 3) The clothes test. 4) The area where you live test. 5) The car test. All the while she thinks she does not have to do nothing to prove herself to you. Her ultra high,arrogant opinion hereself will make her think that she does not have to. Women don't approach men. They want to current system were a man must go cap in hand to a woman asking for favours, while she is free to reject him with no more hesitation than brushing away a street beggar. Women have all the power. They decide. They choose. They select the men to go out with. They accept and keep the gifts. They decide when sorry, if they'll sleep with you. And who is it that demands equal rights ? Why do guys have to jump through unnecessary hoops to get laid? Then you wonder why there are so many rapists ? And what's with the way girls talk to guys who are too skinny, too short, or too fat, too ugly, not rich ? They do nothing to earn the friendship of these men yet assume it immediately because in some superficial way they feel superior. I JUST CAN'T GET OVER HOW SUPERFICIALITY BLEEDS INTO EVEN THE MOST MUNDANE DAY-TO-DAY CONDUCT WOMEN HAVE WITH MEN. More women need to look at themselves in the mirror and come to grips with reality. 1) You are not special. 2) You are not gorgeous. 3) You are not brilliant. 4) You are not sophisticated. Most will never do anything special or influential in their entire lives !!! I'm also sick and tired of how picky women are. What gives them the right ? And why should anyone take pity or have sympthay for a woman who is cheated on by her b/f, or beaten by him, or hurt in some seemingly injust way? Shouldn;t she have screened him more carefully in NON-superficial matters to the same degree she did to ensure he was the right height, had the right look, and had the right body or car or style ,job ? If you're going to be so picky in one way, what excuse do you have to not ensure he's respectful, sweet, and decent and honest ? I admit some guys are conniving, but maybe if you paid the same degree of attention to character as you did to money, status, looks you might learn something. Anyway, I really had to get that rant off my chest. I am so pissed off at how arrogant girls and how f**king low my standards have sunk over the years, and still with nothing. Like I'm so f**king worthless, it drives me crazy. Four years ago I attempted suicide came pretty close to dying but didn't, then never tried again. I wish there was some way to encapsulate pain and make a weapon out of it. So you could track down all the people who rejected you and who were f**king lucky you even spoke to them, but because of some delusional society ingrained idea of them being special, they simply brushed you off like an ant, and you could just fire that weapon on them and all that intensified humiliation and self-degradation could just beam right into their soul and stay there and it would take years or a f**king lifetime for that injury to heal over. I've also learned another thing. To the guys - NEVER EVER LOWER YOUR STANDARDS. Ugly girls are just as snooty and arrogant as good looking ones. You may as well get rejected by a decent looking girl, because there is really nothing like asking out a girl you'd have to close your eyes to F**K and hearing she doesn't have time for you. When girls say "Maybe you should go for a plain girl" or "Ugly girl"..... don't listen to them !! Stop listening to whatever they have to say !! Walk away !! Because they're F**king LYING !! IT'S NOT TRUE !! UGLY GIRLS ARE NOT LESS PICKY !!!!!!!!!! Misogynists are not born they are made. Hating women is the only thing I have left to do. I'm too good to respond with violence or anything so trite and barbaric. I'm above it and beyond it. I AM A BETTER MAN. I am a MISOGYNIST. I declare it, not proudly, but without shame. I refuse to accept the shame that women have tried to place upon me. I am a MISOGYNIST, without apology to anyone. I'm a MISOGYNIST, from now until women show themselves worthy of something better than hatred. I am a MISOGYNIST from now until the day I die.

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  4.   Veneno2717 says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 11

    As a romance artist and serial dater I can say this, women, whether black, white, blue, yellow or green cry out for the REAL man regardless of race but are never sure what they really asked for. Many so called "GOOD Men" have come into their lives only to have these women date them temporarily or reject them altogether. So when she asks for the real man, chances are it's horse sh!t. I am the gentleman @sshole and they come breaking down my door, wait for me at work, my parking lot and catch a tizzy if when I dont call or text them back. I have gone on about 8 dates here in the last month and the stories these women tell me are amazing. Guys, there is no shame in pick up. Learn from the greats and follow their advice regardless of who crazy it may seem, the stuff works.

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  5. Posted: 02 Aug 11

    Speaking as a blkman, I love all ladies. I must say all white woman. I loved did love me more and deeply. Than the blk woman less loud talking, less ghetto none scence. A white woman will have her man back, blk woman will have own.Awhite don't. Mine trying new sexual things, blk woman will always ask why and accuse you of already trying with someone else. I love thelove that white ladies give me with wanting something for loving me so good. Now there faithful and nonfaithful in all race of a woman and men. I do know when a woman does care what other people do or think about how much love she show me that is a faithful woman and that is the woman I need to love forever and ever.

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  6.   bamboo58 says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 11

    "Women in general believe they have men all figured out. They know men in and out, and therefore, therse is nothing else left for them to learn about men." Since the beginning of time, women seem to dominate and own the conversation surrounding relationships and men don't really have nothing important to say. Men can never seem to make any sense to women in anything they try to to say. In face of any relationship conversation, women always use the emotional tearing strategy to shut men up from saying anything and the next thing you hear is that these women start using their famous statements such as: "all men are dogs, men think with their d!cks, and men are afraid of commitments." Men have no place in the conversation. Men have been listening to women and put up with all kind of nonsense with women since the beginning of time, and it is time that women start listening to what men really have to say, and to what they are saying. Black women, for example, need to stop being so angry, so materialistic, so shallow, so argumentative, so confrontational, so unsupportive, etc.. this kind of attitude doesn't make black women look strong and powerful, but rather a pest, ghetto with no class. Black women have this atitude that no black man can measure up to their expectations because a black man can never make enough money to take care of them, no black man can be educated enough, black men can never drive a luxury car to their satisfation, and the list just goes on. Furthermore, in my life time, I have never heard black women say anything nice, good, and uplifting about black men, period. Black men are the only group of people in this world being on a constant "mode" of proving themselves to the world and to the society, but even worse to their black women and households. And yet, everyone is asking why there are so many black men in jails. Who could live under such of stress and pressure where support is nonexistent? Black women need to realize there is more in this world than just their hair care, finger nails, toe nails, and their bills. Maybe and just maybe, if black women could take a deep breath for a minute and realize that black males, too, have the same needs as they do, and start treating black males with the outmust respect, affection, compassion, and understanding, everybody would see a big turn around in the relationship landscape. Hey, all of you black women out there, understand that black males don't care about your power, your indepence, you this and your that. All black males want from you is to be their women on every level, give them your emotional support system, spend time with them, and nurture them, and be their aspiration. And please people, stop bringing slavery and oppression into the relationship conversation because if there is any supreme truth to it then there is no reason for all of this complaining and whining. Let's just say "it is what it is" and leave it as such. Interracial relationship is here to stay , it's growing, and that is the reality. Get use to it!

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    • Reese says:
      Posted: 22 Dec 11

      I disagree. Black women are always being asked to justify themselves. You are very one sided if you think black men are the only ones being constantly made to prove themselves. Black men need to respect black women as well. If you don't see how the fact that alot of black men in prison and not doing the right thing inpact the dating world and think it is all the black woman. I think you are the one with the problem. Black women want what every other women want. Think about what black women go though compared to other races of women. But black men don't understand that their is a cause and affect. You complain about not being supported and being stereotyped and then turn around and do the same thing. Black men are more angry, more ghetto and much less supportive. We are the only race that women take care of the kids alone 70% of the time and where 30% of our men are in jail, prison or on probation.

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  7.   onetreehill says:
    Posted: 07 Jun 11

    What is a good black man?? What is a good white man?? What makes him good or bad is not about his race. I think women of other races don't have to look for the black man, because he will find her. In my experience, most black males look for light, bright, or almost white females anyway. Therefore, if they want "high yellow" of course they will seek out the other races. So, I say to women of other races, hang tight, he will find U! I hope this doesn't sound rude, but it is true in my experience with black men.

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  8.   Hodda says:
    Posted: 19 May 11

    Actually, We don't hangout too much, we're too busy taking care of our priorities and building and setting up future plans for our children to carry on our legacy. May catch us in a grocery store every now and then, because we do like to eat. lol At the mall, shopping, we do like to look good. At a NBA , NFL, MBA, Concert, or comedy event. We live just like everybody else. The conversation about black men and black women, goes a lot deeper than many care to realize. But the truth is we don't know each other and assume we do. No 2 men or 2 women are the same, period!! Many minds have been poisoned and infected with what we feel is the truth. This has been building for as long as our ancestors existed. From the Willie Lynch Syndrome mindset, in which I can tell most of you have no clue about. Research it and educate yourself. That's only way those interested in the truth can learn the truth. Black men and women don't know a thing about each other, except what our past has taught us, nothing more, nothing less. And that's all we will ever know about each other until we take the time to get to know each other. Black mothers STOP being bitter and allow these fathers who want to be fathers a chance. Black Fathers STOP using the kids to ease into the bedroom, or whatever negative motive you have intended, and stay active in your sons and daughters lives. Black women forget what you think you know, and get to know your Black man. Black man forget what you think you know and get to know your Black women. Patterns are hard to break, but that's the only way this Relationship epidemic will be fixed. Let your mind die, and be reborn.

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  9.   lovemaking says:
    Posted: 15 May 11

    Church's chicken or the liquor store. Oh wait you said GOOD black men. Hmmmmm, you got me. I have no clue where we hang out at!

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  10.   justsaying says:
    Posted: 20 Mar 11

    There are decent black men every where all over the world. I am single by choice and not because of bad experiences with black men or any man. If there are so many single black women, then it's their own fault, and maybe they need to sit back and look at their own self, and ask themselves, if they were a black man would they approach and want to settle down with themselves? Anyway it's black woman that are raising these men, so yea can't blame everything on black men. The girl in the article is in the entertainment industry, so she can't complain when she is more than likely partying, sleeping around and doing other things that black men are doing also. I highly doubt it's a black man's fault black women are so single.

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    • pmich says:
      Posted: 08 May 11

      justsaying: I'm about to prove how ignorant you are. Surveys and statistics have shown that in numbers, there are many more black women per black man that if every black man married there will still be single black women. Therefore, for the single black women that are left, how is this their fault? You should think and hear the news before you speak.

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  11.   cuffhill says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 11

    the one thing ticks me off are the demonstrations over some criminal getting shot by the police.yes everyone was scared of him but now he is dead some reverend comes forward saying how great a dad he was lol no wonder none of our black leaders have any credibility nor do they dear live in these so call black communities.Which I call crime centers tell me one black town that ios not dangerous meaning we love each other so much we kill and robb our neighbors. That crook jesse jackson or that pimp Al Sharpton neither have any credibility Barack proves that the clor of the president has nothing to do with us being lazy lol.I use to work for a co. in Indiana they would hire these guys pay them 12hr out of jail but as soon as there probation was up they would quit lol one left one friday afternoon went to rob a bank as his pay was not enough.all this is the white mans fault.

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    • pmich says:
      Posted: 08 May 11

      Cufhill: I've read with what you said and I agree with a lot of it, not all though. However, I am suspecting that you are a foreigner, African perhaps? Well, I respect foreigners because they demonstrate work ethic when they come to the U.S. and do what they have to do to support their families, they don't rely on women to take care of them, they get their education and have family values. Maybe you should teach your American-born black brothers a thing or two? The thing that gets me is alot of American born blacks talk about foreigners and jealous of them because they get ahead and accomplish in one year what he American born black man have yet to accomplish. I always thought that if I was to marry black, it would have to be a foreigner for the qualities i want in a husband, they possess. American black men have lost their way and I continue to pray that they one day will step to the plate..I may not see it in this generation..but as long as it happens in the next genration hopefully because I have a young daughter of that generation. I have made it known to her that it is acceptable in this family to date and marry outside of her race. I agree with you, I get tired of black men complaining about their circumstances...while they couldve gotten their education like many black women do. I also acknowledge that there are some bad seeds on both sides (men and women) but one we have not learned to communicate and listen to each other, and for this reason (and more), I've given up my idea of a black husband. I am very open, even prefer, a husband outside of the African American black male species. Thank you and take care,

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  12.   cuffhill says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 11

    Barack Obama can do nothing for afro Americans he is just a guy with a job. they need to get one too think of there economy.He is very wealthy why should care about you.All sitting down waiting on government programs.buying cars and housing they cannot afford are we children why is everything someone elses fault.my company is hiring but what no one is qualified to do the work .every time i see a black guy he ask me do i have to go to school for that i say yes he hiss his teeth.want to go to a factory punch a clock and collect a check for showing up

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  13.   cuffhill says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 11

    lots of black men are marrying white women because they are kinder and gentler in other words they do not have to work.his meal ticket just tell her nice things and treat her right.with the black woman he has to work no what he tells her.whites has always have it materially while blacks has not therefore the behaviour display by both women towards material things.If black men pull un there pants comb there hair and act less angry they will get along.An interesting observation while in trade school at 36yrs I saw guys my age and very older walking arround in the hallways like they did in high school most of them were sent there by the state with tax payer dollar.

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  14.   cuffhill says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 11

    then they join the unemployment line complaining of not getting ahead with what?some go to college to do some lazy degree like psychology okay what job will you get with that we have to be practical certain feilds race does not matter if i have a business and i need two people to work being black I will more than likely choose a black guy but think of it this way i live in georgia I would rather higher a guy from my community than a guy from California there is a name for all those reasons it is call prejudice everyone is.The women are bitter because they make bad decision and continue to by being attracted to criminals talking about swag.An interesting obsertvation it seems blacks and whites takes drug equally but the black does not work the white guy do

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  15.   cuffhill says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 11

    we say not combing our hair is acting black all the Africans I know comb there hair none of them came here with dreads .which is a Jamaican thing that holywood promotes now everyone things it is acting black.Afro Americans are a joke I see people come here from everywhere else black people behave right and go right pass them in there section 13 house.slavery end long ago.we were never slaves the Arabs enslaves us and still have black women in slavery in Saidi Arabia yet no one complains why because they are not white.black men are not interested in school they graduate with low GPA then they go to community college which is extended high school.

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  16.   cuffhill says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 11

    well from my observation I hear black men complaining of not getting the opportuinities.I wonder what that means.Most black men that complain of being treated on fairly has never really have contact with white people.they grew up in black communities and never leave.we as blacks are not creating opportunities for ourselves we are blaiming everyone else for our failures and our black intelectuals love to grab these complain and navigate the various cable news channels as championing the cause of blacks when all they are doing with there meaningless life is pimping them.our behaviour is our problem we do not own jobs but we demand one we do not even want to comb our hair .

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  17.   Oppsattract says:
    Posted: 06 Feb 11

    Well, I thought I would respond to the forum's topic. (1) Non-black women find a plethora of Black men in their formative years pursuing a baccalaurate degree, or master's degree. (2) Some find a Black man in corporate America (where corporate black women never seem to see us). (3) Some find Black men in professional organizations; for those Black men who are Economist, Medical doctors, Engineers, and Mathematicians, it is highly unlikely to meet a black woman who are also members of the respective organization. (4) Some find Black men through interracial dating sites, especially in municipalities with a plethora of white women relative to the number of available Black men. Of course, since black women typically think there are no good Black men, it's easy for white women to find an available Black man; especially if the white woman is slender, attractive, and professionally/gainfully employed (or successfully self-employed).

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    • pmich says:
      Posted: 08 May 11

      OopsAttract: The bottom line is that black men do not value black women to the same extent as other races. You apply different criteria to both races of women, there are plenty of black women who are slender, attractive, professionally employed and can't find good black men and why do you think this is the case? Well the very first reason, is very FEW exist, especially in comparison to the number of black women available. The second reason is the few have been conditioned to think that other races of women are superior to black women and overlook black women who possess those characteristics you stated above for other races of women, who sometimes lack the above characteristics all for the sake of having a non-black woman. There is something intrinsically ingrained in the minds of black men who have chosen to hate themselves because when they turn bitter to black women they are turning bitter to their mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins, sisters, etc.

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  18.   OhGoody says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 11

    Brothers, please listen up. For years you've thrown white women in our faces. We've stood back and watched you treat them like queens and us like the last thing on the totem pole. A black man gets a white woman and does things for them that they would never dream of doing for a sista. Funny thing is, even when you get your white woman, you still want to come and be with a sista on the side. It's true, most of our young black women are into thugs. Did you ever think that it's because a lot of fathers don't set an example of what a good black man is? If you want them to respect black men then you have to show them something to respect, like a man who works hard, brings home his paycheck to support his wife/woman and kids. A man who knows how to step up to the plate and get it done when problems arise. A lot of black men I know talk plenty of trash about their manhood and how they can hold it down--as long as they're talking about some bull***. But when something serious comes up, they look at the woman and ask "what you gonna do?" Not what am I gonna do or what are WE gonna do. Everything falls on the woman's back. We have to raise our kids alone because the man is out in the streets. We have to take care of the house, hold down a job, and handle everything by ourselves. I decided a long time ago that if I had to do it by myself, then I would be by myself. I don't need anyone breathing in my face at night who can't do his part in the day. Even a lot of men who are working take their money to other women and let his home go lacking. Oppsattractn are cheap or perpetually broke. Let me tell you, it's hard to be otherwise when you have to pay all the bills and feed and clothes your kids all by yourself. We like nice clothes. We like having money to spend on ourselves to look good. We like having nice whips and homes just like other women. But WE have always put our kids and men before our selves. We're not bitter, brothas. We're tired. Tired of handling everything by ourselves while you leave us with the 2 Bs--babies and bills. Watching our successful, educated black men take it to white women has been a hard pill to swallow, but guess what. We have gotten over it. Because the minute your white woman's back is turned, or when she takes you for everything you've got, y'all want to come running back to the sistas. That's why black men have tried to shame black women out of dating white men for such a long time. Y'all want to have your cake and eat it too. Y'all want to keep us in reserve "just in case." Just to be clear, it doesn't bother me to see black men with white women, but it does bother me to see them treat white women so much better than they would ever think of treating us. Well, the cat's out of the bag. Black women have crossed the color line and we are not going back. We are going to date white men and any other race of men that we want to. If you don't like it then tough. We're playing your game, baby, and we're doing it so much better than you could ever hope to. Say it's because the white man has more money than you do. Say it's because he has more power than you do. Say it's because the white man is "holding the po ole brothas down." Say whatever helps you sleep at night, but YOU showed us how to do it and we're doing it WELL. P.S. If black men think that white women don't dog them out after she has dated a few of them, then they're crazy. You should hear what they say about you behind your backs! Nothing but love for you, brothas. Deuces.

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    • sgjaxon says:
      Posted: 02 Mar 11

      So it's now our fault that you chose the wrong man? Thats what I am getting out of most of this, your saying we don't step up... but you choose men that are clearly not likely to step up. You go for the man that already has 3 kids by 3 different women hoping your going to be different, then cry when nothing good comes of it. I would prefer a black women, but good luck to me trying to find one who does not have blanket views about all black men, or any kids of there own. Your forcing us to go after white women...

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    • pmich says:
      Posted: 08 May 11

      I will NEVER allow any man to use me as a woman on the side, regardless of race. For generations and up to now, the black man has devalued and disrespected the black woman. From the posts on this site, it appears nothing has changed. DATE OUTSIDE of your race and leave these losers alone!

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    • pmich says:
      Posted: 08 May 11

      "Say its because the white man has more money than you do. Say its because he has more power than you do. Say its because the white man is holding the po ole brothas down. Say whatever helps you sleep at night, but YOU showed us how to do it and were doing it WELL." WOW!

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  19.   kissime says:
    Posted: 08 Jan 11

    We all have our stories & songs

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  20.   Oppsattract says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 11

    I agree with every black woman who claims that there are no good black men; a state-of-mind I have witnessed in black women since my pre-teens. I also agree with colleagues of "non-Black" women who believe I fit the mold of a "good man" (i.e. childless, drug-free, disease-free, absence of felony record, degreed, gainfully employed, live independently, genteel, reserved, sociable, professional bearing). A few other traits I notice that differentiate Non-black women from black women: 1) Non-Black women focus on a concrete idea of a "good man" without regard to race. 2) Non-black women don't start off with "there are no good men", but instead, "where are the good men?" 3) Non-black women seek equals; black women say they can do bad by themselves because they want someone doing better than themselves. 4) Non-black women are far less argumentative; black women stupidly equate the idea of "being argumentative" with "challenging their man". 5) Non-black women will buy a round of drinks for the fellas; black women think that they should never have to buy drinks when there are fellas around (otherwise, why be around guys?)

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  21.   kissime says:
    Posted: 26 Dec 10

    himone, I don't think women of African descent brings the trouble of past relationship into her future relationship with the men of African descent-- but wont with that man of another race. Nor do I think it's fair to generalize a race of women. I've met many women of Non-African descent with poisoned minds. As much as I'd like to believe people's private lives are always calm-to insinuate such negativity base on race is rediculous. Such statement only gives power to the negative statements regarding men of African descent. People have emotions. And unfortunately, some have not gotten over pain from previous relationships prior to moving on with another. So why do you think it's appropriate to ask me such a revolting question?

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    • Oppsattract says:
      Posted: 13 Jan 11

      You're absolutely right that no one should generalize a race of women; but what h*ll, I'M HUMAN. As a human, I form opinions based on knowledge and experience; in the same manner that single black women are resigned to the myth that there are no good Black men. I say it is a myth because those same black women whine about white women taking all of the good Black men (if there are no good Black men, what is there to whine about in the first place?).

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      • kissime says:
        Posted: 14 Jan 11

        Oppsattract , You have all of the right to form opinions base on your knowledge and experience. I really think you should try to keep your mind open because, as a black woman, I do not, nor have I ever resigned to the myth (personally, I have never heard of such a myth until I started reading this blog) that there are no good black men. I'm sure it's because of my environment . My family just never spoke this way. As I've written, I exist because of a good black man, my dear father, a man of great character. I understand your point of view--because I am reading a little of your experience. And I also understand the many women's point of views because of the same. However, as I've written, I know it is not righteous to generalize all races because of ones experiences...but I understand. I understand the pain & anger or just plain turned off. Romantically, I prefer a white man, I have a strong attraction to them. But I know & respect all men. My ex husband and I did not get along. We loved each other but my decision to leave the marriage was for my sanity and our son's well being. But, I have never spoken negatively about his father. He is a great father...& we get along well now. But our past should never interfere our son's life-because he is & always will be his father. I understand to speak badly of the man who has given him life would be to speak badly of my son, because after all, he is part me & part his father. But I have witness many who are so disgusted with their lives that they do not understand the injury they are constantly inflicting on their children when the speak badly of the father or mother of their children. It's just unfortunate...and the cycle continues. We need to understand in order to be understood. What we are subjected to is not always right. But we need to try to understand and take responsibility and make our lives better and free our minds. It's not fair that all of your pre-teens you were subjected to black women bashing black men. You have to try to understand their pain and the wrong decision they made to act so inappropriately especially in front of a child. Try to understand that these women were bittered for a reason--they were hurt and only knew what they'd been thought...and the cycle continues. I am not justifying their behaviors, I'm just trying to understand them. Growing up my mother never hugged me or my sisters. It was hard for us because we were used to our paternal grandmother who loved and hugged us all day. We were her life...she treated us like little angels. But when she died our mother never showed us that love. As I got older we found out her mother gave her up and she never knew how to hold & love (the way we knew) We knew she only showed love by working hard and providing. We learned to understand her. I hug & kiss my son & my sisters constantly. And we hug & kiss and respect our other family members constantly. We love each other unconditionally. But my mother is who she is, she's distance, but funny as hell. She makes us laugh (intentionality or unintentionally) I'm not trying to be a therapist. I'm just old enough and observant enough to understand...and the cycle continues.

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        • Oppsattract says:
          Posted: 17 Jan 11

          @Kissime & All At least you acknowledge my right to form an opinion based on my "knowledge and experience"; that's a good start. As far as an open mind that contradicts knowledge and experiences, I suggest that you voice such perspective to black women first. In Essence Mag., Susan Taylor wrote articles telling black women to stop driving Black men away, but it fell on death ears. In spite of continued verbal abuse and degradation, which can be seen in this forum, black women stupidly complain about being rejected, and to some degree, reviled by Black men. Rather than tell Black men to look past the black women's embitterment and stupidity in choosing A-Holes, black women should be telling other black women to take responsibility for their stupidity in the men they've chosen; black women should be socializing black girls to have a positive opinion of Black men, and taught how to choose a "good" Black man, rather than a thug. In other words, black women need to realize their view of Black men has "everything to do" with the choices they made in the men chosen, and the socialization by their mothers and peers. As long as the average black woman degrades Black men with verbiage comparable to what white rascists say about Black People, black women will deserve to be just as reviled.

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          • kissime says:
            Posted: 17 Jan 11

            Oppsattract , I have written my perspective regarding black men to all. The black men I have been around are nothing like the ones being humiliated. I have yet to meet a black man who does not take care of his children. The many women that I've known to degrade the father of their children have been of different races (black men included), but it has never been about his race. I can not write what I have yet to experience when it comes to something so grand and hurtful. I think black women or any race of women should not assume negatively of all base on their experiences...an open mind is definitely needed. However, the anger they possess, I do not. As I've written, I have never heard of the "all black men are no good" myth until recently. The black men I have dated in the past are all married to black women. I'm not trying to disagree with your point of views nor am I challenging you. They are yours for a reason. I replied to a question asked and you commented. So this is my point of view on the subject. I also think men should not degrade women as well. The cycle will continue, unfortunately, if some black women & some black men continues insulting each other because of their pain. Any men who continues humiliating black women or any race of women base on experiences is no different from the embittered black women.

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  22.   himone says:
    Posted: 24 Dec 10

    I am appalled at dawn's comment first of all. she is probably still upset with the break up she had with Q on making the band 3. i wonder is she bitter from that break up and now she is dating donnie (the caucasian guy)from the same show. so this shows me that here is another woman who cant mantain a healthy relationship so she going to blame it all on men of african decent. secondly i find it hard to believe that women of african decent cant find a man of african decent out here in this world. there is plenty around but as being a african man decent who is looking for a woman of african decent i always get into relationship that is based off troubled and tormented past relationship. being tired of the arguing, fighting and bickering i start dating outside of my race. i know it is wrong but a little bit of peace is better than none at all. i step out but i eventually come back to find myself in the same perdictament which i dont like one bit. i really just want to find some kind of comfort with women of african decent without all the mess. so why do women of other races find good black men? from my situation i think the women of the other races grow from their relationship and leave the past relationship in the past. while the women of african decent bring the past relationship into her future relationship with the men of african decent but wont with that man of another race. am i right kissime? so yes some woman of another races are going to find sucess in the find a good man of african decent for they not trying to bring the old mess into a new relationship. so to the 72 percent of women of african decent there is no wonder why. but i would say to you grow up and stop going after the same typical guys that is portrayed as the pimp, player, gangster and thug. it might be what you see as manly if there was not a man in your childhood or in your life to show you right from wrong. so if the woman of another race find good men i think you ladies need to start talking to them so you can follow suit.

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    • Oppsattract says:
      Posted: 07 Jan 11

      Dawn Richard's comments should not appall any Black man. They are indicative of many black women. So why give a damn? This is an interracial dating site. Ignore such commonplace stupidity from a "b-l-i-m-b-o" (i.e. black bimbo). Black man! Let a "Non-black woman" find the very thing that black women repeatedly claim do not exist, A GOOD BLACK MAN. And when a blimbo confronts you on why you're dating a "non-Black woman", respond that she saw a good man in me, while black women do not; AND JUST MOVE ON...

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  23.   Datalley says:
    Posted: 22 Dec 10

    I appreciate your comments Kimmie75. At least ALL black men are not being put down here. I keep myself open to all races. It is true that there are a variety of issues in the black community but I will not just lump everyone into the same bucket. There are good black men good black women out here. Just because I have had some bad experiences does not mean I give up on a particular race. I hear complaints from both blacks, Hispanics, Asians and whites concerning the issues with dating. We all have our problems when it comes to dating. I have had problems on both sides of dating. I have been open to date all races and if you are not compatible than you are just not compatible, regardless of race. I am not willing to accept shallow, gold digging, insecure women or someone who comes to the table with less but wanting what you have. This has nothing to do with race. I just know what I want and don't want. I want a relationship that is a partnership. I know that I am a giver so therefore I need a kind, caring person who is equal.. Point is, I have met certain types of people who are willing to take and take some more regardless of race. People will treat you how you allow them to treat you. Furthermore, Some people need to also start checking themselves because it may be you and not always the other person. Switching and dating other races is great and keeps your options open. It can also be a preference of who you are attracted to or fall in love with. However, switching races does not resolve problems that already exist. Be Happy with yourself before trying to find a mate and this may open up a world of possibilities. Me....I'm still waiting for that special person.

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  24.   Kimmie75 says:
    Posted: 22 Dec 10

    I read every post before issuing my personal opinion and I respect everyone's point of view. The title of this blog caught my eye, but the subject matter wasn't what I thought it would be based on the title. After reading the title again, I see that "Where Do Women of Other Races Find Good Black Men?" means that women of other races have no problem finding good black men, so why can't a black woman find a good black man? I've had girlfriends who share that belief, but speaking from a white woman's point of view, I don't believe it's easier on us. I've found that there are many good black men out there. My problem has been finding the one that is right for me. I know it seems like it's hard to find a good man of any race. My preference just happens to be black men. I know y'all are out there...that's why I'm on this site in the first place. I haven't given up hope by any means. I'm a Christian woman and refuse to go to a club and meet some thug who can't put 2 sentences together. I know exactly what his agenda is and it doesn't even come close to mine. I continue to pray and I truly believe that God will send me a man that meets my needs as well as being worthy of the unconditional love and support I have in my heart just waiting for that special man. I've been called naive and idealistic by a girlfriend, but I call it faith. I've heard women of color comment about the lack of acceptable black men out there. I've heard black men espress that they are being pigeon holed and judged by how they dress, talk and carry themselves. Everyone has their own definition of swagger....to me, it's just the way some men carry themselves. Good swagger is when it simply means a sense of confidence (not cockiness) that can't be explained or duplicated. All of your concerns are valid and I thank you for opening up enough to express them. I've always been facinated by other points of view. Keep the faith, ladies of all shades!!

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    • Oppsattract says:
      Posted: 17 Jan 11

      @Kissime and ALL Interesting point made by @Kimmie75: "Ive found that there are many good black men out there. My problem has been finding the one that is right for me." Now how does this contrast from the typical viewpoint of the AVERAGE black women? According to the average black woman "there are no good black men!" Now how are Black men suppose to "prefer" or "desire" or even "respect" black women in the face of such contrast? ANSWER: WE DON'T!!!

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  25.   viator1 says:
    Posted: 27 Nov 10

    In closing, I think its just great that more and more people feel empowered to date who they are attracted to regardless of race.

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  26.   viator1 says:
    Posted: 27 Nov 10

    You know it's interesting. I've read many of the comments black women herein have made andI can't help but think some this isn't so very racially divided. I have heard many women of other ethnicities, inclding white, say many of the same things about man, divorce, and child rearing. The unfortunate fact in America is, not many men step up at all, regardless of race. How many dead-beat fathers or non-participating fathers are other there? How many single mothers, whose only crime was trusting that the marriage would last and that their sacrifices would be repaid. Perhaps in the next life In short, we all need to step it up a bit.

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  27.   viator1 says:
    Posted: 27 Nov 10

    its sad because we as womenespecially women of colordont really have a great example of a black man anymore. ...8<... Thats why you see more and more black women single or dating outside of their race. It sucks because I dont think we really want to, but its the reality of our black men not stepping up to the plate. This statement iscovertly racist. I don't even think the person realises that there is absolutly nothing wrong with dating ourside your race. If a skinhead said that it isn't right to date outside the white race, would that be any less racist? A little, as the guy is a hater and this girl probably doesn't really realise what she said. As a white male, i can't help but take issue with the notion that we are somehow the second choice. There's an old line from a wonderful film called simply: romantic comedy and it goes like this: "I want my love affair to be a blue ribbon affair". I think we all feel that wayand the idea (above) even in part, that somehow you should feel guilt for dating ourside your race, is in of fact racist.

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    • kissime says:
      Posted: 27 Nov 10

      viator1 , You're never second choice, sexy ;)

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    • OhGoody says:
      Posted: 29 Jan 11

      @ viator1 Don't believe the hype. You're definitely NOT second choice!

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  28.   jahsymeon says:
    Posted: 19 Nov 10

    @KISSME: NO NEED TO WISH ME GOOD LUCK SUGA BUT THANK YOU ANYWAY :), AS FOR ME BEING WHO I AM, CONSTANTLY I'M GETTING ATTENTION JUST BY ME BEING A MELLOW COO RELAXED GUY ALSO QUIET AND VERY AWARE OF MY SURROUNDINGS. BUT AT THE SAMETIME I'M NOT THIRSTY FOR LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS, OR JUST ANY FEMALE THAT ASSUME THAT ME AS A BRUTHA THINKS THAT EVERY FEMALE WANTS ME!!! BUT I CAN SAY THAT IN THE PROCESS I HAVE NOTICED SOME DIFFERENT ETHNICITY OF WOMEN LIKE TO HANG AROUND SISTAZ"HOPING TO GET AQUAINTED WITH HER BROTHER, HOMEBOIZ, ETC THAT'S OF COURSE BLACK! WHAT I REALLY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IS THAT ALOT OF SISTAZ GO OUT THEIR WAY TO FEED DIFFERENT ETHNICITY OF WOMEN NEGATIVE FALSE FACTS ABOUT US SUCH AS: HE'S LAZY DON'T WANT TO WORK, HE HAS MANY DIFFERENT KIDS WITH DIFFERENT WOMEN BUT DON'T TAKE CARE OF NONE OF THEM, HE'S ABUSIVE, WANTING TO SALE DRUGS ALL DAY AND COME HOME TO SMOKE WEED ETC. ALL OF THESE EXAMPLES ARE FALSE WHEN STATING THIS ABOUT ALL"BLACKMEN"BUT IT'S QUITE CLEAR THAT IT'S STATED TO KEEP A GOOD DIFFERENT ETHNICITY OF A WOMAN AWAY FROM A BRUTHA TO KEEP HIM FROM BEING HAPPY, BUT IN THE PROCESS WANTING US TO BE MISERABLE JUST LIKE HER SO IT WONT APPEAR LIKE"HOW IS IT THAT A BRUTHA CAN GET A GOOD WOMAN OF DIFFERENT ETHNICITY BUT ICAN'T WITH A MAN FROM A DIFFERENT ETHNICITY!!!! MY POINT IS! IT'S JUST NOT THE RACIST MEN IN THE DIFFERENT ETHNICITY OF A WOMAN FAMILY ETC, IT'S ALSO THAT ANGRY SELFISH SISTA THAT PUT US IN THAT NEGATIVE LIGHT WHEN WORKING OR GOING TO SCHOOL ETC WITH THAT FEMALE OF A DIFFERENT RACE!!! SOME OF YOU SISTAZ NEED TO CUT THAT OUT... FOR REAL!!!! AND THAT BEING STATED, WHOEVER DISAGREE WITH MY TRUE FACTS, WHY WONT YOU NOT BE A COWARD AND PUT IT OUT THERE ON THE OPEN THAT YOU GAVE ME A THUMBS DOWN, THAT GOES EVEN FOR THE ONES THAT GIVE ME A THUMBS UP! LET IT BE KNOWN THAT'S WHAT WOULD MAKE THIS DISCUSSION EVEN MORE INTERESTING....

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    • chocolate09 says:
      Posted: 23 Nov 10

      You are worried about a thumbs down??!! ROTF...dude get a life!

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    • chocolate09 says:
      Posted: 23 Nov 10

      There are also plenty of black men who bash black women to get with other races of women, but of course, you defend them. What makes you think that we should take you seriously, jahsymeon? You tell black women not to bash black men, but you will never stop a black men from bashing black women, so please stop with the hypocrisy.

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    • chocolate09 says:
      Posted: 23 Nov 10

      And another thing. Some black men also go out of their way to give false facts about black women to non-black men who are interested. Some of you are some serious blockers as well, and you know it. That is another example of you being a hypocrite.

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  29.   kissime says:
    Posted: 16 Nov 10

    Good luck to you, jahsymeon. We all know you're a black man-only the blind wouldn't notice. It's apparent. You certainly have the right to speak up. This is not a debate. Move forward.

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  30.   jahsymeon says:
    Posted: 16 Nov 10

    RE: By you not giving"BLACKMEN"a chance that does mean you have some kind of anger or hate towards us bruthaz. Automatically your knocking us just even the thought of being a couple, not at all saying I want to be with you. But you not willing to give""BLACKMEN"a chance!!! Actually, I think it's extremely interesting that alot of different ethnicity women are willing to be cut off from family and friends due to wanting to be happy with a"BLACKMAN". Alot of different ethnicity of women show alot more interest in wanting to be with a brutha compared to sistaz!(FROM MY EXPERIENCE OUTHERE IN CALIFORNIA)So getting to know me as a person sincerly, I'm very pleased with that!!! As for being small minded, are you saying that racism towards"AFRICAN AMERICANS"especially towards"BLACKMEN"doesn't exist??? From are music, movies, sports, dancing not to mention when we're out in public we're watched by many. Not at all saying that everybody has their eyes on us just staring, but we're the center of attention instantly being targeted. Now does me being aware of what's going around me make me a small minded person? hmm, I don't ever tend to ignore things like some people that are weak and small minded when a matter is only obvious. By you saying that"I'M QUICK TO ATTACK"I don't think I have to bring to everyones attention who that reminds you of saying that about a"BLACKMAN" It was similar to saying"I'M A VICIOUS ANGRY ANIMAL READY TO ATTACK ON SITE"etc smh. And to set the record straight I havn't judged anybody off of false accusations. What I have done is spoken true facts from my experiences. So to put me out there like i'm just dumb ignorant also insecure and paranoid also reminds me of someone quick to put down a"BLACKMAN"even though my facts are so accurate and detailed that you just can't stand it so your job is to put a false assumption on a brutha!!! I remember the movie clueless being about a spoiled white girl with a wealthy father, also attending a majority all white school with 3"AFRICAN AMERICAN"friends. Now what does clueless have to do with anything??? I never once said all white women anything. I speak on many different ethnicity of women not just white. And as for being portrayed as a thug, I don't mind! I just hope they aren't as stupid to assume and not wanting to know me, but hope the're willing to find out for themselves personally what i'm about. The question should be: Are you practicing what you preach??? So far you havn't made any logical accurate points about my posts except me speaking on how many women down talk what men do, but they are cowards not wanting to admit what they've done in the process of being with different guys, and for some reason all of them were'nt good men"ACCORDING TO THIS SELFISH SELF CENTERED FEMALE" Ms. Im Delusional hahaha lol smh, the so called badboys are what alot of females love, so don't sit up there and judge them because their getting what females are giving them, and the females are leaving the goodboys out. By the way it's all kinds of professional women that are multi millionaires that are extremely attracted to badboys rock stars, porn stars, etc. And these females are very smart! education wise.. So your analysis is once again false. I have the rite to speak up, just in case you hav'nt noticed I am a"BLACKMAN" So when anyone talk down on me and my bruthaz you better believe I'll be there to speak up loud and clear, and i'll look forward seeing you there talking similar like"YOU KNOW WHO"against a brutha since that seems to be your job 24/7.

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  31.   HANK1956 says:
    Posted: 14 Nov 10

    LET ME SAY THIS AS A BLACK MAN,MAN AND PERSON EVENTUALLY MOST WOMEN IN THIS SOCIETY WHETHER YOU ARE BLACK WHITE,ASIAN,LATINO,YELLOW,BROWN OR RED WILL NOT BE ABLE TO FIND A GOOD MAN IF THIS SOCIETY CONTINUES TO CRUMBLE.THIS SOCIETY IS CRUMBLEING BY DESIGN. FIRST THEY DESTROYED THE BLACK FAMILY SO THEY COULD GET THEIR FOOT IN THE DOOR. NOW ALL RACES OF FAMILIES WILL BE DESTROYED BY THE DESTROYERS OF SOCIETY. IF YOU WANT TO DESTROY A NATION YOU START WILL THE LEAST AMONG US; THEN YOU GO FOR THE BIG PRIZE.

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  32.   kissime says:
    Posted: 12 Nov 10

    jahsymeon, I don't think all black men are dogs. And you're certainly not hated by me. I'm sure you deserve love not base on curiosity/experiment. So you should not settle for that from any race. Unless you're just experimenting as well, and don't mind. I also know small minded people talk about small things/hate. I know for a fact you are not the topic of the day from other races or ethnicities. Believe it or not, intelligent people have better things to do than talk or obsess over what black people or any other race are doing. Don't be so self-absorbed, better yet, solipsist for all of the wrong reasons. From reading your comments--I sense a lot of insecurities & paranoia. And those feelings have made you quick to attack. You end up judging people negatively, the thing you fear being done to you--you're doing. It's not right. You're creating scripts (as if from movies you've watched) Your behavior is delusional. You're portraying white women almost as an all white cast of the movie 'CLUELESS' I'm sure that is not appreciated-just as you do not appreciate being portrayed as a thug. You're absolutely right, there are women that will not admit their faults and what they've done previously. She may have contributed to his ill behavior towards her. And that's good to point that out to make people think of somethings they may be able to change to their benefit. Are you practicing what you preach, jahsymeon? "bad boys" are underdeveloped men. And underdeveloped girls are attracted to them. You should know you are the ideal man for the ideal woman you desire. Once you truly understand this you will feel no need to be so defensive. Try not speaking badly of other races, your race, of women of any color. Try being positive & have a little faith; doing so will help you become at ease. Free your mind of the clutter. Fyi; at the age of 8, my grandmother observed while I cooked my first meal by myself. It was stewed chicken simmered in mild- spicy sauce with rice & pigeon peas with unsweetened-coconut milk, sweet fried plantain & salad. And I watch with pleasure as my family ate & commented on how delicious it was.

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  33.   jahsymeon says:
    Posted: 12 Nov 10

    "WHERE DO WOMEN OF OTHER RACES FIND GOOD BLACKMEN" The answer to that is, us bruthaz are everywhere!!!! The thing is, women of other ethnicities put more sincere interest in us bruthaz when we are in school, and or at work and other places where we're taking care of business like any man would do to better his self for financial stability. True fact is alot of women of other ethnicities that havn't lived around or grew up also went to school with AFRICAN AMERICANS, alot have been taught negative things about us bruthaz by their grandfathers, fathers, brothers, and even male friends. The negative advise they've been given is, always keep away from AFRICAN AMERICANS especially "BLACKMEN". So what that does to the women of different ethnicities is, they become very curious of us bruthaz. The smart ones would already know and ask themselves, why are the men in my family etc hating on "BLACKMEN"when none of them ever lived around me or my family to do anything to us? (MY POINT IS) The money they've saved up from working and what their fathers give them for allowance on their credit/debit cards, they wind up taking action of the plans they've had for quite sometime to move out of that hateful boring house and town they grew up in, then wind up in a mixed neighborhood to attend school to further there education, where it's plenty of AFRICAN AMERICANS mainly "BLACKMEN". Being around us they finally see that what they been taught about us and what's been said was all false due to actually seeing how intelligent alot of us bruthaz are. So when in class etc they show so much interest "speaking from experience", they grow to have much love and want the best for us because they know we're hated by many. So where do women of other races find good"BLACKMEN"we're everywhere except communities where we're not welcomed. The thing is the women have to get to know us instead of believing what people tell them about "BLACKMEN" and find out for themselves personally. Now the flip side of my true observation from experience is, you have the gold digging, selfish, self centered, cold hearted, lying, deceiving type of females that really aren't looking for good men period. These are the ones that want a badboi over a gentleman. But what I don't understand is that when being involved with the badboi and he dawgs you out for so long and you females put up with it then he finally leaves you, then you all want to say all"BLACKMEN"are dawgs and not the ideal man smmfh. But their not woman enough to admit their faults and what they did previously, Like: I gave him so much drama that he just got fed up with me and just left me. Also, maybe i'm the problem as far as making everything about me and not the man that make sure i'm satisfied all the time!!!! Just like what my brutha "CONACHE stated, These are all true facts that alot of women don't admit about themselves.. "TRUE FACT"women will tell you "WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW"also"WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR"to keep you spending money, but they will not I repeat"WILL NOT"tell you"WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THEM" why? Reason being if they tell you about their scandalous ways, they'll automatically run us off and of course they'll be lonely. So their going to keep playing the game of lying and deceiving that good man. And what really gets me is how are so many women going to demand and assume we owe them so much when they can't cook, and their mentality are based on fiction fairy tales off of these bs movies and these unreal books they be reading.. By me stating that I know i'll get plenty of thumbs down from the BLACKWOMEN and WHITEMEN lmao This topic should be"WHERE CAN GOOD BLACKMEN FIND GOOD WOMEN THAT ARE DRAMA FREE AND KNOW HOW TO COOK..

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  34.   2uicum says:
    Posted: 11 Nov 10

    Let go back into history and in the the years of bondage. What woman did the owners use for their enjoyment. what woman did the owner take right from in front of her man an had babies with. What women's man could not do anything about it. What woman's man just had to deal with some other men just taken his woman anytime he want her. What women are put in positions that is a punch in the face to man and his well being. Have we thought about the length of time that this has been going on. Growing up in a rural area, I saw something happen that you would not believe. I know of one family who mother had three children by another man of a different color, we all belong to the human race just different shade of colors, we all know where the motherland is. The three children all are very light in color, and both parent are dark complexion. When we learn to think well of ourselves and learn to love one another and have respect for each other we will be better people. Remember you came from kings and queens. Remember it take hard work for relationship to work and once we get over ourselves we would do great. It is not alway about you. Happy days are coming

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  35.   Conache says:
    Posted: 10 Nov 10

    Greetings.. I'm sorry I thought the name of the forum was 'Where do women of other races find good black men?' All I've read so far was another attempt of black women, some to play victims and yet again blame the black males for the most part their own self induced circumstances. More importantly then anything else, what leads the way to yet hear another fairy tale is the lack of pride, and again that lack of self love. We are the only people I know that love too air out dirty laundry, this time on the world stage for everyone to see!!! Gee thanks, I'm feeling the love! 'Oh someone please come and help me, I'm strong black woman, and I can't find a strong black man because they're all brutes, locked up, gay etc' Same old saying just a different decade. You would think with all the strength these strong black women profess to have, they would find a way to make a relationship work with their male counter parts. Atlas, that is not the case, and here we are still talking about the same thing, just different times!!! In the times when A brother has become President of this Great Country, with a black woman at his side no less!!! And still the same fodder is asked, what's wrong with the black men? Where are all the good black men? blah, blah, blah. Well apparently I think these black women and many like them are asking the wrong question(s). If they really want happiness, and if they are real with themselves, and want a black male in their life, or 'stepping up to the plate' as it been crudely stated. Then they should be asking other questions for example:, What's wrong with me, am I coming off unrealistically to this brother? Do I have the temperament to see this brother as a whole individual? Why can't I seem to make it work with brothers? Why can't I seem to find the correct Brother for me? (the last question is the most import one in my mind) It might seem a bit harsh, and to some it probably is. However the questions, above will for the most part will generated positive results, if asked honestly and action take to rectify any issue if any. The plus side beside learning oneself is the potential to grow!!!!! How long will we go on, downing one side of people, for the success of the other side of the group? When it takes both parties to make an assertive effort! Don't mean to vent, but I'm been hearing this from sisters, and the seeing some if not most of these same sisters (not the ones on this site) do some idiotic things, that sabotage their own happiness and relationships with good brothers! Good luck to ya. - c

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    • pmich says:
      Posted: 08 May 11

      "You would think with all the strength these strong black women profess to have, they would find a way to make a relationship work with their male counter parts." "How long will we go on, downing one side of people, for the success of the other side of the group? When it takes both parties to make an assertive effort!" Conache: Your above statements are contradictory. In the first statement, you are putting all the responsbility of a relationship to work on one person (the woman) and the second statemetn you affirm that it takes two to make a relationship work. Both statemetns can't be true. Regarding the first statement, NO MATTER HOW SUCCESSFUL OR PROFESSIONAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS SOMEONE HAS MADE, THEY CAN'T CONTROL THE ACTIONS OF ANTOTHER PERSON. THEY ARE NOT GOD! With that said, a woman can't make a relationship work if the other party doesn't want it to work. It takes two people. Thus, the responsibility of a failed relationship doesn't rely entirely on the woman.

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  36.   ASAP20 says:
    Posted: 09 Nov 10

    The problem is that people won't let a black man be a black man. Where our own breed and we need no sympathy. All we need is the opportunity to be look at as being the smart, Strong, outgoing personalities that we are. The biggest struggle we have is the stereotypes people measure every black man by. No 2 people are the same but I'm constantly judged for what the other black guy did. Give me the chance and that's it; your 2 Cents you can keep.

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  37.   bamabelle says:
    Posted: 09 Nov 10

    I met a young lady the other day (she dated my cousin) and she disclosed to me that she only dates black men. She is 35 and single as can be. She is a pretty white girl (competes in figure competitions) is working on a doctorate degree, has a good government job, and no childrennow if she cant find a good black man, who the hell will! Truth is I dont encounter many black men in my day to day activities. Sure I work with a few and they are of course off limits. I have tried to put myself in place as many black male friends have recommended but I havent found the right places to be to attract the black man that I desire. Where are these placescertainly not clubs or bars???

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  38.   sgwjackson says:
    Posted: 06 Nov 10

    I have found it the hardest thing in the world to find a black woman my age, that simply likes me. They all expect too much (or too little?), even though I have accomplished so much in a short time. They don't want the man that finished college with a bachelors at the age of 21. They don't want somebody who can string 3 sentences together with out using some kind of slang term. They don't even want a man who has held a job since he was 16, and stands on his own two feet with no outside help other than God. They want the Lil Waynes, the Ludacris's, the 50 Cent's, they want the black men who "get paid", or "ballers". So why even try to appeal to these women, when all they are about is material things it seems. We can't blame them, seeing as the ONLY roll model they have for a strong black man are the ones that get painted on the main screen; which are rappers and sports players. When you have literally nothing to fall back on but these it's hard not to see why they think this way, till they become wiser and realize these are in fact fail individuals to look up to.

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  39.   Bevelicious says:
    Posted: 03 Nov 10

    THERE ARE NO GOOD BLACK MEN ON EARTH PERIOD ! IF THERE NOT ALREADY MARRIED OR IN THE GRAVEYARD ! LMAO

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    • Godfather454 says:
      Posted: 04 Nov 10

      No my friend, we're here...and I wish you were a little older or I was a little younger. Especially since we're 96 miles apart. :-)

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      • kissime says:
        Posted: 05 Nov 10

        All of the men in my family are great! They're responsible, educated, intelligent, loving, respectful. They're hard working providers. They're involved fathers and faithful husbands. They know the value of family. They're loyal, humble. And they are all BLACK MEN.

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  40.   edna says:
    Posted: 25 Oct 10

    @Athony2012 point of correction i am from Nigeria But Obama is half Kenya.

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  41. Posted: 25 Oct 10

    I guess i'm the only white woman, having something to say about this here... Every black man i have asked why they "prefer" dating a white woman instead of a black woman had mostly the same answer: Some black woman are acting bossy, claiming, rude, dramatic and beeing always so god damn loud. Honestly, i am white but i do have all these properties as well!!! So i don't really see the diffrents... Now, what i'm trying to say is, that the black man is slowly realizing, that we white woman know their game now, too. And i'm speaking now for all woman black or white: All what we really want and need from a man is first of all, start acting like a man and be a MAN! Don't expect us to be the MAN! Support us if we need to, hold us in your strong arms after a long day at work, and make us feel the number one for you. Then you will see how easy it is to live with a nice woman black or white. Respect us and we will give it back to you! Cause we are all tired of hearing big words and nothing behind it!!! In my case i felt disappointed from both races white or black men as well. I just hope even after all i've been through, that i will still find my match someday, just like we all hope and wish. And seriosly, i don't care then if he is black or white, he just have to be my number one!

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    • kissime says:
      Posted: 27 Oct 10

      trueblueeyez, well put. Your response is greatly appreciated. After all, this question I can not answer. However, I and many of my friends (of all races) have been saying the same thing. All we want is all that you've written from the men we want to fall deeply in love with.

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      • trueblueeyez says:
        Posted: 08 Nov 10

        Kissime, thanks for your response. I'm sure you do understand me very well. What can i say, we all been though it, am i right? Take care of you girl. And if you would not live so far away i woul love to meet you & have a good & nice confersation with a cup of coffee with you. I'm sure we girls would have a lot to tell each other. God bless you!

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        • kissime says:
          Posted: 09 Nov 10

          trueblueeyez, We certainly would have a lot to tell each other-while laughing ;) Laughter is one of the best medicine & a BLUNT! (so I've heard) Tee-Hee-Hee

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    • Godfather454 says:
      Posted: 27 Oct 10

      My friend I don't intend to disagree with you in understanding that many times a "preference" usually relates to "wishful thinking"; However, I would like to throw a slight slant on your comments. "The reciprocity factor." Your comments describe a one-sided scenario that doesn't seem to consistently work simply because men are afraid of commitment, and women are afraid to sacrifice. Case in point..."start acting like a man", "don't expect us to be the man". But a good woman should be someone a man can consider greater than himself. His pride comes from knowing his woman is there to pick him up if he ever falls. Wouldn't you agree? "Support us if we need to, hold us in your strong arms after a long day at work, and make us feel the number one for you." But your man has to know what he's coming home to my friend. Ms. Bossy, rude, and drama Queens just won't do... You see, he's got to know that he's coming home to a sanctuary, and if love is present then he'll come running... Reciprocity, not "get to give" will work my friend.... Its hard to buy into a relationship expectation when you're always reaching for that carrot. Feel me....

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      • kissime says:
        Posted: 29 Oct 10

        Godfather454, I agree. Reciprocity is an essential requirement for a healthy relationship. I'm not sure exactly to whom you're referring. But I'm not offended at all because I know of my conspicuous positive character traits. *Yes-A Diamond is Forever *Diamonds are definitely Not this girl's best friend * I can afford my own Diamond * I Have Diamonds * If Diamonds were my focus I would be in a relationship. And as far as carrots, eating them won't give a nearsighted person 20/20 vision. But they are rich in beta-carotene, which the body converts to vitamin A -- a crucial nutrient for maintaining proper eyesight. So, thanks grandma for making me eat my carrots 'till I learned to love them. ...So, no, I personally definitely do not Feel you As documented on my profile: ?*Who Is My Perfect Match*? ~CALM & BALANCED~ My perfect match is someone who is encouraging, friendly and genuine. He is a peacemaker. He want to make sure that the people around him are well taken care of and appreciated. He is very interested in how I'm feeling. He is very in tune with his emotions, seeks balance in his life and feels happiest when things around him are calm. He leads with his heart and his head- ?so my ability to be well-grounded and level-headed will make us the perfect team. He will always accept me for who I am, never demanding more and will love me passionately and fully. The top traits he is looking for in a mate are: sensitivity, ambition (he realize that it is important and admires me for it) and stability.

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      • trueblueeyez says:
        Posted: 08 Nov 10

        Dear Godfather454, I was actually telling about my own story and how my last relationship was. I do know, that not every MAN black or white is the same. I just have let out what i had in my last relationship with a black man. But i do stand up for every word i sayed! And you should really not take it personaly. I believe that i never gave any man in my life that kind of feeling, that i would not respect him or not believe in him. But if the man start to get lazy because he is depending everything on the woman, then i have to say: sorry i just can't be nice anymore! Cause thats the time where we woman have to pull the break. Thats all! Take care of yourself, and maybe you are one of the good men in this world!

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    • Oppsattract says:
      Posted: 09 Jan 11

      Okay! Let me add some additional items to your list of what Black men say about black women: 1) Self-centered. 2) Unjustifiably self-righteous. 3) Either cheap or perpetually broke. 4) Are incapable of true and lasting happiness; can experience momentary joy when a man is spending money on her. 5) Whine about everything & everyone causing their dilemma w/o any consideration of their own actions (e.g. will blame the man for getting them pregnant, w/o blaming self for CONSENTING to lay with that man; 6) Repeatedly make poor decisions in the men they choose, but take no responsibility for making poor decisions. (Life hint: If you keep choosing the same kind of negative men, THEN YOU SHOULD LOOK WITHIN TO UNDERSTAND THE STUPIDITY OF REPEATING THE SAME MISTAKES.) Only recently have I even entertained the idea of dating white women; so I do not have as much experience on the trials and tribulations that are to come. So far, my major pet peeve with white women is that fatties choose Black men due to some asinine stereotype that we "prefer" fatties; it fact, "some" brohs are just tolerant of fatties because the average black woman is fat (or thick or whatever euphemism is desired). On average, a Black man will always choose a Beyonce over a Monique (except in the Carolinas, where Black men seem to prefer Moniques over Beyonces).

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    • pmich says:
      Posted: 08 May 11

      Trueblueeyez: VERY WELL SAID! I APPLAUD YOU! I think that some black men think white women are pushovers and they can get away with more..but you for one..I know that's not the case. You're speaking the truth..the simple truth! You're something to be reckon with! You go girl!

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  42.   eq says:
    Posted: 23 Oct 10

    In my experiences with Black Women, I have to agree with AnyOneForFun. Today, it seems love and structure IS boring to some black women. If the black man DOES NOT have an EDGE or SWAGGER then she seems to lose interest quickly...The more attractive the black woman is, the HIGHER her standards seem to be.. However, as she ages and her choices weren't wise (i.e. kids from different fathers, sagging skin, stretch marks, wrinkles, cellulite, etc.), then the standards seem to drop somewhat. Lastly, the REAL MAN quality. Well we men want REAL WOMEN as well. I'm NOT attracted to WEAVES, COLOR CONTACTS etc. If I bring REALNESS to the table, I expect the same...

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  43.   rarestgold says:
    Posted: 23 Oct 10

    I'm looking for a black man who can be my equal - someone who can hold a conversation, has a college education and has got himself together. Now I have found them, they just had no interest in me. Unless you count the homeless Black guy who follows me to the train station everyday. Maybe my standards are too high (lol). I was even told by a Black man that with my interest (the things I like to do) I need to be with a White man. I was floored and insulted. At one point I finally decided to stop fighting it (dating White men) because they were the ones who were also my equals but, were also interested in me.

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  44. Posted: 21 Oct 10

    When you talk about swagger..how come so many black women give in to the little thugs from the street that are all talk and nothing to show? Its like good black men, who you probably are not going to find at the liquor store around the corner, are categorized with these "all swagger no action" black men. There are a lot of good black women out here, who for the life of it I cannot understand why they seem to think "thug" attitude is cool. If a black man comes across as easy-going, nice, quiet, it seems like he is looked upon as weak or something. There are some great black men out here who are looking for some great black women. The chances of it happening are far and few. Its gotten to the point where good black men just do not even want to put the time in to make a relationship work with a sista'. Its almost like, and I may be wrong for saying this, but when I go to an interracial date site, I hardly pay any attention to the black women there. I am wondering now, from this title, that a lot of black men like myself are doing the exact same thing. We do not know what you want from us!

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  45.   bengus says:
    Posted: 21 Oct 10

    To me its very fortunate me to be on this site and i hope i can find my own wife no matter what anybody can say.....good luck.

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  46.   gjones66216 says:
    Posted: 20 Oct 10

    Oh yeah, I grew up in NYC, lived in NE DC in the mid-60s and a couple of southern Virginia cities. I attribute my 'swagger' to a mother and aunt who loved me, taught me and wouldn't accept anything less than me doing my best. I loved my father dearly but I learned more of what NOT to do from him than the best ways to be a man. When you are ready to learn, your teachers will appear.

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  47.   gjones66216 says:
    Posted: 20 Oct 10

    Swagger is NOT about the bedroom. Swagger is about how one carries one's self. It IS physical, but it reaches more senses than just visual. It is not the car with all the bells and whistles, nor is it the bling that is still sitting on your ex' credit card statement. Most of us that bring swagger to the board room can hold it down in the bedroom too, but we bring it to our wives and partners over lunch, at a Broadway musical, chasing our kids up and down soccer fields, or just watching our budding American Idols perform. Swagger is a state of mind, of being and if you have it, you do not have to brag about it.

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  48.   Mayo45 says:
    Posted: 20 Oct 10

    I have not always been this way. Growing up in SE Washington, DC I was introduce to a lifestyle that was common with young blackmales. I was one who fell into the social ills of our disfunctinal community, that I did not ask to be born in. Even as an adult it took time and God to remove those ills from my spirit. Now I'm free of the behavior but not the image painted by society. At times because of the way I walk, talk, or dress I'm still judged by those who really don't know how much God has changed me. Most of the people who judge me, live a lie, won't admit their current shortcomings, when the worst of mine are behind me. The true answer lie in the person with the question. Its whats deep down within your spirit of what you really FEEL about what you are asking. Their are more good blackmen out here than you believe. We just refuse to be conformed to this image of what this society say we should look like. I'm not bragging, just letting readers know that I'm single with no stray kids, a homeowner, a business owner and a heart for God. A real man will stand up and be the man that God said he should be, not that of a man being controlled by this world, some class of people, or a women who's trying to get him to be the man that they think he should be. So in closing I encourage all readers, especially Black women to be more open minded about us. We are truly made to be great. Sometimes on the way to grandmothers house things happen, but as proven by going through slavery, ghettos and other issues that was not always our doing to the White house and beyond, we are always still capable with God's help to make a 4th quarter comeback, Thanks for reading :)

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  49.   Mayo45 says:
    Posted: 20 Oct 10

    Being a Blackmale I believe I can offer a very good answer to this question just as anyone else. Also I don't agree with the way that this site completely block comments, like what was done to (anthony2012). Maybe they should sensor not completly remove. I think one problem is we are compared to this "leave it to beaver" "father knows best" image of a man in this society. I personally am a man of God whom has been blessed with a heart for God and a desire to be Whole, Happy, Joyous and Free. I don't drink, smoke, chase women nor do I squander the earnings God has allow me to have. My credit score is great, I do community work and I respect everyone I come in contact with.

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    • Anthony2012, says:
      Posted: 20 Oct 10

      Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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      • Mayo45 says:
        Posted: 20 Oct 10

        No problem my brother, keep your head up, stay focus on your God given abilities, ignore negativity and continue to be the Man God designed to be.

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  50.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 18 Oct 10

    excuse the typos that should be bafoon, rushing to respond before I leave for work.

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