When your spouse goes AWOL
Does your spouse have a habit of disappearing from your relationship when you need them most? Do they spend weekends away, not because they are busy at work, but coz they are out drinking or having fun with friends?
Sometimes you may realize that the last time you two sat and talked was … you-cant-remember. Relationship research says a large percentage of young marriages suffer from spousal absenteeism. They have no idea what sharing a life with someone is. So what leads to this?
Alcohol abuse is one of them. If this is the reason, you need to solve the primary problem first. Rehab is the first solution, if you get them to go that is.
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Poor communication is the other issue. And with poor communication comes poor understanding of spousal needs. Try to improve communication in your marriage at all times. Assess how to communicate with each other; is the level of communication sufficient? Try adopting a style that makes the other party feel understood, loved and appreciated.
Two out of five absentee spouses admit to having an affair and this needs one to commit their time. There are very many reasons behind extra-marital affairs. Before you zero in this as the cause of your spouse’s absenteeism, find out why and seek counseling – if you have it in you to forgive their cheating a**.
Chronic arguments at home makes some people run away just to avoid them. Much as arguments will always be a part of a relationship, how you choose to resolve them is what makes or breaks a marriage. Avoid getting hooked on to the never-ending arguments. Politely request a time out whenever you feel you are getting sucked into such and resume it when you feel balanced enough to handle it.
Overcrowded homes – the relatives – could put your spouse off. When your house is ever present with visitors, the privacy you and your partner require is compromised. Limit the number of people staying over. Better yet, rent a place for them to stay as you try to assist them.
Always remember, your spouse’s absenteeism is a secondary problem rather than a primary one. And in order to effectively minimize the problem, you will have to deal with the reason behind the absenteeism first. Cross your fingers it isn’t an affair coz for me, it will mean complete absence. I don’t forgive cheating spouses … but then again, that’s just me.
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