When Interracial Dating Hits Home!!
"My Son is dating a white girl!!"
"I'm so torn. I've always thought that people should be with who ever they love, no matter what color, religion or regardless of what other people think or say, but..." This is what I heard after I answered a phone call. If it was anyone else I would have to wonder if there was some prejudice in their heart that they just haven't come to grips with. But, we're talking about my oldest dearest friend. Her comments and my reaction was an eye opener for us both.
Find your soulmate on InterracialDatingCentral
Let me start by telling you a little about my friend. She was the one person in high school that everyone knew and liked. Like many schools then and now...the cafeteria was indiscriminately segregated with black students at one table and whites at another. She was the lone little chocolate chip sitting in the middle of the vanilla wafers. While many where out there enjoying the sounds of hip hop and R&B, she would be listening to the Eagles, Barry Manilow and Elton John. She has dated more white guys than black, although she did end up marrying a brother, twice. Even now she lives in a predominately white neighborhood and her children attend a predominately white school. So, tell me why was she surprised and dare I say upset, when her sixteen year old son started...dating a white girl?
After I got over my initial shock and reminded her of ALL the white guys that she dated (by name and physical description...cause that's what good friends do). I asked her if she would feel the same if her teenage daughter were to date or even marry a white guy and her response surprised me. She said "NO"! Huh, why the double standard? Why would her daughter dating a white guy be okay, and her son dating a white girl be so troubling to her?
Well, as a young girl she spent the majority of her childhood in mixed company. However, her parents, grand-parents, aunts, uncles, all of their friends were all in relationships with people of their own race. In fact, she was the first one in her family (that she knew of), that ever dated someone of a different race. She grew up seeing, hearing and feeling the joy and pain of those relationships. When she looks back all she remembers is that "ALL" the men had affairs and outside children, and most of the women were not very happy. It was if they all had "settled".
Somehow, she translated this to if her daughter had more choices she would have a better chance at finding the happiness that eluded her mother's generation. As for her son, honestly, she thinks that he is such an amazing young man, with so many great characteristics like loyalty, honesty, and gratitude. He is such a first-class "young man" that in her eyes; it seems unfair that yet "another" black woman may not have the opportunity to know the love of a strong black man.
It's not that she has a problem with the young lady being white; it's just that she know what it's like to be a young black female and not have AS MANY choices when it comes to dating black men. Immediately I think of the young girls in Africa that were selected to attend Oprah's school, created especially for them. I wonder about how fortunate they all are to receive such an amazing life-changing gift of knowledge, education and opportunity. Then I think about our young black, well educated American women...who will they love? Who will love them?
There is no secret that we have more black men in prison than in college. More are killed than live to retire. My friend wants her daughter to be able to select the best man for her regardless to what color he is. See, I think that sometimes prejudice isn't about hate for another race, but the love of yourself and the deep desire to want the best choices for the people we love...regardless.
The truth of the matter is..."my friend", doesn't really care who her son dates as long as she cares for him and treats him and herself with respect and dignity. She's not expected to "make" him happy, but, add to his happiness. In the big picture, her race isn't important, it's just another aspect of a young relationship that may or may not make it to prom season.
The big eye opener for me was learning that somewhere inside us all is that little boy or girl that's holding on to past feelings, regrets or hopes that if we're not careful, can manifest themselves in unhealthy and unproductive thoughts and actions that we pass on to our children. In my perfect world we would all love each other with no regard to the color of our skin. I just hope that we are around long enough to live there...in my perfect world!
Related Stories
68 responses to "When Interracial Dating Hits Home!!"
Leave a reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
-
-
-
Cocokisses says:Posted: 03 Dec 07I agree Moss...where the heck is Jade74? WE MISS HER!
Reply to this comment -
-
JIB says:Posted: 01 Dec 07I was married to a white woman for nearly 24 years and had three beautiful daughters (aren't all daughters beautiful??? :)). When that marriage ended my awakening began in earnest to the possibilities of an interracial relationship. I met and married a black woman and while that marriage will end soon I will definitely be looking for another black woman. What my 3 oldest white daughters choose is up them. Their happiness is up to them and their mate regardless of his color. I also have 4 adopted black children an 2 black stepsons along with an adopted white son. I have raised these children to judge by character, not by skin color, but I doubt that that will have any impact on who fall in love with or that person's color
Reply to this comment -
Cocokisses says:Posted: 30 Nov 07
Mica, maybe you didn't feel that you deserved anyone other than "a murderer, a heroin addict, a crack head" and so forth. I would like to think that you have not only grown as a woman, but you have found that you are worth way more than that. When you find value in YOURSELF, then you can freely give the same to another. I wish you well in your new relationship. I truly hope you know that you are worth much more than you have given yourself credit for.
Reply to this comment -
Fkoi says:Posted: 30 Nov 07Quite an article. I have a such a Pollyanna view of the world at times. I think that love is love and crosses all kinds of boundaries. It has for me and I forget sometimes about the struggles and the sound reasons that people feel the way they do. My maternal grandfather married a woman of Germanic background (read Not Irish) and to make matters worse she was Lutheran (read Not Catholic). Both of those created quite a bit of a stir on social and religious fronts. On my Mom's side there was a marriage to a Native American and the subsequent offspring were a dirty little secret for generations. I could never get on board with Jews only being interested in other Jews until it was explained to me that the holocaust gave Jewish offspring more emphasis as necessary to keeping that culture alive. And today in our culture, a case could be easily made that "good" young Black men are dying out and a race along with them. My vote doesn't really count as I don't think that I'll be having any more children. My lack of racial, religious and ethnic boundaries in my love life carries over to my children. If my daughter introduced me to a young Black man (or even woman) and said, "Dad, I think this is the one," I'd be much more interested in his prospects and how he treats her and makes her feel than in the color of his skin.
Reply to this comment -
mica says:Posted: 29 Nov 07
this was an eye opening article, but i have 2 say white men r not always the better choice. I am a 30 year old white/hispanic woman & have A LOT of relationships with white men. I've been w/ a murderer, a heroin addict, a crack head, 2 drunks, and many more losers i don't even want 2 get into. Finally I have found a man that takes care of me & my kids, he don't cheat or do drugs he's perfect. I luv him & plan 2 marry him soon he's mixed black & white. After 15 years of dating white men i finally found the kind of man I've been looking 4 outside of my race. I don't see him as black I see him as a strong man I will spend the rest of my life with.
Reply to this comment -
Peachezzz says:Posted: 27 Nov 07I think the article was interesting and had some very good points
Reply to this comment -
Fala says:Posted: 19 Nov 07Hey Jade! Where you been? Check in in chat some time and say hello. We miss you.
Reply to this comment -
-
Member says:Posted: 15 Nov 07
I understand that she wants her son to marry a black woman but ultimatly i think its his choice love has no color and if u love someone it shouldnt matter what color the other person is today there i a lot of racism i delt with it my whole life i dated mostly black men and women hated on me all the time but i have come to realize that it shouldnt matter the color of ur skin and if ur kids date black white or whatever color we all bleed the same and u should let ur kids date whatever race they want no one race is better than another and no one is better than another we should all just love oneanother no matter what my daughter is mixed and she dates white guys my son is mixed and he dates black women but i never taught them that color and love have a name called racism i didnt raise them like that u have to love them and let them find love their way not the way u think because of ur past thank you kimberly
Reply to this comment -
Fala says:Posted: 13 Nov 07
LMAO@Coco - I think a lot of folks on this site forget their meds on daily basis.
Reply to this comment -
-
Jabali says:Posted: 10 Nov 07I think finding love is the toughest thing in the world. So tough, that there are a good number of people who don't even believe it exists. Thus if two people, whether of the same race or not, find each other, that should be a source of joy and not a reason for racial analysis! That's my take.
Reply to this comment -
roman101 says:Posted: 09 Nov 07
Where did these black women get the statistic that says only 1% of black men are good enough? That's prejudice and they are trying to pass it off as a legitimate concern for their sons. I find that the success stories in interracial marriages are of black women finding white men much older than them and the few black men who find interracial partners are much younger than the white woman and the woman are not so gorgeous. The truth is that if you have been disappointed in love you tend to be attracted to older people who seem much kinder and more trustworthy. Is this about race or about age? I think black women in support of this article are merely perpetuating a racial stereotype.
Reply to this comment -
Cocokisses says:Posted: 07 Nov 07
Rachael, talk about a double standard! You might want to re-read what you wrote. I think you forgot your meds that day with that crazy insane rant!
Reply to this comment -
Darklicious says:Posted: 05 Nov 07Very good article and yes it does make every black mother think, as for me being the mother of 2 black males, I consider them to nice boys for some woman one day. I have told my boys to date whomever they want, regardless of the color of their skin because we have to remember that there are terrible black women out there too and I don't want my sons with them. I am willing to accept whatever girl that they choose but at their ages now, 27 and 21, they seem to prefer black females and that's fine too as long as they aren't drama queens. My oldest son is dark skin and when he was in high school the black females said he was too black so I told him to leave them alone and just dtae white so we have to remember that we as black people still have that light skin mess in us and sometimes it's taught to the children so before I let any black female tell my sons that their skin isn't light enough, I prefer that they date white only. The white girls have always prefered my oldest son anyway so whatever. I just wish we didn't really pay as much attention to the skin color but we do and we as blacks have to admit that we are more prejudice against each other than whites are to us.
Reply to this comment -
Sakary says:Posted: 04 Nov 07It's good to talk about this issue, anywhere in the world, even though it is also ages old topic. Not a long time ago I watched again the movie Guess Who's Coming To Dinner. That 1960s' classic is still worth watching and thought-provoking piece of drama to all of those who wonder where the "racial boundaries" (imagined and factual) really are.
Reply to this comment -
Fala says:Posted: 03 Nov 07
Good point Whyt Boy. That story really puts it out there in your face. And the sad thing is, I don't Dog is all that different from most parents or people out there. I think if most were honest they would tell their kids the same thing - the same way.
Reply to this comment -
rachel says:Posted: 02 Nov 07I agree its ok for black women to date white men. but for black men to date white women is just wrong all the way around wrong!!!Black men have plenty of options and could easily say no to white women advances to date. but black women options are very limited when it comes to black men and then when they go around dating white women it narrows even more. Black men who date white women should be ashamed of themselves.
Reply to this comment -
Whyt_b0y says:Posted: 01 Nov 07Talk about it hitting home .yall know that show DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER .well his son felt the hit .it seems dog the booby hunter has a nasty mouth and is a racist .As dog is heard using the N-word several times in a conversation with his son about his sons girlfriend .man i wonder how blacks in hawaii are gonna look at him now . i realize everybody makes mistakes but racism is not a mistake though forgivable if one truly repents and in my opinion is inexcuable in any case, but not repenting so your tv ratings do not fall or to save your job .. if anybody would care to read it ,heres the link to the article entitled 'Dog'Chapman sorry for using N-word. just copy and paste the link into your web browser http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071101/ap_en_tv/bounty_hunter_slur;_ylt=Aq3puEop6XoYzWQrK6LKWhZY24cA
Reply to this comment -
-
leopard07 says:Posted: 30 Oct 07
I agree whole heartedly with this woman having anxieties that are different for both a daughter and a son. I have the very same issues. I dont really want to see good decent honest black men just give up on beautiful gifted black sisters for another race. The problem is black women have hardly and I mean 1% of of black men are a dream come true and that forces us to be open minded and receptive of others, but other races have a choice where we do not. Black men have a choice and its frightening because if only 1% succeed then that means other women are been exposed to those negative cultural problems that black men have. But it dangerous when all women are going after the successful 1% so there is bound to be a scrum. For me I am not prepared to give someone that level of importance because I am important if not more important and others must and should understand that the black man maybe important but if we black women stop producing them them there is no more black men to be had!
Reply to this comment -
Alaru says:Posted: 30 Oct 07
I agree that there is no shortage of men--including black men who overwhelmingly marry and are involved with black women. Limiting ones choices in any regard seems illogical to me. Like a self-imposed restriction.
Reply to this comment -
Ann says:Posted: 29 Oct 07It already has and I'm perfectly happy with my future son in law.
Reply to this comment -
phattkitty says:Posted: 28 Oct 07
Fala, thank u for your advice. I will try it. Wish me luck!
Reply to this comment -
Fala says:Posted: 26 Oct 07
Phattkitty, I think you should ask him. Say just what you've said here. I'm sure these are issues the father has thought about or had to deal with already.
Reply to this comment -
hoganfan says:Posted: 25 Oct 07
If only the world...especially ours in the states...can accept the fact that a man and a woman reguardless of race can be happy...in love...maybe we can all change!
Reply to this comment -
phattkitty says:Posted: 25 Oct 07
I am online dating this wonderful man who has a bi-racial teeenage son and i have seen pics of him. The child is a spitting image of his father,(who is caucacian)just a darker version. I am not sure if he sees his son as a blk male or a bi-racial child. I would like to ask, but can't bring myself to, because i don't want to offend him; or over step my bounderies. He did raise his son alone and i would really think that it would be very hard to say his only child is a "blk male." That would mean no credit to him raising his child and them sharing the same bloodline. That really wouldn't seem fair in anyone's eyes. I would love to get his opinion on being a white parent raising a "blk child" in such a society as ours. If any caucasian men care to give me their personal real life opinion on raising bi-racial/AA sons :specifically, i would be very appreciative.
Reply to this comment -
phattkitty says:Posted: 25 Oct 07
I too found the article very thought provoking. I really never thought of "saving" our black sons for black women. I believe there is no blue print for falling in love. However, most blk women tend to still look for their ideal blk man. Personally, i feel that i have the same right as them to look and date outside my culture and race. I do prefer white men, because i find them very attractive. A co-teacher thinks that I need to give blk men a chance, (I am 15yrs her senior) i have given them a chance; they just didnt do the job. So i decided to move on to something new. Aparently she has not walked in my shoes, so she doesnt know the facts. I stopped defending blk men and their bad behavior a long time ago. I do not intend to live alone for the rest of my years. So...break out, break away, take a chance, you might be pleasantly surprise.
Reply to this comment -
Legs34 says:Posted: 24 Oct 07We have options as black women, its up to us to explore those options. I am so tired of folks saying there is a shortage. I am a black woman who has always had a thing for white men, it had nothing to do with a shortage of black men...I also like hispanic men, and native american men....the options are out there, its up to us to explore them. I agree the article was a heavy hitter...kudos.
Reply to this comment -
-
Cocokisses says:Posted: 24 Oct 07
I have found that blacks are more accepting of interracial relationships involving family members than whites. I guess we are just willing to accept people until they give use reason not to.
Reply to this comment -
clover32 says:Posted: 23 Oct 07
I think the article is good.I am in a interracial marriage and we have a child.I want her to embrace both of her cultures.My sister says she is a black woman but i say she is both.For the simple fact that her father is white.She's pretty young right now but when the day come for her to date Lord let him be a good man no matter what color, because a good man is hard to find.
Reply to this comment -
2ute4u says:Posted: 23 Oct 07
I thought the artilce was well written, while the issue of "Race" is a definite point to one's identity in the U.S., by no means am I trying to discount the creation of Euoro-Americans "othering" black folk, Native Americans or just plain sub- altern peoples...But am I'm glad that I'm from Canada and this is not to say that it doesn't have its problems...but on this end up here, we'd like to see the day this idea of "RACE" dies----It's A HUMAN CONSTRUCTION, THE VERY IDEA OF RACE DOES NOT EXIST IN A BILIOLOGY MODE BECAUSE A PERSON OF COLOUR AND HIS OR/HER WHITE COUNTERPART CAN REPRODUCE AFTER THEIR KIND...BUT SAY A MONKEY THAT THEY SAY IS ONE WHAT--GENE AWAY FROM THE CLOSE RELATIVE OF A HUMAN BEING COULD NOT REPRODUCE AN OFFSPRING ...anyhow, it'd beastiality and this would be sick and perverse ...
Reply to this comment -
Cindie says:Posted: 22 Oct 07VERY THOUGHT PROVOKING! Black women don't have as many "choices" or "options" as Caucuasian women or Asian women.
Reply to this comment -
silvertop says:Posted: 22 Oct 07The article does hit on some valid points. I personally think that tradition hold so many people captive to a bias that is saturated in fear. I have seen a transition in the times, especially, in the deep South. When in Europe interracial couples doesnt appear to have this stigma as in the U.S. Why is that?
Reply to this comment -
Kalista says:Posted: 22 Oct 07
Yes, when you're dating someone with the intention of becoming life partners, you need enough common ground to be able to function in harmony and enough wild and unknown places to find the other person interesting and stimulating. I think it's cross-cultural realationships have a higher risk factor when it comes to 'not being happy', not 'cross racial' in itself, but when either two people's 'common ground' is too small, or thier ability and willingness to adapt is, because they cling too hard to their cultural heritage. The beauty of , ok not 'cross' , 'inter'-racial and cultural ralationships is the bringing together of all the good stuff from each culture and race.... the genes... don't they create beautiful children?! And the food, and the way of speaking, (I'm collecting so many beuatiful ways of expressing things... and recipes, and songs, and those small family traditions) When my last daughter chooses her datees i will hope that she find someone she'll want to dance through life with. If she goes and limits herself, to a colour of skin or a religious group or a mind set, I will be sad for her. Limiting ourselves may feel safe but it also, ultimately , makes us unhappy, doesn't it?
Reply to this comment -
blkbeauty31 says:Posted: 21 Oct 07good article...i used to think my family might not accept me bringing a person home that is not my color, but they have suddenly opened up even more than i have to the idea of dating interracially. in fact, they are the ones telling me that i should consider being open to other ethnicities in order to ensure my likeliness to meet the love of my life ; ).
Reply to this comment -
LoveMyJeans says:Posted: 21 Oct 07
I agree, this is a thought provoking article. What would I do if my sons (don't have a daughter)decided to date and then marry another race?? Well, I will look at her as a person. Is she good for and to my son. If she is white or black, I will love her as my daughter. His happiness and well being is really all that's important to me (and grandbabies!!). Since I date interracially also, I wouldn't dare try to put some kind of guilt trip on them about the few Black male choices there are for Black females. As Black females, we need to broaden our options too. Nowhere (that I can find) is it written that we are bound to only date and marry Black men. We limit ourselves to, unfortunately, a very small group. No wonder so many of us are alone. Maybe, tall, dark, and handsome, means that he tans really well.
Reply to this comment -
carol says:Posted: 21 Oct 07
As a white female who has dated black men I understand a little more where the anger from black women towards our relationship comes from, however. Although there are many black men in prison this doesn't make it true that there are more or better choices in the white men available. She's basically saying that white women have more chance to find strong white males when really black women have that opportunity too. It's not easy finding the right person regardless of race and when two people find something that works isn't it better to just be happy for them and open their mind to a possibility of a relationship with another race.
Reply to this comment -
Cocokisses says:Posted: 21 Oct 07
Thanks Jabari...I do try hard to be a good Mom :) I just found out that she has a "boyfriend". He's 13 too, tall and very blond. She's got a couple years before she's allowed to date, but for now, watching the puppy love is pretty cute :)
Reply to this comment -
Ann says:Posted: 20 Oct 07
Finding a marriage partner with the characteristics of your friend's son would be great despite the race.
Reply to this comment -
Member says:Posted: 20 Oct 07
great article...i dont care what race my children dates, i do care however, about the educational background of the person they introduce....that is my prejudice.
Reply to this comment -
krockwyo says:Posted: 20 Oct 07Great article and yes, I've seen this before also.
Reply to this comment -
-
Cocokisses says:Posted: 17 Oct 07
Great article. I don't care what race my daughter dates, as long as they are good to her. To me, it just proves that I raised her to not see what color the person's skin is, but how much heart they have. Makes me feel good that I am raising her right :)
Reply to this comment -
Jabali says:Posted: 16 Oct 07
Is it never going to be possible to simply look at another human being as just that...another human being!!
Reply to this comment -
Advice
-
Your Couple's Guide to Sexual Health
Your Couple's Guide to Sexual Health Love, passion, and trust form the foundation of any great relationship, but there's one vital aspect that sometimes gets overlooked – sexual health. This is your ultimate guide to maintaining a happ...
-
The 3 Key Ingredients for Memorable Holidays for Couples
The 3 Key Ingredients for Memorable Holidays for Couples Escape the mundane and embark on a journey filled with love, laughter, and lifelong memories. Holidays are the perfect chance for couples to ignite their connection, unwind, and indulge in pure bliss....
-
Why the F*%k Do Men Always Come Back?!
Why the F*%k Do Men Always Come Back?! You can set your watch to it. They break up with you . . . you spend weeks—in fact, months—hurting and getting over them, and just as you realize you no longer think about them all the time and be...
-
Why Helping Others Drives Our Success
Why Helping Others Drives Our Success The Beatles knew that the love you take equals the love you make. Similarly, the economics of relationships runs on a counterintuitive currency — the more you give, the more you get. But how do you ...
-
Top 5 Best Dating Tips for Seniors
Top 5 Best Dating Tips for Seniors Dating in your golden years can be a delightful and rewarding experience. It's an opportunity to explore new connections and enjoy the companionship. Whether you're re-entering the dating scene after ...
-
Family Matters: Support and Understanding
Family Matters: Support and Understanding Interracial relationships have the power to bridge divides and foster a deeper understanding of one another's cultures. However, navigating the dynamics of family acceptance and building a supportive ...
-
Embarking on a Fitness Journey with Your Partner
Embarking on a Fitness Journey with Your Partner Interracial relationships not only celebrate the beauty of diverse backgrounds but also offer a unique opportunity to embark on a fitness journey together. Working out as a couple not only promotes ph...
-
How to Plan a Surprise Birthday Party for Her
How to Plan a Surprise Birthday Party for Her Birthdays are a special occasion to celebrate the ones we love, and what better way to show your affection than by organizing a surprise birthday party for your special woman? It's a chance to create ...
-
You Deserve A Partner Who Loves You Unconditionally!
You Deserve A Partner Who Loves You Unconditionally! Have you ever felt stronger about someone than he felt about you? Have you ever been in a relationship where you were always worried about being dumped? Have you ever longed for someone’s affections...
-
Evaluate Your Relationship, Not Your Partner
Evaluate Your Relationship, Not Your Partner At the risk of embarrassing myself (and a friend of mine), I’m going to share with you a conversation I had in 2008 when I was debating whether or not I should get married. It contained some price...
Find your soulmate on InterracialDatingCentral
Coaching Testimonial
"The Coaching Service served as an incredible perk and has really enhanced my online dating experience"
Submitted by: Karen, USA, 34
My Dating Coach really took the time to go through my profile thoroughly. First she viewed my pictures and gave me great feedback.
She read through the written portion of my profile, line by line, and gave direct feedback on how to add my personality to it.
My amazing consultant, even asked how my contacts where going and offered a few suggestions to increase my interactions with new men.
I took her advice and made the suggested adjustments.
I have received more contact from men, more views, and have started communicating with more people which was the whole point of joining the site in the first place.
The Coaching Service served as an incredible perk and has really enhanced my online dating experience. Thanks!
Most Popular
- 1. Yes, Black Women DO Benefit from Interracial Dating and Marriage!
- 2. Raising Her Profile - to the Next Level
- 3. Video: How to Tell When a 'Rainbeau' is Interested
- 4. What to look for on a First Date
- 5. Cast a wide net or filter with care?
- 6. A Graceful Goodbye: End Of Date Etiquette
- 7. Contest: Valentine's "Extreme Profile Makeover"
- 8. Contest: What's Your New Years Relationship Resolution?
- 9. Glad I Found My Husband Before That Blonde Did!
- 10. Why are Some Black Women Hating on Michael Ealy's New, Non-Black Wife?
I live in south africa and this past weekend I went to an interracial wedding where a black guy was getting married to a beautiful indian lady...what a beautiful sight. Seeing two totally different cultures coming together was inspiring...its really up to people to be open minded & be accomodating to different cultures & religions. Things could be easy...but we always choose to make them difficult...when it comes to interracial relations.