Jealous and Possessive...and that's just the first email

Posted by Leticia, 10 May 06

How to tell if you are in an unhealthy relationship and what to do about it? What are the warning signs that he or she may not be the one for you? People often say that they had a feeling, but for whatever reasons, they thought things or that person would change. Heard the expression, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Find out what to do if the wrong kind of love, happens to you. What about that first phone conversation or that first face to face. How can you tell when and if it's the right time to take it to the next level.

Isolation from family and friends

Jealousy and possessive behavior

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

Threatened or actual physical violence

Forced sexual conduct or sexual behavior

Keep the other from things they enjoy doing

Name calling, insulting remarks and comments

There is more anger and rage than love and affection

One person makes all the decisions against the others wishes

More tears than laughter, more name calling than hand holding

We all have one or more at one time or another in our lives in various relationships. However, what we don't have is one or more everyday, all the time and with every relationship. To know if we are in an unhealthy relationship, we must first identify a healthy one. A healthy relationship is one that nurtures our desires and our dreams. It makes us feel good! It makes us happy to be in a relationship. It not only wants us to grow, it helps us find ways of making that happen. You hear people say that someone completes them? Well, I believe that we must first complete ourselves before we hook up with someone else. Then those two complete parts come together and make one fantastic couple.

So, I guess that means that an unhealthy relationship would have the opposite effect. It would be a relationship that makes us feel bad about ourselves; we feel anger, dread, unworthy and just simply unhappy...most of the time, more times than not. The scary and sad part is that many people know that they are in an unhealthy relationship but they choose to stay. Why? For some it's better to keep the "bad" relationship that you have rather than risk getting into one that could be worse. For others, they'd rather have an unhealthy relationship than have no relationship at all. They don't believe that they deserve any better. See, unhealthy relationships eats away at self esteem.

If you've met someone on line and you feel like something just ain't right. Trust your instincts. Sometimes when we look back on old "bad" relationships, the signs were there from the beginning. If you don't trust your gut, ask a friend whose opinion you value, what they think. Tell the person that what they are doing or saying makes you feel uncomfortable. If it stops, maybe it was just one of those things. If it doesn't RUN!!! It won't change or go away and you will not nor should you be the one to change them.

Bottom line if you don't think that you deserve better you won't get better. If you have personal issues that you think will keep you from finding the perfect love, than the first step is working on self. Be the person that you want to find. Love you and everyone else will love you too. Well, everyone that is suppose to love you. Remember, there is someone for everyone. But not everyone is for everybody.

Now that you've labeled your relationship, what do you do now? There is always the choice to do nothing. Remember, if you keep doing what you've always done, you keep getting what you've always got. There is the choice to leave and get to know and work on you. There is also the choice of staying and working on the relationship from the inside out. Learn why you attract those types of relationships (chances are this isn't the first). How the two of you can make it right and make it work. Whatever choice you make, know that you don't have to do it alone. Seek help of trusted family and friends that are involved in healthy relationships. Seek professional help to identify patterns of behavior that are unhealthy and learn ways to correct them. Just do something you haven't done or tried before. There is a perfect love for you out there and you do deserve to have it.

Responses to "Jealous and Possessive...and that's just the first email"

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  1.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 01 Jun 08

    It seems like I'm often on the late show with my responses to these articles and blogs but truthfully this article presents timeless issues. That list near the top of the article each individually "head for the hills" items. Collectively? Honey you are in deep denial if you are even asking if you are in a bad relationship. There are tons of red flags before you get to that point. It is hard to recognize them and accept that they are there. Both steps are required. No matter how exciting, how electric it seems, we've all got to learn that even we deserve the very best, it is up to each of us to be sure that is exactly what we are getting.

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  2.   Cocokisses says:
    Posted: 29 Apr 07

    I have talked to a couple folks on this site that gave signs of this early on. The best thing to do is end the conversations quickly, and if that doesn't work, the BLOCK button does!

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  3. Posted: 10 Mar 07

    good article....good points....

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  4. Posted: 18 Feb 07

    sounds like the beginning of a stalker

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  5.   unme23 says:
    Posted: 08 Dec 06

    great article, great tips and points.

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  6. Posted: 20 Nov 06

    wow, that article really hit home.

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  7.   JADE74 says:
    Posted: 14 Nov 06

    This articles makes me look back on past relationships.All the signs of an unhealthy relationship.Didn't last long.I was blessed to have gotten out of them..

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  8.   JADE74 says:
    Posted: 12 Nov 06

    All of the comments said it best.Very immature and low self esteem.A person that will belittle another one and make them feel worthless.

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  9.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 30 Oct 06

    Wow! This article was like looking through a window at a past relationship. I could write a book on this stuff. Its not just men doing these things, that is the truth... Best of luck to us all in our endeavors.

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  10.   Coco says:
    Posted: 27 Oct 06

    Kudos Natural...I couldn't have said it better. I know that many of these women are belittled so much that they start to believe the insults hurled at them. The sad part is that after a while these women start to associate pain with love. They get the "he wouldn't hurt me if he ididn't love me" syndrome that I have heard so much from women in shelters. Sometimes it takes something tragic to happen to turn abusive relationships around...or even end them.

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  11.   Natural72 says:
    Posted: 17 Oct 06

    "Bottom line if you don't think that you deserve better you won't get better. " That says it all. When someone continuously does things that you are not fond of, that is a sure fire sign that you need to part ways. To stay and endure that type of punishment is definately saying that you don't think you deserve better.

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  12.   Carla says:
    Posted: 09 Oct 06

    I would not be in a relationship with someone who was overly jealous..it will ruin a good relationship...

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  13.   Fala says:
    Posted: 28 Sep 06

    Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and low self-esteem. Probably the kind of person you want to avoid having a relationship with.

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