They Passed Chemistry: Would They Flunk Geography?
It took “less than one billing cycle” for Joy and Thomas to make contact after joining our site. Today, they’re married!
Thomas was tired of waiting for random circumstance to introduce him to a woman interested in dating outside her race. So he got a membership on our site. “This was my first experience with online dating,” he says. “I just decided it was time for me to take more initiative and more control over finding the kind of partner I wanted.”
Joy was beginning to see the virtue of virtual dating by the time she posted her profile with us (her username: “BeaReal100”). “I wasn’t having any success meeting anyone while out and about, and while this was not my first experience with online dating, it was my first experience on an interracial dating site.”
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Like Thomas, Joy was ready to restrict her search to interracial singles. They’d found the right site for it, but that doesn’t mean they were supremely confident. Both say the same thing when asked to gauge their confidence level, on their first day with us. “I was uncertain, but hopeful!”
It was the woman who found the man, in this case. Here’s how Joy remembers it. “I reached out to ‘LuvAllShades’ (now my husband) in June 2015 via a message stating that it would have been nice if we’d met when I lived in the city in which he resided. It was more of a musing, really, as I didn’t expect anything to come of it. We were married seven weeks later, in August. Seven weeks from ‘hello’ to ‘I do!”
What was it about Thomas’ profile that struck her fancy? Joy says, “I appreciated the fact that his profile was extremely detailed, and included the statement ‘I WILL put a ring on it,’ which resonated with me (as I was solely interested in relationships that would lead to marriage).”
When Thomas took a look at Joy’s profile, he liked what he saw. “She struck me as beautiful, happy, confident, and intelligent, with a very thoughtful, engaging, and intriguing conversational style,” says Thomas.
With both parties interested, they quickly readied themselves to try this out in person. Joy gives us a rundown. “After our initial telephone conversation, which took place three days after I reached out to him, we exchanged texts incessantly and had countless telephone conversations — the longest lasting nine hours!”
Joy believes that if both parties are interested, they should act fast. “Have a phone conversation as soon as possible after online contact, and meet face-to-face within weeks (ideally two) of the first conversation,” she advises online daters.
Thomas nods in agreement. “[Singles should] recognize and respect the absolutely critical role that momentum plays in your courtship, and capitalize upon it. You truly have to seize the moment, especially if geographical distance separates you. It didn’t take us very long to develop a profound connection and sense of chemistry that just compelled me to meet her ASAP.”
As Joy pointed out before, they no longer lived in the same city. “Our first date took place in Philadelphia, PA — midway between our respective homes,” she says. “We spent the weekend together, getting to know one another.”
They met at the train station. Joy will never forget what it felt like when she laid eyes on Thomas for the first time. “Though we had discussed many, many things, style of dress was not among them,” she begins. “So when I first caught sight of him coming up the escalator and noted that he was outfitted in my favorite style of dress, I couldn’t believe it. When he finally reached the top of the escalator, I took in his beautiful blue eyes, his dimples, and his sweet face before shutting my eyes and exclaiming ‘Oh my God’ about 500 times as he held me, stroking my back, until I was able to open my eyes and exhale.”
And how did her date feel? Thomas was spellbound. “She was even more beautiful in person than her photos, and I couldn’t take my eyes off her beautiful smile, her lovely face, and her puppy dog eyes.”
Thomas remembers the slow ramp-up of their date, which focused on conversation. “We had a lot of quality time together where we just quietly got to know each other better. We fit together so amazingly, and so comfortably and so easily, that it quickly seemed like we’d been together forever.”
Did anything unexpected happen? Joy says she was most surprised “that we stayed in the station for three hours, talking, gazing into one another’s eyes, holding hands and kissing before we even began our date.”
We asked the couple where they were and what they were doing when they realized this relationship was special. “I was sitting in the recliner talking on the phone with her,” says Thomas. For him it was their conversational connection that spoke volumes about the woman she is. Joy’s answer is unexpected: “At the train station in Philadelphia before we even officially began our first date,” she says. “I was completely captivated by him! All other thoughts left my mind, and I knew that before me was the man I would marry.”
After a date like that, both singles were positive they would move ahead with another. As the getting-to-know-you process took place, and they learned more about one another, each person felt luckier and luckier. “I didn’t realize what a phenomenal cook she was,” says Thomas. Joy was happy to discover “how protective, take-charge, and sensitive he is. He’s exactly my type.”
Every relationship has its obstacles, however. “From my perspective, geography [was an issue],” says Thomas. Meeting at the halfway point helped, but obviously it would be much easier if they lived in the same area. Also an issue was adapting to different conversational rhythms, Joy recalls. “Because he is a very deliberate communicator, I had to learn to listen and appreciate how much thought he put into what he says.”
It was all worth the trouble, though! “She’s perfect for me,” marvels a joyful Thomas. “She fits me perfectly. We’re perfect for each other! I never thought I could be this happy, this content, and this fulfilled. Joy has truly made me the happiest man in human history.”
Joy says that finding love changed her life “immeasurably. I now have someone who loves me unconditionally, and whom I love the same and will cherish and take care of for the rest of my life.”
Ready for their engagement story? Thomas tells the tale in detail below…
“Joy arrived at Washington, DC’s Union Station around 9:30 p.m. on the evening of Friday, July 17, 2015 – her birthday, no less – and not only was I thrilled to see the love of my life in person once again, but I also was eager and excited to get into a taxicab and whisk her away to the Martin Luther King Jr., memorial, where I was planning to pull out a diamond engagement ring and ask her to marry me.
“But by the time she arrived and stepped into my arms, she was ready to just leave and get home so we could be alone together. So as we got into a cab and headed home, I deferred, recognizing I would have to come up with a Plan B…
“The next morning, as Joy was preparing to go online and make some Facebook posts, I decided that now was the time. I told her I would like her to sit on the bed for a few moments, which she did. I then proceeded to reach into my pants pocket for the small black pouch that contained the ring and removed it, briefly holding it before her. ‘Joy, I wanted to take you to the Martin Luther King, Jr. memorial in DC last night and do this. But since we decided to just come home so we could be together, I held off.
“‘I wanted to take you to the memorial because when I was growing up, Martin Luther King, Jr. was one of my heroes. Martin Luther King had a dream, a dream that has inspired billions of people across the world. Myself, I’m not a man of his magnitude, but I too, have had a dream – a dream that has inspired me and sustained me through all the years, the ups and downs, the heartaches and disappointments. Joy, you are the fulfillment of that dream.’
“I then took her left hand with mine, slid the ring on her finger, dropped to my right knee and said, “Joy, will you marry me and make me the happiest man in human history?”
She replied: ‘Yes! Yes! Yes!’”
Now that is a dream fulfilled.