The seven compartments of women
There are seven compartments that men place women in… and it’s very rare for a woman to graduate from one room to the next. Well, here is why I thought of this:
My pal Janice has been having an affair with some guy Allan for quite a while now. Well, these two have been together the whole year, even those who just meet them refer to Janice as Allan’s wife-to-be. Just when our gang was planning a trip for the holidays, Linnet, Allan’s girlfriend, resurfaced for the December holidays.
Two things happened: Janice got dumped faster than some hot potato and Allan gave his darling Linnet money to finish her studies in South Africa. Much as Janice is so pissed, she feels that Allan loves Linnet because she is learned. So as part of her New Year’s resolutions, she wants to go do her Masters degree. She is so convinced that this is the key to winning back Allan’s permanent affection.
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Here is the advice I gave her: A man decides very early in a relationship what or who you will be to him and no matter what your plan of action is to get him to change his mind about your place in his life, he seldom does. So if you aren’t his wife, fiancée or serious girlfriend, then prepare yourself for a life in one of these seven suites in ‘hotel Man’.
1. The Bed Warmer: Or bench warmer if you wanna feel sporty. Now this is where my dearest Janice is … Allan’s bed warmer. And much as she has chosen to be blind, for as long as Linnet is in South Africa, Janice will be in play. She is there as a substitute … filling in for Linnet. Masters degree or not, the day Linnet lands for good, Allan will marry her and Janice will be left played!
2. Concubines: In a world where polygamy is frowned on by society, this is the best deal some women can get. Here, you are like the second wife – with a home coupled with children who the man takes care of. Concubines usually know the man is married. The wife may get to of her existence after the dude passes on, when she shows up to contest the will.
3. Mistresses: These are more like concubines … only replaceable. Most are usually taken places you never knew existed for rendezvous. Rent will be paid, you will shop till you drop, you will even be given a car. But once you have a falling out, all this disappears coz the log book or house is always in his name.
4. Playmates: Or CFAs (Convenient F***ing Arrangements) if you wish. Here the woman has a mutually hardcore arrangement with the dude … NOTHING MORE… Or on the flipside, the woman is a playmate and has no f***ing idea. If all you do when you meet ‘your’ man is hump, you are his toy … he aint your man. PERIOD!!!
5. Flings: Ever been a victim of a romantic entanglement which if lucky you escape without a scratch but more often than not, you leave with serious emotional injuries that take eons to heal? Some of us have flings out of infatuation, others boredom or mere confusion. And some men have flings just to get back at a third party – the ex. Do you know what the verb ‘fling’ means? “To throw out or hurl violently.” Well, if you have been placed in this category or just happen to be in one, just remember that is how you will be thrown out of it … violently.
6. One-night-stands: Steamy night between the sheets (or in a car or some bathroom) and he doesn’t call, text, email or facebook. Just know he doesn’t give a word-that’s-pronounced-like-sheet about you. Don’t bother asking him why. Get over it, already.
7. Exes: Most people usually forget that exes should just be exes and not people you run to for comfort (which ends up in sex), when you have a tiny fight with your current dude. And the guy will accept you with open arms, and treat you like Mrs. Right Now! And after the sex, he gives you reasons why now isn’t the right time for both of you. If you are your dude’s ex, you will always be that.
Well, now you can gauge which suite you are in ‘hotel Man’. If you are there accidentally, you can decide to change all that. If you claim to know what you are doing, I sure hope so. And if you are into running back and forth to the ex, maybe this Chinese saying will help: ‘When you reach the end of the last chapter, close the book!’ PERIOD!!
Hope this year brings all of you much love.
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