The myth of the Alpha Male

Posted by Jordan, 16 Sep 14

"In a lot of ways, the whole Alpha Male thing is just an excuse for being an a**hole." - James Fell

The Cheat Sheet:

  • Scientific research has debunked the Alpha concept: true or false? (6:00)
  • Your perfect partner could be online right now...

    What are you looking for?

  • Why you should run towards danger (i.e., your fears). (14:30)
  • The secret to finding your innate talents (33:00)
  • Ready, fire, aim: why this is a valid approach to get things done. (39:30)
  • How body for wife became a brand, then a web site and a book. (42:30)
  • Action is the antidote to despair: who said this and why it matters. (49:50)
  • And so much more...
  • Alpha Male. Today you can't turn on a TV, go into a bookstore or walk down the street without having the concept thrown in your face (often times literally). And it's a concept we at The Art of Charm and our guest for episode 312 don't buy into, not unless you want to be a douchebag.

    James Fell is a fitness and health writer for the LA Times, Ask Men, the Chicago Tribune and Time magazine, and he joins us to talk about why the alpha male marketing idea is bullsh*t, how to actually face your fears and grow your confidence to achieve your dreams without relying on the instant-fix ploy of Alpha Male and how to know who to listen to for advice and when...and plenty more.

    More About This Show:

    One of the biggest issues James and I both have with the Alpha Male idea is that it takes guys who are trying to build their confidence and develop themselves and basically teaches them to be assholes. And it says that by acting like a tough guy with muscles and a spray tan, they'll magically get a hot girlfriend, become a millionaire and all their problems will be solved.

    Instead of being truthful about what will get them those things: putting in the time, effort and energy to develop their inner game, learn how to connect and build relationships with women and in business and gain the skills and confidence to cope with anything life brings their way. Because this idea, as opposed to the Alpha Male thing, isn't a quick fix.

    It's not sexy to tell someone it's going to take them years to become who they want to be and get what they want. But the reality is it does take time, it does take effort and it does take commitment. Both James and I agree on that.

    We also agree on the importance of running towards your fears and facing them to build that confidence. James says it's important to take baby steps and build that confidence, acquire your goals bit by bit. Take a look at where you want to go, the skills you want and need to develop to get there and then set a foundation to get there through self-improvement, self-reflection and hands-on learning, even formal education where it's appropriate.

    Action is key, another point we agree on. No amount of daydreaming will get you that Ferrari. James even shares the exact reason why daydreaming actually stops you from achieving what you want. His advice? Instead of daydreaming, strategize how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be. Then go out and do it.

    James and I discuss SO much more in this show. He was an awesome guest who pulled no punches in giving us the lowdown on why Alpha Male is bullsh*t, how to be who you really are and get what you really want. He gives some real-life examples and strategies you can use, so have a listen and get moving!

    What are your thoughts on the Alpha Male topic? Do you also agree it's bullsh*t?

    We'll see you next time and stay charming.

    Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you're interested in The Art of Charm residential programs, apply for a strategy call with a coach. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook or Twitter.

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