The Body Language Mistakes That Are Killing Your Game

Posted by Jordan, 07 Nov 13

body languageBody language is one of those areas that men don’t pay attention to. However, they ignore it at their peril. Body language is one of those things that, once you correct it, can seriously start leveling up your social game without a great deal of effort. It’s a lot easier than you think and the benefits are enormous. Here’s how to start killing it with body language.


This is a biggie. A lot of guys are afraid to smile. Some just don’t do it the right way. What do we mean by the right way? You need to smile with your whole face, not just your mouth. Draw the corners up, pushing your cheeks up and crinkle your eyes. Practicing this in a mirror is a great idea and if you need a little something to help you get started, think of something outrageously funny until you crack up laughing. Then let that settle into a smile.

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Stand Up Straight

Standing up straight is one of the easiest ways that you can start projecting confidence and high value to all of those around you. Best of all, you don’t even need to be confident -- you’ll look confident, which will have you feeling more confident over time. This is another one that you can easily practice in the mirror for five or ten minutes before you head out for the night.

What To Do With Your Arms

A lot of guys cross their arms when they go out, but this is a huge mistake. It makes you seem unapproachable, even smug or aloof. Putting your hands in your pockets is better, but not by much. What you should do instead is just let your arms hang by your side. This might be uncomfortable at first, but that’s just because you’re not used to doing it. While you’re standing in the mirror practicing posture and your smile, check out what you look like with your hands hanging by your sides. I think that you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Look Her in the Eye

Many men betray their anxiety by not looking women in the eye when they talk to them. While you might be afraid that you’re making too much eye contact, it’s much more likely that you’re making not enough. Once you get good at looking her in the eye when you talk to her, then you can focus on our technique of looking away every two seconds or so, but always look up, never down.

Too Much Body Language

How many times do you go out and spend your time talking to women directly facing them? This is a big mistake. It creates a lot of tension and pressure that you just don’t need. Instead, talk to her from the side. Face her a little more when youre talking, then turn away and lean in when she talks to you. It’s a lot more natural and removes a ton of the pressure and anxiety that people feel when they’re speaking to someone that they don’t know very well in social settings.

Reach Out and Touch Her

One thing that will unleash her desire for you is a little bit of touch. Breaking the touch barrier creates intimacy while also letting her know that it’s ok for her to touch you. Touch her on a “safe” area like the upper back, arms or hands and see where it goes.

What questions do you have about body language? Let us know by leaving a comment.

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you're interested in The Art of Charm residential programs, apply for a strategy call with a coach. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook or Twitter.

1 responses to "The Body Language Mistakes That Are Killing Your Game"

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  1.   Zorro35 says:
    Posted: 13 Nov 13

    Thnx for confirming that I'm on the right track. Do as the arcticle says fellas, there is a whole lot of truth in it.

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