Swirling by Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

The BEST Way to Date Interracially After 40 Is...

Posted by Christelyn, 05 Feb 14

interracial dating after 40I recently got this letter from a reader...

"Hi Christelyn,

I came across the BB&W website chance through a FB friends re-post of a picture from the Interracial Dating Central FB page. I’ve been looking through the website and at some of the YouTube videos and I’m glad I came across them. I will be 40yrs old in February and I have been single for 16yrs. I am a single mother of a teen. Over the 16yrs, I’ve had (2) blind dates which were setup by family or friends. The first one was a double date with a friend and her boyfriend when I was still in my 20s. Long story short, I was not the friend he expected her to set him up with (i.e. he was interested in “the white friend not the black one.”). The second one was a total mismatch in terms of age and goals(I was 25 and he was 45 and was looking for a housewife where I was focused on my child and career).

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

Since that time, I have chosen to concentrate on being a mom, developing and growing my relationship with God, healing from a past relationship, purchasing my home and pursuing things that I like to do (basically, working on me so that I can be ready for a healthy and committed relationship). With my daughter nearing her senior year in high school, I’ve been looking at reentering the dating world but I’m finding that I’m running into more perceptions similar to the the first blind date situation described above. In high school, although I never dated or had a boyfriend, I was very much open to exploring my options. In college that somehow changed although I had a friend who was a great guy, interested in dating me, and who was white but I was scared to pursue it because of what I thought others would say and I didn’t want to lose his friendship.

Unfortunately, I lost that friendship anyway by dating someone that I thought I was “supposed” to date. Now, at almost 40yrs old knowing who I am, being comfortable with who I am and wanting/knowing that I deserve a good, God-centered, loving, healthy, and starting off as friends type of relationship, I want to explore my options. Finding your website came at the right time as I have questions regarding dating outside my race. First, how do I (for a lack of a better word) position myself so that I am meeting men who date black women? Particularly if I am not a fan of dating websites and I’m not forward in the sense that I will not just go up to a man and ask him out. It’s not popular but I am old fashioned that way. In addition, I don’t see many interracial couples that are my age who have not been married for awhile. So it has me wondering if non-black men my age are also exploring their dating options. I’m pretty sure there are couples that have recently started dating that are my age and older but I just see more younger couples. Any suggestions you have would be greatly appreciated."

Here's My Take…

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of "Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed, and the publisher of a popular interracial dating blog for black women called Beyond Black & White.

6 responses to "The BEST Way to Date Interracially After 40 Is..."

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  1.   ceolvsvnla says:
    Posted: 04 Aug 15

    I am also a forty year old black woman who was skeptical about creating an online dating profile. After listening to your advice just now, I am so glad that I have my profile on interracialdatingcentral.com. I now know that there are men on this site that are interested in getting to know me on a more personal level. Thank you. Sincerely, Ceolvsvnla

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  2.   imablady says:
    Posted: 11 Jun 14

    I have always dated outside my race, there are bad guys in every race. So instead of listening to what guys say I watch what they do "action speak louder than words"

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  3.   Porkchops says:
    Posted: 18 Mar 14

    Stop worrying about how n what Others Perception of a Healthy/Loving relationship should look. Happy Dating Huggs*

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  4. Posted: 20 Feb 14

    I was sceptical about internet dating sites..when I stumbled across this site it was the best thing that ever happened to me! it's the first time in my life I have had so many men who are interested in me.. black or white! I am so excited to see what the future holds for me.

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    • dor63 says:
      Posted: 01 Mar 14

      hi sista that is so true I never had so many men hitting on me its like crazy in a good way..feel free to date outside your race love has no colour

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