Testing One, Two, and Three?

Posted by Leticia, 14 Jun 08

The other day I came across a book called "The Way of the Superior Man". The title alone made me, as a woman a little uneasy. I admit had some pre-conceived ideas that it was going to be another one of "those" male ego boosting take control and dominate your woman type of books...

My first mistake was reading an article that talked about the book, before reading the book itself. The article was titled "How and why women "test" you. It mentioned that in the book by David Deida, the author points out that "a woman will often ask a man for something DIRECTLY...but if he DOES what she asks, she will be disappointed and ANGRY with him".

This statement really made me mad. Upon careful analysis it hit me that there was some truth in that. Really, how many times had I asked my man to "go ahead with the guys to the movie", it's okay that I'd been saying that I wanted to see the same movie for two months prior to the release and "we" haven't been anywhere besides the grocery store together in months...no problem go ahead. Then after he goes, I'm pissed the hell off.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

The easier thing would have been to just say what I felt, the truth was that I wanted him to "make the right choice" without any help from me. I've since learned that guys really are not that complicated. They tell us that all the time, but we think they are just saying that to throw us off. It's really true.

Getting back to the book... I'm trying to dig deeper into that title "...Superior Man". Maybe that was what hit the nerve. I do a little internet research and find some quotes from the book. This one hit me right between the eyes and immediately I wanted to run to my neighborhood bookstore and buy a copy. Damn stores for not being open at 3am . Here was the quote:

"The way a man penetrates the world should be the same way he penetrates his woman: not merely for personal gain or pleasure, but to magnify love, openness, and depth."

I love this line, however upon further reading it occurs to me that while the author is saying that men should first be "driven by their life purpose and work", women are "driven by relationship and love". Is that just another way of saying women are just emotional creatures and men have the awesome responsibility of taking on the world and that is the priority and should be first for every man? Sounds like a politically correct way to say women should remain barefoot and pregnant. Oh, there I go again, making assumptions. Let's pull out another quote:

"Every time she sucks you into an uncontrolled need to ejaculate, she has conquered you. She controls you and masters you. She is in charge, sexually, no matter what manly gestures you make before ejaculating. With a simple flick of her tongue, a sly moan, or a slurping tilt of her pelvis, she can drain you of life."

Succubuses join and conquer the world...meeting at my house Sunday at 12pm while the men are engrossed in sporting games. Sorry, couldn't resist that one. Look, there are a ton of books out there written by men and women that offer a different view and opinion on the male female relationship. You have to take them with a grain of salt.

Truth of the matter is that it's still the middle of the night and I haven't made it to the bookstore yet. But when I do purchase Mr. Deida's book I will approach it much like how I watch Jim Carey and Ashton Kutcher movies, for "entertainment purposes only". I'm not looking for an Academy Award winning performance, just something to take my mind off what seems to be the endless amount of jerks that read this stuff and believe it...word for word.

I should mention that the subtitle of the book is "A man's Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work and Desire". Speaking of which this is Leticia, got to go use my tongue and pelvis to "drain the life out of my man".

15 responses to "Testing One, Two, and Three?"

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  1.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 09

    I usually can't get past the sterotypes these kinds of books are based on to really enjoy the read or learn anything of significance. Anything that says "Men are like..." and "Women are like..." is bound to be wrong a certain percentage of the time. Truth be known, I would probably be happiest with a woman who is part of that "wrong" percentage.

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  2.   hairebug2 says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 08

    Interesting, but what does it do to improve realtionships...

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  3.   FireStorm says:
    Posted: 08 Aug 08

    Love this article (just like all the other ones), and I will be looking for the book :-) Ana

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  4.   ivorycelt says:
    Posted: 03 Aug 08

    Pretty much bang on. As a man, it seems obvious that this book is not just about men - but written FOR men. I found most of it both inspirational and affirming to the point of feeling quite empowered as a man. The bit about mens relationships to men (10)was quite enlightening. Of course women may recognise many charecteristics and perhaps understand intellectually, but fundimentally will be feeling/ interpreting from the femme perspective/ experience. So is not surprising if women struggle to 'fully' cognize or appreciate. Seems that is also important to recognise that the book is talking about the 'superior man' - So Atlmocha - This means that we are not talking about the typical or average man - by definition. This raises the question - 'Superior' to what? To me this affirms that the book is not just about men, but is aimed at men. A man will fully recognise that the question and measure is against oneself and oneself alone - and that this in it'self is a very masculine thing. Brilliant.

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  5.   atlmocha says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 08

    Oh and I would like to say one more thing. I don't think the cookie cutter idea of a man's place and woman's place applies anymore. I think it is going to be more complicated than that. Sorry. I think people are wanting it to be that easy again. And it isn't. You have to be more to yourself and your mate. You will both have to hash out what those places are to each other and how that will work within the confines of your own relationship. If being the man in one relationship means being the bread winner and she stays home and it works then great. If it means the direct opposite and it works, great. But the thing is today, you can't assume it anymore. There has to be more pragmatism and practicality in a relationship. Yes, more communication. You have to be willing to figure out what works for you. Being a man isn't just about bringing home the bacon anymore and being a woman isn't just about having the kids. You have to decide that your relationship is more than just what people think it should be and be what works.

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  6.   atlmocha says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 08

    Draining the life out of a man one orgasm at a time? Is that supposed to be better than the slow draining of life out of me? But really I think the main issue is this. Men and women are different. Not just as individuals but our basic motivations are different. We want what the other can get easily. Women want love because sex is easy. Men want sex because women are beating them down with love. But no one is talking to each other in a way that the other understand or would listen to. Plain and simple. I don't need to read another 300 pages of drivel to know that. I mean really, think of the number of times someone of the opposite sex said something to you and what you understood was something different then what they thought they were saying. You are both speaking the same language but you are understanding different things. The point of my diatribe is to say that you don't need to understand men or women as a group. You are only trying to understand and get along and communicate with that one you are with. That is a task and a half in itself. And in that way you can be true to yourself and your mate. I could be wrong.

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  7.   EMBRACEME says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 08

    Well now after reading the quotes I sure do what to read the book. hmm all that tongue licking and pelvis twitching .. lol.. Ok this book is just another book on the market to try to explain the human nature of man or woman.. the best way to learn anyone is study them, and as far as men.I am 39 and I still have no ideal what the hell they want. Could be why I am still single .. lol.. Well my outlook on it is. Let a man be a man and let a woman be a woman.. A man feels more like a man if you let him be one. We was all placed on earth in our own special places , The animals have a job , us ladies have a job and our men have a job. I want my man to know he is the man, He is the head .. Hmm in more ways than one, Ok couldn't resists . lol. Women stop tryin to roll the dayum boat you need the paddles to get anywhere. Just my thought..

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  8.   cocobaker says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 08

    I haven't read this book yet(and I just may, it sounds interesting), and I suppose the author has some true points about dating and women's attitudes, but like the author says, take the advice given by anyone or thing-a book, a friend, family mambers-with a grain of salt. Not every pearl of wisdom fits with every situation. I have to say that as I've grown up, I've ventured into the "plain speaking" that some men wish that women did more of, and I've run into the type of man who has tried to change ME into the type of person they wanted! Don't fall for the trite stereotypes of women trying to "change a man" into something perfect, and the man who "just wants to be appreciated for being him".

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  9.   laughsailor says:
    Posted: 28 Jun 08

    We must be true to ourselves and finding another who is truly a fit is why we're here. Sure it's easy to find someone who's kind of a fit, with the idea that the character traits we don't like can be changed but that's precisely why the relationship will fail, wasting time and energy and leaving cynicism, bitterness and negative, useless behaviors like these dating mind games "testing." Trying to change our (or our mates') natures or passions is essentially false - It's destroying the very things we admire and must experience, to be happy. Deida is right on about this. Dating games are fatal for me - They show a fundamental immaturity, dishonesty and lack of comfort with basic communication. Yes, it takes more guts to speak strongly with forthright tactfulness but that level of communication is necessary to build a great love. It's sad that people get hurt but the answer is to choose good quality people to associate with, not to retreat.

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  10.   Jabali says:
    Posted: 28 Jun 08

    Interesting book.

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  11.   REDHOTBABE says:
    Posted: 26 Jun 08

    I actually found the book on the author's website. http://www.deidacentral.com/bookpreviews/thewayofthesuperiorman.pdf

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  12.   Leesa99 says:
    Posted: 23 Jun 08

    WOW, That's pretty powerful because it's real. We all want a man to put his all into a relationship as he does his career and personal life. This book seems like it will help us understand eachother. It seems sexual and that is a major part of sustaining a relationship. However we need to connect mentally as well.

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  13.   musicman65 says:
    Posted: 21 Jun 08

    I have read this book and it is a good - no an excellent read...no book is 100% dead on but this one is a classic and it is so right...what Deida is pointing out is that men are men and need direction...too many times in life we let either women, friends, employers steer our lifes away from true happiness..bottom line, a good woman will want a man with a backbone and an independent streak - ultimate strength...

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  14.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 17 Jun 08

    Bueller? Bueller? I heard Ferris is sick

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  15.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 27 May 08

    I feel drained after reading this crazy article! Who wants to go to the movies?

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