Should you reveal your past? How much?
Everyone has a past. Some of it is great and we spread the gospel about it for the whole world… some of it is better kept in the dark secrets compartment. Much as our experiences may have made us who we are today, we don't necessarily need to shout about all of them from the rooftops.
Eventually however, a new lover is going to start asking questions about your history. Some of your past is straightforward and can be discussed there and then. The other parts of history might be trickier to disclose, so you'll definitely feel the need to be selective about which details to reveal and which should stay in the dark secrets vault.
What should you keep quiet from your new love?
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One question that most people – especially women - push is how many women you've slept with. This is one question you should avoid answering like the plague. There is no good answer to this. If they are too few, she'll feel you're inexperienced. If you’ve slept with too many, she’ll label you a player just looking to add some marks to your bedpost.
Should it matter now that you are together? And what number is acceptable? More than 7 … less than 11?.
Questions about someone’s past relationships will definitely arise coz we use this to try and figure out what kind of boyfriend or girlfriend you are with. How should you handle this dabble in private investigation? Should you give all the details?
Talking about an ex in the early stages of a relationship should be off limits. Your ex isn’t relevant to the new thing you have going on. Later, as you start to find out more about each other, references to past girlfriends should be limited to just a name and probably some fuzzy description of why it ended.
It's important to show that you aren't still emotionally involved in your past relationship so don’t recount every little thing they did to hurt you. “We were heading in different directions᾿ is a better line rather than a deep account of every argument you had.
You might think your misspent youth could provide some stories that will make your lover crack up in laughter, but think carefully about what to tell and what not to. If she's conservative don't tell her about that week you spent in Amsterdam smoked up.
Much as everyone has little adventures in their time, some of these could prove unpalatable to others. As you get to know each other better, you can judge what stories your new lover will find amusing and which stories you should keep buried. Some of us, however, might have some very big events in our past. You can forget about that packing ticket. But what if this big event involves an arrest warrant with your name on it in the next state? I think it’s wise to fess up.
Should you tell about your history of drug abuse, gambling debts, or any other big secret? Well, if you there is a chance this will come back to bite you on the a**, a good move could be to put all your cards on the table and face the consequences here and now.
How about those strippers in Tijuana? That night you went home with the stripper... Those twins in the next dorm at college? These little sex secrets we are proud of don't require bragging about them to mom and certainly not to a new girlfriend or boyfriend either.
Much as you don’t want to appear inexperienced and naive, you also don't want to paint yourself as a morally wrong kind of person. Kinky may be desirable yes, for example, letting your spouse know you're open to light bondage, blindfolds, etc. However, save the sex stories for your buddies. With them, it's all laughs. But see how much you'll be laughing when the new spouse leaves you for being a pervert or when he or she tells you a few stories of their perverted past.
Is covering up the past an ideal way to start a new relationship? Is it the easiest and safest route to take? Whether you choose to neglect to mention some events or just lie about them is up to you. However, some skeletons in the closet that may come back to haunt you should be dealt with. The rest can be swept under the rug - next to all the secrets he or she has been keeping from you.
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