Swirling by Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

24-Year-Old Man Wants Advice on Dating Older Black Women

Posted by Christelyn, 22 Apr 13

Got this note recently…

Hello Christelyn!

I just wanted to thank you for the Youtube videos that you make. You are so clear and wise about the matters of interracial dating. It’s more about being human than about being black or white, as it should be in my opinion. Before I dated with a black girl I didn’t know how it could ever lead to so many racist and hateful responses from other people. Still I can’t really fathom why some people are so concerned about the race thing. When I came upon all the interracial dating videos on Youtube I realized this still is a big, big issue for a lot of people. It’s shocking to see how much racism is still alive these days. On the other hand it’s very nice to see how a lot of people can look past the irrelevance of race in love.

I had a question and I hope you can sort of help me out with it...I seem to be hugely attracted to black women of older age. The age of 30-50, as I am still 24 years old. The black girls I dated were around my age. Now I was wondering if there are any essential differences between younger and older black women. Do you think they might be openminded about a younger white guy, or do you think it will be somewhat of a taboo?

It might be a little different in The US (I live in The Netherlands), but maybe you can help me out!

~Nick

Nick!! So glad you followed me from You Tube to the blog, and I have a lot to say about this!

First, kudos to you for going beyond racial and age barriers to look for the lady of your dreams. I like when I get notes from men who like to do their research–it shows that you’re keen on learning enough about the object of your affection in hopes (I’m sure) that you’ll be a good boyfriend. That right there give you like, five cool points.

Your question is an interesting one for a variety of reasons because with a healthy lifestyle and fancy wrinkle cream, it’s hard to know how old people are, and that’s even more pronounced with black women, who tend to age quite gracefully. I’m not sure if you have a preference for older women in general, or if there’s something about a well-seasoned black woman that does it for you, but I’ll do my best to answer your question.

“Now I was wondering if there are any essential differences between younger and older black women.”

Yes there are some essential differences, and I’ll list a few:

–Older black women are going to lean less toward the drama. Chances are a 40-year-old woman isn’t going to show up at your house at midnight demanding you unlock your phone because she thinks you’re texting her best friend.

–She will be wise in the ways of the world, and the ways of love. She’ll know what she wants and how she wants it, and she won’t be afraid to tell you.

–There’s a good chance that she has children. Just something to keep in mind, because if her son is 17 and you’re 24, you might be torn between playing video games with him or going wine tasting with your lady.

–You’ll know where you stand. Older women play a lot less games–they’ve been there and done that and have the t-shirt buried in the back of their closet.

“Do you think they might be open-minded about a younger white guy, or do you think it will be somewhat of a taboo?”

In a word, hell-to-the-yeah there will be be black women willing to play with you, ehr, I mean, date you. The trouble you may run into is how to convince her to take you seriously. Remember, she’s been 25, 26, 27, and so on, so she knows the journey you’re on and she might be a little doubtful about whether or not you’re in it until she’s wearing Depends. And if you’re looking for something long-term and you would like children, I’d stay on the younger end of your age criteria, especially if your girlfriend is over 35 with no prior children.

One thing I do have to address is that black women of previous generations may have a bit more hangups about interracial dating than the fresh crop of black women. So dating you might be a double taboo for them. But if you’re really into her, you’ll have to be persistent and you might need to jump through a few hoops to convince her you’re serious.

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of "Swirling: How to Date, Mate & Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed." She is also the publisher of popular interracial relationships blog, Beyond Black & White.

9 responses to "24-Year-Old Man Wants Advice on Dating Older Black Women"

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  1. Posted: 29 Aug 13

    I am a 47 year old woman I get a lot of attention from 18-30 year olds and I don't understand it .But when I ask why they are interested they say to me that they had no idea that I was 47. .While age is not something that I stagnated on, I will only date a man who is mature. But I agree with all of the statements of what an older woman is like because I am all of those things: I don't do drama and I don't do games.

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  2.   dolife says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 13

    Thank you for tackling the young man's question. I am a 40 year old black american female. I haven't dated much and lately what I've notice ...I get a lot of attention from 28 year old men of all ethnicities...12 year difference is a lot. I am not about a hook up and don't see what I would have in common with someone 12 years younger. Its the age that gets me...not race. These men have to prove to me what they are about..........cause I am not a roll n the hay sista ...its about the commitment..........young men want to play the field I am not a toy.

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  3.   curtis97 says:
    Posted: 19 Jun 13

    Just think the black lady is no different than you or any other ladies

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  4.   Jande says:
    Posted: 05 May 13

    its hard to find a young 18 to 26yr old white daing a black of the same age ,especially here in Kenya young black gals end up dating over 40yr old men ,it got me thinking...why ?

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    • dave_74 says:
      Posted: 07 May 13

      @Jande. 99% of Kenya is black. Of the remaining 1% , 3/4 of them are Indian... this leaves just a few thousand whites among over 40 million blacks, seeing a "Mzungu" (white person in Kenya) that isn't a tourist and is a resident /citizen in Kenya is indeed rare. Of that age frame you mention of 18-26yr (especially the lower to mid side of that range) Mzungus in Kenya , we are looking at mostly dependents of Diplomats and/ or students. People that still depend highly on mom and dad so their dating choices might also be heavily influenced on parents. I personally know of a case in Kenya where an Asian friend of mine dated a black girl and now is back in Asia for his "misconduct". A European friend of mine was in a similar situation while he was also studying in Dar TZ. So this leaves most of the Free dating decisions of many whites in East Africa usually to the ones that are in no way dependent of their parents and this is usually those a bit older than of that 18-26 range. More like very late 20s or 30+ However outside Kenya and Africa, 18-26 yr old whites do date blacks of similar age. Also as you see here this white Dutch guy just 24 is interested in black women up to twice his age. Hence this story; So it's got a lot to do with if a person can stand on his/her own feet and just how much that "parental support" influences his/her relationship decisions. Whites of this age seem to be a bit less parental influential in West Europe (Netherlands) vs in East Africa (Kenya) as we can see. I'd also like to add that ones profile influences the ones people will attract. If you are 40 like me and don't want to date older like me but are open to close your own age as well as a mature acting lady but a bit younger... then say that!.. seeking 22-37 .....and include full details of what you really want for example! The "Semissive African Lady seeking a white God Fearing man" with no real details to what that entails and her age limits are 18-99 shouldn't be too surprised when that 71 yr old German guy comes to Mombasa 50 yrs older than her, has a large belly, wants to party all the time (but is also "God fearing" so he says) and has grandchildren older than her wants to hook up with her. Just saying, Like my African wife put it... "You will get what you ask for". Reconsider your profile and age range, IF, you really aren't OK with everything between 18-99 or 20-60 range, and REALLY just want 18-26, then just put that! Lastly, I think our natural biology just causes some of our behavior. Why do some older men 60s-70s give up everything for much younger women? Last chance to make offspring? Why do some women in their 40s suddenly go crazy over sex? (while those same were somewhat colder in their 30s) Last chance to get pregnant? I think the males advantage to being able to impregnate a woman up into his much elder years vs a woman's non-ability to get pregnant in her elder years definitely has influence to this, add the social, economic , cultural influences as well as some of those loose age limiting profiles ie "seeking man 18-99" and you will have lots of younger women including Kenyan women with older men. I hope I answered your question.

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      • AshleySheryl says:
        Posted: 13 Jun 13

        Dave 74, you just nailed it right there. It's true that the less financially independent a guy is, the more his choices will be greatly influenced by the ' source' of his support. Maybe a little detail you left out about the 18-26 group of kenyan whites is that most of them at this point are not in Africa. Their parents have most likely sent them off to college in the UK or Australia or South Africa. There's never really an opportunity for them to hang around and meet up with the locals. By the time they finish college, they most likely have a college sweetheart with whom they are in a relationship with, who most probably is white too. Many who might have had a genuine interest in dating across the racial boundaries find themselves limited by their circumstances. The 40 plus guys most likely have had their first divorce or are simply ready to be true to themselves and no longer feel pressured to conform to what their mates consider normal. I met a gorgeous 32 year old but it didn't work out. I am sure he genuinely liked me but he kept holding back. In hindsight dave74 just gave me one of the clues. And it might just be it because he still was dependent on the father for his entire upkeep and was nervous about how the old man would react to his ' foray into Africa'.

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  5.   Beau01 says:
    Posted: 01 May 13

    Wow...lol!!! Loved reading this one. Ironically I was laughing because the response was sooo spot on!!! Like most I was. .. well probably no better word than dramatastic. The closer I got to 30 I noticed I seemed to shy away from situations that brought drama.Now.... at 35 heading up 40..... If I even suspect somethings going to cause me to deal with someone else's drama. ...I get "ghost" real quick!!! Much like the French say "I'm a lover not a fighter"!! Also definitely know what I like and want in life and in my partner and have no qualms about saying so. ... all while still being a lady.

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  6. Posted: 28 Apr 13

    I being 40 years old tried dating a younger white male, he was 20(at the time I was 37). Talking to him he paid me much attention and felt the women his age was immature. We really didn't care what others thought but it is so hypocritical that it's okay for an older man regardless of race example: Michael Jordan, Donald Trump, Tom Cruise etc to date/marry women 3 times their junior but an older woman and a younger man is shunned and looked down upon! There were a few reason's why our relationship didn't work: 1. He had a 2 year old(at that time) and my son was 15 years old. Also he wanted more children I don't! I'm looking forward to becoming a grandmother in the near future. 2. Even though he was so into me, I still felt a little self-conscience of him eventually wanting a woman around his age. 3. Not to far into our relationship, I became more like a mother to him than a girlfriend. Again I don't care what others think, but I will admit that what men around my age that I dated in the past said and commented about younger women did make me feel self-conscience toward this young man thinking that one day he would dumped me for a hot 18 year old! I had to break away from dating for some years and find myself and love myself before dating again! I do find that men 36+(not all) tend to desire younger women(30 and under). I totally agree with dave_74, you have to decide if a 10 age difference is okay with you? And if the two of you are on the same page with children, career goals, activities etc. Think about it and whatever you decide I hope you will be happy with your choice. Because when it is all said and done you make yourself and your partner happy, not others!

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  7.   dave_74 says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 13

    Black women are beautiful and stay beautiful as they get older, so being a WM 24 and finding BW 30-50 attractive is normal. However , you have to realize that dating an older woman (especially a much older woman, not just black) has it's challenges. Their goals might be different than yours. While you might still be experimenting with what you are attracted to. These ladies might want a keeper that is here to stay and might shy away from being your experiment. They definitely have more experience both positive and negative, so even if you are that keeper, it might take a lot to prove. Honestly I think up to a 10 yr difference is no big deal as I dated women up to 14 yrs older than me (when I was much younger, I also had a thing for older women) and up to 17 yrs younger than me. That is quite a big range right? My wife is 15 yrs younger than me. But from experience with some of the older ladies, what I mentioned about finding the keeper is true. Younger ladies of course want that as well , however the difference is the younger ones might be more patient and accepting of if it doesn't work out, "heck , I'm still young and the prince will come eventually , got to kiss some frogs first" The older woman is probably sick of kissing frogs and is more careful not to kiss any more. Also look at activities. When I was in my mid 20s and dated women close to 40, I used to almost kill them thinking hiking pikes peak and 6 mile morning jogs are great. Now being 40 myself and a bit slower and lazier with a 25 yr old wife that can do a 5 min mile, I'm struggling doing a 7.30 mile. Then look at whether or not you want children. If she is over 35, time is ticking and you might not have years to enjoy each other before deciding to have children. If she is much over 40, chances are she isn't going to have any (more) children. So if you don't NEED to have your offspring , then all will be fine. Lastly, going outside the 10yr difference, the occasional person will make comments like she is the sugar momma and you are the call boy (this also happens for men with much younger women), so if what others think concerns you too much, think about staying within that 10 yr range. All that said, everyone should find a life lasting love and I wish the best for everyone seeking love.

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