Moving ON...after the love is gone
Last month we talked about how abuse from our childhood lingers and affects our adult relationships. What about the non-abuse traumas? Those relationships that just ended without a warning and blindsided us and instead of moving on, we're spending far too much time trying to figure out "what went wrong"?
I've often heard that women fall fast, but men fall hard, that when a woman decides to let go it's easier for her to move on and get past that relationship. Men on the other hand, because it usually takes them longer to "fall", it takes them a while to get over losing that relationship because they did hold back and resisted and they take on that failure and it strikes the ego.
Now at no time did you hear me say that men have a hard time moving on to another person, just another relationship. Sometimes. Some men. And with all generalizations, they are just that...general. As with race, not one rule applies to every race and certainly it does not apply to everyone within that race. Not everything here applies to every man or woman. Take what applies to you and learn from the rest.
Your perfect partner could be online right now...
What are you looking for?
As I see it, the bottom line to moving on is letting go. That is most definitely easier said than done right? But, if you really think about it, letting go is simply the act of making a decision. You do it or you don't. You hold on to those great memories of all the times you shared (all three of them over a 5 year period). Or you choose to forget about all the times he or she told you they would never lie to you again, (three times a week, every week over a 5 year period).
When we truly decide to let go, what we are saying is that we will no longer let something from our past keep us from moving forward, keep us from enjoying life today. Sometimes we hold on to painful memories as a reminder of what we "won't ever do again". We continue to punish ourselves over and over again so that we don't "forget" that painful lesson. How could you possibly forget it when you're carrying it around on your back like a baby in a backpack? My favorite quote is "Forgiving isn't forgetting, it's letting go of the pain".
Often we forgive the other person, but we never forgive ourselves. "It was my fault", "I should have know better", "Why do I keep making the same stupid mistakes"? Ever had that conversation with yourself? The answers are simple, because you woke up one day and made a decision to love someone else, to trust someone, to give of the most important thing you possess...you.
As with many things, everything isn't for everybody. This doesn't make you any less desirable, intelligent or worthy of love. It just means that the person you choose wasn't the person for you. It doesn't mean that the next person will be the same or treat you the same or that you will make the same "choices" that you made before. But, you gotta try. You gotta love, live, laugh and sometimes cry. If you are a spiritually based person, then you also pray.
Ask whoever you believe in, even if it's only yourself, to assist you in forgiving all past pains and sorrows, hurts and deceptions. To guide your heart and mind, they must both be ready and at a place that is open to accepting true, un-conditional love and acceptance. You can not make someone love you or be true to you. You can only make yourself available to give love and truth. You can make a way for someone else that has made that same choice to connect with you...when you are both ready.
In order to get a love that we desire, we must first let go of the pain. Make new friends and new memories and allow yourself to move on to a happier you.
This is Leticia, you deserve it.
My #1 Tip for Getting Your Dream Love Life (HINT: Resolutions Will Fail You)
This Curvy Girl Got Lots of Dates on Interracial Dating Central
Love Cycles: Five Natural Stages of a Romantic Relationship
QOTW: White Girlfriend Reacts Negatively Towards Interracial Couple on TV.
Get Your Ex Back With These Words