Swirling by Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

QOTW: White Guy Only Wants Dark, Thin Black Girls. Is He Wrong?

Posted by Christelyn, 13 Jun 15

black girls

Got this note from “Mark”.

Hi Christelyn,

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

I’m a big fan of yours and I really enjoy watching your videos, partly because you’re so attractive. I’m a white guy who has never had a girlfriend but I would love to have an interracial relationship with a black girl. Going through high school I never really thought all that much about dating interracially. Even though I would be okay with dating a black girl, I was more attracted to white girls. However, at the end of my junior year of high school I suddenly realized that I got more excited about the thought of dating a black girl than when I thought about dating a white girl. Now, I only want to date black girls. But here’s the thing: I only want to date a dark-skinned black girl. And when I say “dark” I mean really dark. I guess when I see a light-skinned black girl I’m not as attracted to them because they’re so close to white skin, and I don’t want a white girl nor a black girl that has the appearance of a white girl because they’re so light. I’m not racist against any ethnicity, this is just what I prefer. Is it wrong that I have that preference? Would white girls or light-skinned black girls be offended? What I’m worried about is that I’ll find the perfect girl but she’ll either be white or will be light-skinned which isn’t what I want. I’m really attracted to the color difference of my white skin and her dark black skin. Is it wrong to like that? Now, I know that there’s more to it than just outside beauty, but I get more turned on when I see a dark-skinned black girl than any other girl. Also, I’m not a fan of big butts and boobs. Where am I going to find a dark-skinned black girl that isn’t big and curvy? Again, I’m not racist or trying to discriminate, it’s just that that is what I prefer. Are my standards too strict and should I be more open-minded to other kinds of ethnicities and body types or should I just stick to my preferences and only seek dark-skinned black girls who aren’t curvy? If you could answer my questions, that would be great!!

Thanks,

Mark

P.S. “Mark” isn’t my real name.

Here’s my take:

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She's also the co-host of "Swirlr" the first multiracial, multicultural dating show, and publishes the blog, Beyond Black & White.

23 responses to "QOTW: White Guy Only Wants Dark, Thin Black Girls. Is He Wrong?"

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  1.   Di213 says:
    Posted: 09 Apr

    Mark,I believe I fit your description,however,your taste seems to change with time. I may have a baby or babies and the curves will kick in,will your love (or preference) for this black skinny no curves stand the test of time(babies,hormones,etc) ?

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  2.   Gypsy22015 says:
    Posted: 16 Jan

    No , he is not wrong for knowing what he wants. That is more of a "Today's thing with the darker girls'".......Back in the day, white men desired more the lighter color black slim lady and she desired in most instances the tall, slim, black haired, brunette hair color of a Tan or light tan like color white man not the white - white.. But now 2000-2016 it all based on feelings and not so much the appearance. To each of us - whatever we like..

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  3. Posted: 01 Jan

    No, it is not wrong for him to only want Dark, Thin Black girls if that what he is attracted to. I am a Brown skinned BW and I have preferences as well.

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  4.   Passion678 says:
    Posted: 07 Dec 15

    Hello Mark, it's ok to want a dark woman, but most black or light women are curvy. It is what it is. That's what most men white or black like about us. We have full lips, boobs, and butt. That is our nature.You are going to have to look the world over with a fine tooth comb to find a black woman with nothing. Don't go looking for any dark skin woman, because she is dark. You may find a woman that is perfect for you but is light. You can miss a lot of opportunities, because you are strictly looking for one breed. I'm a black woman that want a white man that does not act black. I want him to be himself. If he's a country guy, that's ok too, but if I come up on a guy that I think is good for me, then that's who I want to be with whether he's black or white. Just be sure that's who you want whoever it may be. If you want to be with a black women, love her just the same as if you were still with white women, because some white men want to be with us for the sex, then will turn around and marry a white woman, because she's white. One thing I have learned when I was with a black guy, was that I loved him, but he really liked big women, he never told me that he loved me, but that he cared. I'm not small, but he liked them bigger than me, like 300 plus. He would compliment them, but not me. So big women were a threat to me, so I let the relationship go, because I felt I wasn't what he really wanted, and I was good to him. That didn't matter. If you are soley looking for a dark woman no matter what, then that's what you need to find, and respect, and love one another. Good luck!

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  5.   lohtuss says:
    Posted: 04 Dec 15

    Aren't you a walking contradiction, it seems you want a white girl with just the black skin... Black women tend to be curvy in some way or another , though you do find the skinny no butt no boob type too in black women and any other race lol , funny thing is shape diversity is prevalent in all races you do find curvy ass, large breasted white girls dime a dozen so, I don't really understand what your dilemma is, if that's what you want and what will satisfy you... Whose permission are you seeking for what will satisfy your soul??... If that's what you want ,that's what you want... ' If thou art true to thine self thou canst not be false to another'

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    • blackbelle01 says:
      Posted: 01 Jan

      No he is not contradicting himself. He wants a Thin BW and there are many thin BW in America and the world. I have this problem as well because I am a Slim BW and BM were more attracted to curvy women with big butts and I did not have either of those attributes it is called a preference and he has a right to have a preference just like anyone else

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  6.   ladybarb says:
    Posted: 13 Oct 15

    Not at all. That's like "I like chocolate chocolate chip ice cream or, I like or prefer vanilla ice cream." Why? Because I do that's why and no other reason. Each person in this world paints his or her own canvas. What you paint on your canvas is what you want it's YOUR canvas. There is no right or wrong. You want what you want on your canvas. Everyone does not think alike and how boring it would be if we did.

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    • blackbelle01 says:
      Posted: 04 Feb

      Exactly I love French Vanilla Ice cream and Strawberry ice cream. I only eat it occasionally but when I do its one or the other. I do not like chocolate and I am actually allergic to it.

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  7.   hearsey says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 15

    To each their own. I have always like dark skinned black men. No younger than 66 years old. All my life, I have liked my coffee dark. And I am not racial never!

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  8.   cass02 says:
    Posted: 16 Sep 15

    Dear Miss Christelyn, One thing that this "Mark" stated in his letter to You that I can honest and truly get behind 1000% is his observation of how very pretty You are !!! Aside from your obvious knock-out physical beauty, the sure, intelligent, and soft spoken way that You answer your audiences questions just makes You all the more sexy to me. I would love to be your man, and You my most adored Queen !!! Sincerely, David (xoxoxo)

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  9.   swtie22 says:
    Posted: 07 Sep 15

    hi my dia , mark i have seen men but ur different coz most men want curvy ladies which is okay coz that is what you prefer but however the %of black ladies with curves &those without curves is 90:10 so if you get adark with curves n she makes you happy go for it... but all in all best of luck in your search dia mark..

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  10.   jcmusicman says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 15

    I thought I would chime in on this one for once. First off, anyone "bashing" or throwing anything negative toward this gentleman's direction, relax. He seems young and immature. Teach him a few things. If he is only around 18 or so. He doesn't know everything. Give him credit for asking and finding out more which is way better than continuing to walk around blindly like so many of us do, especially at his age. Even if its only about his likes and dislikes. If you can tell me that you knew everything there is to know about relationships and your likes/dislikes at his age let alone an interracial one. I'm all ears. Cause I sure didn't. What he likes and dislikes will change has he grows and matures. As long as he keeps asking questions and willing to change himself to be a better man than he has been. If I knew who "mark" was I would be more than happy to help him define what he is looking for in his own mind so he can apply it in his life. Secondly, although i'm personally not a fan Christelyn and her approach. She is helping the best she knows how with the knowledge she has. And for that I give her major props. So I end with this. Opinions come and go with the wind. You can think this man is superficial or not. Regardless, its up to him what he chooses. Why not just help him learn instead of belittling him without any knowledge of him or his life?

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  11. Posted: 02 Sep 15

    Mark, you can find a dark skinned black girl, that is thin. No big boobs no big but, and that has the personality you need for a life time relationship. There are a lot out there. Either online, or in daily life. So I wish you good luck, there is nothing wrong with your preference! But what I want to tell you is, if you find a girl that doesn't have exactly the physics you described, if despite that, you love her, she loves you, she makes you happy, stay with her.

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  12.   Kya21 says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 15

    You want what you want and that's okay. If you like dark skin that's also okay but lets be honest,most women are not stick thin--especially black women. What you want sounds like fetish and even if you find a dark skin girl who is slim and fit with a great personality, chances are she will still have some curves it's called "skinny curvy". Black women are just built that way. It sounds like you've been online looking at African models and formed and unrealistic image of how certain women are supposed to be. Personally, I like tall manly men who lift but I don't plan on being so closed minded that I miss out on the right man because of vanity. To me, goals and personality are more important. You may be surprised at what you're actually attracted to once you meet some of these women in person. So don't be so strict, focus on the 80%.

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  13.   Sherri68 says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 15

    I think "Mark" should look up the definition of Colorism and figure it out for himself. I have an issue with men, white or black perpetuating the "light skinned vs dark skinned" black woman issue. Black women come in various shades and most are naturally curvy. Yes, I get you like what you like, but what are you basing this on? How other people will view you? Are you out to prove something? Is this some type of fetish? Date a black woman because of who she is as a person, not because she's not just dark, but 'really dark'. You seem to have a lot to learn about women. Dark vs light skin amongst black women is a real issue. We don't need men like you perpetuating it.

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    • blackbelle01 says:
      Posted: 01 Jan

      I am a BW and if he likes Dark skinned BW so what. Most men want light skinned women. I am Brown skinned but let someone show our Dark skinned sisters love

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  14.   Akababygirl says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 15

    No that's not true ..that's your Opinion ...I see a lot of BBW with there Mates and they sure do look good to gather ....Hell Big Girls Need Love too ..

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    • blackbelle01 says:
      Posted: 01 Jan

      There is someone for everyone. There are men that love curvy women and if you are curvy then you are what they are looking for. I like tall men because I am short. You are attracted to what you are attracted to.

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