Swirling by Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

QOTW: "My Boyfriend Has Never Witnessed Racism Towards Black People"

Posted by Christelyn, 03 Jul 15

The Question:


My name is “T.” I got your email from a your YouTube video: Should Black Women Marry Up. I am a black woman in an interracial relationship.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

Things seem to be getting pretty serious, but I still have my concerns. I am concerned, because to my knowledge he has never openly witnessed racism towards a black person.

But whenever I talk to him about black culture he is very responsive and positive. Yet, the minute I talk to him about current race issues he shuts down. And this concerns me, because next month we are going to Savanah, Georgia, to celebrate my cousin’s wedding. Where we may experience a racial encounter.

I am not sure how we, as a couple, will deal with a situation regarding race. So far the only situations we have dealt with involved stares and remarks from other people. When I think about the future I do worry about our future children, and how he will handle/explain race to them.

How do I prepare him for this reality? How do we as a couple deal with potential external conflicts concerning race? I hope you can offer me some advice. Thank you, for your time."

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.

2 responses to "QOTW: "My Boyfriend Has Never Witnessed Racism Towards Black People""

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  1.   psg1488 says:
    Posted: 09 Jun

    This will not work. If he says he hasn't ever witnessed racism, you are dealing with an ostrich. Someone who is burying his head in the sand. He further demonstrates this by "shutting down" when you try to discuss race issues. This is a person who does not want to deal with racism. He does not wish to acknowledge that it exists and hopes that it means that it will go away and not be a problem since he refuses to acknowledge it. You are dealing with an unrealistic person. Go on and stay with him if you want. You'll have no one to blame but yourself when in the future one of his friends slips up and calls you the "N" word or uses it casually and he excuses their behavior as a joke or brushes it off. You'll have no one to blame but yourself when he gets irritated because you keep objecting to anything race related. I'd say go on and take him on the trip to Georgia. Let's see how much he "witnesses". See if he excuses or explains away any racist behavior. If he does, you have your indicator for the future of your relationship.

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  2.   urbanposh7 says:
    Posted: 31 Jan

    I know I'm late to this discussion, but all of the other things aside (like your bf seeming interested in discussing black culture), if he has never seen racism being directed at black people--and I mean NEVER--I would reconsider his fitness to be my mate. That to me is very alarming, and I could not imagine (and have never) dated a non black male who felt this way. Perhaps you may want to have a discussion with him regarding how he defines racism and what he believes constitutes racism.

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