Swirling by Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

QOTW: Latino Man Wonders Why Black Women are Uncomfortable with a Sexual Gaze

Posted by Christelyn, 07 Oct 15

The question and comment:

"I watched your videos on the white guy who only wanted slender but darker black women, and the other where white or maybe non-black men who desired younger black women. Both were very well put together and informative. I too seem to have a preference for the same type of slender yet darker black women. If the woman is too curvy that is not what I want. Christelyn you are very hot in my eyes and would be a woman I would put in my wish list! BTW I am 52 and not white, but Mexican with lighter skin and grew up in a mostly white area with very few minorities so white girls were all around. I did date a few black women in the late 90’s between relationships. I did have good chemistry with one of them and to my surprise she was the darker woman. I remember that there was an initial bond with these black women because we were both non-white, and understood the challenges of that situation where white people do not always seem to understand. That is not to say that some white people did not have it worse than us just something we could both relate to. I noticed that some of the white women, especially many of the hotter ones did not approve of this. I found it entertaining because they were the types that would not want to be known to be associating with a Mex guy because of the social circle they linked to. I like women of all races though. You would be very high on my libido meter though, I am sure of that. lol. In reply to the older guys liking younger black women I have noticed many of the black women who I have talked to and not dated seem to be annoyed that men look at them as sex objects. I find this amusing because most white women seem to enjoy the attention and know how to play it out. You are exactly correct in the reasons that these guys are giving the younger black women attention. All younger women get more attention. Black women just need to give these non-black men a chance and stop making excuses to avoid them because they think they may be rejected later. Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

Here’s my take:

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.

19 responses to "QOTW: Latino Man Wonders Why Black Women are Uncomfortable with a Sexual Gaze"

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  1. Posted: 24 Jul

    I liked all the points made in this video. I'd also like to add to the conversation something more, although it may have already been stated in previous comments or elsewhere. Traditionally, women of color have been conditioned in their formative years to be "chaste". They have been told, "Keep your panties up and your skirt down". So sexuality has always been discouraged even before the theme of over-sexualization was forced on them. Further, I've found that even in relationships some have challenges in sexual performance while dating, in relationships and in marriage even when their mate is a man of color. There was never a development of a healthy sex life thus creating inhibition and shame around sex. Along with that are the negative messages received from parents to peers and beyond about complexion, hair type, and body image issues arise, further dismantling the self-esteem. So now no matter the race of the man, the woman lacks confidence. And some women of color feel that they are only wanted for and good enough for sex. So when a man shows interest they become withdrawn and seek to protect themselves from such ostensibly ill intended attention. But that's just my point of view as to why some women of color experience challenges in these types of situations.

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  2. Posted: 24 Jun

    Black women have been conditioned, mostly by family, to believe that non-black only want them for sex, and nothing more. There are also black men who guilt trip us into believing that if bw date/marry outside the race, they are traitors to the black race. Bw should stop thinking non-black men are just interested in them for sex. Remember, the first thing most people are attracted to one another is physical appearance.

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  3.   ladybarb says:
    Posted: 16 May

    A gaze is a stare. No one likes to bed stared at, it's rude and it makes a person feel uncomfortable. I do, however enjoy being admired by the man that adores me and that I adore. That's totally different.

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    • NYGriego says:
      Posted: 27 May

      You just basically admitted you like stares "by the man that adores you" aka the "I want you" look which btw is a gaze. LOL... Make up your mind.

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      • ladybarb says:
        Posted: 08 Jul

        The article, I assume, was referring to MEN (plural) that stare at a woman rudely as she is walking by them... not by your MAN... get it? Read and COMPReheND.

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  4.   NYGriego says:
    Posted: 10 Apr

    Some can't handle the gaze of a Latin or European. Granted, I don't smile much in pics but I can't count how many times I've heard "You have bedroom eyes" or "You're not as mean as you look" for the same pic's gaze. Some decipher the gaze as creepy while other's think it's sexy. Keep giving them the gaze, hermano. Just focus on the one's who think it's sexy.

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  5. Posted: 26 Mar

    I would be uncomfortable with any man regardless of his skin color that looked at me with a sexual gaze. It is just very creepy. I have had someone look at me like that before and it made me very uncomfortable

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  6. Posted: 07 Jan

    I don't mind a GAZE...

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  7.   Cybervee says:
    Posted: 11 Nov 15

    Depends on the Stare! You'd have to work the eyes as if you wanted to kiss my lips........make sure you use eye contact. No deep raised eyebrow starring mind you! Just enough to show you like what you see! Wanna give it a try? Shoot me a message . Smile

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  8.   1948cherry says:
    Posted: 09 Nov 15

    Well Mr. Latino man ,you can not tell me that all white guys want slender black women also I see quite a few white women that have some curves ,so your preferences doesn't speak for lot of people ,I'm 54yrs old does not look it .I get hit on all the time from white guys ,most of them can't tell my age ,l wear a Sze 14 hips ,but but my waist is small, I work out three to four times weekly and I'm not attractive to boys ,young guys or old white men I stay age appropriate, my guy is three years older than I am,white guys start getting crow feet thin hair thirties on ,to all the women black ,white etc. Be who you are ,stay confident, live your life ,A lot of white guys are divorced usually in their forties because they are hung up on what society thinks ,love who you love , do you no matter what's your size ,so much is focus on what others think ,I know a lot of white gals they're slim and is still alone may have sex why don't the world see why white women are jumping to be with black guys, they're tired and just want to be loved for who they are ,and at last white guys are slick they cat call,subtle so big girls find you a white one that wants to hold you ,one that like a big but,white stop being lazy ,what's a few pounds, always wanting the woman on top , you see black men will rock it see ya.

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    • NYGriego says:
      Posted: 10 Apr

      "at last white guys are slick they cat call,subtle... white stop being lazy " I was with you until you started generalizing. No good.

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    • zhariah66 says:
      Posted: 02 Jul

      Girl...I'm with ya...that's right...it is...what it is...white men are now more open to dating black women...because it appears that they are not afraid anymore....of what society thinks...some of them not all....I'm dark...I'm curvy...and I'm sexy...I am me...and I love every inch of my thick self!!!

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  9.   Mosiah7 says:
    Posted: 31 Oct 15

    Maybe the solution is to look at the woman in a normal way so you can look less creepy to her. Most beautiful women (no matter what the race) are used to being gazed at in a sexual manner and may be looking for a man who distinguishes himself as being different from the others.

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  10.   Vanney says:
    Posted: 30 Oct 15

    I think the issue of being taken as a sex object, really depends on how the guy approached you, some pickup lines or what guys talk about can make them appear as perverts, show her other than being sexy, what else you like about her n just be real.

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  11. Posted: 17 Oct 15

    Well, curvy sexy dark black women are my kinda woman, I don't do skinny women, period!!!

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    • COULDBU says:
      Posted: 22 Oct 15

      You like what you like its not wrong or right.:)

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