Swirling by Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

QOTW: "I'm 38, and Tired of Waiting for My IBM!"

Posted by Christelyn, 10 Dec 15

The question:

"I was nervous to write to you at first. I believed all that I was raised with about finding my IBM, that I am not supposed to date outside my race, etc.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

I did all the right things, and followed all the old-school advice. I felt like a failure as I watched friends and acquaintances find and marry black men. Staying married? Who knows?

I find myself now 38 and alone. If this appears on your website, I wouldn’t be surprised if I read a bunch of “She got what she deserved.”; “Get a cat, try a black one”; “Ha ha”; “If you had swirled, you’d be married by now”. That’s fine.

My reason for writing is I have NO idea where to begin to date interracially. I have also been scared because I have been called nigger by white men (not women) at least a dozen times since I became an adult. Every time I think about ‘swirling’, I have flashbacks about being chased through town by an angry white guy in a jeep screaming nigger at me, and other embarrassing instances of bigotry.

I don’t even expect marriage at this point, and children at my age is just a landmine at best and a disaster at worst. It’s even more scary considering I have been celibate for 7 years, and completely paranoid to even date let alone be intimate with a man of any race.

Any assistance would be great."

Here’s my take…

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.

7 responses to "QOTW: "I'm 38, and Tired of Waiting for My IBM!""

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  1.   HankR60 says:
    Posted: 26 Jun

    It's that way for the woman and the guy. I often wonder why are there so many personal ads, "I'm looking for this and this", and when you answer the ad, you have a 98 percent chance nobody will answer you?

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  2.   Briannayes says:
    Posted: 01 May

    Why wait for a terrible life? Get your swirl on.

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  3.   EllaRoxanna says:
    Posted: 10 Jan

    Don't restrict yourself to Black men. This is because Black men with good jobs are very selective about whom they date. The more successful a Black man is, the more likely it is that he will date a light-skinned Black woman or a Latina. So seek whatever man you feel compatible with regardless of his race.

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    • ichuga says:
      Posted: 11 Jan

      Well spoken

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    • NYGriego says:
      Posted: 10 Apr

      "The more successful a Black man is, the more likely it is that he will date a light-skinned Black woman or a Latina." That's a huge red flag, fellas...

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  4. Posted: 01 Jan

    I stopped looking for the IBM years ago and Thank God I did because they don't exsist

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  5.   Newcumer says:
    Posted: 28 Dec 15

    Ibw most ibm are a older men with many good years left whom are overlooked you fast approaching that age that younger ibm have already been taken and what's left lives are usually jacked up economics plays a big part in finding Ibm most brothers don't go after higher education and in today's market they don't have the skills to work skilled trade jobs that pay very well.good luck

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