Swirling by Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

QOTW: Advice on How Two Shy People Can Start Getting Their Swirl On

Posted by Christelyn, 28 Aug 15

I got two similar letters recently related to shyness. One from a young black woman, the other from a young, white college student.

"Dear Christelyn,

My name is Aaron Wade and I am a 21 year old college student. About a week ago a co-worker, J, introduced my to her cousin, M, who is black, and J said that M and I should go out. Well at first I thought that J was joking, but now I am not so sure. While I was checking M out, who I am very attracted to by the way, I noticed she was looking at me smiling and waving so I smiled and waved back. As the work night continued J told me a few things about M, like she is shy, and seemed to be encouraging me to ask M out; which I did not do that night because to opportunity never presented itself to me (if it did I could not tell). Two days later, when J worked again, I ask J if M was with her today, unfortunately she had went home. However, J told me that she would bring M by on Friday to see me. J did bring M by to see my on Friday but it was busy, I work in a restaurant, so I did not get a chance to talk to M. When J and M first walked up to me J said, “Aaron, guess who I brought.” M kinda of smiled but did not really say anything. So my question is, does she like me? I can never tell if a girl likes me. I have never asked a girl out or been on a date because I am very shy and cannot tell if a girl likes me and is flirting with me. If she does like me, how do I ask her out? If she does say yes what should we do? (M is 19 so I cannot take her to a bar, or ask her if she would like to have a drink with me.) I know that this may seem like a lot of questions but I have never done anything like this before. Any help would be appreciated."

And from the young woman…

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

"Hi admin am “A” from SA but would love to remain anonymous or you can use any name to replace mine, I admire your work and page before I knew about this page I used to think I was not normal or I was an outcast because I have always loved white men period since I was pre-school till now, I have dated 2 white guys before and things never worked out because their families and friends did not approve, that still has not stopped how I love vanilla guys so I have a situation now there’s a guy from work who I love madly but he doesn’t know am not even sure if he notices me or if he does like black girls, I can’t stop thinking of him, missing him when he is not at work, bam tired of dying inside am tired of acting like I don’t notice him, now I have a challenge am too shy to approach him and his best friend is my supervisor , now I would like to ask my supervisor if his friend is single married or committed because I have never seen a ring on his finger, if he is married or taken I will bury my feelings but if he is single I want to ask my supervisor to let him know how I feel about him, am not so brave to face him and am not sure if I can face his rejection in ky face if he does reject me, so I need advice from you and the readers how to best approach this matter and how to let him know how I feel, because I can’t carry on bottling up inside I need advice, have a lovely day thank you!"

Here’s my take:

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.

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