Pleasure vs. Pain Principle

Posted by Leticia, 23 Jul 08

How many of us have stopped short of finding that right "whatever", because there was a small barrier that came between us and that "thing". SOMETIMES you have to be willing to go through a little discomfort to get rewards that even you didn't know were possible. What have you or would you do to get the attention of someone that you thought could be "the one"? Where do you draw the line?

...you've hung up shingles to your new office and they've walked in, laid on the couch and their therapy session has now begun? If not are you that friend or relative?

They say that it's always good to have someone to talk to. I get that. What I'm not hearing enough is that the best advice you're ever going to be able to get and trust is the advice that you get from yourself. Call it your gut, instinct, intuition whatever, just listen to it sometimes, you may be surprised by what you hear.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

How many of us have stopped short of finding that right "whatever", because there was a small barrier that came between that thing and us.

Case in point, just last month while traveling, I got to the Los Angeles airport 2-hours early and was not looking forward to having an additional two-hour layover when I changed planes. I noticed that there was an earlier flight, but I'd have to fly stand by and give up my window seat. As I sat there trying to decided do I stay here and wait or go forward and wait... something inside me said "go for it" so I did.

I flew stand-by and ended up getting a seat sandwiched between the two most beautiful men on this planet earth. (That's a whole other article). The only thing worse than leaving my middle seat, was the thought that I still had another two-hour layover waiting for me. As soon as I got off the plane, I learned there was another connecting flight leaving in 15-minutes. For a split second, I was tempted not to try. I thought there was nothing in me that felt like pullin' an OJ and running through the airport. (All jokes and interracial comparisons are completely coincidental).

Again, that little voice said, "Do it". So, I get on a train and power walk through another terminal. As I got to the gate, the attendant was closing the door and I quickly asked... "Is there any more seats available?" After checking my ticket, he looked at me, smiled and said, "Sit in any open seat".

All that to say this...SOMETIMES you have to be willing to go through a little discomfort to get rewards that even you didn't know were possible. What have you or would you do to get the attention of someone that you thought could be "the one"? Where do you draw the line? I'd also like to know if you've every followed your gut and got a surprising reward at the end?

See, I think about my single friends and notice the difference between the ones that really want to find someone and the ones that are enjoying every day of their single lives to the fullest. The ones that have the most fun, go with the flow, their expectations are "to have a great time". if they meet someone and that turns into something else...that's all the better, but not the end goal. The end goal is to enjoy the sure thing...themselves!

The other friends, well, they continue to set themselves up for disappointment. Prime example, a very good friend has finally given in to on-line dating. She's met a guy that lives here locally, and they've been talking over a month or so. They've decided to get together for coffee...after I did the Leticia background check, (its a skill and I provide this service for my friends). Now she's been telling me about him since they swapped the first email, but why is it now, days before they are to meet that she is concerned by the fact that he is on 5'10. She's always known that, why now? Is it fear? Is she setting the stage for disappointment prior to holding auditions for the cast? Let me say now my friend is only 5'1 herself. However, as she points out, she's use to dating guys over 6 feet tall. Me being me had to point out "that really hasn't worked out very well for you in the past huh?"

My point and then I'm done. We all have this idea of what perfect is like for us. The perfect home, car, career and mate...It always seems easier to spot a "good thing" when someone else is living in it, driving it or married to them. What we aren't spotting is the opportunities that we've had in our lifetime to have the same things but, because it didn't come wrapped in a pretty box with a pretty ribbon, we passed. I would never tell myself or anyone else to settle. What I would say is to be open to the possibility of something you never thought would "TURN YOU ON".

This is Leticia, what does true love look like and are you limiting yourself by answering that question?

18 responses to "Pleasure vs. Pain Principle"

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  1.   Edwina says:
    Posted: 05 Oct 08

    We all need to step outside the box once in a while and see that there are men and women out there who may not be ideal in the eyes of our family but is ideal for us, finding the special person to share life with is a treasure,and when you stop putting up fences we block others from coming in and treating you right. loosen up once in a while and let go, and not all men and women are bad.

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  2.   jannew says:
    Posted: 05 Oct 08

    i feel that my profile all by itself is an intimidating filter/barrier-'surely i don't mean for it to be-i just get so few matchings and hookups locally-that it's about all that there's left for me to do IS to reach out to people via online-also putting a picture online would help (me) too-to attract possibly, however so-i "can't afford it to mean that much"-E:beautiful people tend not to (and of course-i don't mean all)front all of their substance at once-some..and i mean some have one work quite hard to reach in to get to know them-because their outer can throw one off-guard-and the whole experience can rear some imcredible scars of not trusting. in other words: hold (myself the most) accountable-while open and balanced while i reach out to people/fellas-and curb my baggage/garbage at the door:) 'peace assured jw

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  3.   Jeff says:
    Posted: 24 Sep 08

    Well, pleasure vs pain, hmmm. I tend to appreciate pleasure much more, although some folks are really, really into pain, really like that sort of thing.

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  4.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 08 Sep 08

    Yes Jabali, they do exist in our minds thats why we need to get rid of them

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  5.   dawn says:
    Posted: 07 Sep 08

    when you have been treated badly in other relationships we do put barriers up, so no one can get in and hurt you again. Ok it doesnt help but eventually we get past that and try again as you never know if that right guy is just waiting for you to cross his path just so he can treat you just how it is you wanted to be treated in the first place. So really barriers stop you getting the things you want the guy you want.

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  6.   Jabali says:
    Posted: 04 Sep 08

    Filters, barriers; that stuff that exists in our minds. Get rid of that stuff.

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  7.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 08

    some filters are actually due to a weakness..but you cannot know untill you try.

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  8.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 08

    barriers don't help...go out there and just be yourself..you will surprised what life has in store for you

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  9.   Amy says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 08

    Leticia, I agree!! Thanks for the reminder, since I don't always practice what I believe!!

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  10. Posted: 31 Aug 08

    Stop and smell the roses!!!!

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  11.   Carla says:
    Posted: 25 Aug 08

    Your words are beautiful. Society has instructed us to be cautious. In many instances this is true but were all on this site looking for something or someone. If you don't take a chance you may miss out on your future of happiness.

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  12. Posted: 17 Aug 08

    Perfect, Leticia...you've given us great wisdom here. And congratulations to you too FKOI, I see you've learned a lot since July 25.

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  13.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 15 Aug 08

    Good article. I think that sometimes some of our "filters" turn out not to be ours at all but something that comes from the outside. I like the saying that while someone may not be perfect, she may be perfect for me. Sometimes we do just have to grab our briefcase and hurdle through the airport. If you hadn't made those decisions that day, Leticia, you might still be in that first airport waiting (metaphorically speaking anyway).

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  14. Posted: 12 Aug 08

    I know sometimes i feel like i need to loosen up on certain things..I'm learning though.

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  15. Posted: 12 Aug 08

    I know sometimes i feel like i need to loosen up on certain things..I'm learning though.

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  16.   Pia65 says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 08

    I couldn't agree with you more! One man's / woman's treasure is another's trash! Prefection is all in how you "view" it!

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  17.   sortaann says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 08

    True story, sometimes we need to loosing up...and see whats beyond face value or perfection as we see it.

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  18.   gary says:
    Posted: 27 Jul 08

    Leticia, Great article you hit that one out of the park. Sometimes we need to take our filters off and just go with the flo. Something or someone you never thought you might be attrackted to could just be what your looking for. G

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