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Online dating worse than meeting someone in a bar?

Posted by James, 29 Jun

Well, that is the story as per a recent research by group of U.S. psychology professors explaining why there is no substitute for face-to-face encounters. One of the psychologists Eli Finkel, an associate professor at Northwestern University feels "There's no better way to figure out whether you're compatible with somebody than talking to them over a cup of coffee or a pint of beer."

As much as he thinks that is true, I believe, a relationship that is meant to work will work regardless of how the initial encounter was. See, even if the first encounter was over coffee as opposed to a reply to some email or chat, daters will always be under the pressure to give a good first impression. And if you ask me, a first encounter over beer isn’t enough to judge compatibility because more than half the time, both parties are trying too hard to impress.

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Most people who say online dating encounters are limited are mis-guided by distorted perceptions they have read and formed over years. People who have been open about online dating, have had success. And success is relative to an individual. Just because I met someone over coffee and we clicked doesn’t necessarily mean we are compatible life partners. Just because I have been dating someone online over a year without a face to face meeting doesn’t mean it will all go south the day we meet.

Finkel is even calling dating sites "supermarkets of love" … that dating sites provide too many choices which can make people make lazy and poor decisions. Kinda like buying something in a rush just because you didn't have the time to scrutinize everything that was on display only to realize Nah! This wasn't what I really wanted. He says dating sites "overload people and they end up shutting down"

The way I see it, online or offline, the search for love is essentially shopping for love. My choice to buy something online doesn’t out-rightly make it an imperfect fit. Just because someone else tried his suit on at the shopping mall doesn’t mean he wont feel ridiculous in it when he hits the streets or get tired of it immediately.

The thing is, relationships take more effort than a couple of beers or a dating profile. And if you ask me, online dating is a substitute for face to face encounters. Online love has proven to be just as good as the conventional kind where a couple bumped into each other some place. Lets cut online dating some slack. I look around me and my friends have had online dating success… marriage success!

This particular research, I am gonna have to disagree with.

4 responses to "Online dating worse than meeting someone in a bar?"

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trackgirl15 says:

Posted: 19 Jul 12

Online dating is definitely worse. A lot of these guys can be whoever they want because you aren't face to face with them. At least at a bar even if they front you can see right through their bs.

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kelli310 says:

Posted: 03 Jul 12

I think online dating is worse than the bar because atleast at the bar what you see is what you get usually. I've met more weird, misrepresenting awkward guys online than out and about. I've found more outgoing and cute guys at the bar and in other social environments far more than I have online so it makes sense.

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SugahRush says:

Posted: 03 Jul 12

Internet dating teaches us more about ourselves than others. We seem to base our value on how many “hits” we get or how many dates. (in the Real World it was number of dances, phone numbers, or drinks bought). We learn about our tolerances and see our own impatience and desperation. We see our vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Our beliefs are challenged and even compromised and we see just how thinly we’ll spread ourselves over multiple sites in hopes of being “discovered” by Mr. /Ms. Wonderful. Online dating greatly increases the chance that one will be ‘discovered’ because of the mass exposure, yet, it’s much harder to stand out which is very disconcerting. “What’s wrong with me?” becomes the mantra. In response, more sites are joined, more pictures are posted, and more flesh is flashed—to get attention. Online we’re constantly trying to “get as much info about this person as possible”. But, the quality of the information is usually lacking and trivial and applies to the masses. How many “tall, dark, handsome, sexy/curvy, educated, independent, romantics” live on this planet? There’s a challenge to know what we’re getting into—online AND in person. I mean, handsome Ted Bundy; young party guy, Jeffery Dahmer didn’t have “dating site profiles” and their dates ended pretty damn badly, right?! Maybe the problem is that the internet makes it so damn easy to see and be seen that we actually become a bit delusional by all the “attention”? Many people claim to get hurt—repeatedly—online because of what they believed about the person on the other side of their computer/cam. I dare say that it’s actually because of what they believe about themselves. Again, one learns about oneself ONLINE...and about others face to face. The Virtual world is a great place to meet others, but to make (a) deep, lasting love? You gotta get REAL!!! ;)

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bethis says:

Posted: 01 Jul 12

the problem with online dating is people have gotten spoil it's easier they don't take the time to say hello hi how are you rather go online i think that people should be more social offline i do beleive that oline dating is more dangerous than off because they do not tell us about all the bad things that happens the scammers and the liars and all the peop;e that have die from dating online

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