Mating grounds: Find out what women really want (it's science!)

Posted by Jordan, 31 Oct 14

"As humans we are not a species that runs on physical dominance; we are a species that runs on social status, respect." - Dr. Geoff Miller

The Cheat Sheet:

    Your perfect partner could be online right now...

    What are you looking for?

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What do women really want in a man? It seems to be a question men have asked themselves and have been trying to answer for centuries. If you're tired of wondering and you want actual answers to help you better understand, connect and have quality relationships with women then have a listen to today's show.

Our guest is Dr. Geoff Miller, is evolutionary psychologist at the University of New Mexico-Albuquerque and author of several books including The Mating Mind. Presently he is teaming up with Tucker Max to produce podcast episodes for Mating Grounds and a book on the same subject: understanding what women want and how to give it to them. Listen in for details on all of that and so much more on the 334th episode of The Art of Charm.

More About This Show:

To understand what Dr. Miller shares in today's episode it's helpful to understand his background and his line of studies. He is an evolutionary psychologist which means he spends his time understanding topics like human sexuality, mate choice, and human emotions to name a few. He says he has long been fascinated by women's psychology and why women chose the men they do and the links those choices have to our history as humans.

And one common thread he has found is that attraction transcends all other boundaries, certain ways of attracting a mate are not exclusive to particular cultures and countries. It is primal and instinctive within humans. Attraction doesn't have a secret language, anyone can learn it and use it wherever they live.

We get into several useful applications of mating behavior in this episode, the first of which is the body types women are most attracted to. Dr. Miller says women in general find tall and lean men most attractive, they want the Olympic swimmer-type look. They prefer men who look capable and athletic, but still have some body fat so long as it's not abdominal fat which women are turned off by.

So why does it seem like women like the super-buff gym rats? During their most fertile times of the month women find more masculine traits attractive, like big muscles. You can use this to your advantage if you aren't a big muscle guy. If a girl says no when you ask her out one week, try again the next week. It could just be where she is in her cycle.

Another fascinating topic we dive into is how to know when a woman is at her most fertile. It seems men know this on a subconscious level, Dr. Miller gives us an example of a study done that showed women who were professional lap dancers made more money during their peak ovulation times (ie their most fertile time of the month) then they did at another time of the month.

But if the woman you have your eye on isn't a lap dancer, there are other cues you can look for. You'll need to know her a bit for this but watch how she dresses. It's been scientifically shown that women who are closest to their peak fertile times will dress more provocatively, wear red, wear lipstick or more makeup than usual and will wear more jewelry than usual. Sort of "peacocking" female-style that seems to happen about 10-14 days into her cycle.

Dr. Geoff also explains a woman's cycle and the time of the month when she will generally be most fertile. He gives us reasons why we as men need to know about hormonal birth control and how it impacts a woman's choice in a man - there is scientific evidence that shows women on hormonal birth control choose different man than if they are not using hormones. An important lesson to know whether you're dating or in a relationship.

He also gives us tips on how to attract women whether we're wealthy or poor, the important role language plays in dating and mating, and what we should be focusing on to attract quality women (and it's not more time in the gym!). It was a pleasure to have Dr. Miller on the show, I want to thank him for joining us and to thank you for being here too. Enjoy the episode and we'll see you next time.

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you're interested in The Art of Charm residential programs, apply for a strategy call with a coach. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook or Twitter.

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