Love Knows no Color or Age

Posted by Leticia, 01 Nov 08

Some would say that young love is just that; immature, uncertain, under-developed emotions that stir participants into blind and reckless behavior. This could be an taken as a generalization or stereotype, neither of which reflect one's ability for rational thought while in love. But when has love ever been rational or logical? How many times have we been told to listen to our hearts, even when every other body part is speaking a different language. Have you ever been in love and it made no sense at all? Did you stop? Why not?

But, what you know...can help someone else

I'm on the phone with my aunt the other day and out of the blue she say's "can I ask you a personal question"? Without hesitation I say yes. She asks if I was "head over heals madly in love" when I married my ex-husband and babies daddy? She then asked me if it was difficult for me to leave when it was over? The answer to both questions was the same...absolutely.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

After a few more probing questions the explanation was reveled. Her granddaughter was supposed to be getting married in January and just found out that her fiancée, live-in love, father of her two small children, was having ANOTHER baby with another woman. This would be the same "other woman" that was carrying his child at the same time that my cousin was having his first baby. I hope that I haven't lost you here.

My little second-cousin got pregnant by her then boyfriend and had a baby boy. A month later another young lady (I use the term loosely), had a baby by the same man. My little cousin forgave him, got back together got engaged and they had a second child. The wedding was planned and now there appears to be a second child for the "other" woman on the way.

What do you do? Now the reason my aunt was seeking me out is clear. Although she had some similar experiences being a divorced single mom back in the day, she wanted some sound advise and someone closer in age to her grandchild to talk with her and share the emotions that come with leaving a man despite having children with him and that burning heartache that comes with letting go of that dream...of your babies growing up in the same house with both parents.

Often we go through things that we don't share because we're embarrassed or ashamed. Not realizing that our stories and experiences could help someone get through what they are going through. So, this is what I told her...

The hardest thing I've ever done in my life was the best thing that I could have ever done with my life for the life of my children. It was hard, it was confusing, it was lonely, it was physically and emotionally draining but, most of all it was necessary for me.

I told my aunt to give her granddaughter my number and tell her to call me, that I was here to talk, listen or both. Sometimes we just need to know that there are others that have walked a path that we are considering so that we know that it does lead somewhere better than were we are now.

Now, I'm asking for all my people men and women to help me and many others that may be going through something of their own. Tell us your story of how you get through or got through a tough decision. Help me reassure a young woman that there are MEN out there that can appreciate a real woman (with children) and not to give up or give in out of fear of the unknown or being left alone.

See, I can only speak on what I know first hand, what I would do and what I've done. But, I know that my way is only one way and there are many ways to find happiness and peace. I do know that there are many options and possibilities that she hasn't even considered and yes, in due time I'll even introduce her to this site where she can read your comments and maybe in her own time...look for love and discover choices she had never considered before.

This is Leticia, what would you do?

49 responses to "Love Knows no Color or Age"

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  1.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 25 Oct 09

    It seems that this article should really be titled, "Heartache Knows No Color Or Age". Sadly, it comes to all of us. Alfred Lord Tennyson may have been right when he penned, "'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all," even though Tennyson referred to a loved one who has died. However, when I've been in that "loved and lost" category it doesn't feel that way. All I can do is love again, taking with me the lessons I've learned and go on as best I can.

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  2.   Legs34 says:
    Posted: 16 Sep 09

    I know I am a little late to comment on this, but I would like to share my story. I am not married, have always hoped that my life would lead down that path. I have recently, with in this year, had to come to terms that my relationship with whom I thought was my bestestest friend was over. Like Leticia, I found myself in this long process. There were days when all I wanted was to cry and hide under my sheets in bed. There were days when I was angry at him, and angry at the world...how could he throw away our friendship our love. We bonded with each other's children and they bonded with each other. I guess you could say my imagine of my happily ever after big family disappeared. It was a day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute, even second to second process for me. I allowed myself to feel what I felt. I also tried to depend on friends, but as much as I love them, sometimes they made me feel worst than I was. Not that I wasn't ready to hear the truth, I just didn't want them to judge him because they were judging me, because I was the one who allowed him in my life and my children's lives. Some time has passed and I must say that I have my moments but it they are few and far between now. I know my heart has healed some, and I have a long way to go, but I am handling things on my terms, the way I see fit, the way I can handle them, not matter how right or wrong I am. No matter how much advice I get, I am the only one who can push the healing process a long by dealing with it on my terms and mine alone. You must give yourself time, no matter how much you hate being a lone or feel lonely, you have to give yourself time, so you can see things clearly and make sound choices. Don't push yourself or rush yourself out of feeling like you should be out and about because so much time has passed. Do things on your time and on your terms, that way you can't blame no one, and you are the one who can live with the choice. Always know that love is still out there, and the right one for you is waiting for you. You may be down right now, but you are not out. I can go on and on but I have school work to do.

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  3.   Ash says:
    Posted: 13 Aug 09

    Very Nice Article...

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  4.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 24 Jun 09

    Older but wiser now I can thoroughly see the benefit of knowing someone really well before getting into the position (so to speak) of creating a child with that person. The knucklehead (and I mean that in the least judgemental way possible. LOL) who is making babies with at least two women (and who knows how many more) has no idea what it means to be a father. Lordy, it is hard enough to truly father a child with just one woman. When you start planting your seed all over town, you can hardly be more than a sperm and dollar donator to the cause. My advice, assuming it were asked, is for the young lady to run not walk away. She is not blameless in all this either. She has already been the egg donor for two children without a father. Please don't make anymore. Please don't harm any more. Maybe she believed his lies and maybe she refused to accept the truth before her first pregnancy. It is brave and noble in many ways to be forced into single motherdom. To take it on in the way she has shows a naivete and lack of true concern for her children. Loving children begins before they are born. Creating as stable a situation as possible in a completely unstable world is part of that love. In a time where pregnancy can be prevented 85% of the time just by using a condom, it is almost criminal not to use one (to say nothing of one's self-image in the face of the danger presented by that scenario). Even more significant, not having sex with a jackass is 100% effective against having the child of a jackass.

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  5.   hosey5 says:
    Posted: 18 Jun 09

    love is blind. i beleive that, but if you have two children growing up watching this behavior, what do you think their thoughts will be when it comes to a normal relationship? they will know nothing about normal. the boy's will think it is their right to have two or three families. why not! their mom allowed it in her home. the girls will grow up thinking that they are supposed to be doormats for their man. think about it.

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  6.   Delphine says:
    Posted: 06 Jun 09

    Interesting article. I'm not sure I make the connection with philandering spouses/lovers and the question about age, race and love. Nevertheless, if a person makes you unhappy, then if you choose to stay with them you should know that there is a chance that you will forever stay unhappy. It is very difficult to give your children the love and support that they need when you are coming from an unhappy, unfulfilled heart.

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  7.   Mwansa says:
    Posted: 08 May 09

    Very nice article, Leticia. Really made me think...

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  8.   Jabali says:
    Posted: 28 Mar 09

    That's an interesting perspective, EALECIA. Believe it or not the same thing can be said for lot's of men.

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  9.   Ealecia says:
    Posted: 08 Feb 09

    Leticia, You are on point. Young ladies need to stop looking for someone to complete them. They need to look for someone to enhance who and what they are,because they are complete,they may not think they are. Ladies get rid of the baggage,oh I know it is easier said and then done. I will tell you that emotional abuse will hurt your children more then you will ever know, they seem mommy hurt and crying accepting the abuse and that the way they think it should be. Ladies dont scare your children move slow get out and get on. Dont be a BAG LADY all your life and another thing why stand in front of a fist if you see a punch coming. Love is out there children, senior, young and broken spirited. You just have to go for it try this site and you will be delightfully surprised. My advise is investigate your contacts and ask questions about exs family,friends,education (where and how much)....Ladies I Have faith in you, pull it togeter and find it on this site.....Ealecia

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  10.   Tanesha says:
    Posted: 01 Feb 09

    Did he really say he's against interracial relationships because it makes black women seem inferior to white women??? So not true. I don't feel like I need to be with a black man to feel validated as a woman, period.

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  11.   sandra says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 09

    A color of one person should not matter in a relationship, but the society we living in is hard to accept changes, but little by little people or trying to accept it more, which is a good thing. I use to think that it is harder on a black person, than a white but it is the same pressure on either one. I think as long as the persons or happy, let them be, and be happy for them.

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  12.   Draco1955 says:
    Posted: 21 Jan 09

    I recently broke up with a woman whose kids - I'm being VERY polite here - are spoiled, unapologetic brats. She and I originally believed her kids would find me interesting and enjoyable to be around. Four years later, I am again unattached. But that's not the end of my story! I have been dating a woman who believed her kids would not like me, because they have not liked any of the men she was married to, and share much animosity among themselves. Two of the girls are sisters, the third is a half-sister. Well, just like the first woman, this one was wrong. Her daughters and grandkids all love me and we enjoy every minute we spend together. Love is out there for all of us; we simply have to look around.

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  13.   msndpndnt says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 09

    Good men come a dime a dozen. There are good men out there that will love her for who she is, and will also love her children. He obviously is not good enough for her, and in time, he will realize what he has lost. She needs to step back and take a breather, and ask herself if she wants her children growing up in a home that will be full of tension. Does she really love a man who is not loyal to her? Why would she possibly want to put herself and her children that kind of misery. I hope she makes the right decision for herself, and realizes she is worth much more than he has to offer her.

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  14.   colleen says:
    Posted: 15 Jan 09

    All these articles were so amazing to read Boy my story will be worth telling.

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  15.   Maridoe says:
    Posted: 12 Jan 09

    His trophy! When I saw these words I realized the reason why my wonderful Nana was adamant on the subject of Interracial Relationships. It isn't an easy thing to open your heart to the possibility of love, it does not matter the what color you are. However, to go out with the intention of having a man or woman as your trophy or hobby as I was told is no better than just coming out and saying I am only with you for the conversational bragging rights! Who even knew people thought like that. The caution with which I navigated the strange new dating rules and regulations while raising my daughter changed while I was busy enjoying what I thought was the last relationship of my life. Surprise, the world turns and now I am thinking about writing another cook book or perhaps the story of those girls and guys who were so very blessed to find an actual life partner. Just my humble opinion.

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  16.   cocochica says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 09

    The whole issue boils down to respect, both having it for self and for each other. If Leticia's cousin's case, she needs to regain her self respect and go. This dude had no respect for this young woman the first time he stepped out and had the first child with another woman, and continued to have no respect for her by getting that other woman pregnant again while she was pregnant for the second time. I have to agree with the poster who called this whole scenario a cliche, and it is a sad commentary on what it take to make some people feel better about themselves. I hope this woman finds what she needs to in order to take control over her life and not allow others to rule her. I hope the new year finds her in a better place, and by herself.

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  17. Posted: 07 Jan 09

    Sometimes whwn young it is better too have Loved and Lost . Learmimg from ones mistakes is easy enough only one perfect n ' it wasn't me Hehe / 009 Bombed Les Bombed

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  18.   marty says:
    Posted: 03 Jan 09

    Commitment truth and honesty. Its all I ever wanted. Long ago however one day a guy popped up and he wooed me and swept me off my feet. Let him move in and found out 8.5 months later that he already had a girlfriend and had been seeing her 2.5 years?????? still calling and seeing her while living with me. yes he left out the door but my goodness what is wrong with people nowadays why cant people just tell the truth...

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  19.   KyttiKat11 says:
    Posted: 01 Jan 09

    I personally have been the victim of a cheating spouse. This infidelity happened while I was pregnant with our daughter. I have to say that I was devastated when I found out. The worst part of it is that once you learn that you've been lied to, you wonder what else they've lied about during the course of your relationship. Was it only 1 other woman? Or were there more? My spouse (at the time) was so sneaky and manipulative, he wouldn't even admit to it when he was caught red handed. Being lied to was worse than the cheating itself. Not to mention whatever STD's I may have been exposed to without my knowledge or consent. I can tell you that the day I got over him and left, was the most empowering sense of relief I have ever felt in my life. I realized that if I stayed in a relationship built on deceit, that it was my own fault if I chose to stay and endure the suffering. Once I broke myself of the "addiction" I had to that disfunctional relationship, I began to see that I deserved so much better, and that there are men out there who want to be exclusive to one woman. Just because I had one bad experience, doesn't mean that all men are pigs. This girl deserves the truth and her babies deserve a daddy that is a positive role model in their lives, not a cheating, lying coward.

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  20.   laughsailor says:
    Posted: 30 Dec 08

    Janie, may I kindly point out that "females seem to love harder and overlook things guys will not" is a false stereotype. I hope you disprove your statement with a wonderful guy you meet here. I agree with the general sentiment - The niece ought to get out of that horrible relationship immediately. Put the dress away for the right man. The purpose of an engagement is introspection and seeing if the decision is mature and correct. When there's any doubt, the stuff hiding behind the doubt has to be examined, seriously communicated and come to terms with. Doubt is our past bloody noses screaming at us not to do it again - Pay attention because that survival feature of ours really works! Women cheat just as much and treat men just as badly, so gals please don't get on a soapbox about how bad men are - Playing the injured innocent just comes off silly, immature and quite obviously wrong. With that said, there are wonderful people everywhere and I've met some here. How about recognizing the bad, hitting delete and moving on to the gems in our lives? Spending time with bad people not only prevents us from finding those who are really great for us but also drags us down to their level. Happy 2009 everyone!

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  21.   laughsailor says:
    Posted: 30 Dec 08

    Janie, may I kindly point out that "females seem to love harder and overlook things guys will not" is a false stereotype. I hope you disprove your statement with a wonderful guy you meet here. I agree with the general sentiment - The niece ought to get out of that horrible relationship immediately. Put the dress away for the right man. The purpose of an engagement is introspection and seeing if the decision is mature and correct. When there's any doubt, the stuff hiding behind the doubt has to be examined, seriously communicated and come to terms with. Doubt is our past bloody noses screaming at us not to do it again - Pay attention because that survival feature of ours really works! Women cheat just as much and treat men just as badly, so gals please don't get on a soapbox about how bad men are - Playing the injured innocent just comes off silly, immature and quite obviously wrong. With that said, there are wonderful people everywhere and I've met some here. How about recognizing the bad, hitting delete and moving on to the gems in our lives? Spending time with bad people not only prevents us from finding those who are really great for us but also drags us down to their level. Happy 2009 everyone!

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  22.   Janie says:
    Posted: 29 Dec 08

    I agree walking away is hard to do because females seem to love harder and over look things guys will not just too be happy until you learn better. I learn when you learn better do better. I can see her forgiving him the first time because we all make mistakes but the second time no, because once she get married or just stay with him as time passes she is going to wonder what she did to herself for staying with him, if he loved her like he should since she forgave him the first time it would never have happen again. sometime we have to do things for our children not just us, if they stay in situation it makes them think it is okay to accept anything things. I believe that she should let it go, pray about it get cover by the Lord learn to love self and not wait on other to love her, pray and wait on the right one he may not come when she want him but he will be on time if only she believe. The Lord will give her strength to love and care for her children believe I am a single mother of 3, they are all grown and doing well. Don't take that type of caring from no man; your baby daddy or no one else, he don't love her like he pretend because u don't make the same mistake twice and with the same person. Join the dating site just to get a clear head you will be surprise of just having friends and no one serious they will help you learn a lot about men because of how badly he treated you

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  23.   ASableSwan says:
    Posted: 29 Dec 08

    The title is misleading. "Model Mayhem" should be the title" When I read this my first thought is this is a life about irresponsible individuals. Some people consider this living... when in reality it is drama on the lowest scale. Left best for Springer. :(

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  24.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 27 Dec 08

    How many times did I walk away from a job interview with my time wasted because I did not have experience in that trade . So I would go to another and make out their application for employment and with a left leg 1 3/4 inches shorter , limb out of their office still unemployed knowing that come Friday there would be no paycheck and if I was going to eat . My skills on a pool table is where I would find to cash to do so . Meanwhile , please allow me to go back to the question at hand . I married at 18 years old and after 8 years got a divorce . At 27 , I remarried another Ladie and we were together 23 years and 3 years later I got another divorce . I have remarried and hope the experience from the first two will allow me the right . Till death do us part , because of what I learned from two failed marriages , Alas I do know that it takes more than just myself to make a this one last . The word that is most important is "We " Love Les

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  25.   diva says:
    Posted: 25 Dec 08

    we are met to love one another were of gods image and skine color is just that color after all were on this website to find love of every race so those people hope have a problem need to grow up .

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  26.   rms says:
    Posted: 25 Dec 08

    Marriage is not disposable. Although I am not a mother or wife, I consider marriage a sacared union between husband and wife. The signs are clearly there. Move on to a man who loves honors AND respects you, just as I would hope you for him.

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  27.   Nevahafta says:
    Posted: 23 Dec 08

    Say I don't before you say I do! The best thing for everyone is to live and grow in a healthy environment. Constant confusion only causes caios and therefore is not healthy.

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  28. Posted: 21 Dec 08

    Love can never be unsure

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  29.   paintress says:
    Posted: 14 Dec 08

    i really feel for the girl/woman,who found out that another woman s carring his babies also!!it is so cliche,but we must remember,its not her its him,who s making this mistake,choosing this type of life.i feel kinda sorry for him..a lot of guys out there need a lot of ego boosting..maybe cause they ve been hurt?it is rare these days to find a descent man,however,i try to think there are some left...i do believe it is better to have lived and loved.-

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  30.   Gina says:
    Posted: 10 Dec 08

    Leticia, This is a really good article and the issue hits the nail right on the head for many of us. i am not a mother nor am i engaged, but i do know that, if i were to be in this situation and if worse comes to worse, i would not regret what i did or was about to do. When having children you're going to do what's best for them. So, as far as what happens between you and a man or your husband or fiance, if you have children, you shold always do whats best for them. we have to get out of the selfish mindset and think about them in situations that hit so close to us. like i used to tell my parents...i love you both, but i'd rather see you both happy apart than miserable together. for some people it's different...so i really enjoyed this article. thanks for posting it!

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  31.   Samantha says:
    Posted: 09 Dec 08

    Commitment, trust, honesty, these are all important parts of a marriage and if they have been betrayed before the I Do's they wuill not be honored after. I married a man who is not the father of my children and he cheated on me 2 months after we were married. I was his trophy and he thought I was so thankful to have someone in my life that I would turn the other cheek. Little did he know I was lonely not desperate. Your cousin needs to take a hard look at what she wants from this man before she marries him. If he can't fulfill her needs then she needs to move on. He can still be Daddy to the kids without being with her. That's what he is doing with his other baby's mama. Don't ever settle! I did and it was and still is a miserable experience! When my situation is settled in February I will never settle for second best again even if it means I am lonely!!! God is a woman's best friend not a diamond!

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  32.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 09 Dec 08

    Yes Leticia, tell your niece to get out before its too late. She is beautifully made by God to be loved by a more deserving man....You can make it

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  33.   Angela says:
    Posted: 06 Dec 08

    Look I just left a 20 year relationship where my husband cheated several times. Wants I started to have an relationship with God, I realize that he wasn't the man God had for me in the 1st place. It was hard to leave now that my kids are teenagers I come to terms that I want a Godly relationship with a man that loves me for me. Know that God didn't put you on earth to be a door mat for any man. Your here for God's purpose and his purpose only. Get out and get yourself some peace and happiness. Remember God won't bless any mess and your man created a bunch of mess for himself, you, the other woman and the children involved. Remember what you sow you reap in the long run. Be Bless in the Name of Jesus Christ My prayers are with you.

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  34.   KINJO says:
    Posted: 03 Dec 08

    First of all I want to agree with Glock & Kenyanito. Halimi ur racist and you need to be open minded!!Love does not know colour nor race Back to Leticia's story, I feel for your cousin. Sometimes is hard for the abused person to accept the fact that her man is abusing her. You see the man is not committed to your cousin and its upto her to realise that before its too late. She might want to protect the kids, but in the long run she is breaking & hurting them. There are so many single moms who are bringing up kids who turns out to be successful in future and eventually meet good men. (ofcourse the father would still be a part of them) but she needs to wake up! She need to take that step of saying "enough is enough" and get out. I was in a similar situation though my ex did not make babies outside. He cheated several times and I decided to get out. Now I am so happy and ready for real thing coz I believe there still good men out there who would treat their women as queens!!

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  35.   Linkhaan says:
    Posted: 02 Dec 08

    WOW.. where do I start. Look Halimi, you need to research some REAL history.You can start with: Stolen Legacy, by George G.M. James.He was ultimately killed for writing this book.Another: World Great Men Of Color, by J.A.Rogers,he also wrote: Sex And Race;Nature knows No Colorline.Just to name a few. The Black and White skin situation is a losing argument.So-call (Someone Call)White people who promote and tote the white supremacy banner does not believe they are superior as much as they would like you to believe and feel they are superior.Tell me something...Why is it......If Barack Obama was born in South Africa under Bootha rule he would be considered white and given all the benefits and privilege of a white skin person and being that he's an American born he is considered to be black. You see, its a scam and its all political foolishness.The united States Federal Immigration And Nationality Act of 1862 states that Free White People does not include caucasian.You can also find this in a law dictionary thats use by judges, lawyers and courts all over this country (USA) book: Henry Black law Dictionary 4th Edition. If any group of people truly believe they are superior, they would never have tried to stop another group from being educated,voting, gaining employment,running a corporating, practicing their traditions or having similars Rights, because,these groups being denied these rights would never be an intellectual threat.So common sense tells me, you must be one hell of a woman/man to be denied all of these Rights, Benefits and Previleges; cause, they know, you are intellectually capable of disproving their lies and trickery (relative to inferiority) and could end up running the whole country. IF you believe that possessing the most Finest (so-call) materialistic possession makes one superior, then, if you dont possess them you will feel inferior. If you control someone's mine (politically which falls inline as educationally or otherwise)you don't have to worry about their actions. Read:Miseducation of the Negro. The Greatest Love of All is to Love ONESELF.Then spread that love.

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  36.   Glock says:
    Posted: 29 Nov 08

    Halimi Backary, just because you are black does not mean that you cannot be racist! You can't hide behind your skin color, say whatever you want, then claim nobody can call you a racist because you're black! Like it or not, your comments are textbook for racism.

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  37.   Tonia says:
    Posted: 28 Nov 08

    When I learned to love myself first and for most, I learned I was able to give even more of myself to those who deserve it. Mistakes don't have to be the future choices we make. Then I learned to invest in the quality of my own life. At twelve, my daughter was not happy having any many around me, because she never met any of the men I dated. At twenty-two and a daughter of her own, we're closer then ever. Because I taught her not to just live for her child, but live for herself first. Share that happiness with your child so she know's she's loving environment. After ten years of laughs, smiles and love with my husband my daughter chose a man with similar qualities to maintain her loving quality of life.

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  38.   BLACKQ says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 08

    The same thing happen to my mom.When she was pregrant with my sister,brother and I,my dad was getting another woman pregrant at the same time with my mom.We ladies need to realize that we are way too amazing to be some guys second choice.Never have sex with a man for the wrong reasons.Don't sleep with him to try to keep him from losing intrest or leaving {it never works}and don't use sex as astratery to get what you want from a man.In either senario you are showing complete disrespect for yourself by treating your body like it is some sort of commodity to be traded in exchange for love n security.you deserve for better than that..but you must demand it for yourself before you expect anyone else will offer it to you.Men will walk in and out of your life...But only 1 true guy will leave footprints in your heart...The ony thing this guy leave with you is your kids,and your kids are way more important in your life then any else,always put your kids first thats what i do.You will one day find a guy that will love your kids, and you as much as you love your kids.Good luck to you and your kids and GOD BLESS.

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  39.   Phoenix7 says:
    Posted: 22 Nov 08

    "Just the Facts" I really like how you said, "Let no one choose your path in life..." I wish I had grasped that long ago as I would have avoided a whole ton of pain along the way. It has taken a lot of knocks in life for me to grasp that standing up for myself and trusting my heart and my own good sense was vital to my happiness. It's is important to give yourself the right to admit mistakes; allow yourself the right to take a deep breath, turn around, and walk away. I know how hard that is to do when small children are involved, but sometimes, it's what is best. At the same time, sometimes staying is what's best. Bottom line, don't give up your self respect and don't let fear drive you one way or the other. Take it slow and think it through.

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  40.   Member says:
    Posted: 21 Nov 08

    Love is just love and has nothing to do with the character of a person. I have learned long ago loving and respecting yourself first and for most guarantees you a good relationship: you attract in your life what is inside you. The issues you are having in life gives you an opportunity to see what is true about you so use it as a portal to self-insight. Saying you love a man and staying with him only for the sake of love show lack of self-esteem when he has breached the covenant of your union over and over again. There is no right and wrong in relationship as long as you chose it with eyes wide open. Happiness is knowing yourself, what you want, and accepting what you choose. Let no one choose your path in life and live your life on your own terms. If a friend, lover, and/or a family member can't keep their word, covenants, and commitments with you then you let them go out of love for yourself and them. So know thy selfLove thy self and forgive yourself for any mistakes you make with people. Everything you live through is a learning experience and shows your personal weaknesses. Take your weaknesses and make them strength.

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  41.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 20 Nov 08

    Halimi why would you think that you are inferior to a white girl/boy? I do believe that i am the best for me and anyone who chooses me but i won't be judgemental coz you have your own reasons.

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  42.   bajiie says:
    Posted: 19 Nov 08

    Halimi Backary, what are are expressing in terms of black female inferiority is actually the result of historical racism. In this country where racism was and is prevalent, and white people are accepted as racially superior, then a premium is placed on white women as the most desirable of all women. Whether these values are sound, true, fair or just is irrelvant. Now we must be willing to examine their validity for ourselves and dispute and dispel whenever possible. Unfortunately many black men still subscribe to the belief of white female superiority and value them over their own women. That's sad because underneath the skin and hair, we all want the same thing, to be loved, adored and treated with respect.

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  43.   Member says:
    Posted: 17 Nov 08

    I am againstinterracial unions because it make certain hierarchy among human races when you look at the relative number of black men with white girls regarding black women with white boys, I have the impression that black girls are indesirable and even inferior to white girls I am not racist because I am black too but it is always hard to accept the reality

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  44.   Qi-Qi says:
    Posted: 16 Nov 08

    I totally agree it is hard to let go when you want that ideal family life with the person you share children with. I was engaged to be married this year (2008) and had a 4 month old little boy with this man. I tried to endure everything that came our way because I wanted my kids to grow up with the same man. I have 2 children, my first child is now 9 yrs old. Her Father and I got together so young. I was 16 and he was 19. I just knew the second time around would be the right time. So now by me having 2 children by 2 different men makes me feel like I failed. So I kept trying to make it work time after time until enough was enough. As in a prior comment, "We DESERVE to be loved the way we want to be loved." Some people do not realize a good thing until it's gone. So after catching an STD and fearing he was a DL Brotha, I had to look out for my OWN health and do what's best for my children. And that is raising them in a stable and happy environment with or without their biological Fathers. I realize now that I have not failed until I have given up on my kids. I have succeeded by making the choice to move on with my life. Yes, it hurts everyday that I am alone especially with the Holidays approaching. But, it was either being happy raising my children alive or unhappy because I could be dying trying to raise them living with HIV or AIDS. Thank God I do not have that infectious disease but if didn't let go... Who knows?! I just have Faith that by me doing the right thing now, i will eventually be found by someone who appreciates a good Woman. As Maya Angelou says it best, "If someone shows you who they are, BELEIVE THEM"... Men can cheat and we take them back time and time again but it ain't worth dying for. Consider YOUR LIFE first.

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  45.   inmyprime says:
    Posted: 16 Nov 08

    i hope your cousin is able to rebuild her confidence, self-esteem and sense of worth after this horrible betrayal. he is the one who is the most lost in all of this, and sadly the moms of the babies have to pick up the pieces and care for the children... unfaithfulness is one of the ugliest, most harmful acts we can do to each other thoughts and prayers with all ladies going through similar either now or in the past xxx

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  46.   Erene says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 08

    I am sooo gald i read this piece, have you ever read something and felt like it was you?am in a similar situation only abit different in some way and yes its a hard decision to make, esp knowing you child might have to grow up without hisher biological father..... its draining and very sad for any mother.....esp becouse its not something you did....Leticia am sharing as someone who is in almost the same shoe as you are..... and yes we deserve better.....it will nly hurt you everyday and sadness wont be good for your kids.....there is plenty out there, all it takes is being strong and believing in yourself.

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  47.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 14 Nov 08

    sometimes life sucks and hurts alot but who said that it will ever be smooth sailing? Your cousin can get a better man but its easier said than done. Leticia, i am amum and was married for over 15yrs but when you cannot get even half of what you want/deserve then its no use trying. That man won't stop with that one lady only..they maybe more than one..I am sorry to be blunt but truth is truth and yes it hurts but you can overcome it

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  48.   blue1 says:
    Posted: 14 Nov 08

    I will only share a part of my story to help this young woman. Many years ago Ih met a lady with two children and feel in love. We got married and made two more babies. We stayed married for 21 years. i wound up with all of the children living with me. however as soon as I figure out which ones are which some of them have to go. There is another man whom will love you and treat you the way you should be treated. Don't live in pain worring about that. It is hard to lose a person but there are others.

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  49.   IMPassion says:
    Posted: 09 Nov 08

    Leticia, This was one of the better articles I've read. I am not a mom, and so would not be in a position to share any experiences. But one thing I can share is...child or not, spouse or not, all men and women should remember this and how we are treated: We deserve to be loved in the way that we WANT to be loved. That means that if there's a gut feeling that we aren't, then something is wrong. And we hopefully make choices and communicate with our partners to lead us to BE loved in the way we want to be loved. When we don't, that's when we get into troubled relationships and abuse, where we continue to think we're somehow 'undeserving' of feeling good about our relationships. I hope your relative takes a long hard look at what she wants for herself and her children in her life...but it means some tough questions and being brutally honest and a courage that might seem to match an army. But if she can be true to herself and her children, she will have no regrets.

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