Looks come first to women when dating online?

Posted by James, 02 Oct 10

online dating

Is physical attraction more important than a well written profile when dating online?

Most dating sites keep telling us that a picture says a thousand words. Which is why most people spend their time taking photos that portray them at their best or even upload photos of their younger hotter looking friends. How many people even bother with no-photo profiles!

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

A recent study reported by The Shorthorn found that ... when searching for prospective mates online, ladies are more likely to judge men based on physical appearance. When participants were asked if they would date a person after going through written profiles, women seemed more selective based on the looks of the individual in question than men. Apparently, looks influenced their choice to date a man more than they did men. Is this really a chick thing?

I must admit the number of times I have got emails from chicks who have faceless profiles, I usually ask for their photos first … no matter how flirtatious the emails are. For me, it’s the photo that makes me gauge a person. Much as relationships aren’t about looks, I think there needs to be some physical attraction … right?

I do not agree with this research because I think men are more likely to gauge prospective partners based on looks. Women seem to be more emotional and they look for substance when choosing men online.

Do you believe looks matter less for men when dating online?

12 responses to "Looks come first to women when dating online?"

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  1.   dhenley219 says:
    Posted: 14 Oct 10

    Serenity33 you sound like a pro about this with so much detail you have some good stuff to say. I find that more women these days are more picky than men. Women like men of a certain height normally 5'10 through 6'2 rage because they want a man that is a least 2 inches taller then them when they put on high heels. Now when the women is 6'0 or more she gets less picky and will date a guy that is 5'11 because there are less men out their that are over 6 feet. When I work out at the gym women look and stare at me way more then I do or even men in the gym. Older women or I should say look older then me can't stop staring at me if it will cost them a dollar an I'm 33. It doesn't matter what race it is. If the women is 45 years old and is a kkk she would stare at me for 10 min trying to find out why she hates black men. Older women who even come with their mates still stare at me. So yes older women do like younger guys. The taller and more bigger the men is the more women will look at him. Also I will get more hits or more responsive if I have picture online with my shirt off compared wit my shirt on. It is a fact like it or not. Women are more visual now they want the six pack and all.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 15 Oct 10

      Dhenley, you are one hundred percent write. Although I still see women 5'2 or shorter going for six feet or higher guys and I have bad news for them. When the man is much taller than the woman and they try to have kids, the odds of miscarriages are 77 percent higher because the baby tries to be in the middle in size but most shorter women can't bring them to full term because the babies are just too big due to the genetic size differences in the parents. And those women who do come to full term with their babies are 89 percent more likely to need a C-section than relaying on natural child birth because how big the baby is. So ironic that short women still want these six foot tall buys but are too ignorant about later consequences to pay attention before they marry someone with that height difference. But like I said, you are one hundred percent correct about women. They are the new men and have surpassed men in looks consciousness while most men may casually date the prettier women, those aren't the one's they end up marrying and bringing home to mother. And unattractive female with a strong maternal instinct towards her man is much more likely to snag a handsome man who most often is looking for that maternal figure to baby him his entire life, than an ugly man is likely to get an attractive woman because women don't really care that much about father figures anymore and think more sexually and visually and concentrate on looks. Plus, they like the power that they have over attractive men who often are less wise or perceptive about the games women play so the woman wears the pants in the relationship more and more. Men that are too smart to the games women play are looked down upon as being dangerous and not controllable so less desirable overall. Men are the new pieces of meat and like I said, I would have hoped that women had learned from the thousands of years of men's mistakes of treating them as mindless sex objects but the cycle is just reversing itself. Men are becoming more sensitive emotionally and less looks conscious and women are more looks conscious and use men more just for sex. Welcome to the 21st century.;-) And the main culprit is the media and corporations as usual who make more money the more looks conscious everyone is.;-) And I am old pro at this because of studying this for many years and watching trends and doing lost of marriage counseling. The number one reasons wives are divorcing their husbands is that the women are going for younger better looking men. The "cougars" are alive and well and growing.;-)

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  2.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 12 Oct 10

    You are right. Men were the first to be looks conscious. It is a sad history of mankind all over the world. But as women gain equal rights in the Westernized cultures, they have matched and surpassed men when it comes to looks consciousness. Two wrongs don't make a right. I wish women would hold on to their traditional virtues of loving a man for his personality and not for the way he looks especially when looks are totally psychosomatic and culturally programmed into us. Please ladies, don't pick up our traditionally bad habits. Keep being the deeper of the two of our sexes that you always used to be in that department. Don't sell your soul and become like men have.

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  3.   gjones66216 says:
    Posted: 08 Oct 10

    Looks matter to both sexes. Just a guess that women (and I don't like to generalize) are probably thinking about how they'll look on the arm of this man before thinking about what they'll experience together as lovers. Also a guess (because I can't speak for all men) is that men are thinking about their physical chemistry before the deeper connection that a good relationship would need. Funny, but when I first met my wife (now ex), me and a friend had gone to her home to specifically meet her. We both left a few minutes later saying "nope", literally. Three years later we were marrying each other after 2 years of dating and we have 2 great kids after a marriage that lasted 11 years. And we are still great friends. Physical attributes MIGHT get you in the door, but true for both men and women, it's how we feel with our partner that determines whether we continue a relationship or not.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 09 Oct 10

      Women have become just like men and don't think that far ahead. A woman can usually tell within the first five minutes if she ever wants to sleep with you are not just like men although men are more likely to change their minds depending on their options and if they are running out while women stay usually with their first assessment. Women have become just as looks conscious and worse than men because of societal indoctrination. And since arousal is all psychosomatic, especially more in women then men, they are more inclined to go by looks and they associate good sex with guys they are sexually attracted to because the guys strikes them as attractive. As women get older, they tend to become somewhat less this way especially as their marketability goes down but they will still choose the best looking man they can find that is interested. And if they are not interested, you could be shut out if they feel they don't have enough time for you and searching for someone they are attracted to or you could get relegated to the eternal friend realm and you are stuck there for good. Men are more likely to be interested in the ones that are just friends from time to time but it is hard to change a woman's mind if she relegates you to that eternal friendship role. And I am not talking about women who want to become friends first before sexual interactions. They still have already made up their mind that they will sleep with that guy eventually even if they have to wait until years pass to trust him. I am talking about the eternal friendship role and and interesting phenomena occurs known as the half a boyfriend syndrome. Women will get their deeper psychological needs met with the friend half who is the eternal friend and then often go after just for sex, some guy that is very handsome but has a much poorer personality. He plays the second half that sexually gratifies her. He can be abusive or cheat and she will often stay with him especially if she has the emotional support of the other half of a boyfriend that is the eternal friend for her to have a shoulder to cry and and always be support of her self-esteem and ego. The goal for both sides is not to be so looks conscious and realize that the friend half could be both parts of a boyfriend if the female would relax her looks standards because studies show that since physical attraction is totally psychosomatic-ally based and induced by society and media, that a woman that takes a leap of faith with a friend and works on a relationship with him can cognitively restructure how she views him and eventually find him sexually attractive as well as emotionally attractive. It is just a matter of counter conditioning and positive association buildup. It isn't easy but I have seen it successfully done in couples that I have counseled and they are happily married in all aspects of their marriage including their sex lives.

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      • caribeaneyes says:
        Posted: 11 Oct 10

        We've come a long way with looks. We learned it from you men!! Hell yeah, looks come first. When you wake up in the morning and look at your self, you must like what you see. Of course it should be that way with your future partner. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Most important, we do not all have the same chemistry make up. Attraction do not have to be physical.

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  4.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 03 Oct 10

    Yes. I believe looks matter less for men when dating online. I have long found women to be more looks conscious and not care about written profiles online at every site I have been too and this study comes as no surprise to me. Men care more about sex and are willing to lower their looks standard drastically if the female puts down anything remotely sexual while women care more about looks and are most often turned off by sexual things put in a males profile. Plus women with kids are a turn on to many men because the men know these women have sexual experience and if they are desperate enough to go online, then they probably aren't getting the sex they need in person and thus are more agreeable to having sex if the man manages to hookup with them. Women know this and use glamor shots if they can and put things in their profile to spur the man consciously or subconsciously on to thinking that they might get sex which increases the male's interest and decreases the males looks consciousness. But when it comes to women, they are now more looks conscious then men and not as ruled by sex as men are so they go for a man who is the best looking who is financially stable and those are the magic words for a man to put in his profile. Also the male must say how much fun he is to be with and entertaining which will attract women more. Plus glamor shots are less gotten by males and less effective on women as women can see through them much easier. So I totally agree with this study and it matches up with all the statistical data I have gathered as a marriage counselor and in my studies over the years. That is also why you are more likely to see a less attractive woman with a more attractive man especially when it comes to being overweight because it is more excepted for women to be overweight than men which is while i have seen and also counseled countless couples where the wife is overweight and the husband is not or the ratio is still very high with the male being slightly overweight and the wife being morbidly obese. Overweight females are often seen as mother surrogates to many men so as long as they are mothered, attractively thin men won't mind having a very overweight wife but an overweight male is not tolerated at all and seen as gross and disgusting and highly disdained by women especially the more overweight the male is. Personality is not a factor here and the only way a man can compensate for being overweight is by dressing up all the time and having lots of money. Sad but true. People just haven't learned that physical attraction is all in the mind and there is no such thing as innate beauty. In other countries and in the past, overweight males used to be seen as attractive because it was a sign of prosperity and women used to go more on facial features. But now today, especially in countries who are becoming or are Westernized, an overweight male is the worst thing you can be and is rated worse than short or bald or stupid. But it is all in everyone's mind and most often a result of societal indoctrination which few people bother to fight because it is too difficult and takes too much time and they risk the chance of being an outcast and unaccepted for their views which most people, especially women, are not willing to risk. So as long as society rules are views on beauty, overweight males and their pictures will always be the biggest pariahs of the dating world.

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    • Anthony2012 says:
      Posted: 05 Oct 10

      they gonna say no rite ?......but I mean come on,,, there suppose to say that right, But of course they do and some lie worse than a desperate jock in high school ...I "ve had my eyes opened 3 times so far ..lol

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      • serenity33 says:
        Posted: 05 Oct 10

        Could you explain what you mean further? I would be interested in knowing what you mean because I don't quite follow what you meant. Thank you kindly Anthony.:-)

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        • Anthony2012 says:
          Posted: 06 Oct 10

          Put simply ,yes women look at looks online first ....just count how many people viewed ur page and just compare with someone elses..after looks, they look at age , height because most women like tall men ...but after the initial first look your profile is quickly skimmed thru by them...and then when you talk you have to go over what they skimmed thru!!...lol......people..

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          • serenity33 says:
            Posted: 07 Oct 10

            You hit the nail right on the head Anthony. That's exactly the way women are. Thanks for clarifying that for me.:-) I couldn't agree with you more. And they really are lazy about reading long profiles which I know because I think I have by far the longest one on here and virtually no one bothers to read the entire thing. And you are totally right. An official study was done on women with their five greatest turnoffs in order. 1.Overweight 2.Short 3.Bald 4.Ugly not covered under the first three. 5.Stupid So women would rather have someone stupid and ugly rather than short or bald and the worst of all is being overweight. Of course the study didn't factor in age which of course women want someone as young as possible as well. When shown pictures of men even. women chose the six foot tall garbage man over the 5 foot tall doctor unless they were gold diggers. And most of the women where 5 four or shorter that were studied. So you are right on my friend.

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