Keeping relationships fresh: Don't ever stop pursuing her.

Posted by Jordan, 07 Oct 14

"A lot of what you do to get the girl you need to do to keep the girl." - The Art of Charm Toolbox

The Cheat Sheet:

    Your perfect partner could be online right now...

    What are you looking for?

  • How not to be needy. (12:00)
  • When and how to use sexual banter to add fun and intimacy (23:30)
  • The three A's to build and maintain a healthy relationship. (30:55)

  • Specific ways to break out of a rut, and why it's vital to do so. (36:45)
  • The importance of touch in developing and keeping intimacy alive. (42:00)
  • The 6 second hug: how and why to use it. (43:10)
  • And so much more...

When's the last time you took your girlfriend or wife out to do something new, or to go somewhere together you've never been before? If it's been awhile, or if you just want to add some flavor back into your relationship, this is the episode for you.

On this Toolbox edition of the show we're talking about how to keep your relationship fresh, whether you're still in the honeymoon stage and want to continue it or you've been married for decades and want to bring back some of the playfulness from your early days. We'll discuss specific ways to deepen intimacy, freshen up your connection to each other and generally make your relationship even better. Join us for all of that and so much more on this edition of The Art of Charm.

More About This Show:

All too often we as men stop courting our girlfriends and wives once we feel we've "gotten" them. In fact, after we've landed the girl it's time to dig in and really do the work to keep her and keep the relationship flourishing. However long you've been together, keeping your relationship with her fresh is key to its long-lasting success.

A great example of something you can do on an everyday basis is to offer suggestions for your nights out. When you ask her what she wants for dinner, offer her a choice between two options. If she wants something else she'll tell you, otherwise she'll choose between the two offers you've given her. By providing two different possibilities, you're showing her you care about the experience of dinner together and also giving her room to contribute by making the final choice.

Another important aspect to keeping your relationship fresh is to be vulnerable. Some simple ways to do this are to be silly around her. Do you dance and sing when you're alone, but stop the minute she walks in the room? Allow yourself to be silly and express yourself, she and everyone else will respond to your authentic passion.

That ties into the 3 A's of relationships: acknowledge, accept, and appreciate. Acknowledge your partner's passions. Did she just love the new yoga class she took? Then acknowledge it, don't just nod your head and say "that's cool" without enthusiasm. Be genuinely interested in what was so great about it for her and then acknowledge it. This shows empathy which is what ultimately truly connects us to others in a deep, meaningful way.

Next accept her passions, accept who she is. Does she love her pottery class but you have no interest in it? That's fine, you don't have to love what she loves in order to be successful together. Doing so shows you care about her and what matters to her. Be supportive and accept what she is passionate about, even if you aren't because that will make her feel good. And feeling good around you is key to relationships.

And finally there is appreciate. Appreciate when she shares valuable information with you and is vulnerable with you. Expressing herself, sharing her thoughts and feelings with you is an act of vulnerability so appreciating and thanking her for doing so will go a long way to keeping you together.

In addition to the 3 A's we dive into a few more topics, but one last one area we'll touch on here is how to break out of a rut. Justin gives us some simple methods to doing so. He recommends finding new restaurants to go to if you've been going to the same ones, go on a different hike than you've been on before, try a new activity together preferably something neither of you have done before. What it boils down to is doing something new together, it'll help reignite that spark you felt in your early days of dating or it'll help keep that spark alive if you're still honeymooning.

There's so much more we cover on this episode! Have a listen...

It was a blast to chat about keeping relationships fresh and vulnerably sharing mistakes we've made in the past and things we're doing now in this area of our lives. It was great to create this show for you and I hope you enjoy the episode! Leave your questions and comments.

Till next time... Stay Charming!

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you're interested in The Art of Charm residential programs, apply for a strategy call with a coach. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook or Twitter.

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