Is your dating interracially influenced by your "hatred" for your own?

Posted by James, 15 Jun 12

You can’t help who you fall in love right? I believe this popular adage. But why do we hear the same people who believe in that statement, saying things like: "I can NEVER date a woman or man from my own race"?

I remember some time in October 2011, on the talk show LifeChangers, when Dr Drew took a rather controversial approach of looking at interracial dating by calling upon Black men who “REFUSE” to date Black women on his show. And they showed up! But as much as critics claimed it was all stage managed for the purpose of entertainment (seeing as Black women also had their chance to confront these Black men), it gave me something to think about: Do we in interracial relationships “REFUSE” to date our own?

On the same note, the other day I came across a comment by our one, darkknight_7 on the article "Why do you like a white girl"?. This guy was expressing his disgust at some dude who doesn’t date Black women because they are idiots and unworthy. I loved the way darkknight_7 stands up for Black women, telling this guy, even women from other races have similar flaws he hates; its not a Black woman's thing. But that is besides the point. It's something he said that actually inspired this article:

"If you just have a preference for white women that isn’t influenced by your “hatred” for black women, that’s cool. I admire the yin and yang, how opposites attract, the beautiful contrast of black and white skin together but if my only reason for being with white women was to escape the hostility of “American” black women, you may eventually run into an “American” white woman that will surprise you."

I date interracially… no idea why. I have dated white women too. For me, my dating interracially doesn’t mean swearing off or a refusal to date white women. But to be honest, I know other white men and women with the I-can-NEVER-date-White attitude. And as much as I am all for interracial dating, the drive behind some people’s choice to date interracially feels wrong.

Hatred! Refusal! NEVER! These are words that shouldn’t be anywhere on the answer to Why we date interracially. Coz as darkknight_7 puts it, whatever you are running away from or hate within men or women of your race might be the same thing you bump into in someone from a different race because race doesn’t define one’s personality! Let personality be the drive and the magnet that pulls you towards who you date. That’s just what I feel.

What do you think?

98 responses to "Is your dating interracially influenced by your "hatred" for your own?"

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  1. Posted: 11 Jun 13

    My dad is black, my brother is black, and some of my cousins. If I hate my own race I hate them. I have mentioned at times that I have not been exposed to a lot of black men that weren't interested in me and never dated any. I have nothing but love for all people of color and other races. I try to get along with everyone and that's the way everyone should be. Unfortunately that's not realistic but preferences are just that. Our own prejudices and insecurities make us who we are. That's why people argue, hate and have intense discussions. I have a friend who is Irish and she asked me if I ever tried to date a black guy and I was a little insulted because of the way she said it. But we talked about it and I just told her that the ones I know weren't interested in me that's why I started dating out of my race. I have had deep discussions about all of this. If I see an interracial couple now I don't care. Whether it's black and white, Asian and black, Hispanic and Jamaican whatever. I have seen a lot of negative stuff with black men and women but other races too.

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  2.   NaijaBabe11 says:
    Posted: 09 Aug 12

    I strongly and strictly prefer white and hispanic men and hope to marry one simply because I find them to be the MOST attractive races of men. That's just me. I have no hatred or bitterness towards black men, whatsoever. It's just my preference. When it comes to dating, one doesn't have to be politically correct by dating all races. You can exclude and include whoever you want from your dating pool. If one gets offended....oh well ((shrugs)).

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  3.   WBL1 says:
    Posted: 04 Aug 12

    I find it interesting that people (to be honest, it's mostly black people that do this) will ascribe a negative experience with a person of another race to be a product of that individual's personality, but will ascribe a negative experience with a person of the same race to be a product of that person's race. (I.e., White Jimmy treated me bad, it was because he's a jerk. Black Jimmy treated me bad, it's because he's black and that's how black guys are). For me, I've always dated exclusively black women. I love black women. i love natural hair, I love all shades of brown skin. I love women who understand our (shared) history, spirituality, culture, art, and the ability to have an unspoken ease of communication and comfort that exists with black women. I love that we're "family." I can't think of any type of woman that is more perfect for me than a black woman. Now, I don't love ALL black women...I'm still single, so I haven't found the right one for me yet, but I've known and dated some wonderful (black) women. I've screwed up some relationships --some women I've dated have screwed up the relationship, but it wasn't because we were black. I joined this site because I'm really interested in finding the right person for me and I thought maybe I should broaden my perspective. But honestly, I was also thinking that maybe the black woman that is right for me has had the same thought and is looking for a white guy. To answer the question: I think it depends on the person. For some, the answer is pretty clearly, yes. Some posters have pointed out that just reading the posts of some people on here, you can clearly see a strong hatred for their own race. Some others are just open to every possibility for love and a fulfilling relationship. Still others, while professing to just "be open" still exhibit a strong negative bias. Others still are really just open to dating whoever makes them happy.

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  4.   dave_74 says:
    Posted: 28 Jul 12

    Is dating interracially influenced by your "hatred of your own"? In my case definately not. But I have dated/married mostly other nationalities black and white etc. Part of the reason has been because I live and have lived most of my life outside of the USA, so I got more of a world view , multicultural global perspective and just interested in different people and cultures. I other find myself more comfortable with non-americans of any skin color. Racial issues in the USA are probably a good part of it as well. One of silliest dumbest arguements I have heard from both blacks and whites (americans) is that dating outside your race is like not loving your mom or dad. They go on to say that you should only have a relationship with people that resemble your parents. Ah well while, I love my mom. I really dont need a partner that looks like her. The caring, ah perhaps cooking......but , my partner really doesn't have to resemble mom outside. If that's you and your reasoning, I find it stupid. If you date only within your skin tone, that's cool, but judging others for opening their dating options to other than their skin tones.... that's not cool. back on track, I dated several white, asian, latino and black women in the past, was married to a european woman and am now married to an African woman. Among the white women I been with , I felt more comfortable with Europeans, and among the black women, more comfortable with Caribbean or African women. The black/white racial issues in the USA are unique in that I havent seen racial tensions to this degree anywhere! I mean it really shouldn't be such a big deal of who loves who. BM+WW, BW+WM, who cares? It's your life, do what pleases you. on the hatred of own subject, we live in a world where black women straighten their hair, get weaves, and use skin bleech, white women get their hair permed and go to tanning salons... why? in the name of beauty??? Natural beauty is the most beautiful. Love yourself.

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  5. Posted: 25 Jul 12

    I wanted to make an addendum based on the comment "valid reasons for not doing so." That was cruel and inconsiderate. Every race has their short comings in characteristics. There is not a race alive that one could choose to say " there are some valid reasons as to why I would not this person or that person based on color. But it is about individually characteristics. I personally have just happened to have good relationships and dates with males of other races. But if I meet Mr. Right who happens to be of non black, then so be it. I would love to marry and have kids with someone of my own race. Wouldn't it make life a little bit less confrontational? But we love who we love. We must be strong enough to stand on our own choices. Trust me I have gone out with white males and received all types of looks and grins. Who knows what is behind those smirks of different races? I have pulled up in public places and garages to park with white dates and I have watched the evil smirks of black/white men and women stare and smile at me. I wonder what they are thinking? It is hard at times for me to deal with it and it can make your socially life uncomfortable intially. But is a personal choice. Trust me when I say this and you can get upset, agree or disagree but dating out of your race (black with white) is a lifestyle change because society thrust that upon you. But going back to what I said about being strong enough to stand on your own applies in all circumstances. Love has not color. Only men and society says that it does.

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  6. Posted: 23 Jul 12

    I fee one does not have to justify why they date whom they date. It is a preference due whatever reasons.

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  7. Posted: 23 Jul 12

    I am a well educated African American female and independent. To be honest with you, my experience from dating the same race has been unproductive. I was not treated with respect nor taken seriously for seeking a long term commitment leading to marriage. This is not to say that other races have or will be any different. Due to the fact I have only been "dating outside of the color lines" for almost a year. And my experiences thus far hasbeen very nice. White males treat me better, less confrontational and like me for who I am. They have been very kind and I am kind to them. All of the relationships did not turn into romantic but we still maintain very healthy relationships. They tend to be more secure within themselves and more respectful. Not trying to demean the black male. But we were just not a good fit. Does that mean I have any hatred toward them? No, just not interested in more romantic long term commitments with them. IT WAS SIMPLY NOT WORKING! It is just not my thing. I am happier now with my dating preferences. This is not to say that all white males are like this. But thus far I have met some totally opposite from what I used to date. It has opened up a whole new world for me. My life was nice without it but it added something more complete to having a mate. In my opinion they make better long term mates. Seem to seek commitment more, unlimited possibilities for dates, compassionate, great listeners, hard-working and longevity on jobs, goal oriented, endless characteristics that I have found in a small, small percent of black males. I will continue to date other races that will possibly lead to marriage. Everyone is entitled to their own preference and reason for dating white, and should not be ridiculed for doing so. This has nothing to do with hatred of ones own race. Just a different experience that happens to be 10x's better. Bye folks be happy and try hard to forget what others analyze or think.

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  8. Posted: 23 Jul 12

    I am a well educated African American female and independent. To be honest with you, my experience from dating the same race has been unproductive. I was not treated with respect nor taken seriously for seeking a long term commitment leading to marriage. This is not to say that other races have or will be any different. Due to the fact I have only been "dating outside of the color lines" for almost a year. And my experiences thus far hasbeen very nice. White males treat me better, less confrontational and like me for who I am. They have been very kind and I am kind to them. All of the relationships did not turn into romantic but we still maintain very healthy relationships. They tend to be more secure within themselves and more respectful. Not trying to demean the black male. But we were just not a good fit. Does that mean I have any hatred toward them? No, just not interested in more romantic long term commitments with them. IT WAS SIMPLY NOT WORKING! It is just not my thing. I am happier now with my dating preferences. This is not to say that all white males are like this. But thus far I have met some totally opposite from what I used to date. It has opened up a whole new world for me. My life was nice without it but it added something more complete to having a mate. In my opinion they make better long term mates. Seem to seek commitment more, unlimited possibilities for dates, compassionate, great listeners, hard-working and longevity on jobs, goal oriented, endless characteristics that I have found in a small, small percent of black males. I will continue to date other races that will possibly lead to marriage. Everyone is entitled to their own preference and reason for dating white, and should not be ridiculed for doing so. This has nothing to do with hatred of ones own race. Just a different experience that happens to be 10x's better. Bye folks be happy and try hard to forget what others analyze or think. So what if you have a disdain for your own race. Sometimes reasons are valid!

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  9.   Sinclaire says:
    Posted: 07 Jul 12

    I am loving this dialogue and it's nice that black men and black women can open up on here to discuss the divide between us openly and rationally. Lots of good, intelligent conversation is here (well, most of it) and as a people we need it. The divide between black women and black men has settled in and it's no longer being denied. It's altering the entire face of the black race and other races too. Everybody has their reasons for dating outside of their race. Those of us that do, have reasons that are as unique as we are. Black women and black men have our faults as well as our strengths, but we seemed to have reached a point where we are tired of trying to understand each other and peel off some perceived exterior to get to the good parts. I am an older person and been around a lot and have seen a lot, having been born into the later end of the Civil Rights Movement. I think we've finally accepted our gender crisis and our imbalances. Now we're at the point where we are trying to understand how it happened, where it's going and what is means. I think everybody has the right to be free to date whomever they choose without judgement or criticism from others, but it's never that simple. I am a black woman who is very much in love with a white man and don't care what anybody thinks. My path is my own and I'm not going to explain myself to everybody who looks at me cockeyed about who I am with. I went through the ringer with black men a few times (I take blame and cast blame), but dating outside of my race was not a conscious decision, but more of a subconscious one. I simply wanted a good man who reflected who I am and vice versa. What color wrapping paper he arrived in was unimportant. When my soulmate arrived in white wrapping paper and I peeled off that wrapping, there was a wonderful man in there and a whole lot of good love. He was what I wanted and needed and he felt the same way about me. It just happened and he'd never dated a black woman before nor was he seeking one. Before him I made mistakes with both black men and white men. I also raised three sons, who are now grown and gone and who are fully black, to be open-minded. I watch them deal with the same divide between black men and black women, but told them to find a good woman who loves them unconditionally and has what they need to make their lives complete. I never defined what color that women should be because it doesn't matter. If anyone is interested you can read a book I wrote about my experiences. The foreword for the book was written by Diondrea Nicosia, a black mob wife, who appeared on the television series, "I Married a Mobster". It's called "Black Woman White Man: A Black Woman's Journey to Love and the Truth about Interracial Dating" by Sinclaire Caviness. You can find it on Amazon's website.

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  10.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 12

    Out of all the reason why people date IR, it didnt dawn on me that burn-out could be a factor in some peoples decision to date IR. Lets be honest and Im speaking from my own point of view, some of us just get tired, period! I dont think its always an issue of us hating each other or not finding each other worthy but we reach our limits after one heart break or let down too many. We get to a point and well say, ok, something has got to give, there has to be another way! If were completely honest with each other we have to admit that we have faults, some of us dont communicate as well as we should and some of us are traumatized by past experiences so some of us (both BM and BW) come up short in the interpersonal areas. Unfortunately many of us dont have patience with each other thats needed to work through some of these issues because we want the finished product and not the work in progress. After trying to live up to each others expectations and trying to be what the other thinks we should be we get tired. Personally there have been times when Ive said, to hell with this, if Im not good enough for you then find somebody who is and get the hell away from me because Im done trying to prove myself to you! I believe most of us have said this at one time or another. After dealing with people who are sometimes arrogant, selfish, judgemental, phony and they demand perfection from others in spite of their own imperfections, its easy to understand why many of us get burned out with each other. No, it may not be all BM or BW but after all while it becomes very easy to falsely assume that other people may not have these same faults to the degree a BM / BW may have or we become so hurt and disappointed some of us will say, anybody has got to be better than this because they cant get no worse! I actually overheard a BW saying this about BM (damn that hurt). This sister hadnt dated all BM but she must have dated enough and grown so frustrated and upset to the point that in her mind we all became one in the same, right or wrong this became her reality. You dont have to date all BM or BW, sometimes the few or that one can be more than enough to make you say, Im done with all of them! In closing, remember all people can be unloving and inconsiderate but as my grandma would say, its not how much they can dish out, its all about how much youre willing to accept! Lord knows Ive seen some of us put up with crap from non BM and BW when I know wed cut each others throats if we tried that with each other, so what does that say about some of us? Hint: frustrated and foolish! Peace!

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  11.   letshang101 says:
    Posted: 26 Jun 12

    To answer the question, no I don't think dating interracially is influenced by your hatred for your own race. It's nothing wrong with people exercising their options to date others from different nationalities. Interracial dating is a beautiful thing, I've never EVER hated on anyone for dating interracial my entire life and I never will. That just doesn't make any sense to do so, it's childish.

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    • trackgirl15 says:
      Posted: 26 Jun 12

      So, if someone dates everyone else EXCEPT their own race you don't think that's self hatred? IMO it is. If you date other races including your own that's fine..........but when you say "oh i dont date black men"............I personally think it is self hatred. BUT I'm just one person.

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      • prettycarmel says:
        Posted: 25 Jul 12

        Yes I agree. Interracial dating is nothing new just more prevalent. Also it is really more acceptable or are people learning to be less verbal about it. Many white people as well as blacks still have many issues with interracial dating. Especially where I live in the Northeast where people act like it is still the 60's or something. People still act like they have never seen it before. But it works the same way brothas (brothers dating white as well as black women dating white men). I think that more white guys look at black women as more buddies or friends when going out. I do not see many of them take them seriously. Also I want to share a story. I knew a girl in high school who always dated and socialized with mostly whites growing up. She grew up mostly in a predominately white neighborhood and was more culturally accepted by white males. She went to prom, and married her high school sweetheart who was a white male. After years of establishing careers and social life he became distant and stopped inviting her to social events for the fear of what his co-workers and social buddies would think of him having a black wife on his arm. His life took him a in direction where his life did not include her. It amazes me how people change from childhood to adulthood when real life situations come forth. He was accepting her in the high school world without job pressures or social climbing. But he felt that would cause barriers in his social status climb. How awful. So they made a bi-racial child and now they are divorced. They cause her a great deal of pain when she saw how he reallly was ashamed and pressured for being in a interracial marriage. Society can make or break a persons choices. It is said that he allowed society to cause him break his marriage. But then again this was during the early 80's times have slowly changed. Just some thoughts. Okay I am leaving this site before I ruin my chances of meeting Mr. Right/

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  12.   arlandf says:
    Posted: 25 Jun 12

    Hey Shydude, have you been listening to Tommy Sotomayor? Some of your comments sound just like him. LOL

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  13.   shydude74 says:
    Posted: 24 Jun 12

    its like this bw started the gender war,what black men supposed to still love black women and only them and say how great bw are even if they insult bm.false. black women cant admit their faults. black women everyone has sinned but them,black women are never wrong only black men can be. nonsense.its like this no apologizies from black women on hurting black men,no apologizies from black men who are sick of this,if black women knew understanding,drop the attitudes,admit their faults,apologize to black men for the gender war they started,and encourage black men,but no its black men who are a dying breed,i think death would be better than being in jail for snapping on a coldhearted,bw.

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  14.   shydude74 says:
    Posted: 24 Jun 12

    bw need to get over bm not liking them, what everyone suppose to like bw? bs. for those brothas that have been with bw have told me awful stories. they told me about brothas who had been to jail,i see why bw annoy them with their mouths.now the brothas in jail over a bw. brothas have told me they did everything,while bw offered nothing. so then bw want to call bm jailbirds,deadbeats,bums,lazy.yet when bm are doing good,bw still treat him bad. if it was black women saying she only like white,asian and hispanic men,but she hated black men with a passion youll bw would support that.its always about bw,they dont want to see bm or anyone happy if theyre not involved.

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  15.   SXYBRWNSUGA says:
    Posted: 24 Jun 12

    The way black men are killing themselves off anyway Black women better be prepared to date other men. I believe a woman or man should date someone who mirror's them. They don't have to be the same race but they should have things in common. I believe when people refuse to date people of their own race it is definitely self-hatred. I personally find myself having more things in common with non-black men.

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    • trackgirl15 says:
      Posted: 24 Jun 12

      I agree with being with someone you have something in common with. Race should not matter. However if that person is a black man I'm not going to say "no" simply because of my past experiences. That is what this guy seems to be doing. Sad. Very sad.

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      • shydude74 says:
        Posted: 24 Jun 12

        thats you everyone is different some have been hurt by bw then we have reasons not to date them,if bw been hurt by bm then they have reasons not to date them. everyone is different.get the picture.what law says bm owe women anything? theres no law.bw want both other men and black men,but dont want bm to have anyone else.im sick of bw. would i and could i snap on them yes i can,you cant change me. not one dam bw on here understand me,you cant relate than f off.

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        • trackgirl15 says:
          Posted: 25 Jun 12

          there is really no need for you to get hostile about the conversation. I was just commenting on things you were saying. I'm done trying to get you to see my point of view. I hope what you find what you are looking for.

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          • SXYBRWNSUGA says:
            Posted: 28 Jun 12

            This dude is violent. He had the nerve to send me a threatening email on how he can beat my a$$. LOL I would love to see him try. I'd beat that dirty a$$ wife beater off of him. The damage has been with this weirdo. No self respecting woman black, white, etc., would want to be seen with someone like him. The sad part is he don't love his self.

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    • arlandf says:
      Posted: 24 Jun 12

      No niggas are killing themselves off, and they are killing themselves off over black women. Look how the guys at Auburn. Look at what happen to Darrent Williams and countless other black men. Even most of your hip-hop beef are over a black woman. Black men are now waking up and realizing that they have options. I am still looking for black women, but I have to go through hoodrats to get to a decent one. Why do this? Also, people who don't like themselves is self-hatred. Whoever you date don't have anything to do with it. I find this ironic that the self hate card applies to black men but don't apply for black women. However, that shaming tactic don't work anymore.

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      • trackgirl15 says:
        Posted: 25 Jun 12

        dang man! black women are not the reason the world is at war! LOL. I see how you feel though. maybe people need to stop looking for the hood rats or stop going places where the hood rats hang out. Date whomever you choose. you've always had options. Just take a look at the places you seem to meet these "loser" women and then find different places to meet women. As far at the self hate card.........it applies to both IN MY OPINION. As I said before...........whatever floats ya boat............go for it. I aint mad. I feel the same way you men feel about black men. So we're even! HA! HA! HA!

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        • NOPLAYER says:
          Posted: 25 Jun 12

          I dont care for shydude74s generalizing of all BW and his claims of hating them but Im starting to see what he means when he talks about the double standard. If some BW for whatever reason state theyre done with BM or they have more in common with non BM, no one (particularly other BW) beats up on them about the way they feel or no one accuses them of being hateful of self and kind. If a BM says the same things then hes accused of being self-hating. In all fairness lets admit that some of the things that BW claim to dislike about BM are some of the same things BM dislike about BW. Just as BW dont like it when BM express their reasons for dating non BW due to certain things they dislike about BW or because they may have more in common with non BW, we dont like it when you do it to us. Were all exercising our options, so why should anyone (BM or BW) have to suffer a beat down because of it, whatever our reasons are for dating a non BM/BW we dont owe an explaination to nobody so why even start with the they aint this and they aint that drama! Sometimes I think some BW feel that some BM dont have a right or a justification for feeling the way some of them do, as if BM are the cause of all relationship failures with BW and theyre all thats wrong with Black America. Whatever is wrong within BLK AM is a reflection on both BM and BW, they dont say BLK-AM with the exclusion of their women, no they say BLK-AM, period. Just as you have two separate eyes but one vision, a people have male and a female but a shared reality, so keep that in mind. Theres no separating us, if the BW is trash then Im trash and vice verse and no amount of IR dating and self-hating will change that, so even if I were to decide I didnt want to date BW, Id be a fool to trash her before the world knowing thats my other half, so for the sake of looking civilized I try to refrain from that but I dont think Id be wrong to say that many of us dont see it that way. It is what it is, as sad as it is! LOL Peace

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          • trackgirl15 says:
            Posted: 25 Jun 12

            some people are that way. I personally feel it's self hatred on BOTH sides..........but I am just one person.

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          • reese says:
            Posted: 30 Jun 12

            I disagree with you on this. Black women do not get a pass for dating non black men. Black women get it from other bw as well. If you don't believe me look at the black websites and see how hard they go at bw who date outside the race. One bm was irrate about Halle Berry dating non black men and was married to a white woman. I asked him about the double standard and he said white women were victims to white men also..............

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          • NOPLAYER says:
            Posted: 01 Jul 12

            @Reece - I was talking about this site, I know BW catch it on other sites but why should anyone catch flak on an IR site is crazy. I share your opinion that if we're both excercising our options then neither of us should open our mouths to talk about the other and what they're doing. I'll defend BM if I feel we're being needlessly attacked but other than that I'm like, do you and leave me alone because I respect your right to date who you want. I don't down talk BW, I've never refused to date BW and I don't need to find faults in BW as a justification for dating others. I've been on this board since 2008 and there's been times when BW declared open season on BM but when we expresse some of the same fustrations with BW we get beat down. I think at times both BM / BW have double standards because I know both who date IR but they dont like the other dating IR and some personalize it but this goes to show that many of us have not completely wrote eachother off. I have a lady friend that dates IR but she don't like BM dating IR and when I asked her about this obvious double standard she said,"it not a double standard, you all belong to us, yes you guys work are last nerve and we have to take a break from you all but damn it, you still belong to us!" I said that's crazy and she replied, I know but thats us!" LMAO

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      • SXYBRWNSUGA says:
        Posted: 28 Jun 12

        I'd bet you would be really angry if a white person said Nigger right???? Then why are you saying it. Black men are not waking up because every time I turn on the t.v. a black man just killed another black man. Don't get mad because I encourage black women to not limit themselves to black men. It's more men out there and they nine times out of ten bring more to the table. Maybe you are going through hood rats because of the way you talk. You don't sound educated using Niggas this Niggas that and hip-hop beefs. Sorry you have to be able to carry an educated conversation with educated black women, therefore you will continue to only qualify for hoodrats. I'm just saying...

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        • trackgirl15 says:
          Posted: 29 Jun 12

          OHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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        • arlandf says:
          Posted: 29 Jun 12

          With your comment, you just justify one of the reason why I am influenced to date/marry interracially. I don't have anything against educated women, congratulations. However, don't think you are better than me because you have a degree. There are people with degrees who are in the unemployment line, in the mental ward unit, and homeless. If you own and running a successful business or receiving residual income maybe you have an edge over me. If you own your own home (not rent) or own your car (no monthly payments) maybe you have an edge over me. Other than that, your education is doodoo to me. I find this ironic that you talk about my education, but you, and some other black women (hoodrats and educated) are probably quick to listen rappers who sound retarded. I am wondering why I am wasting my GI Bill and going to debt trying to get an education that you said I don't have. I wonder why I am working multiple jobs and saving to finance the education that you claim I don't have. I am not mad, in fact, I rather you and people like you date outside the race because you are not for me. I don't need to be with women (doesn't matter what race) who are going to belittle me because because they don't like what I say or do.

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          • trackgirl15 says:
            Posted: 30 Jun 12

            OH SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I agree with you though. Some people do think their degrees mean something. it's great to get an education and be book smart and all.........but being educated goes beyond the walls of these institutions. I aint mad at you for dating or eventually marrying interracially. just make sure it's for a reason like "i love her" and not "i'm sick of these self righteous black women".

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          • NOPLAYER says:
            Posted: 30 Jun 12

            I don't have anything against an educated BW either and while I'm secure enough in my own manhood to encourage her to spread her wings and fly, I don't have time for any woman that acts like she's better than me. I told one such female, "with all your education, like most folks with a job you're praying not to get the pink slip, as a skilled tradesman I don't worry about having a job or not, if need be I can work for myself!" I'd bet these are some of the same ones that sit around and complain about BM dating / marrying other women and how other women are taking their men but with an attitude like that they give hard working and decent BM away to other women. It's not all BW but more than enough that it leads to the popular opinion that most educated BW look down on those they perceive as not being on their level and this is why so many of them are alone because alot of good brothers and other men wont waste their time dealing with them. There are good brothers out here, I've served with them in the Army and I work with them now in Afghanistan and some of them as young as 25 years old are making more than most folks with graduate degrees plus they wont spend the next10 years paying back student loans, most of their homes and cars are paid off. Some of them are the kind of men that good BW would look to start futures with but due to the stigma attached to BW some of these guys wont give sisters a second look. No one should limit themselves because we both deserve to be loved and respected and as far as others 9 times out of 10 bringing more to the table, thats speculation at best and besides when I invite you to my table all you have to do is be willing to show up, sit down, eat and leave the B.S. outside my door. It's not about what you bring to the table because if you got the right attitude and you treat me right you'll alway have a place at my table, its all up to you! LMAO

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          • nika23 says:
            Posted: 30 Jun 12

            I agree that education is not the definition of a person, byt why use a word that puts down black people to generally speak about black men? I believe SXYBRWNSUGA was reacting more to the use of the N word which is very offensive, but I hear many young African American men say it. I don't understand why because to me it's self hatred. If you feel black people really mean the negative things that word describes, then that's a problem. That could be why you feel you have to go through hoodrats to find a decent black woman. If you think black people are really this negative, then you'll only look for negative black people, reinforcing the stereotype in your mind. Please think more highly of black people than us being the N word. That word should be aboloished from black people's vocabulary because we are much better than that.

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          • Reese says:
            Posted: 05 Aug 12

            Oh come on noplayer stop it. You know most educated women want educated men period in fact there are books out about bw making the wrong choice in marrying down instead of out. Bw are the only race expected to do this. If you want an educated man you are now stuck up or think you are better than bm now. Black men can have any kind of standards no matter how irrational, but bw are expected to accept any kind of bm because of the numbers..........please. These men are talking about the faults of bw and where they are going in life. So ofcourse bw are going to look at where they are or how they are going. So why should bw care about what bm bring to the table who don't date bw. Also the 9 times out of 10 isn't hard to figure if you look at what bm earn compared to other men in general they don't make the income, have the education or other that other men do. Bw are much closer in income gap with ww than bw are to wm. And your stats are not correct more educated you are in general the more money you earn. If you look up the stats they go from not graduating all the way up to degrees and there are some exceptions to the rules. But also educated people tend to be more open and more experimental so these bm you are talking about don't even date bw so why are you complaining that they now are having the same stigmatism attached to them as bw suffer. And educated bw are more likely to be married than uneducated ones. In fact black people educated are more likely period to be in ir marriage. So the fact is most educated people want educated people. So it is a bad thing for a bw who is educated to want an educated bm even thou bm on this very panel have talked about the same thing and aren't even educated. It leads to many bw wondering if bm are just trying to get us back in our place. If every bm dated or married bw there would still be some that were single because of the numbers. So don't let bm try and tell you that you are the reason why bw are alone because it isn't true. Asian women are sought after by white men and never see them marrying down. Girl go after what you want unapologetically. Black men do and for many more silly reasons I have had some tell me they wanted babies with good hair and light skin. They aren't looking at what percentage of these women date bm because truth be told a large percentage of non black women don't date bm either. And we know alot of them don't date broke ones. Don't let your skin color trap you no matter what bm say they why do you think they say it

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      • jaypea says:
        Posted: 30 Jun 12

        idiots are killing each other,and your just talking about a handful of brothas,it's an image that brothas are killing themselves over.As far as brothas waking up and having options news flash brothas have been dating white women since forever,it's just now more acceptable....

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  16.   shydude74 says:
    Posted: 23 Jun 12

    there are websites on here about white men who like black women,other men who like bw you dont see any comments from me,because its not a problem,but when its black men who like white or other women,black women shouldnt be on there either. of course im not going to be fond of black women when they treat me wrong. the gender war started in the 70s ,since then oprah winfrey and other black women have went on tv saying there arent good black men,when there are.bw dont want bm when hes bettering himself.they love the thugs who end up dead or in jail.by the time bw want good bm were like f em,they waited too long. dwyane wade was married to a bw it didnt work out,shaquille oneal it didnt work out, my cousin it didnt work out. bw like to mention that divorce occurs when bm get with other women,well shaq,wade my cousins were all involved with bw and it ended in divorce. my same cousin who was rejected by bw he went with is now with an italian chic and theyre still together.so this proves that black men who been with black women dont always last,but bw wont mention this because it will make them look bad,thats a no no but making others look bad is ok.

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    • trackgirl15 says:
      Posted: 24 Jun 12

      i have absolutely no problem with who you are attracted to. none whatsoever. I do have a problem with you generalizing all black women. you love who you love. color is no barrier. whatever floats your boat! we as human beings treat each other wrong daily! i'm not going to start hating all human beings because of that. I realize that everyone is an individual and ;my experience with one does not mean I should now write that entire group off for life. none the less if you like white women and that's what makes you tingle..............go for it! I aint mad..........but just down scowl your face at me if you walk past me because of your past experiences. fair enough? good! now go find your queen!!!!

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      • trackgirl15 says:
        Posted: 24 Jun 12

        forgot to add..........are you really comparing your experience with Shaq and D-wade? these are black men with millions of money! THeir marriage would have ended in divorce no matter WHO it was. Look at Kobe..........she aint black..........they still had problems. Race has nothing to do with people getting along. You really need to open your mind. I understand you have been hurt by people but you should not sum other people's experiences as your own.

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    • nika23 says:
      Posted: 27 Jun 12

      I have seen black men say negative things under the article about why white men love black women. Also Shaq cheated on his wife, hence their divorce, so it was him and not her. A divorce doesn't mean it's the woman's fault, the man could be at fault too and most often, both people ae at fault.

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    • reese says:
      Posted: 30 Jun 12

      You don't but other bm do. Why do you think the bm are on youtube talking about bw if not to try to discourage other men from dating them. If they were really done with bw they would go on dating and shut their mouths. Look at the hate crime statistics and see it is bm doing it not bw or wm, but bm almost 94% of the time so some bm do care too.

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  17.   jason says:
    Posted: 22 Jun 12

    @shyboy 74 no wonder why black women don't like you,you're a fucking joke and a sorry excuse for a black man.lets not forget a (black woman birth your dumb ass)....by you not dating black women you are doing them all a favor so keep dating who ever you want and let them put up with you ass....

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    • shydude74 says:
      Posted: 22 Jun 12

      so my moms black,that doesnt mean i have to like bw,i have 7 percent bw as friends.this is foolish are those you cant understand or face my experience just like i havent faced youlls experience.everyone is different. black women say negative things about black men all the time,but when black men say bad things about bw its a problem. your moms black, well bw came from black men semen but i dont complain and go your dads black. if people dont like black men i move on ,i dont force them to like me,but when someone hates bw they cant let it go and deal with it. you dont have to be married,black men/whitewomen outnumber whitemen/black women,not all bm/wf relationships end in divorce.notice brothas dont complain on white men/black women nearly as much as black women do black men/whitewomen. black women are jealous of white women,they go white women get tans,well black women dye their hair blonde,sometimes bleach their skin,because they want to be something theyre not..

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      • trackgirl15 says:
        Posted: 23 Jun 12

        You didn't respond to anything I wrote but white women trying to be like black women and vice versa has nothing to do with what we are discussing. We are talking about your hatred of black women because of the few bad experiences you had. You are lumping every black woman into the same category because of that. What I am saying is you need to take a long hard look at yourself because your hatred may be of yourself. The same things black women have done to you a white woman can do to you, an asian woman can do to you and any other race you date. Start looking at women for who they are and not for what race they came from. Otherwise you are going to be disappointed a lot with the so called "stereotypes" you have about other races. Take care of yourself .

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      • arlandf says:
        Posted: 23 Jun 12

        Did you get this from Tommy Sotomayor?

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    • SXYBRWNSUGA says:
      Posted: 24 Jun 12

      @ Jason you hit it dead on. This dude is mental. He's like that character Damon Wayans use to play on in In living color. You know the dude in prison that uses words that make absolutely no sense. He's definitely hurting because black women must have hurt his feelings. He need's to get over it. Seek therapy and GOD. He's definite jealous of black women.

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    • letshang101 says:
      Posted: 26 Jun 12

      @Jason I agree with you 100%.

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  18.   jason says:
    Posted: 22 Jun 12

    You people on here are sick and twisted,i love my race and me dating outside my race has nothing to do with self hate.I'm proud of where i came from you'll never hear me say anything bad about my own race or any other race.The only reason why i date outside my race is simply because i can period.

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    • trackgirl15 says:
      Posted: 25 Jun 12

      Dating outside of your race is perfectly fine...........the question is do you NOT date black women because of a few bad experiences? Do you make statements like "i will never date another black woman because yadda yadda yadda"?

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  19.   trackgirl15 says:
    Posted: 22 Jun 12

    I simply cannot take this generalization of black women. I'm sorry but not all black women are like what you describe. There are goal oriented black women who LOVE their black men and do not put them down and who do not give a damn about how much money they make. I am not a "sad black woman" as shydude just called us. I hope you do find a woman who compliments you but you will never find a good woman with the attitude you have now. Black women are sad but you came from a black woman. Is she sad too? You must have had some awful experiences with the black women you have dated to generalize us ALL to be sad.

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 22 Jun 12

      I wish some of us could heal ourselves and let go of the past hurts and disappointments with each other and go on about our business and try to be happy and stop all this foolishness. If the pain is so deep that you cant see yourself ever dating one another BM or BW, then please move on and leave the other alone because life is too-short to hold on to all old-baggage and thats exactly what is, old-tired-heavy ass- baggage, so let it go. The new person that may come in your life deserves all of you but you cant give them you all if youre still caught up on the past. I had a sister tell me, as long as you hold on to the pain and the memories of those that have hurt you, youre not free, they still have a piece of you because you still have a piece of them that youre holding on to and the only way to break those chains is to release all of those old negative emotions and embrace your new possibilities for love and happiness! I took her advice and ran with it like a thief and I havent looked back, I dont know about shydude 74 but BW have done alright by me! ROTFLMAO

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    • SXYBRWNSUGA says:
      Posted: 24 Jun 12

      Trackgirl15 disregard anything that fool says. He has definitely been hurt by numerous black women before and think he's getting revenge by dating other races of women. What he fails to realize black women don't care. He's quite frankly after reading his post is not much of catch to white women either lol.......

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  20.   shydude74 says:
    Posted: 21 Jun 12

    i like and respect black men,if i hated my culture id be against the entire black race,thats not true only bw.brothas have shown understanding and reasoning,not bw.thats why so many bm are sick of bw.no were not gay,bw were tired of you deal with it,we want other women deal with it. instead of faulting bm and other races fault your dam selves.

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    • SXYBRWNSUGA says:
      Posted: 24 Jun 12

      If there was ever a face of self hatred it is you. Dude you haven't even met all black women. You can not and should not generalize. You are doing exactly what a klans man would do to you. You need to get over your hurt. Me being a black woman could care less if you like me. Your kind is a dying breed anyway. Men like you have so many excuses and blame everyone for your short comings instead of taking responsibility for what you didn't do right. Get over yourself. Yeah I really want a man with a wife beater on in his picture. White women please take him far far away.

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  21.   shydude74 says:
    Posted: 21 Jun 12

    black women youll dont know the meaning of understanding . 7 percent of bw are ok,its the rest that have been a problem. you cant change how i feel, if i dont like bw deal with it. if bw dont like bm i be fine with it,why? because i dont like many bw. this is not a black site. you may have had different experiences but check this theres a difference i like 60 percent ww,to just 7 percent bw. white women havent called me names,neither has other women only bw.black men most of them and other races understand me only bw dont go figure.bw dont want to understand you only will see things from your viewpoint,look f bw.other races havent told me to be quiet on the phone only bw.

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  22.   Gia123 says:
    Posted: 21 Jun 12

    What I see in these comments and on other forums is that people are holding on to grudges and hurts that happened to them years ago (although there are some that are fresh). A BW or BM did not like me in high school or college so that makes ALL BW/BM horrible people. Really? I remeber being a junior in high school and the Sr class President,who was black, approached me because he thought based on my hair, unusual name and birthplace that I was mixed race. He kept asking me "What are you?" I did not understand so finally he asked if I were mixed. I said no and he never spoke to or looked at me again. I had to go home and ask my Mom what that was all about but it didn't make me hate/dislike ALL black men because of this guy. That was his problem.. I do not understand where all this anger, disdain and in some cases, yes outright hatred of BW has come from. For years BW have had to be mother, father, breadwinner, scapegoat, abused, abuser, nurturer, so forth and so on. The strength that was once a good thing is now an albatross around our necks. The mothers, grandmothers, sisters are the ones who have fought to protect their sons, grandsons, brothers are now portrayed golddigging, slovnly, trifling, unworthy people. WHY??? If one black woman shows out then automatically ALL black women are this way. A white woman shows out and its ok, she was having a moment. WHY? I work as a consultant and travel quite a bit and interact with people of all ethnicities/races. I have been out to dinner with coworkers and have witnessed behavior that is absolutely astonishing to me. In particular I have 2 WW coworkers who I have to limit my afterhours time with because we have gone to dinner and a club and the next thing I know they are drunk, fighting, cussing, screaming and we have had to leave establishments. I have had them go off on me for trying to get them to calm down and be quiet. But from some of the comments on here, it is ONLY black women that are doing this? These ladies will go off on sales clerks, wait staff, coworkers but this behavior according to a comment or two on here is only done by BW?!?!?!?!?!?!? Have you watched Mob Wives, the Housewives shows, Bad Girls? Those shows are detrimental to all women but only the shows where the black women are clowning is the one folks have a problem with. I have dated black men and would again if they had any interest in me but they don't. It is what it is. I have dated IR and find no problem with it and feel that IF you are with a person because you all truly like/love each other, bring out the best and want the best for each other then go for it. If you are doing it b/c it makes you look good to your friends, or b/c it will upset someone else (bw, parents) or b/c you are scared your kid will be too dark or nappy headed--guess what you can have nappy headed, dark biracial children-then that's your problem and you may want to seek help. I don't subcribe to the belief that all men are dogs (or the black men ain't ---) theory. I don't believe that every black woman is trifling, loud, golddigger, won't help you and all the other negatives out there. There are good and bad in every race/creed/origin etc. There are good women of all races, (yes even good BLACK women). Maybe instead of blaming a whole race of people maybe you need to check out the people you are dealing with. If every woman you deal with has the same issue then maybe it's not only them with the problem--it might be YOU. It really saddens me when we as Black people tear each other down. (If a white man has a problem with a white woman does he blame the WHOLE white female race) As a people we have overcome so much and have so much we could do toghether. Instead we are allowing ourselves to be torn apart for real and imaginary reasons. We can love other races but if we don't love ourselves and our own race-male and female and let go of the slights we feel have been inflicted on us we are going to destroy ourselves.

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    • reese says:
      Posted: 22 Jun 12

      Girl, I don't even argue with these men. If they don't want to date bw so what...........next. There is no reason to debatei with them. Girl, just let it roll off your back. You see how alot of them blame us for everything. And do not see how they contribute to the issues in our communities. Some of them was talking about how the kids are raised by black women a certain way. But doesn't speak on the lack of black men in the home. Anyone who has dating issues over and over again.........and doesn't see what they do to contribute isn't worth our time. And it shows in the fact that they have higher divorce rates with white women(the highest percentage in the nation) while we have the lowest with white men. So it obviously isn't all us our ir marriage last. So don't waste time thinking about these black men who don't date bw. I don't care what they say because my self-esteem is not tied to their opinion. Unfortually too many bws is tied to what bm think or say. Why are they any better than any other man or held is such high esteem? My advice would be that we focus on the men who do date bw.

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      • nika23 says:
        Posted: 22 Jun 12

        Very well spoken Reese. Sometimes I like to banter when people say nonsense, but I'm on this site to meet men who date black women and I know that's not black men so I don't let their comments affect my self esteem. My self esteem is tied to who I am and what I do in my life and I'm quite proud of the thing sI have done and I look forward to doing more with my life. I don't like people lying and making up stuff as their reason for dating other races, but thinking people can see the thruth. I had a black man on this site send me a message where he was upset and tried to make me feel bad for looking for men of other races while he's looking for women of ther races. I don't get this double standard nor why they care who we date if they don't want us. Go get your non-black women and stop checking my page to see if black men are on my list (on an interracial dating site) and don't harrass black women and non-black men. That's it.

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    • nika23 says:
      Posted: 22 Jun 12

      You make complete sense, shyguy's responses show we can't rationalize with unrational people. If you treat black women like crap, of course they won't be good to you. Shy guy says that women of other races are good to him but I'm sure he treats them better than he treats black women. If he called them names and made negative comments about them and said he hated them, they'd never give him the time of day either. He's mad at black women for not being good to him, but he's obviously not good to us, so why on earth should black women treat him well. You get what you give in life and if you give people crap, that's what you usually get. It's funny that anytime there is some sort of injustice against black men you see black women (no non-black women) marching and protesting, but then they turn around and hate us for being strong and being there for them. This exact attitude from many black men is why some black women are dating other races, then theyre upset at us for dating other races. They claim they don't want us, yet they don't want other races being with us. If you don't want us, just leave us alone because there are other races who appreciate caring and nurturing women.

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    • nika23 says:
      Posted: 22 Jun 12

      I meant shydude, not shyguy.

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 23 Jun 12

      After reading some of this garbage, it makes me to really appreciate the blk couples (married or just seriously dating) that I know just that much more because its refreshing to know that all is not gloom and doom and there are those amongst us that can come together and love each other in a healthy way. If you read too much of this foolishness youd come to believe that were incapable of loving each other and I know thats not the case. What I dont understand is why do we believe that were angry and disappointed in each other for no reason? Ive spent the last 15 years trying to understand the dynamics of our relationships and our historical, cultural, and psychological experiences as a people in hopes of trying to understand us a lot better. This reminds me of a song by Johnathan Butler and Brenda Lee Edger, entitled Aint Understanding Mellow, yeah I went back to the old school but bear with me. When you understand each other you can relate to, empathize, be patient and have compassion for each other. When we dont understand each other we come down hard on each other, we turn cold and we dismiss each other but if we took the time to understand we wouldnt judge and look down own each other as harshly and write off each other as a waste of creation, like some of us do. If BW are angry, hurt, disappointed, feel devalued, have bad attitudes, then why? Did God create them this way or is this a response to something going on that affects them. If BM feel angry, disrespected, crushed by society and a whole list of others, again I ask, is this the norm or is this also a reaction to something thats going on. People dont sneeze, cough and have runny noses without allergies or a cold virus floating around. We can find rhyme and reason for everybodys issues but our own, we can embrace and love them in spite of themselves but look how we treat each other, this is a sign of self hatred. I think some of us find it easier to just say, the hell with it, later for you and Im out because if you ask why, then you have to ask who, what, when and where and how. Once you find all of that out, now youre faced with the question of what will you do about it, now that you know? Some may not know how or they may feel they cant fix the problem so they just give up and go with the flow of popular opinion and this is some of what you read on these post, so sad!

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  23.   shydude74 says:
    Posted: 21 Jun 12

    the question is about hating your ethnicity well i hate bw,not bm.the brothas are cool i get along with 90 percent of them,compared to just 7 percent bw. my mother understands me liking other races and not bw. she knows my experience and understand,but she has nothing to do with this. i prefer other women,no complaints with them because my experience have been more pleasant. another thing ive admitted black men have sinned, my point is bw wont admit their sins.im being proven right.other women will admit their faults.brothas do understand,you cant twist things around.if i liked bw,i wouldnt be on interracial site,this site proves i like other women.

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    • TreMagnifiqu says:
      Posted: 27 Jun 12

      All I want to know is, where did you get "7 percent?" Because that seems, and I'm pretty sure it is, entirely arbitrary.

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      • SXYBRWNSUGA says:
        Posted: 28 Jun 12

        Maybe he'll get along with us better if he changes that dirty ass wife beater he's wearing. Nice approach. LOL!!!!!

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  24.   arlandf says:
    Posted: 21 Jun 12

    I forgot to answer the question. In my opinion, I do not like the direction that many black women are going. Do I hate them? No. However, as a person who is looking to build a future, I do not feel as comfortable with them. What influence to date outside of my race is that fact that I realized that I have options. I should not be limited to one group of people, especially if don't like the state that they are in.

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    • TreMagnifiqu says:
      Posted: 27 Jun 12

      Sorry to repost this, I responded to the wrong gentlemen. I respect your right to have an opinion, and as it relates to you, I understand that your experiences inform your reality. But your experiences alone are not empirical data of the state of black women. It is not fair to say things like I do not like the direction that many black women are going or the state that they are in. In many ways, statements like that are precisely the problem, black women are not one person! Just because you dated one, two or twenty black women does not mean youve dated them all. And for the record, it is just as wrong when women say things like all black men are dogs.

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  25.   Kenazman says:
    Posted: 18 Jun 12

    Well,as a black man and African for that matter,I have no particular hatred for my own(be it african or african american).I look at myself as an equal opportunity dater because that is what I have done since I became of dating age. My kids are black. My friends think I don't give women from other races as much chance to get to know me as I do black women.The truth is I don't hold back any part of me depending on what race of woman I am dating or interested in; i just seek happiness and love and all that comes along with that. I have friends with a diverse racial set of spouses. From what I have been reading,there has been a rise in white/black marriages since the 1980s.I am not sure if we can post links here but this one explains the reasons fairly well; hatred for ones own is not a factor is this study and am sure if I some day I happen to marry someone who is not black,some of my buddies and friends may try to convince me that I have a hatred for myself and my own.

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  26.   FiammaFlame says:
    Posted: 18 Jun 12

    I went food shopping this evening, and as I went to put my groceries in my car, I caught sight of a black male in his 20's carrying in his arms, an obviously biracial child (4-5 years old), as he made his way to the store from the parking lot. After they passed by me, I then noticed a young blonde woman trailing casually behind them. Looking at them, it struck me that this man was carrying a child who looked perfectly capable of walking without assistance. And the way the woman walked behind them....as if she had given him, her husband/boyfriend, what he desired most in the world, and so she could walk with the utmost confidence behind him as he diligently carried their child in his arms, knowing her place in his life was absolutely secure. (I've seen a similar scenario played out on other occasions.) I've seen a similar scenario played out many time before. My thought in looking at this man was this: I truly hope you have found a happy life for yourself. You have made a point of getting with a white woman, and you are parading arounding your child for the whole world to see; I hope your relationship is all that you wanted it to be and, for your child's sake, that you have found love, peace and comfort in said relationship...so that the child, who was staring right back at me as his father made a display of toting him around, isn't being played as pawn between his Black father and the Black others his father might possibly despise....

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  27.   devnull says:
    Posted: 17 Jun 12

    @NOPLAYER God saved you from that crazy woman. You could have gone down the nervous breakdown road...LOL. Sorry I had to laugh when you said the white guy she dated after so many years ended up marry a WW. I just think some men and women of any color are just confused and have no direction. Compromise is something we all need. As for BW and BM thinking they need to date outside to get ahead in America or Europe they are suffering for severe inferiority complex. That BS about slavery is so tired and a useless excuse. As my parents always told me and I had a silver spoon upbringing " NO ONE OWES YOU Sh1t in LIFE, YOU OWE YOURSELF." Hatred of one's own race as an excuse to date outside is worse than death you have to pity those people with that type of mentality.

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  28.   shydude74 says:
    Posted: 17 Jun 12

    arlandf i agree with him,he understands me the closest,you understand me youre a winner. hes telling the truth just like myself.let me tip my hat off to him

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  29.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 15 Jun 12

    I would say that the word hatred is a bit too strong but I'm sure there are those who out of fustration and as a result of one disaapointment too many turn to IR dating. Love may be color blind but when you can love everybody except someone that shares your color then you may be dealig with some self-hatred issues. I think it's ridiculous when people seem to think that the traits that they desire in a mate can be found in everybody except someone from their ethnic group. I've been blogging on this site since 2008 and I'm never surprized by some of the comments that I read, particularly from BM and BW expressing mostly foul opinions about eachother. I rarely if ever see where Asians, Latino or Whites talk down on eachother the way some of us do. Some of us need to learn there's no need to down talk your own even if you've made the choice not to date one of them.

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  30.   nika23 says:
    Posted: 15 Jun 12

    I believe for some people it's about love and for others it is about hatred. As a teenager in the US, my first impression of interracial couples was YAY, racisim will end, but experience has taught me that some people hate being black and will date any other race so their kids are biracial. I guess this could happen with other races too, but for black people it seems worse because we are still dealing with the negative effects of slavery and Jim Crow which has done it's best to teach all people that people of African descent are less than. Sadly there are some black people that believe that to be true and date other races to get away from being black. I do find it a bit strange when I hear black people say I'm just not physically attracted to black men or black women. It makes me think they value black people less. I date all races and while I've had better experiences with non-black men, I still see physically attractive black men. It just sounds odd to me that some black people do not find any black person of the opposite sex physically attractive. I usually hear from black men that black women aren't attractive and don't have pale skin or straight hair, which they value. Is brown skin and curly hair so bad that quality women with character are thrown aside? I've heard countless stories of black women standing by their man (black men), supporting them emotionally and financially etc and when the man succeeds, he dumps her for a woman of another race. This happens with guys who get a good job, or graduates from college and with people who become celebrities etc. The pattern is when you're not financially well off, you date/marry a black woman, but if you "make it", then you move on to another race. The same support and strength that was there telling you will make it and you can do it when there was no light at the end of the tunnel becomes annyoing when you suuceed. In my opinion this, if not hatred, is a lesser view of black people and black women in general. I've had black men actually compliment me on my good qualities, but not want to be with me because I'm not considered attractive. They'd say things like you're amazing, so caring, such a good person and the perfect woman, but you're not light skinned enough for me to marry you, but I'd like to have kids with you. Are they crazy? I'm not trying to be a single mother chasing them around begging them to take care of their kids. Why the hell would I have kids with someone who's only reason for not being with me is because I don't fit society's idea of beauty? I know of black men and have heard stories of some who marry and have kids with white women, society's ideal of beauty, then divorce in a few years because of the person's character. These men then complain about manipulation and gold diggers and say there are no good women. Now I know there are good white women and there are black men who marry them for love and have nothing against black women, but it's not all. There are many black men who say they don't like strength in black women which is what chases them to other races, but in my opinion a woman who can pick up the peices and keep moving after tough times is valuable. The ability to triumph when everything looks bleak should be celebrated, not ridiculed. Maybe they don't like strength because the woman would be willing to walk away from them if they're not good to her. In the end I think character is more important and VERY undervalued in society. Beauty is nice and I am attracted to attractive men, but I don't base love and marriage on the physical. Character is the most important thing to me and it's what will matter when times get tough and down the road in 40, 50 or 60 years.

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 16 Jun 12

      @nika23 - I was once told by a BW that I was dating that I was no longer on her level after she finished her Master's degree and got a job with an PR firm. I guess she felt she was now in the big leagues and she now needed a man in the big league. She'd never dated WM before but all of a sudden BM were unworthy of her but we were good enough while she was struggling trying to finish school. This same woman almost 13 years later with all of her "IR gaming" is still single. One of her coworkers that dated a friend of mine told me she had a nervous break down after a white guy she was dating for three years broke up with her and not even a year later married a WW and I'm told she's a regular at Happy Hour along with her fellow members of the "MEN AINT SHIT COMMITEE. I mentioned this to state that bad character runs across ethnic and gender lines and you have alot of people that foolishly believe "the grass is always greener on the other side" as if it's the gospel truth. I was in the army with a brother that wouldn't go no where near a BW but it seemed that the women from other ethnic groups were no better because most of them were ethier whores, nut cases or serve control freaks. I don't know maybe he felt that other women at their worst were somehow better than BW, showing you how messed up his thinking was. I agree that two people coming together trying to make eachother happy is a wonderful thing but at the risk of pissing some folks off I'll say it loud and clear, "there's some Fu*ked-Up people on the IR scene" and they come with all sorts of bagged just waiting dump it off on some unsuspecting person, so if you want to get a clue just read some of the posting on this site and that should confirmed all doubt. We all should be careful of dealing with people that express such contempt for the men or women from their ethnic group. Best wishes in life and in love!

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      • nika23 says:
        Posted: 17 Jun 12

        Well sorry to hear what that lady did, but it seems you got the last laugh. I've made more money than almost every boyfriend, but I never considered leaving them for that reason. I've always cared more about character, but me being faithful and being there for them during difficult times meant nothing because I wasn't light skinned enough (that was the usual complaint). After I leave they want me back and claim I was the best girlfriend they ever had. One guy has been trying to get back together with me for 5 years now. He calls me every few months to see if I'm single and claims he wants to get back together, but why go back to someone who wasn't good to me and feels that I'm not worthy because I don't meet a physical ideal? This has been an issue for me and many good black women I know. Our character doesn't matter, just certain physical features, and I'm not ugly. I know this can happen in any race, but I see it most with black relationships. I have never heard white men saying white women aren't dark skinned enough so they are ugly. I have never heard one song, compared to the multitudes for us, where white men are singing about how ugly and unworthy white women are because of their negative behavior. White and Asian men have told me white and Asian women are very manipulative, money hungry, opportunistic and many of the same things black men say about us, but they aren't making songs and movies about how terrible the women of those races are. Black women have to be perfect for black men, and sometimes that's still not good enough, but women of other races get a pass on many things, including the type of person they are. I decided that I didn't care about what others thought and began dating different races because nice guys from other races had been interested but I was not comfortable in the past. I got to the where I thought what's the point of dating black men who will find fault with me because I don't look a certain way despite how good I am to them when men of other races love the way I look. In reference to the guy from the army, that's pretty much what I generally notice; sometimes it's guys I know and sometimes just things I observe. I've seen white, Hispanic and Asian women yelling at black men in public, but if a black woman did this it would be another negative to add to the list of why all black women are not worthy. I've seen white women and Asian telling black men they had to buy them material items to stay with them, but if a black woman did this, all black women would be gold diggers. I don't care who anyone dates, unless it's my man, but why are these negative behaviors only negative when black women do them. They should be negative when any woman does this to any man and the double standard is what makes me and many black women so upset, along with blaming the majority of us for the behavior of a minority. Women of all races and nationality behave negatively, but it only makes headlines when black women do it.

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        • NOPLAYER says:
          Posted: 18 Jun 12

          @nika23 - I can't say I had that last laugh because deep inside I felt sorry for her because like so many, she lost site of what matters the most. In reality it's all about coming home at the end of the day to enjoy the comfort and companionship of the one that loves you. Maybe she felt that all those things are tied up in degrees, professional titles and income, I don't know! People are looking for love but they're so messed up in the head they end up destroying the very thing they say they're looking for and until they get their minds right they'll run from person to person or from ethnic group to group only to come up short each time. It wasn't until I was willing to take a good look at myself and see what my issues were and battle my own demons that I began to have healthier relationships with BW. I can no longer play the blame game because I know most of the faults were my own and once I found out that you can attract a type of women as a result of how you think then I knew if I wanted different then I had to start thinking and acting different, point blank, but how many people are willing to give themselves a check up from the neck up and do the work that needs to be did in hopes of becoming a better person. It's hard to admit that you've got issues because you don't want folks knowing your business but when you cant maintain a steady relationship everybody will know something aint right, so why hide what everybody already knows! LMAO

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          • nika23 says:
            Posted: 18 Jun 12

            I agree. At the end of any relationship I look back to see what if anything I contributed to it ending so that I have a better relationship in the future. Aside from obvious wrongs like cheaters and liars, some people just aren't right for each other and sometimes the problem is communication. Looking back lets me tweak what I'm looking for and what I will not put up with so I have a better idea of the type of person I want. I'm glad you said looking at your issues created a change for the better in the type of relationships you had with black women. I have been verbally attacked by black men I didn't even know and I have been completely flabbergasted because they happened for no reason. I have no problem with interracial dating because I wouldn't exist without it, and I do it too, but I have a problem when I hear lies as the reason for why black men are forced into interracial dating.

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          • NOPLAYER says:
            Posted: 19 Jun 12

            @ nika23 - I had a very interesting conversation with a coworker about some of the issues impacting BM and BF relationships and she bought up a very valid point. She said that, I often hear people say that you must have a love of self before you can love others but its only in the context of being loved by others that we come to know what love is or how it feels and in return we attempt to make others feel what weve experienced, in other words you cant express what youve never felt or dont feel! With that said, it lead me to wonder if some BM and BW say they dont feel loved, valued or wanted by each other, then what makes them think that theyll be able to give their all in an IR relationship when theyve been deprived of a healthy kind of from each other? Lets say for an example, if my earliest experiences of love, romance, intimacy and relationships have been with black women we could agree that the platform for all other relationships to follow has been set. My relationships with the females in my family from my mother own down to my female cousins have played a big part in shaping my attitudes and behaviors towards relationships with women. If these relationships were of poor quality or dysfunctional, then in what way would I be equipped to jump into a relationship with non-BW and hope to be successful? Even if these non BW was willing and able to truly love me, how would I be able to return that kind of love if Ive only known a twisted and unhealthy kind of love from day one? How would starting over with somebody new erase the old bad attitudes and behaviors Id gained as a result of my earlier bad experiences with BW? I used this example to say, you don't change because you change lovers, all of the unresolved issues remain with you and eventually you end up repeating the cycle. I think by changing myself instead of trying to change BW I ended up attracting good BW and I've had very loving and wholesome relatonships with them both platonic and romantic. You're right everybody's not right for everybody but there's someone for everybody and should that person come from another ethnic group then so be it. Get it from where ever you can but leave out the lies and the excusses as to why you date IR and "DO YOU!" I didn't start dating IR as a response to what BW were doing or not doing, i just opened myself up to dating non-BW and BW should feel free to do the same. It's a drag when people see you with somebody non-black they automatically assume you dislike your own or you've cut yourself off from them and that used to hurt me but now it cease to even matter to me, that's their opinions and they're entitled to them.

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          • reese says:
            Posted: 20 Jun 12

            I don't think these bw/bm hate each other because why are they so concerned with their counterpart. I mean if you are done with someone why not just move on and date someone else. I mean why make youtubes or speak on every outlet about your counterpart you must have them on the mind. I think some of us have been so hurt or made to feel so unvalued by are counterparts that we do not know how to respond. Really, listen to the comments some of our brothers and sisters are saying. But I have learned not to let it bother me. I just think for some of yall refusing to date your race men and women you might really miss out on someone wonderful. I am no way against ir relationships, but I refuse to give up on are race or think that you can only find it outside the race. Have I had better luck with other races yes, but that is not saying I cannot have luck with a black man. But my take on it and my personal opinion I don't argue with bm who don't like bw I keep stepping. I will point out that it is not all bw and they have faults too.

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    • arlandf says:
      Posted: 16 Jun 12

      No disrespect nika23, but you are trying to paint black women as angels in this equation. If someone is not physically attractive to a person of their race then let it be. I have seen men and women of other races do this. However, you are trying to put it off as black men as an issue. Now I will reply to every statement you made. "I usually hear from black men that black women arent attractive and dont have pale skin or straight hair, which they value. Is brown skin and curly hair so bad that quality women with character are thrown aside?" The black men that told you that is most likely raised by a black woman with no father. When black daughters do their daughters hair, they will make comments like "sit yo nappy head down." With the boys, they will keep reminding them that they ain't ish like their father and it crushes their spirit. Also, you say black men think black women are attractive because of pale skin and straight hair. Black women does this too. As I said before, you have black women who do this too. On the post "Should Black Men Be Crucified for Dating Lighter Complexion?", people call me silly and other foolishness, however I am not lying. You have black women that would go out of their way to have children by a mixed person or other races so their children could be light and have "good hair". In addition, they make negative comments about black features, ie big lips, nappy head, black skin. "Ive heard countless stories of black women standing by their man (black men), supporting them emotionally and financially etc and when the man succeeds, he dumps her for a woman of another race. This happens with guys who get a good job, or graduates from college and with people who become celebrities etc. The pattern is when youre not financially well off, you date/marry a black woman, but if you make it, then you move on to another race." Not just that i heard, I saw instances where black women not standing by black men. For example, college, black men who ask black women out and they turn their noses up at them. Or when things isn't going well with the guy, they will leave him hanging However, if it some thug, Greek, or ball player, they will give him the time of day. When these guys get good jobs, all of a sudden these women come flocking to them. To me, that is an insult. They don't want to be with a person when he lacking, but when he have something they want to be with him. Also, with black women graduating at a higher rate then men. Why don't they even tutor the black counterparts in their weaker subjects. I had many white women to help me with subjects where I was struggling, while the black women didn't. "Ive had black men actually compliment me on my good qualities, but not want to be with me because Im not considered attractive. Theyd say things like youre amazing, so caring, such a good person and the perfect woman, but youre not light skinned enough for me to marry you, but Id like to have kids with you. Are they crazy? Im not trying to be a single mother chasing them around begging them to take care of their kids. Why the hell would I have kids with someone whos only reason for not being with me is because I dont fit societys idea of beauty? I know of black men and have heard stories of some who marry and have kids with white women, societys ideal of beauty, then divorce in a few years because of the persons character." What make these men say this? Too many black women condone this behavior from black men. Instead of using their positive characteristics to get a man, many black women uses their behinds and other sexual features to get a man and eventually they get knocked up by them. They know these guys are no good but they did what they could to get them. That is why they have children with these guys. Finally, stop saying that black men idea of beauty is white women. If that is the case, why are women especially black women are trying to get their features? I have seen BW with blue eyes, blond straight hair even going as far as bleaching their skin. BW go out of their way to look like the "standard of beauty". "There are many black men who say they dont like strength in black women which is what chases them to other races, but in my opinion a woman who can pick up the peices and keep moving after tough times is valuable. The ability to triumph when everything looks bleak should be celebrated, not ridiculed. Maybe they dont like strength because the woman would be willing to walk away from them if theyre not good to her. In the end I think character is more important and VERY undervalued in society. Beauty is nice and I am attracted to attractive men, but I dont base love and marriage on the physical. Character is the most important thing to me and its what will matter when times get tough and down the road in 40, 50 or 60 years." Let me correct that. Black men don't like belligerence in black women. Black men don't like disrespect in black women. Black men don't like bad attitudes in black women. Humility is strength. Patience is strength. Kindness is strength. Submissiveness, contrary to popular opinion, is strength. Many black women do not possess these traits. You have women going off on folks for no apparent reason. Even in customer service situations and the workplace, you have black women getting nasty with people when people (not just black men) when they need help or causing chaos when someone is trying to do their job. Also, you have black women challenging people in public. When black women are giving constructive criticism, they take it as an offense than correction. In addition, they are very confrontational. This is contrary to your statement "a woman who can pick up the pieces and keep it moving is valuable." If you have that ability, there is not need to be confrontational. Those characteristics isn't valuable in society. I wrote this at 4:30 in the morning and now it is 5:20 am. I say everything in love. If not, I would of been sleeping right now. Before you say someone does something make sure that same mirror you have facing someone is facing yourself.

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      • nika23 says:
        Posted: 16 Jun 12

        I accept your opinion and I do not feel that black woman are angels, but I don't understand why the few black women with the negative characteristics overshadow all the ones doing the right thing. Those negative behaviors aren't the norm for most black women, but it's portrayed as if it is and that's my biggest problem. I see so many good black women, but even the black men that date black women only go for the bad girls and ghetto girls who do these kinds of things, then they complain about black women. Why pass up the good women only to complain about how bad the bad women are? I know there are some black women that like bad boys, but there are in the minority and they are often the bad girls themselves. In reference to black women putting down their daughters' hair, I've never heard of that in my family or anyone I know. Most of the black men I have dated have fathers, so I don't understand what being from a single mother household has to do with it. In reference to belliegerence, I'm not talking baout that, no one likes that. I see that in black men too and it's a turn off. I mentioned strength because I saw in another post that a guy said he doesn't like strength in black women. I think a woman who can hold her family together and all the positive things you mentioned in the strength paragraph is what I'm talking about as being valuable. Causing chaos has nothing to do with strength, that's really someone that is out of control, therefore, they're not strong. Also women of many other races behave in the negative ways you describe, but there's a double standard that it's OK for them, but a problem when done by a black woman.

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        • shydude74 says:
          Posted: 17 Jun 12

          also black women hold double standards,youre talkin about if other races do things youll do its not a problem,but if youll do it is.well youll black women point the finger at black men and other races.thats ok in youlls view,but when black men and other races come at youll its a problem. or some black women think its ok when they date men of other races,but have a problem when black men like women of other races. then bw go they have no problem with bm liking other races,just dont bash bw,yet youll say nothing about bw with other races of men bashing black men which does happen. sometimes it seems to me black women are more racist than are black men and more drama. black men would more likely help a person in crisis.black women would complain and be like so,not my problem, why cant they handle this themselves or i dont care.

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          • nika23 says:
            Posted: 18 Jun 12

            I'm not sure I fully understood all of your statements, but I'll respond to what I understood. Anyone who dates interracially and has a problem with interracial dating needs help, male or female. In reference to your quote "you'll say nothing about bw with other races bashing bm", I mentioned in my first post that "I find it odd that some black people say they don't find any black men or black women attractive" so I disagree that I condone this. Black women being more racist makes no sense since we are generally on the receiving end of racisim, plus sexism which black men don't really experience. In reference to black women being less likely to help people than black men I just have to laugh because it's so ridiculously untrue. Not even a month ago a black guy on another post said black women's education was not a plus because we weren't in fields that make money (education and counseling etc.), like he does in engineering. Education and Counseling are all in the helping field and they are female dominated. I've been in the Counseling field for over 10 years and all I see are women and black women are usually the ones working hands on with the mentally ill, MRDD, the elderly and children etc. The men that I have worked with in this field usually leave or choose "policy work instead of people work" and they were usually white men anyway. I also know of many black women not in helping professions who help out neighbors and their kids if they are running low on food, money, need a babysitter or a ride somewhere etc. I know a few women who were quasi-adopted by black women in their neighborhood because they had mothers who were mentally ill and couldn't always care for them. Anyway there are bad, negative people in any group, but it really bothers me when one black woman does something and all black women are blamed for what she did. Blanket statements like black women are more racist, drama and less likely to help others is exactly the problem. Maybe you saw a black woman do something negative, but that does not mean all black women are like that. Maybe you associate with negative black women, hence you're more likely to see negative behavior. I'm sure the same black women that are called nerds because they value education, boring because they aren't getting high and drunk every weekend and said to be playing games because they won't do one night stands are completely different than the ones you keep talking about. Unless you know every black woman, you should not make blacket statements.

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          • reese says:
            Posted: 20 Jun 12

            Not all bw care about bm dating nonblack women. I don't care. I do get annoyed when you try to paint us all the same.however. And where are your statistics backing up these statements because black men are not more likely to help in crisis. Black men are largest statistical percentage of hate crimes not black women so maybe black women complain, but black men act violently against them. Black women have more success staying married to interracially than black men take for example black married to whites black women/white men have lowest divorce rate in the nation lower than white men/white women. Black men and white women have the highest. Black women have 3rd lowest with hispanics men. Google ir divorce rates. So maybe black men need to take some responsibility as well.

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      • nika23 says:
        Posted: 17 Jun 12

        I answered in a rush becasue I was heading out, but I see I missed some of your questions. You asked "why don't black women tutor black men and why do black women dye their skin, wear blue contacts and blonde hair?" In reference to tutoring, it's not matched by race, you just get whomever tutor is available. I have helped friends casually, including black men, so I don't understand how you can say black women don't help tutor black men. Besides that, I have noticed that most black men in college refuse to talk to black women in college. Many feel like they've made it and usually pay us no attention, so why would we walk up to a random black guy and offer to tutor him when they won't even reply when we say good morning? You say some black women in college don't respond to black men, haha, maybe they didn't realize the guy was talking to them since they are often ignored by them. Now I know there are some black women with nasty attitudes, but most black women are ignored by black men way too often to even give a nasty response. Also, I hardly see white women hanging around black men who aren't doing well financially and as soon as they get money, the white women come around too. Why is that OK, but not for black women? Look around at young black men and ones who are struggling and you'll see they associate with black women, but if they are succeeding financially black women aren't worth sh-t and only non-black women are good enough. Now, for clarification, I didn't say the black man's ideal of beauty is white women, but "the ideal of beauty (in America) is the white woman (blonde hair and blue eyes)." Black women aren't the only women who do these things. Hispanic, Asian and white women with different color hair and eyes do it as well because some of them also want men who value those features. Also you answered yourself with your own question, but I don't think you realized it so I'll explain. While I cannot speak for everyone's sense of style (some are eccentric and wear red contacts and purple and green hair), but any woman dyeing their skin, and SOME of those wearing blue contacts and blonde hair may be doing it to get the attention of the men who find that attractive. If women are being passed over and constantly told it's because of their looks, some feel the need to change their looks to fit into that ideal in hopes of finding someone to love them. The women who change themselves like this are ridiculed for not loving themselves, but the ones who don't change are ridiculed for not being attractive. Either way, black women can't win because the American standard of beauty is not how most of us are naturally. The thing is a black woman who alters herself in this way is still not likely to get a black man who values those features, so it's best to be who we are and find men who find us attractive. Recently black women are finding out that men of other races find us attractive the way we are, but then we are ridiculed again for being traitors to the black man (the same men who don't want us). I don't mean this to be a right or wrong thing, I am speaking about my experiences of that of good black women I know. I feel like black men always have a platform to speak from, but the black woman's voice is often silenced so I appreciate the chance to interject some truth about real black women, not the thug/ghetto ones that are often spoken about.

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        • arlandf says:
          Posted: 17 Jun 12

          An you are right. It is what we see. I am not saying you are wrong because you may have experienced it, however, I am giving my point of view.

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        • shydude74 says:
          Posted: 19 Jun 12

          black women when will youll admit your faults never. you cant relate,but then again it takes a non bw to understand.bm can understand,other races can and this is from my experience f.bw.black women are racist if you werent then youll would accept black men not liking youll,but you cant without complaining. and as for sexism men do face it as well.if black women werent racist then youll would accept black men liking other races.if youll werent racist then youll wouldnt make jokes about other races,then when other races come back at youll you want to raise hell. if youll were so great than other races and black men wouldnt have complaints about bw. youll dont want to be accountable for your actions,youll think everyone else is guilty,bw are innocent bs. yes black men have sinned and others,but bw cant ever admit their faults,youll arent innocent. i cant stand people who fault others never themselves.bw you are sorry,and are turnoffs.

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          • arlandf says:
            Posted: 20 Jun 12

            shydude, you are going in aren't you? LOL

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          • reese says:
            Posted: 20 Jun 12

            Everything you said could also be applied to black men. Again some black women do accept bm liking other races. Why are you so concerned with bw. Why not just date who you want and move on. I have men I prefer, but I am not on the internet talking about the ones who don't meet my criteria. Or about bm and I could very easily. But I have friends who don't date bm and they just moved on and date other races. They have officially given up on black men so black men do not even cross their mind at all in any fashion. They do not discuss who they are dating, how they act, what they are doing or anything else partaining to them. They just speak to them in passing. So why are you harping on bw if you really have moved on just date your non black women. I mean bw must be on your mind. If you think so lowly of bw why do you care what we say, do or anything else.

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          • nika23 says:
            Posted: 21 Jun 12

            None of what you're saying makes any sense and making up things won't make them real. Everything you say applies to black men because black men are the ones I see coming in people's face screaming and trying to intimidate interracial couples where the woman is black. I have never seen a black woman confront any interracial couple with threats and verbal assaults. I don't know what makes you think black women are so interested in you and who you date, but I'm much more interested in the men I date. Maybe you should focus more on the women you date than what's going on with black women since you despise us so much. I assume your mother isn't black, or maybe just maybe she's a sorry turnoff too.

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          • Gia123 says:
            Posted: 21 Jun 12

            I don't think most rational black women have a problem with admitting we have faults. After certain things happen to you and happen more than once then you have to look at yourself and see where you are going wrong and take steps to change those behaviours that are causing a problem. No human being is without faults. I am rather confused by your insistence that black women are racist. "black women are racist if you werent then youll would accept black men not liking youll,but you cant without complaining. and as for sexism men do face it as well.if black women werent racist then youll would accept black men liking other races.if youll werent racist then youll wouldnt make jokes about other races,then when other races come back at youll you want to raise hell. if youll were so great than other races and black men wouldnt have complaints about bw. youll dont want to be accountable for your actions,youll think everyone else is guilty,bw are innocent bs. yes black men have sinned and others,but bw cant ever admit their faults,youll arent innocent. i cant stand people who fault others never themselves.bw you are sorry,and are turnoffs." You seem to have a great deal of anger toward black women, maybe you need to find out where that comes from. Every black woman on the planet did not cause whatever issues you have with us, because you only know the black women YOU have had dealings with. Date who want, love who you want just make sure it is for the right reasons and not because you have some animosity for a particular group.

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      • NOPLAYER says:
        Posted: 17 Jun 12

        @ arlandf I agree 100% and nika23 I feel where you're coming from. To be truthful I get so sick and tired of BW playing the helpless victims. Now I can understand folks running game on you when you're 18-21 but if you're in your 30's and 40's and folks is still running game on you then maybe you need to check yourself. Growing up in N. St Louis I've seen this foolishness first hand and sad to say it some of it from a few silly women in my own family. I've known some of them to date guys that were known to kick a woman's ass, cheat, had babies with 2 or 3 different women that he didn't support but for the sake of being seen with a baller they laid up with these clowns. Whatever happen to common sense? These clowns didn't force themselves on these helpless women, they willingly hooked up with them. If a man is still sleeping while you're leaving for work and he''s out running streets when you get home, it's says more about the silly ass women that would put up with that than it does about the sorry ass man because sorry is what sorry does. I guess some couldn't learn the first time so after repeated run ins with these clowns now these women are mad and fustrated and now they want to proclaim before the world that BM aint shit, well it looks as if he has alot of company because what does it say about the woman that lays down in the gutter with him. With all of the BW's strenght and intelligence how do so many end up going down that road. It's not just the poor sister stuck in the hood with no education and with no way out of that situation but you got so-called professional and educated women getting dogged, not by sorry brothers in the hood but by educated, Lexus driving, Rolex wearing and condo living professional BM and some WM, so what's really going own???? Somebody help me out on this one! I refuse to believe that BW are this stupid and gullable to the point that they fall victim to every slick talking Willie that walks by, come on now! With all the "BM AINT SHIT" propaganda in circulation (the movies, talk shows, books, beauty shops, nail palors, the mother and daughter talks around the kitchen table) how can so many be so clueless?? How many women have seen their own brothers or cousins run game on women only for them to turn right around and fall for the okie doke. If you know better then do better and stop blaming and generalizing all BM because you aint got enough sense to stay the hell away from those that aint worth your time, you end up with scratching and picking off fleas because you lay down with dogs. I know I'll get raked over the coals for this one but at the end of the day these women hooked up with these clowns and got what they accepted and until they learn how to select a mate they can run from ethnic group to group but guess what? They got their dogs as well and you'll end up with one, he'll just have a different name or skin complexion and he may not bark as loud but he still bites, so learn how to carefuly pick a man and stop allowing men to snatched you up if they're not worthy of all you have to offer. Don't get mad at me just try to understand what I'm saying>

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        • nika23 says:
          Posted: 18 Jun 12

          I agree that women who go after thugs aren't exactly in a position to complain because they knew what type of guy they were getting mixed up with, but you said it yourself that educated and professional men play games too. There's a misconception that black women go after thugs, therefore it's their fault if they're single mothers, it's not true and I'm glad a black man said it. So why do some women fall for their games, the same reason some men fall for games by women. Somewomen are naive (and I don't mean that in a bad way), some don't learn from their mistakes and some get blinded by love so they end up with the wrong guy. Strength is what allows those women to pick themselves up after things don't go the way they expect and intelligence should keep them employed and financially stable if a man leaves them and steer them away from men like him in the future. I don't believe black men "aint shit" as some say, but I date interracially because most black men aren't interested in black women. I am still approached by black men and I entertain dates with black men, but I don't exclude other races to wait for a black man that may never materialize.

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          • NOPLAYER says:
            Posted: 22 Jun 12

            You stated: " I date interracially because most black men arent interested in black women. I am still approached by black men and I entertain dates with black men, but I dont exclude other races to wait for a black man that may never materialize". You're not wrong at all because why should anybody wait around on another person I know I wouldn't, I can't waste my time and deny myself happiness because somebody wont step up to the plate, I'm with you on this one!

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        • reese says:
          Posted: 20 Jun 12

          I agree with most of what you said, however, why when black women say something about black men it comes to black women selecting the wrong black men or playing victims. The same could be said for black men and their selections of black women. The majority of black women don't feel that bm aren't whatever. And as you know some of the ones who feel that way have never even dated bm so they are not victims to bm. The truth is that most of the time if you are having same experience with every man or women it has to do with your selection process whether black or white. The end of the day these black men also selected these women.

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    • verbena says:
      Posted: 17 Jun 12

      i think it is sad if someone hates their own kind. there are good and bad people in every group. if someone directs hatred towards others in any group, it is a sign that they may hate themselves or have an unhealthy personality. b4 you date interracially, try to get spiritually and emotionally balanced. heal yourself first. directing love towards all is safest and best.

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  31.   shydude74 says:
    Posted: 15 Jun 12

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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    • reese says:
      Posted: 20 Jun 12

      I liked this comment better because it spoke to your personal experience and not vast generalization. I can relate to having better luck with other races.

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  32.   shydude74 says:
    Posted: 15 Jun 12

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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