Is the "good black male scarcity" myth hurting the good black men?
"We all know there aren’t good black men out there," shrugged some guy. Apparently he has all the qualities every woman wants in a man; he is the full package – good-looking, educated, motivational speaker, Amazon’s best selling author. Problem is: He believes he has been "pulling quality women" lately, not because he has a lot to offer but like he said it: "I don’t know if it’s the fact that there are no good black men or what… It’s crazy!"
Yes it is! Crazy that this guy is selling himself short. Crazy that he doesn't believe he deserves the "quality" women. Crazy of him to think the women are just settling for him because of "the scarcity".
Myths. Words truly can screw up with a person's psyche. We have heard of black women bleaching themselves and their kids and straightening their hair in a bid to conform with the stereotypical "standards of beauty" that the media has been shoving in our faces. But never in my mind had it ever occurred to me that this scarcity of black men myth has the power to screw up with the psyche of even the perfect black man.
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We have surrounded the "scarcity" issues with black women... that it only affects them. But looking at our perfect man above, its a sad picture. Could this myth be the reason most black men can't form or keep healthy lasting relationships? Could this myth be the reason for the "scarcity". Are black men subconsciously living the myth?
We keep singing about this scarcity of good Black men while in Africa, women are willing to share one man. Seems to me, if a woman is willing to share his man with other women in the name of polygamy, then maybe the man has got enough love and enough goodness to go around; don't you think?
Relationship writer Patia Brainthwaite shows how this myth can negatively affect relationships in 6 ways:
"1. Successful black men have their guard up: If you assume that I’m only interested because you “fit the mold” or “look good on paper,” than there’s no way you can take me seriously. You are looking for me to show my hand, confirm your suspicion that I’m just hollering because of your salary or your job title. You can’t connect with someone you are building a case against.
2. Successful black men underestimate the intangibles: In another life, I am a poet. Chances are, if I’m into you, it’s because you are weird. You watch Basketball Wives with me on the low, you sing Coldplay songs to me, or maybe you were fat in the twelfth grade. Yes, the dude at happy hour that dons the scrubs or the suit is sexy, but the guy inside the suit – the one who secretly wears the same socks twice in a row is the person I’m in love with. The tangibles — titles and comas and tax brackets — aren’t everything. The man at the core, imperfect and a little strange, is everything. Don’t underestimate the intangibles – everything else can be blown away with a strong enough wind.
3. Successful black men have less patience for
[Read more in her article: "6 Ways the Black Male Scarcity Myth Hurts Men"]
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