Is snooping on your partner’s phone necessary in relationships?
I have seen seemingly good relationships gone bad simply because someone couldn’t keep their paws to themselves and went fishing for trouble on their partner’s phone. And even when the relationships don’t go down the drain, the couples are forced to deal with trust issues and the never ending urge to snoop.
People snoop for various reasons. Some do it because they have a strange feeling that something fishy is going down. Others for reassurance. And for some …well... “Why did she ignore that phone call?” And the problem is, when you go fishing for trouble, you will catch it eventually. But should we really blame these tiny gadgets for stirring most relationship conflicts today?
Naomi James, marriage therapist, Oasis Africa Counseling Institute, believes the phones are not to blame for such marital problems, but that people start snooping because a problem already exists in the relationship. She says, “If you have to sneak around your partner looking for tell tale signs and messages, then there is an issue of mistrust in your relationship already”.
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Most snoopers confess to having had a rosy outlook of their relationships before the snooping changed all that to THORNY! They found trouble on those little gadgets. I don’t advocate for snooping on my partner. In fact I go by the “What you don’t know won’t hurt you” attitude. Some might call this being in denial and I somehow agree.
If for example snooping actually confirms your fears that your partner is being unfaithful and the relationship goes downhill, people who share my outlook feel it’s the snoop’s fault. He/she got what they were looking for and deserves every outcome of it. Then again, snooping may have helped this person realize that they were being taken for a ride. And much as not knowing doesn’t hurt, maybe knowing early enough may have prevented them from further hurt and harm? But does this justify snooping? Does this make snooping a necessary part of every relationship?
A friend of mine feels that if you are in a relationship where you feel the constant need to be a sniffer dog, then you have no business being in it in the first place. “What kind of relationship is that where you feel it necessary to play detective against the person you claim to love… the person you are supposed to trust most?” he wonders. The thing is he feels if a person is in the habit of cheating, they will be caught even without having been snooped on. But isn’t that sometimes a little too late? May be … Yes!
What if you don’t trust your partner and just want some reassurance? What then? Leave?
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