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Is number 2 is better than number 1?

Posted by Ria, 28 Jan

Well, I am not talking about the numbers. I am referring to the mistress (No. 2) and the wife (No. 1)

Some people think that being a No. 2 is better. One lady actually told me once that since she is still young and at 25, she will continue being a mistress and milk all those husbands she dates before finally settling down because she is sure that the man doesn’t treat his wife and he does her.

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Others argue that being No.2 is actually better because you get to spend more time with the man as opposed to No.1 who is always at home trying to fix dinner (which the man probably wont even touch coz he has already dined with No. 2). The man also gets to spend as much money on No. 2 as he spends on No. 1. And the other advantage of being the other woman is that the chick has her own free time. This means you get to have the man and the money and also have the freedom to go out as you please whereas the wife always has to get permission from the husband.

On the other hand some argue that being No.1 is better coz hey it is No. 1. When the husband is buying the wife a car, he will buy her a Mercedes and the mistress gets a Toyota Vitz (toy). While the wife is living lavishly in posh suburbs, No.2 will be in some rental apartment.

So is it or is it not true: Being the other woman has more advantages than being the wife?

Tags: the other woman, mistress

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  1.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 10

    Happily Married / Faithful , older , set is My ways and Love to talk . Drink my coffee Black . Censor another if you Please . Found do knot look for anything in Life / But Piece in the Valley and Knowledge Learned from conversations of ArfoRomance members around the Globe . Alas at places I will never go except in my Dreams / Been all across the States , now in Retirement years I Mentally travel around the World . This is My Time / I EARNED it . The only Hoe , I just used was to till garden and plant Radishes , turnips and onion sets on 1/1/10 . I shall remain #2 as my wife who I met here will always be #1 for Me . Granted in my 7 years here have read many Negative Thoughts / Lighten up - slow down and stop and take time to Smell the Fragrance of the Roses . Enjoy your time Online / Men - if knot cut apart in Public Forum , Make Lovely creatures for Ladies to Date and Marry - just the other half of people in Life / We have rights also . Please don't call me late for Dinner , Hehe . People join for their own purpose / Who may I ask Honestly sets the Rules ?

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  2.   Snazzybella says:
    Posted: 05 Jan 10

    WOW! I am quite shocked at some of the low self esteem answers on here. Why debate what you will and will not get? and why did this blog not address the men that are number #2? Men can come with enough low self esteem to hoe themselves out too. Lastly, I have run into quite a few married people on here men and women that are honest about being married and looking. I can respect the honesty even though I am apalled that they are even looking.

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  3.   Orashi says:
    Posted: 10 Apr 09

    I am appalled by the married men on this site creepin and looking for a second person to mix things up with. The whole point of this site was to allow singles an opportunity to for the whole. If you are already married, then you have a spouse/ mate! Why bring on all the nonsense with dating someone else or communicating with another and then leaving in the end. It never ceases to amaze me the trickis people will attempt to do just to have their cake and be able to eat it to. Being married and unfaithful is really not where its at. You took vows with a person so at least live up to the vows. If you can't do that,then get out and at least low the other to find someone who will respect her by being faithful. Karma is bad. And I really wanted to believe in this site.

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  4.   Orashi says:
    Posted: 10 Apr 09

    I am appalled by the married men on this site creepin and looking for a second person to mix things up with. The whole point of this site was to allow singles an opportunity to for the whole. If you are already married, then you have a spouse/ mate! Why bring on all the nonsense with dating someone else or communicating with another and then leaving in the end. It never ceases to amaze me the trickis people will attempt to do just to have their cake and be able to eat it to. Being married and unfaithful is really not where its at. You took vows with a person so at least live up to the vows. If you can't do that, then get out and at least low the other to find someone who will respect her by being faithful. Karma is bad. And I really wanted to believe in this site.

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  5.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 10 Apr 09

    Thank you , BrownB09 as I have just Learned something else this morning .

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  6.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 10 Apr 09

    I meant those who are married and refer to this site with intentions of being unfaithful to their spouses! I am well aware that married people have friends, associates and so forth. If it don't apply, let it fly!

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  7.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 10 Apr 09

    In your personal life you probably have many friends / Do you sleep with all of them ? Or are some just aquaintances that you Enjoy talking to at your local Danceclub and Dance with them , maybe share a meal with at lunchtime . Go to a concert or walk through the park with them .

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  8.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 10 Apr 09

    Being married in no way alters people who have met friends [ friends are forever ] on this site and Enjoy intelligent conversations between each other . There are people on this site who are only here to Debate and Degrade others with constant Insults openly admitting such and so . . My wife and I retain membership , as we still talk to many others far away . We paid for Our membership and we have became commited as Husband and Wife . Anyone who talks to Me personally , has full knowledge of Our Marriage .

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  9.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 10 Apr 09

    I agree with you girlsixdiva, because there is no doubt in my mind that there are married people on this site,creepin Furthermore, I would never be happy being the other woman. Ria, what about the disadvantages? Or if you fall in love with this person. Then the only thing that occurs is heartache and extra stress.

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  10.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 09 Apr 09

    What are the rules? Have the people involved discussed them at all? If the wife has told the husband, "Do what you like." or vice versa and the mistress (or mister) is fully aware of how it is all supposed to go down, well everyone at least has their eyes wide open going in. On the other hand, if you lie you are a liar. If you cheat you are a cheater. You can dress it up if you want. The human animal is the only one which rationalizes and we have gotten pretty good at it. "He doesn't pay enough attention to me." "She doesn't like sex." Whatever the rationalization, that's all it is. Of course even agreeing upon the rules doesn't guarantee anything. The heart is a tender organ and bruises more easily than the brain knows it might. It's thin ice to tread upon in my book. I think it is usually about intimacy. Usually none of the people involved in a triangle is invested in intimacy. Certainly the the ones who know the situation are not. There is a satisfaction to developing true intimacy with a partner that cannot be achieved any other way. You can see it in couples who have it. Settling for a quick fix stifles that satisfaction and everybody loses.

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  11.   sexygal74 says:
    Posted: 20 Mar 09

    A woman who want to be second to another woman or wife got no respect for herself. The wife have more advantage because she get to see him all the times and spend the holidays/birthdays with him. The guy will not be there for you on your birthday, graduation, or other special occasions if you are #2. He will only be there when he want to get laid.

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  12.   girlsixdiva says:
    Posted: 03 Feb 08

    By the way for all the married people registered on this site you are all a bunch of sick individuals and I have no respect for you! Just remember while you're out cheating on your spouses, what goes around comes around!

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  13.   girlsixdiva says:
    Posted: 03 Feb 08

    Some of these articles are really stupid. Are you saying you actually want to be a home wrecker and date a married man???

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  14.   mawsworld says:
    Posted: 02 Feb 08

    I am a firm believer that what goes around comes around. I say no to #2. My ex had a mistress and it was very hurtful. This relationship that he was having got so bad when I found out that he asked me to welcome her into our home. I was shocked when he asked me to do something like that. He must have really been going through a mid life crisis. That was totally out of the question. At that time I was caring for my very ill mother. I was trying to focus on two things my mother who was dieing and my marriage. To make a long story short my mother died and I divorced. It wasn't that the sex wasn't good because he was having sex with both of us until I found out what was going on. We talk now and I always tell him, you never know what you have until it's gone. So I am definitely not in favor of #2.

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  15.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 31 Jan 08

    U can be #2 even when there is not a #1. I certainly felt that way in my marriage as I was belittled to family and friends by an extremely insecure person. Now I am #1....to myself!

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  16.   acuteblkguy says:
    Posted: 31 Jan 08

    i dunno about u guys but if ur man has a number 2 then you're not number 1 I once dated a married woman for two years, SHE WAS NUMBER 1 TO HERSELF cause she didnt care about either one of us. and she still wants me bad....lol and had the nerve to be jealous when we dated.

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  17.   Honey66 says:
    Posted: 31 Jan 08

    I blows me aways to think that some married men put women in a #2 situation by telling them unbelieveable stories, and the women believe it, buy into the lie and begin having a relationship that is unacceptable for their standards. Furthermore, I am far more annoyed to find married men on a single's site pretending to be single, looking for a good single woman to have her fall in love with him and put her in a #2 position. But there are plenty of people out there who want share themselves and their men (not really their's) like a timeshare property ... they like the benefits of not having full responsibility. But buyers beware most men who have a #2 doesn't want to share her with another man. There is nothing worse than a jealous married man about his mistress. Who needs that kind of nonsense!!! There are plenty of single men, if you can't find that and it is sex you want get a vibrator. But be #1 or nothing at all...you willb e happier in the end.

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  18.   curious57 says:
    Posted: 31 Jan 08

    I am currently married at the age of 22 and have been for almost 2 years. I have a husband who is 24 and I realize that something is not right. I do wonder all the time if he is cheating or maybe I am the one who is cheating me. I find that the things I wonder if he is doing are things I do because I am playing this wife roll which is not good. We as women fall hard in love and begin to build our lives around theirs. This is usually no longer fun for most men because they have you where they want you. I know realize that we can't call ourselves #1, but rather # 1/2. If we were number one they would not be cheating on us. They are obviously looking for something they are missing. This is where the mistress comes into place because she is the other half to what he needs at that moment. I now realize I rather be number ME. I don't need any man to want me or to bring me down with stress. The same way I got him, I can get rid of him. I mean boy have the tables turned. I will get my self confidence back and have that control I know I have. I am taking care of me. The only time I want to see the number one is when I am putting me 1st.

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  19.   fala says:
    Posted: 31 Jan 08

    Fran??? That's not what we meant!!!!!

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  20.   SnazzyBella says:
    Posted: 30 Jan 08

    This should not even be a debate! Is is always wrong to be the number two in a relationship. Hello, cheat with someone, u will be cheated on!!

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  21.   Fran42 says:
    Posted: 30 Jan 08

    number #3? and #4?.....sounds to much to me like sloppy ummmmmmm well you know

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  22.   Ibim says:
    Posted: 30 Jan 08

    What goes around comes around. Being no. 2 means exactly what 2 is, second place to nothing. Short time to keep him satisfied for his physical needs, but his heart is not with you, and all he tells you is to keep you there till he finds another no. 2, for sure he will.

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  23.   fala says:
    Posted: 30 Jan 08

    I'll have the number 4, and Super Size it!

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  24.   cocokisses says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 08

    All I have to say about cheating with someone else's husband or man is that YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW! It will come back as bad karma and happen to yo when you are in love. Remember that when you think about being with someone else's significant other.

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  25.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 08

    I'll have a number 3 with a shake

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  26.   Verron says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 08

    HI girls , i'm a Man , Let me tell you a story. The number 2 only comes in when the relationship (and for a man Sex count's with that) fail's. So basicly what that man is searching for is Sex and recconnition off things beyond the houshold. If your happy with that role , my blessing. Iff not find a guy who will leave his past for what you got to offer

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  27.   outpass35 says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 08

    I can say this I have never been the mistress and wouldn't want to be the wife has the power and she knows him well as to the mistress who just want what she can get and when she can't get him to leave his No. 1 which is the wife then she pickup the phone and try to destroy the marriage just to get him anyway I had it happen and I told her just this if you think for one minute I will leave my husband so you can have him and the life I worked so hard for and the family I have you are sadden mistaken. Find your own husband and make your own family and stop being a home wreaker because the same as you are trying this on me you may one day be on this side of the fence with the mistress calling you as well. She never called back and she never saw my husband again until after I was divorced from him years later.

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  28.   IvoryT says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 08

    It's all just a big immoral facade. To choose to be #2 is wrong, and something's missing from one's moral foundation to choose to set up a situation that inevitably will cause pain and sorrow to those involved. All will lose in the end. There is an endless supply of potentially healthy partners out there, don't choose to lose.

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  29.   freegirl2008 says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 08

    young girls be number one. am fed up with men thus why i have a boyfriend, been married for 15years now . been very faithful, what did i get tears and sorrows

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  30.   freegirl2008 says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 08

    am number 1 and number 2. i enjoy number 2 most. i have no regrets coz am happy.

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  31.   Sugarbabe says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 08

    As a Number 2 I would say: I get nothing else but fun, try to show understanding, be loving and support him, show interess for his work and everything that matters 2 him but she has the baby, she has the house, she has the money, he does everything for her and would never leave her. He is not there if I need help to do somethingg but she is not allowed to carry anything heavy and lives like a princess. So what the h... am i doing with him?!? I could not even call him if I got injured or so... I've taken the decision to stop beeing number 2 and I'm looking for Mr. Right (right here, aktually. I will never ever be Nr. 2 again. It is not worth it. Even if you get material things, the guy is the real winner. And don't forget: if a man betrays his wife with you, should you become Nr. 1 he would betray you as well!

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  32.   HereIamBaby says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 08

    Well Ladies...this is a tuff one! There was a time when I would have voted for #2... NOW...I think not only have I changed, but my values have too. When I was number two that was all that I wanted...it was safe for me, no commitment...no tight strings...and lots for good times, gifts... BUT now...now I understand how I could be part of a triangle that I don't want to be in...now, I would never want to be part of a situation where I would hurt some one...like #1. I was lucky that what does around, comes around...and I didn't get what I asked for! But I don't think I would like being # 1 if there were a #2. I say no #2's...don't do it ladies. Southern smiles and world peace, Sharon

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  33.   Nena says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 08

    Number 2 has it's perks. But I would alway prefer to be number one. I was reading these excerpts of this interracial romance Ivy's Twisted Vine and I swear the girl just went through what I did. My boyfriend dumped me today. Out of nowhere for his number two. I'm lost for words, because I thought that I had enough to offer a man that he wouldn't just leave me. Now, I don't know what to think. I may buy this book just to see if she gets her revenge, because I definitely haven't gotten mine, yet!

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  34.   Fran42 says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 08

    For all you #1 and #2 just remember a man that does that is always recycling.....and if you willing to be #2 just remember make sure the condo is in your name and there are legal papers that stay his estate is responsible for the payments and up keep. Just looking out LOL I was the wife whos husbands cheated and I am hear to tell you, you could careless what number you are when it happens. the last think you feel like is number one....but his lost and I grained myself.

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  35.   fala says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 08

    I'm with Rae56. It's a self-esteem issue for #2's. Alot them feel they don't deserve any better. But the fact is, the rat bastard's not good enough for either of them.

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  36.   vm says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 08

    i was #2 5 years one time,trust me, there are no real benefits yeah you make get "bragging rights" that he's her husband, but he's sleeping with you. But after that, then what? She gets the holiday, you get a 30 min. early morning vist & your gift & then he is gone because he has to get back to the family before gift opening begins. You get 2nds, thats exactly what it is "sloppy seconds"-It's not worth it. If you were to get in a car accident,can you put him down for the hospital to call & say your girlfriend is here? When your friends are around can you tell them who your man is? Be careful one of his wife friends or relative may be in ear shot.

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  37.   pinklady47 says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 08

    And how true that is i was married my ex went off with number 2 she is now his number i. so then i became a number 2 he then found another number 2 or is she number 3...? anyway they are together but we are still good friends because i find it hard to say no and walk away.... so if i you are happy being number 1 keep him from looking for number 2 become his number 2 as well a girl dont always have to be tied to the kitchen.

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  38.   Rae56 says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 08

    Number 2's often lack self-respect. What self-respecting woman would always allow herself to be placed in the position of playing second fiddle to someone else, in addition to disrespecing yourself and another woman. You might elude yourself into thinking you're actually getting the better end of the deal because of the trinkets you enjoy, but longterm, what price are you really playing? The toys will get old, as will you. By that time, you're all used up.

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  39.   ethereal99 says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 08

    Well, I've asked both of them (separately of course!), and both are happy & satisfied. PS: JUST KIDDING FOLKS !!!!!!!!!!

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  40.   bigfine1966 says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 08

    that whole concept is crazy. What type of women are you to love someone else man who cant commit to anything you his wife or life in general. It may all seem good but when your life is all over and you look back what will you have to show for it material things come and go but morals and respect last a life time even when you have it for yourself.

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  41.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 08

    Well this should be interesting Ria

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  42.   briknlace says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 08

    i forgot point of advice............never choose to be no.2 coz you wouldnt like someone sleeping with your husband behind your back would you?

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  43.   briknlace says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 08

    i think being a wife is better,you can entertain him as no.2 as much as you want but he'll always go home to his wife and at the end of the day no.1 always wins coz she has history with him,his secrets,his babies,the power to ground him in the house on the next weekend and i dont think you'll ever meet his friends,relatives let alone parents so if you happen to accidentaly get pregnant then you are in s**t. but as all no.2's proudly say you keep the wedding ring i keep the man for you,lol.

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