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Is marriage the enemy really?

Posted by Ria, 26 May

“Why would anyone want to screw up a perfectly good relationship by getting themselves married?᾿

I have heard that line from my friends more often than not whenever one of my friends plans on getting married. And the rate of divorce in this country is doing more harm to people’s view of the marriage institution, giving people the imagery of HELL!

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Well, I thought so too for a while until I read an article about a couple that has been together for 16 plus years. This couple used to be the who-needs-to-get-married type. And guess who just got married? They did.

That’s when I sat to think that marriage isn’t the enemy. If a couple can stand to be with each other for more than 16 years, I am sure even in marriage, they would have been together still. Marriage don’t kill relationships. Its just some vows and a cert.

So if you have met someone who is perfect for you, then don’t let some stats about divorce keep you from walking down that aisle. Marriage is not the enemy, nor is it something to fear. It is hard work just as shaking up is. And if you are destined to be together, it will be filled with happiness, love and security.

What do you think? Enemy or not?

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14 responses to "Is marriage the enemy really?"

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  1.   Billy_C says:
    Posted: 10 Apr 10

    Is marriage the enemy? Yes. Honestly- marriage is just an excuse for the state to take more money. A marriage license is a tax. I don't need the state's permission to love a woman, and i sure don't need their approval.

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  2.   Bellara says:
    Posted: 17 Nov 09

    marriage and relationship is the same exact thing the major difference is that one needs a tangible paper to legalize and officialize it. many times ppl claim marriage failed because the other person changed after but let's not forget, the change didn't appear over night. ignoring red flags, rushing into marriage, lack of communication, basing marriage on sex/looks and things of that nature are the main reasons why marriages fail. marriage is not and will never be the enemy!

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  3.   aicer says:
    Posted: 02 Dec 08

    marriage is not an enemy... people are binds together to share love, happiness and even strugles in life, with me, marriage is one of the best thing that happened to my life,,, regrets is not even come into my way... maybe we just face realities in life, respect each other the way we respect ourselves, no pitty and no even doubts. we just simply share true meaning of LOVE.. AND IT JUST TURN OUT SUCCESSFUL, thou we believe there's a next level to aim for,

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  4.   lovemyjeans says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 08

    Digging ditches is hard work. Raising my children is also, but I love them and wouldn't trade the experience for the world. When did being willing to work hard for something or someone become a bad thing?? "Hard work", in a marriage, isn’t a dirty word. Nor, am I suggesting it is 24/7. To me, “hard work᾿ is an expression of my dedication our marriage, come what may, in sickness and in health…etc. “Hard work᾿ doesn't mean that we don’t love each other or what we are doing. It certainly doesn’t mean that we are trying to change each other. Love, marriage, life, isn't always, “relaxing, and enjoyable᾿ and when it isn’t, my hubby and I will be happy that we are both willing to work hard to get through that time, and keep our love, marriage, life intact and solid. That is being realistic to me.

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  5.   Qeanu says:
    Posted: 10 Jun 08

    think again before marriage :)

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  6.   charmyluv says:
    Posted: 03 Jun 08

    i dont thing marriage is the enemy,cuz the same person u married the day before the wedding day is the same person u married after the wedding day.so there is nothing special in the cake or the ring so marriage dont change a person, but if u can live wit a person without getting married do so. but i think some people is getting married without getting to know their partner and that result in divorce, so if u can live ur live without been married by al means do so i would

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  7.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 03 Jun 08

    fkoi..Exactly!! I hear so many people state that "marriage is hard work", I want to ask them..So what are you working so hard at? A marriage should compliment each individual, it should be something relaxing, enjoyable and realistic..When I hear "marriage is hard work"...I get a warning signal because I believe these people are trying to dominant or control or change that person..Which I imagine is hard work... However, I do not want to change anyone...since I have the option of accepting and/or rejecting issues, personalities etc. before marriage...so why bother indeed.. Definite issues should be worked out or agreeable before marriage..So, when issues do come up in the marriage, each person should have a pretty good ideal their spouses views, opinions and options to resolve...Not that difficult at all... And all that equals respect..

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  8.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 01 Jun 08

    I'm with Nandi. If you are in a rush, I think you face the old saw, "Marry in haste, regret at leisure." If I marry someone just because they are there, it makes sense that they won't there be soon. If I take time to know her and let her know me, make sure that we agree on the "big" things and that we both can "live with" each other's "little" things (and finding out what is big and what is little is no overnight experience), I think I'm increasing the odds. "Hard work" is digging ditches. If I feel like I've dug the Panama Canal every time I leave my loved one, I can't allow myself to stick around too long. But if I love my work, I can't wait to get back to it. Yes, differences of opinion are gonna happen, but I know when I'm wrong and when not agreeing with me doesn't make her wrong. Finally, I would willingly offer commitment to someone who desires that and is willing to offer the same in return. Vowing to be there, before God and everybody should mean, "I mean it!!!" But I can't expect someone to commit to me until she knows who I am. Of course most of this is speculation at this point but I'd be interested in hearing what y'all have to say.

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  9.   Jade74 says:
    Posted: 01 Jun 08

    Thank you Pia.You spoke of doing it the right way and the only way.Thank you for saying it.

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  10.   Pia65 says:
    Posted: 01 Jun 08

    Marriage is not the enemy....I think its expecting something that may not be realistic that is the problem. Marriage is not a fairy tale were you live "happily ever after". I'm a widow and its not hard word to make it last. My marriage lasted 19.5 years before my husband died. We (my late husband & I) went through marriage counsel with our church, because marriage is a covenant with God that is extended to us humans. I may sound corny, but we begin as platonic friends who's relationship grew into a romatic one....then after marriage it became intimate. If this person you want a lifetime with is the right one then you don't need to "try it out"...I'm sure you know what that means! At some point I would like to get married again, and I plan to do it that way again. Love God's way is the best way. Lust is the human way that says if we don't "try it out how will we know if we are compatible?" That's a nonsense excuse to fool around! At some point it won't last because it wasn't done the right way. A short amount of pleasure for a long time of hurt and pain? That's not my idea of FUN! Stagnation in a marriage is the enemy when you've used up your "so-called fun times" before the I do's!

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  11.   LoveMyJeans says:
    Posted: 31 May 08

    Marriage is not the enemy. It never has been. Yes, it is hard work. Marriage requires love, time, maturity, patience, compatibility, compromise, and commitment. These are not options, but REQUIREMENTS!! Most of us, fall into marriage for selfish and superficial reasons. We pick the "book" by its cover, then wonder why we arent enjoying the story it tells. Marriage really isnt about a YOU it is about an US. If you dont get that, failure is pending. Unrealistic expectations by both parties will drive wedge into the marriage. We must give our spouse (ourselves) the opportunity to grow and become who we are meant to be. Forcing a someone you love to conform to a mold you have designed for them is a recipe for a divorce, and says "You really dont love me for who I am". I love marriage, because when it is right, there are few better things in the world. To love and be loved in returned is a basic need all of us have. And most of us want one special person in our lives that we spend the rest of our time here on earth loving and getting to know. Its a moving living process. Stagnation in a marriage is the true enemy.

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  12.   Kimelodi says:
    Posted: 28 May 08

    I do believe that marriage can be hard work. I believe this because you have two people who are different who even when they love each other may not agree on everything. People have so many influences that are a part of their life, it's just a result of living. Having been married, I can say that it wasn't hard work for it to fail, all you have to do is think that everything is about you. It it was hard work trying to make the marriage work especially due to trying to think of another person constantly and consider them in decisions large and small when you lived a happy and successful life before they came along. I believe that you can have good people who just can't make a relationship work due to differences, not even necessarily with one being wrong and the other being right. Even with my being divorced, I believe that marriage is honorable before God and would do it again, just be more careful in choosing the person. I also agree with ThickNCurve.. in that I would rather be happily single than in a bad marriage anyday. The question is how many of us are happily single.....

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  13.   LOTTERY4U says:
    Posted: 28 May 08

    Is Marriage the Enemy? Marriage was established as a GIFT FROM GOD. While I prefer marriage...I would rather be single & HAPPY than in the arms of the WRONG MAN). I am no longer willing to share my body in "pieces". I have CHOSEN to be CELIBATE than to risk danger to my physical/emotional health, until the RIGHT ONE comes along. I am a TOTAL PKG..yes a GIFI frm GOD to be UNWRAPPED SLOWLY FOR A LIFETIME to the RIGHT MAN. I KNOW he's out there being groomed for me RIGHT NOW!!!! Good Luck 2 EVERYONE!! Indianapolis, Indiana

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  14.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 26 May 08

    I think the reasons why the divorce rates are so high is because of the following: People should have the marriage that they are comfortable in, not what their friends and society tells them it should be. People should not be in hurry to get married because society tell them, marriage, children is the American dream...Some people marry just for the sake of saying they are married. People should be honest from the beginning and not accept things they really do not want to, because it comes out in other forms of the marriage-negatively... I don't believe that "marriage is hard work", why should you have to work so hard? If you compliment each other and have respect for your differences and they are not dominating the marriage/ relationship...It will work...Stop believing everyday in the day in and day out of marriage is suppose to be a love fest...Sometimes is just another day of working, paying bills, good meal and bed.... If people think that marriage is the enemy...Than the real enemy is themselves... For where I am at now in my life, I have no desire to have children, have a good job...So for me a good marriage right now....Would be traveling a bit and totally being about each other, being able to make love without locked doors would be a plus LOL...Although, I would be okay with a man who had underage children...I would support that as long as he knew step-mom is a supportive role, not mommy....

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