Is it about Black women being unwanted or about what Black women want?
Some people have cited the reason for Black women making most internet headlines about being the largest unmarried segment in the U.S. to be both Black and non-Black men (mostly White that is). Apparently, according to a number of studies on online dating, majority of these men approach non-Black women online more than they do Black women. These studies made Black women be ranked the least sought after women in the internet dating world.
But is this the real reason Black women are the most unmarried group?
Find your soulmate on InterracialDatingCentral
They say most Black men on the internet and off the internet would rather be with a non-Black woman. They also say most white men are uninterested in dating Black women. So what are we left with? A few Black men, a few White men and most Hispanic men, Indian men, Asian men, Middle Eastern men – who according to one of these online dating surveys are more open to dating Black women than Black men are. Most accomplished Black women - especially those who are past their prime and still unmarried – believe marriage in not in the cards for them because of the scarcity in desirable black men. Is it that they don’t want to look at desirable men across their race? Does this mean this number of well accomplished men seems less desirable just because they are not Black? Why do these women limit themselves to Black men?
Correct me if I am wrong but it seems most Black women seem to want a "Black desirable man" as opposed to any desirable man. Some cite history as their reason. Even when a desirable non-Black man comes knocking, he gets dismissed without being given a chance in the name of: a non-Black man wont be well in tune with her Black issues or that it simply wont work. For some, its fear of being rejected by the non-Black dude’s family. Some just want black children; PERIOD!
Which makes me question whether the whole story is about Black women being less desirable or its more about what Black women desire. What do you think?
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74 responses to "Is it about Black women being unwanted or about what Black women want?"
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BarryRock says:Posted: 25 Sep 11
The one thing that keeps nagging at me is, do black women find white men attractive, or it is just, good black me are scarce and they go to plan B?
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 27 Sep 11@ BarryRock Good question, good question! I've been on this blog for a minute now and I've yet to hear a white guy ask this question of BW? Ok ladies, can the man get an answer?
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bigeyes31 says:Posted: 28 Sep 11Some do and some don't. Why a person dates interracially is purely individual. I find men attractive regardless of race. There are physical attributes that white men have that I find attractive that are specific to them as well physical attributes I find attractive specific to black men,etc.,etc. . If black women were just looking to date white men out of desperation( good black men are scarce) then we would take any white man who came our way but we are equally selective about what we are looking for in a man and he doesn't get a "pass' because he's white or any other color. I expect to be treated with respect and dignity by any man who is trying to become apart of my life and my heart. Black women today are progressive and educated and want a man who shares a common ground with us. I look for compatibility not color. Simply stated, yes we do find white men attractive as men and not plan B's,lol.
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Reese says:Posted: 30 Sep 11
Ofcourse some are and some aren't. If I wasn't attracted to a man I wouldn't date them. I know women who only date white men. Some feel a loyality to bm for whatever reason. I think that has hurt us going on acting like no other man will do and begging bm to come home as we use to see on talk shows. I am attracted to all men of different races. And some have all different prefences just like everyone else. The reason why they are talking about bm issues is because the brother was on here talking about us. Yes, some have just gave up on finding a good bm and are looking else where. But majority date non bm because they are attracted to them. Sisters stop worrying so much about what bm are doing because you might be missing your own blessings. Also alot feel that white men are not attracted to us.
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oneloveforu says:Posted: 21 Sep 11Sisters you are loved and wanted by all just use history as your guide. I have always loved bw and find them the most attractive. I also like Asian women for no reason that attraction, My issue with sisters is simple>>> You focus on the superficial and dismiss a black profession, MD or JD just because he does not fit you image of what you want. Sisters you have had the blinders on and sleeping on the wheel. There are a lot of god professional brothers out there the you my realize are what you are asking for. The wm or other realize it and scope these brothers up and then you get upset or bitter. People that I associate with are highly educated professional brother who are polite and comfortable. We may not be 6' , light skinned, built like a machine OR we may BUT should that be the most important thing in finding the right brother? They guy who flashes but has no substance Sisters you set yourselves up. . One thing is for sure you ladies need to stop being superficial. Sometimes I am amazed at how easily a sister will dismiss a bother based on ONE THING - what she already thinks she knows about him based on his appearance. I am a professional so forgive me if I do not dress in the latest outfit or sneakers. To conclude - sisters turn every rock and talk to all brothers. Let th econversation begin from the mind , hear what the person has to say. A con artist already knows to say and be what you are looking for
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 11 Sep 11
@ RainKeeper - I agree that some of the comments are painful to read but these comments are the results of a painful reality and you cant deal with that reality without touching sore spots. It's like going to the doctor when you're hurting, he / she while examining you will touch sore spots but thats a part of the process of finding out the cause of the cause of the pain. The rift between BM and MW women is a painful reality and in one way or another it effects all of us. I wish we could put emotions aside when we talk about these issues because we cant effectivly get at solutions when we're highly emotional and intoxicated with anger and fustration. I think to many of us find it easier to accept many of the popular notions about eachother that to seriously look at the possibility of some outside interference taking place. I had a sister to ask me during a group discussion do you think that this fift occured as a result of something gone amock in the personalities of our people are is it our acting out the symptoms of an illness contracted from someone else or forces outside of our control and after thinking long a hard about her question I had to answer no. I answered no because looking back on the history of our relationship with eachother in this country I know this rift didn't start to occur until the late 70's. When you read the history it shows we made it together through slavery and one of the first acts as a freed people was to go and register our marriages and track down those that had been separated from us. We had it through Reconstruction, Jim Crow, the Civil Rights Movement and Black Power Movement. We marched together, suffered physical violence, imprisionment and sometimes death fighting side by side in a struggle tomake life better for eachother and our family. In the south as share croppers we worked the fields together and when some of us migrated up north we took on that challenge together. I ask how did we endure all the we endured together and still manage not to forget that we were ONE and we wouldn't get far without eachother. What has happened now that things are somewhat better for us, we have access to education, careers and a comfortable standard of living but it seems with all of that we're divided like never before and I ask why? Historically the harder things were for us the tighter we held on to eachother but as things got better we let go of eachother. Is this due to our desire to no longer be together or is there something going on in the society that's making it harder for not only blacks but whites as well to stay together. We have to ask a lot of questions when we discuss issues within BM / BF relationship because often times the practicality of the solutions to a problems are found in the questions that you ask at the beginning. Here's an example, lets take the statement that BM are avoiding marriage, now a statement like this would really get the party started but first you have to start asking questions: when did we first start to see this drastic decline, what could be some of the contributing factors behind the decline, historicly what have their rates of marriage been and what obsticles did they face while trying to maintain their marriages and what resources did they use and are those resourses available today, if so then in what quantity. These are the question you have to ask before just driving head first / full steam ahead into the discussion, pointing fingers and becoming acrimonious and accusatory. If we're serious about healing this divide then we'll have to get to the heart of these issues without tearing eachother down in the process. Question how silly would a man and a woman that are battered and bruised from encounters with society look like beating on eachother but how insane is it when this man and woman naturally belong together. Rainkeeper I share in your pain and I only hope in some small way I can help put a stop to it! Peace
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RainKeeper says:Posted: 09 Sep 11I think it's hurtful when black men categorize all American black females as being too demanding and non submissive. Do you black males ever consider the fact that younger black females are reading the bad things you have to say about black females? And do you ever stop to think of all the American black women who are submissive and who would rather be SMART black women instead of STRONG black women? I've NEVER liked the phrase "strong black women"... I'd much rather be a smart black woman. It just really hurts sometimes. I read the comments and I just gasp.
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rain110 says:Posted: 08 Sep 11Ronaldi.....to be honest with you......after reading your compliments I found myself speechless....so....thank you, thank you.
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cougar13 says:Posted: 06 Sep 11
ALL THIS IS B.S I SIGNED ON WITH OTHER DATING WESITES I HAVE HAD AT LEAST 400 MEN LOOK AT MY PROFILE MOSTLY( NON BLACKS) WITH MY PICTURE POSTED AND MY LIKES AND DISLIKES,I CAN'T TELL HOW MANY ARE READY TO MEET ME AND SOME HAVE CLEARLY STATED THEY ARE LOOKING TO MARRY!!! LET'S NOT A BLACK WOMEN GET CAUGHT UP INTO BELIVEVEING THAT WE CAN't GET A MAN NO MATTER WHAT RACE HE IS.
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Reese says:Posted: 06 Sep 11
I thought the same thing. I was on just a regular website too. Not ir dating sate. Made me glad I am non paying member because I got much more attention on the other site. And they overwelming majority wasn't black. I am ok with that.
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ronaldi says:Posted: 03 Sep 11
Let's face it. black women from the continent are preferable. why because of they are soft and beautiful and kind and polite and respectful in speech and behavior and gorgeous, demure, great sense of humor, highly intelligent, hard working, wicked sexual in fact the perfect women without a doubt on the planet
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rain110 says:Posted: 03 Sep 11
Mwhtcplaz.................stay with the TOPIC.........as of this moment your off BEAT. Rain/Mississippi-zip,
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 03 Sep 11
There's no doubt about how societal conditions can have an impact on our relationship but we should take a long look and see how we sometimes unknowingly shoot ourselves in the foot when it comes to our relationships. You have to ask as AA have ever taken the time to define what love and romance is to us as a people or have we just been imitating the ideas and concepts of other people and adopting them as our own? believe it or not a peoples concept of love and how one relates to the other is a result of their psycho-historical experiences, mental orientations and this shapes the attitudes and behaviors of a people and how they relate to eachother. Their political, social status and economic class had a part in shaping their views on what romance and love is. I ask can we as AA with a totally different psycho-historical and cultural experience, social status and economic standing in the society apdopt these alien concepts as our own and except the same results? I respectfully say no. When you trully look at white poeple don't have a monopoly on loving and wholesome relationships, they're divorce rates are through the roof as well so why in the hell would we feel the need to follow behind them and pattern our relationships after them? We really make a mess of things trying to apply their remantic methodolgy in our relationships. Our apodting this social status consciousness has back fired on us big time and let many of our women by themselves. I often hear sisters talk about wanting a man on "THEIR LEVEL" and most of the time it's educational, professional and financial instead of the important factors such as his ability to commit to marriage, desire to have a family and a willingness to provide for his family best he can. If you study history correctly within the last 30 years most BM have never prodominately been of the college educated and professional class of working men, they've been amongst the manufacturing, construction or skilled / semi-skilled workers, not because they wanted to but because this was what was available and in some instances it paid more then alot of the white collar jobs. BW married and raised families with these blue collar worker by the droves, my mother and grandmother were two of these women. Where have we gotten this foolishness from that blue collar men or somehow less capable of being ggod husbands and fathers for your children. I know too many single BM making good money as electricians and mechanics that tell me they often rejected by many of our so called educated and professional sisters. I work as a Department of Defense Contractor here in Afghanistan I know lots of brothers down here making a killing with nothing more than a high school diploma or a certificate from some trade / vocational school but they bring home an average or 100k to 140k per year. Sad to say it many of us as men have adopted other people's standards of beauty and sex appeal. The imagery on TV and in magazines is so geared towards the light skinned and long haired woman that many of us have all fallen for this hype. You have to be careful not to under estimate the power of subliminal messages and it's impact on our minds. I read where a researcher for the consumer industry monitored the brain waves, breathing and heartbeat of the participants in a study and they were trying find out how much of our decisions are based on something far deeper than the practicality of really needing to buy an item. When these men were shown pictures of expensive cars, clothes and jewelry the most wave activity was in the area of the brain the deals with sexual stimulation and desire, showing how we are affected more deeply by what we see than we realise or we're willing to admit. Look at all the things that are associated with white women or very light skinned women, power, competency, elegance, refinement, sex appeal, you name it they've got her as an acomplice to it. When you see the Lexus comercials, the Calvin Klein fragrance advertisments in magazines, the corporate executive on tv, his secretary, wife or mistress she's always a white or a light skinned women. Waht are these people doing and what is their motive? You got to ask yourself these questions. Association is a powerful reality in our lives, heres another example, if I blind folded you and put you in two new cars and drove you around town in them both you wouldn't know if you were in a Mazda or a Mercedes but after removing the blind fold and giving you an option of picking one or the other to have free of charge, more than likely you'd pick the Mercedes, not because of the way it drives, the gas milage or the safety features but because of all that we associate with the name brand of the car, you get my point! LOMA As blk folks many of us are stone out of our minds, myself included but I'm in theropy as I type these words, trust me I'm working on me big time! LMOA Our relationship suffer and so many of our women are alone not because of some inherent defect in our personalities but because of the outside garbage that we've allow to settle in our hearts and minds and our failure to define our own concepts of love, family and marriage based on our needs and our projected goals as a people. I'll scream it from the mountain top aint nothing wrong with BM and BW but the way we think and if we'd closely exmine and scrutinize alot of the values and ideas that we've picked up from other people and weigh it against our present reality and keep that which is useful and constructive and discard that which is destructive to our psyches as a people then we'll be alright and we'll have much healthier relationships. BW women this mess is not your mess, you've just got caught up in it but you do have a part to play in cleaning it up, as my granmama would say, "shit stinks regardless of who decides to leave it on your door step!" Much love!
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mwhtcplaz says:Posted: 02 Sep 11
Hi... my hub allows me to date black men! It is for NSA fun, and why? Well because he has had two heart attacks and had a 5 by pass surgery with open heart. Now on meds and statins and he can "Never," and I mean "Never," get it up!!!! I love him and we find other ways to take care of him sexually, but it was his idea that I try a black male for my needs. Wow, is all I can say... black men have much more stamina, staying power that is unbelievable, and when they orgasm ...it is in buckets! I feel so filled and satisfied and yet they want more right away again and again. In my forties, I can say that I am so lucky to have black men still desire me. My sexual experiences and growth in this area have changed me as a person. I am more outgoing, more laid back and confident (especially with my needs and wants), and don't feel so anxious anymore. My menopause caused me sleepless nites and wanton unfulfilled lust prior to finding me a black lover. Now I ride until my heart is content and so are my young partners and my husband is great with it. All is good here!!
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youruhpeein says:Posted: 04 Nov 11
I feel bad for your husband. Your sick and your husband should get a divorce.
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 02 Sep 11
Corrrection on my last post I meant to write, " they broke both of his legs and started to blame him becasue he couldn't run as fast or jump as high as everyone thought he should!" We have to keep in mind that many outside factors play a role in the success or failure of relationships. Relationships don't take place inside a vaccum but they affected by social, political and economic forces. When you look at BW and their dating / marriage situation so much of it is adaptational in nature, they're responding to circumstances often times beyond their control. Think on this, in 1965 almost 90% of blk household comprised of man and wife, 1975 - 78%, 1985 - 53% and 1995 - less than 48 %, you see a steady decline in the marriage rates between BM and BW in a 30 year time span. You have to ask what's going on, do BM and BW no longer wish to marry, have they started to dislike eachother or is their something going on in the society that's making it difficult for them to either get married or stay married? Most social scientist agree that whenever you start having high rates of divorce or people not getting married it's do to something taking place in the society. Up until the late 70's America was a manufacturing power house and most BM worked in the manufacturing industry and the stable income from these jobs allowed BM, many from the south and without a high school education to be able to marry, purchase homes and provide for their families. The rapid de-industrialization of America has affect men in general but it's been devastating for BM in particular. I'd go as far to say that, where de-industrialization in 60's wiped out one generation our men, unemployment and drugs wiped out another in the 70's but when we got around to the 80's most of the men that these sisters would have looked to marry were well on their way to being made unfit for marriage before they even reached the age where they'd be old enough to marry and take on the responsibility of a family. Look at the public education system and how it's negatively affected blk boys, look at the high rates of expulsion, special education placement and being lable mentally challenged and how going through these experiences often ruin our boys from the start. Gone are the days of when we had dedicated black teachers that often lived in your own community and they not only tried to teach you the three R's but they tried to instill in you a sense of self pride and compentency. I recall one of my 3rd grade teachers telling a friend of mine who was having problems reading, " I'd rather get hit by a car than to let you walk out of here not knowing how to read and you'll stay after school and work on it until you get it right!" Those were the kinds of blk teachers I had as a young boy in school and I attended elementry school in the late 70's to the mid 80's. You have to look at the whole picture and not just a small part but we all to often just focus on the end result and not the steps that lead to the end result. BW have not given up on marriage but a few have and most BM will tell that they'd love to be married and have a family but they wont tell you that do to the fear of not being able to measure up to the demands of marriage and fatherhood and a deep rooted fear of failing many of these men avoid serious commitment. All in all most BW are just doing what they've always done from day one and that's adapt to the situation at hand and hope for the best and once again she's taking lemons and making lemonaide. I'll follow up next with how we as BM and BW may in some ways comtribute to our relationship failures by trying to live up to unrealistic expectations and ideals of other people and their concept of what love is and the roles of men and women in their relationship. Peace!
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 01 Sep 11
It reminds me of an old African proverb," One who cant dance will say the music was bad!" I take a few issue with the authors statement but most of you all have coverded them so I'll leave that alone. He gets his info based on the number of men on dating sites, well what percentage of all men who date look for dates online? I''ve been saying all along that this is nothing more than an attemp at dogging BW. Remeber how BM were the whipping boys of the 90's, hell the fastest way to make a buck was to write a book or make a movie dogging BM and it seemed that many BW jumped on it. They elevated BW and Dogged BM, they labled her the "High Powered Sister" and "The Back Bone of The Community" and what not and many fell for the trick but I warned sisters that these same forces would be dogging the hell out of them in a few years and now look at whats going down! I told you so! This is nothing more than a non stop assult on the hearts and minds of BLK people. Look at all the shows they put on TV depicting you in the most tasteless fashion and not to mention the polls they spend all this money on conducting and you must ask yourself why? They tell you how your men dont desire you but they wont tell you how they've manipulated the social, political, ecomonic and educational realities to make sure that your men would become undesirable. They wont tell you how they broke both of his legs and started to blame him because he could run as fast or jump as high as everyone thought he should, hell they even got some of you to join in on the beat down. They've taken so much strenght from him that he runs from his own women because he sees the very strenght in her that he doesn't have and he cant bear to be reminded of how broken he is. The same one that elevated you over your men and tore them down is now doing the same to you, so take it for what it's worth when I tell you we've both BM and BW have been biten by the same viper. Don't internalize this garbage but at the same time don't close your eyes to the causes of the problems in BM and BF relationship either because often what you see is THE EFFECT of something going on that's unseen but remember if THE EFFECT is real then THE CAUSE cant be unreal! More to follow!
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crimsomerun says:Posted: 31 Aug 11
I thank you all for your comments because it is really through communication understanding will come. There are plenty of hurting people and images that are coming forth. I challenge everyone here to travel more and to smile at everyone they are attracted to. Scientists have proven that we all have common genes. The person you do not like send more love to. Hard to do and yet easy to say. It would be great if we were all telepathic and everything would be exposed. The other day, I was applying for a job and it asked me what race I was? I used to put Black but I had to really think about it because most people in America are really more than 2 races. The change is happening. MJ said " I am talking to the man in the mirror." I am / was all your ideas and then one day I saw myself as everyone when I traveled because my eyes/viewpoint had changed. I am and always will be a human being. Flip the switch. Sure there are some hurtful people but I say to you all define yourself and you will define your world.
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rain110 says:Posted: 30 Aug 11
Neither i are checking color cards at my door....what I am saying is this....if he's a dead beat dad (he's not alone in America) or up the ladder to CEO of foreign oil. We as BW must put an end to degrading BM, we can't expect him to live up to our standards nor our his.what we can do.....be there for him to give ultimate support he needs to function/produce in a society once stated "CANNOT".....speaking for myself.....I will stand with BM even if not on his arms. I certainly understand where he's been....i most definitely relates to where he wants to be....but....unfortunately we (BW) are stripping him of his dignity......remember those card were delt at one giving time.....NO.....we are not unwanted......he see your every move. I see this as a strategy game of CHESS........its time to CHECK-MATE. Rain110/Mississippi-zip,
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2bigworld says:Posted: 29 Aug 11
I think that as black women we waste too much time with allowing other people to define and dissect us as if we were lab specimens. Love, romance and relationships are complicated and can not be deduced to singular variables. I date whomever I'm attracted to who is equally attracted-and compatible-with me. I'm aware of the proliferation of stereotypes and I see how they play out (my bi-racial friend gets more attention than I, etc) but should I curl up in a fetal position and get a cat? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Life goes on. If one man wants her, another wants me (and vice versa). She and I trade war stories and friendship and her skin tone comes with it's own baggage! I love my black brothers but I can not possibly limit myself to dating only them-that's a fool's move in my opinion, especially as so many of my interests coincide with those who are NOT black. I hope we can all just learn to open our hearts and minds to attempting to find love and companionship with whomever is most compatible. By being on this site, it seems as if this article is preaching to the choir. I really am not bothered when BM date/marry white women. I wish they'd make peace with it. If they are so happy with their choice, why are they always feeling the need to justify it? Just live your life, and try to do so peacefully and productive. I know I don't feel the need to explain/justify/blame BM. I want the best man for job... I'm not checking color cards at the door!
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rain110 says:Posted: 29 Aug 11
Kutu7....you sound angry, have you had bad experiences with BM.....if so.....welcome to the real world. All BW have at some point in our lives. I think you have no understanding on our history. BM has never had passion for WW some 400 yrs ago. The BM had such a strong body structure in which WW had to have him....you learning...it was her passion for him. BM have always had their backs aganist a wall....therefore he did whatever.....to get it off. Your thinking hurts my heart....you bring shame to BW like myself. If for some reason you can't understand his struggle....by no means you understand his leadership. Maybe this is why he's chosen other race. Again.....peace.
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Desertqueen says:Posted: 28 Aug 11
In the September issue, Essence Magazine (Author/Contributor: Ralph Richard Banks), did a great job addressing this topic with dignity and intelligence. It is excerpt/summaries from his book "Is Marriage Just for White People?" It addresses many truths and solutions concerning Black Women and what we desire for dating/marriage. Personally, I can't waste my energy on being angry over someone's opinion which is based on their experiences...I am focused and open to love how ever it presents itself. May we all find someone special to care for our hearts. Mariposa
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Reese says:Posted: 06 Sep 11
Black men were not struggling alone these 400 years. We struggled with them. But they don't seem to understand our stuggle. And there are other options for bw like myself you go ahead with blind support and devotion. Really, if that is the solution where is your black man. Again the majority of black men are married to black women. But you act like it is not black women raising the kids and doing alot by ourselves and wonder why we don't blindly accept leadership. Before any of that you have to have trust.
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kutu7 says:Posted: 28 Aug 11rain110, what planet you drop from in america bw is the most single & unmarried, and your so call leader has strayed perfering women of other nationlities so stop the bs and get with realities. leaders earn their merit and bw has proven from 400yrs ago to now that we can stand we have earned our merit and still up holding bm. we would not be the most single & unmarrid women in america and have to resort to the internet to find a good man if they were true leaders. i am not putting them down, i'm just stating facts change has got to come from bw realizing it's ok to move on and accept another man. hispanic poplulation has grown in america because the hispanic man has done whatever it takes to bring their women here and has population america with their babies, that's hispanic american born kids that's. that's freakin leadership they did not forget about their women!!!!! so don't ujp hold bs look at the facts.
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monoca1 says:Posted: 28 Aug 11
Bamboo58 you need to quit. I get so tired of this "Black women have too much attitude, that's why I date white women" BS. I truly believe that black men dating white women has nothing to do with black women. I believe it is a desire that many have had, or have, from their earliest age, but due to their neighborhoods, family disapproval, or basic shyness, they don't attepmt it. When they finally do get the nerve to talk to a white woman, they don't turn back, but they need to use black women's attitude to as the cause so they don't feel like sell-outs. Look, I have always been attracted to other races, and my first boyfriend was white. Hey guys, if you want a white girl, by all means, GO FOR IT! I simply ask that you STOP BLAMING US FOR IT. Man-up and admit it's just your choice. And as far as the comments about black women being gold diggers and trying to use black men. HA! I find it strange that these same men have no problems shelling out dough once they get with white women. I have seen sistas that lived with black men for years, and held their hands everyday as they rode the bus together. And once he got a little success, he bought a car, and left her. There are so many black single mothers out there, who won't even make these men pay child support, and they are still getting bad-mouthed by the very same men that messed up their lives. Black women have single-handedly raised most of this last two generations of black children. Why? Because these men can't handle the responsibility of fatherhood, yet show up once a month with $20 and a pack of pampers and feel entitled to say, "I take care of my kids." Now, true, I will admit that we are demanding. But you are taking it the wrong way. I demand the best from the person i'm with, because I give the best. It's a respect thing. If you are a man who does what he is supposed to do, when he is supposed to do it, you shouldn't be afraid. And frankly, if you need a woman to tip-toe around you, be all mousey, and not have an opinion, (God forbid) that contradicts yours, then I wouldn't want you anyway. That sounds like a weak poor excuse for a man. That's one man the white women can have...him and OJ and Tiger.
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rain110 says:Posted: 28 Aug 11
No leader wants to hear I. I got a 4 year degree, my car, my house.my food.my kids, somewhere we have forgotten the history of our BMand how far they have come. They are still moving, same for the BW.....WW can never take the BM we (BW) give him away. We (BW) got to understand this.....we must look deep within him.......then you'll began to see who he is. He's a leader, let him lead. The strenght he has....come from generations of strenght. Yet he's a free-spirit. Peace
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rain110 says:Posted: 28 Aug 11
I truly must say I like everyone responses. I grew up in the heart of the south, I know a BM could not look at WW same as a WM could not look at a BW( only if the walls could talk). In other words the BM & BW was feared. WW&BM they scartter to have the freedom to fulfill those desires....why.....simply wasn't excepted. If you look a little closer could be a statement from yesterday. Our BM are leaders,alway has been and always will be, he will forever be the leader of his house(tribe).it doesn't matter who bring the money home.BW if we make the money it shouldn't be a problem getting our own hair and nails done.if our leader is in the house let's keep money on the table so he can get a hair-cut or have lunch with his friends so he keep his conversation us to his friends. On how great we are instead how bad we are. No leader wants to hear I
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maymiedoll says:Posted: 27 Aug 11
Maybe the thing to do, here, is to stop getting all pissed about White women taking up all the black men and stop looking at the color. As I stated before. A man is a MAN and he will fall in love with a woman for her gentle nature, her kindness, willingness to give and her intelligent conversation and companionship--WITH A SMILE. If there is anything a man HATES it is someone who is constantly bitching and complaining and doing whatever makes HER happy instead of caring for him and loving HIM. I would break my back to do work hard and bring my half to the table just to have a man love and respect me and treat me with kindness. It is a human nature thing; not black or white or male or female. Men only want a peaceful life, devoid of drama and a place they can come home to after a hard day's work and a woman to love them and understand they have feelings too--that their bodies get tired and they feel stresses and pain. We have to do that for each other, no matter what color skin we live in. We all just want to know we are, "good enough," and when we do the best we can, that we are appreciated. None of us want to be in a relationship that is one-sided or feels like we can never give enough.
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Reese says:Posted: 29 Aug 11
What are you talking about the majority of black men in all income levels are majority married to black women. So please don't tell us how to treat are men and act like you know what it is like to date bw. All you know is what some black man told you.
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NaijaBabe11 says:Posted: 29 Aug 11
LOL...this sounds like a BM posing as a WW under this account. There are some of us who don't give a hoot, honestly. Please get off your high horse and stop thinking that we all get jealous.....thank you!
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calmone58 says:Posted: 27 Aug 11
As a white man I believe it is mostly AAW not settling for someone they feel would bring them down, whether it be financially or emotionally. Most are getting degrees and working their buns off. I mostly know professional BW. They make the energizer bunny look like a sloth. They attack life like I've never seen women attack life.(well, some Ugandan women I know are pretty intense in that area). By attack, I mean they embrace all angles of fun and run with it. A fellow BW engineering assistant I work with starts the night off with a double shot of espresso and Patron! Intimidating! I have some of the best conversations with BW. I also have a few of my black guy friends who are very intimidated by BW like this, where we professional white guys love that in a women. All I know is BW are creating a wave of accomplishment. Hopefully most BW in America will become part of this movement and ride the wave they create, then steer that wave to change things that are impeading their progress. People mistake FREEDOM for LIBERTY. I'm free to walk through the 'Badlands' of North Philly, but I'm not sure how much l'd be at liberty to do what I want. BW are figuring this out! Education is priceless! You go girls!
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kutu7 says:Posted: 26 Aug 11
fith, stop the madness!!! we all know that this shoe does not fit every black woman please contribute support for the sistas who need encouragement. god blessed america in your neighourhood, i think that's special. anger & resentment can be use to id the problem but the solution is to help women in general know to move on because god made more than black men & it's not enough black men in your neighourhood to cover the rest of american women, but it's good to hold your hood.
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fith says:Posted: 25 Aug 11I am black living in America. My neighourhood is African American. I think the women are hard working and loving..the men too?? I dont know where all this comes from. I wish you all the best!! Avoid anger and resentment...
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kutu7 says:Posted: 24 Aug 11
NaijaBabe11, tell ur friends to get ready to roll over and die from be manless, all because they refuse to open their minds, and step out on faith.
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NaijaBabe11 says:Posted: 25 Aug 11
LOL....they will have to get ready to do so kutu7. If they don't want to open their minds, it's not our fault.
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NaijaBabe11 says:Posted: 23 Aug 11
It's always been about what black women desire, which is why they are the least likely to date out. I have so many black girlfriends who would die single and lonely rather than to be with a man who isn't black. This is why I wonder why some black men get upset with some black women dating outside of the race, when they have more to choose from. When asked what I like and I tell them that my preferences are interracial, they look a t me like I'm from Mars or something. More than anything, I find it to be hilarious.
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kutu7 says:Posted: 22 Aug 11
black women understand that it's not about your education!?!??? it's about having a partner that you enjoy being with etc. none of that educaton is going to hold you and do the things you want from a man to do. your education is for your benefit & to make you feel accomplished. there are women out here with no degree & got a man with a degree and keeping him. so focus on what you need & want from a man. that i can take care of myself bs is old because if you could, there would no complaints from you & a man would not matter. so educated black women stop saying what you don't need from a man and understand and know that you need affection, to cuddle, to be loved emotionlly & physically, etc. when it comes to enjoying a man put your degree away until you go to work tomorrow. and enjoy a man,
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onetreehill says:Posted: 21 Aug 11Correct my statement for Bamboo58. Most honest and educated women of color "do not" need you to take care of them!!!!! Most of my friends who are single, are very independent, graduated from 4 year instituations of higher learning and don't need your money. OK Mr. Bamboo58 !
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AuroraIN says:Posted: 21 Aug 11
What a timely topic! A good friend and I both have Ph Ds and are both single African American females in the Academy. We are both open to loving any quality man of any ethnicity, but still find ourselves dateless and over 40. Because of our professions, we travel all over the world and have experience dealing with people of different ethnic groups, nationalities, religions, and ideologies and we know how to make friends easily. But, our careers lead us to small towns, mainly in rural America where, despite our openness, we are out of luck when it comes to attracting professional men. I am not opposed to interracial dating and I believe that I am approachable. My friend and I are both convinced that the African American woman specifically, not the African woman, or Caribbean woman, for example, is being rejected as a quality marriage partner. We (African American women) have to struggle not to be defined by others' stereotypes of us and by actual people who don't want us to succeed that we end up trying our best to run away from the perceived stereotype or just giving in to it (being angry). Either way, you may find yourself unhappy and alone. I know there are men out there who aren't put off by working women, educated women, and opinionated women who just happen to be African American, but they need to make themselves known because some of us don't know where to find you and are beginning to believe you don't exist. In all of my travels, I have seen the prejudice that other countries claim do not exist anywhere but the US. There are certain nuances to racism. I live in Spain right now, for example. I can easily get a date here, but do I really want to spend time with someone who wants to be with me because he wants to satisfy some chocolate fantasy he's had since he saw "The Bodyguard" 20 years ago? There are certain sexual stereotypes that are attached to the black woman that make her appealing as well. When it comes down to it, I believe we (all women) want to be accepted as whole beings and I do believe that African American women, for some reason, are one of the last minority groups for whom certain prejudices and stereotypes are tolerated and that may be what's making us the largest unmarried ethnic group in the US. We know the problem, and it's really not ours, it's theirs, so how do we make others aware of this prejudice in order to stomp it out? We need to change our image! Despite the fact that more African American women are independent economically and/or are getting a college education, we are still portrayed in the media, for the most part, as welfare mothers with expensive weaves, for which our baby's daddy pays, and video vixens. Years ago, when I was growing up, all I ever saw of us on TV and in the movies (for the most part), was black prostitutes and black maids. One of my suggestions is that we emphasize that more of us are getting college educations and taking care of ourselves and, in many cases, our own children (some other people's too). Married women in their 30s, divorced women in their 40s, people who got GEDs instead of high school diplomas, women who had 2 kids before they were 21 are now in the same college courses as the 18 yr olds coming straight out of high school. It burns me that some men have run into those women who use them for their money and then generalize that all black women are like that when we all know that this shameless quality is by no means limited to any one ethnicity. Either these men are attracted to a certain "type" of woman (i.e.; materialistic) and then somehow are surprised when she wants his money, or these women are superior actresses. In the States, I have lived in the Midwest for 10 yrs, where black people were very scarce, for the most part. I have heard more tales from young women, black and white, of black men getting money out of these young girls, who were essentially paying these men to spend time with them than I heard tales of the opposite. Yet, common sense tells us not to assume that all black men are taking advantage of women in the Midwest, so why are the rules applied differently to black women? To ignore the issue at hand, that there is something going on, a blatant disrespect of African American women, an intentional attack on their self-esteem, is to be dismissive and to further prove the point that it's not just about her being undesired, but ultimately about her pursuit of what makes her happy.
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kutu7 says:Posted: 21 Aug 11
black women it's time to allow men of other colors and background to embrace us and love us. black men see us being bitter & angry, but they fail to comprehend why? and that's ok. it's time to move on and cut our loses. whatever woman thats makes a black man happy get ok with it, he's intital to pick whatever woman he wants & that makes him happy. now that we got the shoe on that foot, let's go for the other one? learn from the black man; he freely experiences other races and clearly chooses which race of woman he wants to be with and be with her he do. get rid of the hang up that's holding you back from learning the lesson that the black man has been showing and tellng for decades now, and became an A+ student & give yourself permission to do likewise, that's why black men say we are bitter because we refuse to learn the lesson that will lead us to being happy women, let go and do you. there's the other shoe put it on it may be a little tight but it'll loose up.
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Reese says:Posted: 23 Aug 11
I agree. Find some man who loves and respects you for you.
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sweetsexy001 says:Posted: 03 Sep 11I agree with you on a lot of points. I do have to say that every black woman has the will to choose what man will make her happy. If its a black man then go ahead sister claim that right! Or whether he is of another culture, just make sure of the reasons behind your choice. I can remember the first time I chose someone not of my culture. I was told by a black man and black woman that I was a traitor to my race. They were strangers to me, but for many years I chose people just because of race, who didnt make me happy. I ended up with two divorces and a few broken relationships. When I decided to do only what made me happy my life has been more fulfilling. I now date who I want. If I were to ever meet a black man who was everything I needed him to be and a strong determined man who has goals in life I wouldnt walk away because of the color of his skin. I would embrace that man and all that he is inside. I intend to date the man who takes my breathe away no matter what culture he is... Not for revenge of treatment from black men. Lord knows I have been treated wrong in my life by black men. There is good and bad in all cultures. I know that from experience. Skin color doesnt make a good man. Morals make a good man. What I am saying is that I would like to see people making choices because its who they are attracted too. I try not to judge anyone for who they choose to be. We all make mistakes, realize them at some point, most of us, then move on to correct it. God bless everyone. May you find the man or woman of your dreams who touches your soul.
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kutu7 says:Posted: 21 Aug 11
african american women is very much want by other men, we have to learn that love is colorless, its an emotion and whatever man makes you happy, and accepts you & love you for just being you and everything about you, good and bad thats who you should be with! doesn't matter what color. black women as a whole must understand men no matter what color want's to be loved by a woman the ones that wants a woman ok, we must learn we do not owe our love just to a black man, that's the hang up for most black women get over it. thats why there is so many single black women, when god made man he made many flavors, go get yours, geneticly they all have the same equipment. maybe god is trying to tell you something, you better listen honey!!!!!!!
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friendly13 says:Posted: 20 Aug 11
Well, in my opinion and speaking as a black woman I feel that black woman tend to be very independent and don't feel they need to be defined by being married. Yes, we love men all kinds of them. I think it is a recent trend that we are just beginning to really look at other races of men for compatability. This is one thing, I think, we are not willing to comprimise on. If we are going to be married we want to be happy. I think we just keep looking. Iif we see redflags, instead of just jumping the broom to be defined by a husband, we wait even if it means not getting married at all. We define ourselves. We take care of ourselves. We take care of our families. But we tend not to want a man that we have to carry. We want a partner. Again, this is my opinion based on how I feel and what I have observed.
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sweetsexy001 says:Posted: 03 Sep 11
I agree with what you said. I think it hits the mark on the head.I was really very surprised to hear a black man say that black women choose for money. Wow! By seeing the examples over and over I can tell you that some black men also choose other races for what they can get from them because some black women wont give them their money. Is it all black men? NO...but a large majority of them do for that exact reason. Black women dont always think to choose out of their race because of history. It hasnt been very many years that men in other races have come out in the open to show attraction for black women. Because in old times it wasnt allowed except in the slave era when the black woman had no choice. So its not something that would come right away to a black woman's mind that she would be desired by someone outside her race. In the later years, black women have been taking more notice of men outside the culture. Men of all cultures are starting to look more at the desire or fantasy they had long ago but was not free to express it. Are there black women who choose their man for money or material things? Yes...maybe some feel its their only chance to get ahead or to get what they want out of life. That mentality depends on the value we as black women place upon ourselves. Myself, personally have acquired more in life without any man being in my life whether he was black or white because of my determination to succeed. I raised five kids, went to college a few times part-time in between kids to educate myself. My last child graduated from high school and I went back to school and will have my Associate Degree in Criminal Justice soon. I worked and never lived off welfare or asked any man to take care of us nor did I have the help of my ex-husband who never cared whether we ate or not. All I'm saying is that we can and will do what we have to for survival. So maybe some black women choose the wrong route to survive. Its hard not to talk about black men being in jail because the majority are there. Maybe if they placed more value on themselves and their will to make it, then jail and making the quick money without the hard work wouldnt be in the equation. Words dont make people who they are. People make themselves who they are so it shouldnt matter if a black woman values you. Prove her wrong...VALUE YOURSELF!
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youruhpeein says:Posted: 04 Nov 11
I like this comment. It makes women look more cool as opposed to the dorks that define their worth by their marriage status for example: "my husband this my husband that my husband my husband my husband" f**kin losers
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LaylaC says:Posted: 20 Aug 11
Wooooow African Americans have it hard. But to be fair, a lot of unmarried black women are probably in long term relationships and cant afford a wedding or something. Black men, white men, yellow men...all the same in my book, just people and each of them having various flaws and plus's. I just wish everyone was like me, I have friendships with people of all 'races' and live in a multi-cultural city (London, UK)....The key is education and travel to expand your horizons....I'm sure those lonely black women/men would find the partner of their dreams if they got rid of this tiresome black/white, 'oh so American', racial debate...the world is so much more than that! I've seen Dutch women marry Massai and permanently move to Africa, living life as a Massai woman LOL
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bamboo58 says:Posted: 19 Aug 11
As a black male, I can tell you that "Black Women" are the most difficult people to approach either on online dating or in person. Black Women are too materialistic, too shallow, and to emotionally unavaliable. Black Women look mostly for men to take care of them and their children they have from other men. Two weeks ago, I went on a first date with a Black Woman, and the next day, she wanted me to give her money to get her nails and her hair done. There is always a catch dating a black woman that you don't see coming. It is even worse if you have sex, then you doomed because, now. you are really responsible and obligated to pay all her bills and finace all of her nails and hair care. Relationaship to, not all, but majority of black women is like "Nothing personal, it's strickly business." It doesn't matter if they are working or not and making their own money. How could someone, who is making 3 to 4,000 a month cannot afford a car, and looks for a man to help her finacially to get the car. She is making more than the man. And the irony is that Not one of the White Women that I have dated so far ever asked me for anything whatsoever, never! I dated a white woman for a few years and she never wanted anything from me. I had to force her, sometimes, to take the smallest thing from me. Black Women are having difficulty finding men (black men) to marry them or just for dating because they approach relationship as either another "source of income or just as their source of income", and most black men, nowadays, don't fall for that anymore. Oh yeah! Black Women do know what they want, MONEYYYY!!!!!!
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r3llim says:Posted: 20 Aug 11
I'm sorry but as a black man I have to respond to your statement and its not because I'm a defender of black women but because I have a allergic reaction to BS. Your assessment is right about black women seeing relationships partly as a financial business but guess what: ALL WOMEN VALUE MEN FOR WHAT THEY CAN DO FOR THEM NOT JUST BLACK WOMEN. You think arrange marriages in India and other countries are based on any predistined love between sons and daughters? No. Its based on financial gain and security. Or how about the stereotype of native asian women desiring to be relationships with white men over their own men. Those relationships are based on the asian women viewing white men as financial security rather than compatability. You can't say that only black women are gold diggers or that other races of women value men for their personality and their finances have nothing to do with their attraction. The only reason why your frustrated is because black and white women have different approaches in relationships. And you seem to appreciate white women's approach more so. Black women are more upfront and delibrate with themselves in relationships whereas white women are more passive aggressive. But like Chris Rock said if any man loses their job then the count down has begun on when a woman black or white will leave you. Its not that black women want a man to live off of as its fact that there are cr@ppy black men that sponge of black women (living at home while the woman works and pay the bills). So naturally many black women will have a greater and honest focus on making sure a man has financial stability. But just because you haven't met white women that didn't take any gifts from you doesn't mean that there aren't gold digging white women. You never heard of Anna Nicole Smith or Marylin Monroe? Or what about the white women Tiger Woods was banging? Would any of them dated him if he worked at a shoe store? I Doubt it. But anyway in regards to the article the problem is really people who partake in internet dating seeking for mister or misses "right" are a lot of times very shallow individuals. They will try to find the perfect person that may not suit their emotional needs as it does their ego. Its not like they live in remote areas like Antartica where men or women are mile away from them. Its just seattling and finding companionship isn't as important as finding a "prize" to display on their arm. So of course white women would be ideal black women wouldn't be as much to a lot of these men because sadly were still live and feel the effects of a racist, white surpremicist world. But my advise to black women is find love where ever you can but don't let this data make you feel less of yourselves. It can be assumed that white men are the most ideal man in the world but based on staistics regarding wealth and education you could lead one to believe that asians are ideal men or to go even further than that Nigerian men. I'm just saying that no one knows the agendas of the men who participate in internet dating. It's not always in search of genuine love so there are other unknown variables that are rarely considered that might be selfish of the men and not based on a deep consideration. Black women just remember that you are beautiful in all shades and sizes and don't forget to be strong.
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FxyCleopatra says:Posted: 20 Aug 11
R3llim..thank you so much! Though you're not our "defender" you did stick up for us BW's & I want to say thank you, on behalf of us all!!!
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bigeyes31 says:Posted: 21 Aug 11
Wow you ate his @ss... up lol . Great response
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bigeyes31 says:Posted: 21 Aug 11
r3llim wow you ate his @ss up. Great response! Brilliant!
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youruhpeein says:Posted: 04 Nov 11
This what I always thought; that there are too many black guys that dont work, so the weariness of black women in searching for a good responsible black man ends up making them look like gold-diggers. I also agree with what he said about people online being shallow
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Darlinu says:Posted: 20 Aug 11
This is offensive and shallow. You date one black woman and make an assume assumption. This is an obviously ingrained sterotype, deeply buried in your heart...I feel sorry for the woman who dated you. She probably sensed the racisim and decided to be what you wanted her to be....or maybe you are seeking out these types bypassing the quality, educated, loyal and firerce loving black women, which are the majority. I have worked hard as a professional nurse for over 20 years. I bought my own home, summer home, car, invest my own money for retirement and have never taken a dime from anyone. I have given out thousands to both men and women, when I see a need. I deeply resent you calling me a gold digger. I deeply resent the ugliness put on me by ignorance such as yours. I worked hard to put my husband through school only to watch him take that degree and money to spend on other woman during a 30 year marriage. I put one child through private school and college, all by myself, even though his father makes double my salary. I now have a child in private school and soon college, which I too pay every dime myself. I give to church and numerous charities and am not talking hundreds, but thousands a year. Guess what, I love doing these things, because I can. Can you...Please look in the mirror, apologize and rejoin the human race. Yes, I forgive you, for you know not what you speak. I only wish you the peace and the contentment I have. That comes from God and people first, money means nothing. Peace!
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bamboo58 says:Posted: 20 Aug 11
WOW! why so much anger and resentment? You just proved my point. The argumentative, confrontational, the anger, and the resentment of Black Women to anyone and to any black male who dares to say anything about black women other than prasing them. I really don't know when black women had owned the "Conversation?" You have accomplished so much in your life, put your husband to school, and give to charity, so what? Bravo to you! there is no reason, however, to display so much anger and resentment toward me for I did not cause your husband to leave you and take care another woman instead of you after you've done so much for him. As for me, I put my ownself to school with nobody's help. I am a professional black male too. I owned 2 homes, and give to charity too, etc...and so what? Material accomplishments don't make a person, but rather character, ethics, and integrity. Anyone can make the greatest accomplishment in life and holds 3 or 5 Ph.Ds and still remain a "Scum Bag." On the other hand, a person with character, ethics, and integrity will stand out in any crowd. I was married too to 2 wonderful black women and I still date black women, and women of all races, ethnicities, nationalities, and cultures. I have experienced all sides of the fence in terms of relationships. I love black women but that doesn't mean I must accept their argumentative, confrontational, shallow, and their stinken attitude either. There is no such thing as being strong and independent in relationship. These ways of thinking and belief in relationships only make a woman looks a "bitch and like a pest." I want to be nurtured, loved, appreciated, supported emotionally, and showered with affection by my woman/wife. Black women need to change their approaches and their attitudes about relationships. Remember that it takes 2 people to have a "Dialogue." Please people, stop being so defensive so you can hear, listen, and understand what some of us black men are saying. "You catch more flies with syrup than vinegar." Change the bad tough attitude if you want to meet men, black or white.
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r3llim says:Posted: 21 Aug 11
I think her point was that she was unlike a lot of those black women you encountered and that she was able to earn her material possessions without a hand out. She was even able to support the black man (assuming) she was married to. But anyway you can't make blatant statements like black women being more incline to act as gold diggers over other races of women and not expect some retaliation from it. Because a woman challenges your idea then suddenly she's rude, shallow, and confrontational? No. Or that she won't be the same person to shower you with love and affection either? No. I say this because there are women in my family that were like these "angry black women" that some black men love to complain about. But while they did possess anger issues, many of them were very loving and caring to men that were beneath them (unemployed, criminal record, cheated on them). I'm just saying you have to understand the intent in the attitude of any woman's response. Who’s to say that the white women who didn't want to accept your gifts were just trying to be nice or not trying to appear like a gold digger? Tiger Woods wife probably didn't accept anything from him when they met but she's now taking him to the cleaners with alimony and child support. Comedian Earthquake said that a black woman would leave a man over a rumor but to get rid of a white woman you have to kill her. And even then she'll die with the check book in her hand. I'm just saying that conniving women come in all colors and aren't as easily readable. The black woman who asked you to pay for her nails and hair may have eventually given you her kidney whereas the white woman would argue over your life insurance policy while you're on your death bed. Your right that some black women need change their approaches in relationships but so do many black men in expecting some royal king treatment from a women. The reason I made a comment on your last post was that I get sick of how some black people dislike dating their own race yet praise other races. It’s wrong to say that every black woman’s cares only about money just like its wrong for black women to say that all black men have no ambition and are lazy. People are people.
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Reese says:Posted: 22 Aug 11
Black women overwelmingly choose black men. Black men are by no means the most wealthiest. If we all wanted money wouldn't we be after Asains, Indians, Middle Easterners or rich white men. And you see black women who chose lower income black males than higher paid other races. And the person who responded to you was a black man. BTW, I am educated, own my own house and work and make good money. I haven't asked or relied on a man for anything financial.
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Reese says:Posted: 22 Aug 11
And I am not having problems meeting men. I got news for you that black men are not the most sought after either. They are right behind the black women with single numbers. But you talk about what the black women needs to do. What about the black man. You are not the victims here. We are the only race more educated and making more money than are male counterpart.
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Hope2MeetU says:Posted: 04 Sep 11I noticed that you said that you want to be nurtured, loved, appreciated, supported emotionally and showered with affection by your woman/wife. Don't you know that you only get what you give. If you haven't received what are you giving? I am an African-American woman and my previous marriage was to a Czech-American man. Because I had the same attitude about African-American men that you have about us. Our marriage didn't last because I became the man and woman of the house. He was "Massa" and I had to do all the work inside and outside the home. The only blessing from that marriage is my beautiful son. My aversion to Black men was steeped in a history of molestation by an extended-family member. Once I was able to forgive him and heal from the trauma, my appreciation for Black men grew dramatically! I am now in a deeply committed relationship with a beautiful Black man. I had to change my approach and attitude. So maybe it's not the Black women you've encountered that need to change their attitudes and approaches about relationships, as you yourself said. Maybe the problem is within you and you have to face that issue before you can have ANY healthy relationship and make blanket statements about strong, deeply-loving and loyal Black Women.
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LeeLee49 says:Posted: 20 Aug 11
Wrong, wrong, wrong!! You have dated a few black women and you think you can sum up how all black women behave. You are no different from how some prejudice whites hates blacks; or how some people dislike gays. You have stamped all black women as being negative, because of your own negative experiences. All black women do not want a relationship for MONEY. I personally am single, with no kids and I been employed with the same company for 18 years. My motives and desires for a relationship has nothing to to with getting, getting and getting. I want to be able to give and receive. It so sad that a lot black men think like you. That all black women are selfish and self serving.
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bamboo58 says:Posted: 21 Aug 11
There is no way I could have dated nor married ALL black women there are on the planet. I can only date just a few. I would ask to all black women, who see this message, to try to read between the lines to capture the message that I am trying to convey to all women out there, black, white, spanish, yellow, brown, green, etc. etc.. instead of being so defensive about it. It might come across as criticism, but I am telling you what most men won't tell you. As someone who works with children and families, this is something that I see, hear, and witness almost every day. Black women need to start asking themselves if it could just be possible that they are part of the reasons why black men keep dating outside of their race? Black women need to understand that it is not a compliment to keep making the statement "All of our GOOD black men are in jail." To me it's the greatest insult to me as a black man and I should get offended but I don't. The truth of the matter is, black men of today can't seem to ever major up to black women's expectations. We can never be educated enough, we can never have a good job enough, we can never drive a nice enough, we can never look handsome enough, and list just keeps going on and on, even though the woman doesn't really have much to offer. Regardless of the job the black man holds, it always refers to as "The LITTLE job of yours." Regardless of the effort the black man makes, it's never good enough. These are some of the reasons why so many black men date outside of their race. They are not being appreciated, valued, acknowledged, nor feel no amphety from their black women. Translation is, all the black men, who have managed all their life to stay out of jail are the bad ones, which proves the case because there are many black women who prefer to wait for their men, who are serving 5, 10, 15, 20 years sentence to get out of jail instead of dating any of us outside the jail. The good men always finish last because psychologically speaking women tend to get more attracted to the so-called "Bad Boys." Many women need to own up their relationship failures and stop blaming black males who are not jail and have never been for dating outside of their race. I don't have any problem meeting women of any race that I want to. I love my single life and will not change it for the world. I have been living a simple but very fulfilling life free of drama for the past few years. No more marriage for me, ever again!
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r3llim says:Posted: 21 Aug 11
Well I can agree with you on some of our points here. I do think that a lot of black women judge black men hard or at least harder than other races of men. I can't tell you how many black women I have met, heard of from friends, and read in the internet who have said that there are no good black men available or that they will never date black men because they are no good, lazy, cheat, unintelligent, lie, ect. And you are right about the good guys being chosen last because there was a study from the University of British Columbia that stated that most women are attracted to bad boys instead of good guys. But I disagree with you on there aren't any black women that still value good black men and that all good black men are forced to date outside their race. Anyway I used to get angry at the fact that some black women view white men as being better than black men. I remember a friend of mine telling me that a black girl she knew told her that because her previous relationship with a black man was so bad that she now despises black men. So I can understand your frustration of being seen as worthless cum or too nice/ unattractive without given a chance by a good proportion of black women. At least when black men chase non-black women over black women it’s due to some perverse notion of the grass being greener on the other side. With the black women that refuse to date black men it’s based on selective statistics on how black men do not measure up to white men or even to black women or some bad previous relationship. I don't agree with your point on only black women caring about how much money a man has but the negative perception many black women have of black men is something I can relate to.
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Reese says:Posted: 23 Aug 11
How can you come on here and complain about black women and then don't expect them to respond. We do hear what you are saying, but what I am saying is for the black women who don't fit this stereotype we cannot do anything about the women you selected. And it is nothing compared to what brothers say about us. When you say something about black women it is criticism. When we say anything about the black men we are unappreachitive of the black man. Although black man say everything in the world about why they don't date black women because we are all fat, want someone to take care of all are kids, we are fridget or any other bs. Do like we have been doing if it doesn't affect you assume we are not talking to you. I feel the same way you do. No matter what black woman does the black men don't appreaciate it.
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youruhpeein says:Posted: 04 Nov 11
yeah woman are attracted to bad-boys and then cry about getting hurt. It's so annoying to hear them cry about that
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onetreehill says:Posted: 21 Aug 11
Bamboo58. Clearly you are dating the wrong type of black woman. Please do not generalize, all black women are not like that. If you look for trash, you get trash. Don't dumpster dive. If you would like a good woman of color, look else where. This is clearly your fault. Most honest and educated women of color, don't need to take care of them. Think about it.
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youruhpeein says:Posted: 04 Nov 11
the only black woman I was ever with was a prostitute and I loved her and would tell her to stay longer but she would wanna charge me even though I was so nice. So this comment your wrote is interesting I dont know why it got rated bad
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bigeyes31 says:Posted: 18 Aug 11
I agree about the Canadian men. I am extremely interested in meeting a nice guy from Canada but haven't had the opportunity. The white american male mindset makes me leary.
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FxyCleopatra says:Posted: 20 Aug 11
Vakdra..thank you SO much for very intelligently & respectfully articulating our situation as BW dating in America...LOVED IT! As for me, my qualifications are not on race but more on height...I like them tall...:-).
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REESE says:Posted: 17 Aug 11
And Europeans are more open to black women have noticed.
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REESE says:Posted: 17 Aug 11
Black women are all over tv talking about how they only want a black man. But with so many black men unavailible we need to look at other races of men. So alot of them don't want to approach us. And there are negative stereotypes associated with black women. But when online for me, even with facebook I get approached by men of all races So those stats aren't true for everyone. I have some friends who are approached by non black men and don't even consider it. They are waiting and praying for the ideal black man. But it might be to late when reality hits them that they are so focused on black men that they are missing there own blessing.
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wow your comment is too long