Do women who say they do not need a man only kidding themselves?
A friend of mine likes saying how independent she is. And what follows is a long and mournful drawl about male ineptitude. Well, some guy screwed her over in the past and she now ropes up every man in the collective blame game. Much as she claims she got it together, deep down, she bitches because she is lonely and wants those of us in ‘semi-perfect’ relationships to envy her ‘perfect’ single life.
My friend isn’t the only one. Women are moving much faster up the prosperity ladder. Today’s society seems to be an endless stream of young, single, hot and well off women who are confident and secure in their careers. Loneliness however, seems to be the dreaded disease in Venus. What’s missing is the ideal man and the two kids to balance the equation. Much as most affluent women would like to settle down, most single men in their hot list are only interested in a no-strings attached relationship.
To be sincere, I am yet to meet a single guy labeling himself independent. When I asked a male pal about this, he said “No matter how free spirited he may appear, every single guys knows that someday, he will be nailed. No man can remain happy forever. Inevitably – even when marriage is circumvented – we all remain vulnerable to female emotion.”
This got me thinking. Do we women have the faintest idea what the freedom and independence we desire entails? We claim to have this independence and end up bitching about men when they let us down emotionally. Isn’t that dependence? We claim to be independent but when we realize the clock is ticking, get married to some ‘trophy husband’ only to dub him a loser when he turns out to be just that – a trophy husband. Much as ‘independent women’ would like to control their men, they do not exactly expect the men to totally concede to everything they demand. They still need a total man around the house. Isn’t that yelling out dependence?
I don’t think independence means not depending on a man for financial support ONLY. Which reminds me of this scene from some movie “Tum Bin” (“Without You”):
Guy offers to stay in the hospital and look after the girl’s dead fiance’s father. Strong, self-respecting and self-reliant girl declines with a curt “Tum jao, Shekhar. Jab sahare ki zaroorat hogi tab main maang loongi.” (“You can leave, Shekhar. If I need your support, I will ask for it.”)
Guy leaves.
A minute later, he is back with a cup of coffee for the surprised girl. He hands her the cup and says, “Jaanta hoon aapko sahare ki zarootat nahin hai. Main toh sirf saath dene aaya hoon!” (“I know you don’t need support. I’m here only to give you company.”)
I have searched deep within myself and realized that the few times I claimed to be independent were when I was single and healing a broken heart and convincing myself I was fine without a man in my life. But it dawned on me that ‘independence’ was just a place to chill out until I met the next man that fit the bill. The next man that was willing to give me ‘company’.
Do you think independence is some misplaced notion in Venus?
It’s true, you can have no more than what you’re willing to give.
People say, “I give my time, I spend my money, I do this and I do that”, but are you giving YOU ?
Often times we use those things as a substitute so we wont have to give OURSELVES.
People bond with people, not things, not words or deeds performed.
I remember a friend and his wife were joking around and she told him that she’d take the house, the car and the kids and he told her, “women you can take ANYTHING I GOT, you just can’t have ME” !
James
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NoPlayer, I hope guys with your sensibilities on
these matters are in the majority and that it stays that way.
VA_SongBird, Your comments are right on point.
Also Yes, my friend was shocked at the guy’s behavior and knew that that was the first and last date with him. She had had a string of first bad dates with others and that date was the straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak. I can’t blame her for taking a long breather and just taking trips with the girls.
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And it the daytime before that , I would be driving logtruck from the forests to the plywood mill .
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I think when a woman refers to herself as independent I think she means economically independent. I am economically independent but by no means would I say I don’t want a man. When I hear women saying that I’m like whatever you know you wouldn’t mind having a nice man in your life. I also don’t agree that I man hates when I woman refers to herself as independent. If you look at most of the men’s profile on this site many state that they want an independent woman!
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Erinfl14, I do understand your point. Anytime we women are economically independent that is a good thing. Trust me, I know. I was raised by a single mother of 3 children. Life is so full of unexpected surprises and you do want your ship to sail regardless of whom is or is not in your life.
However, I’m old fashion when it comes to men being providers. I understand in today’s economy most families need two incomes to survive. But more importantly, I don’t want to connect with any one who isn’t willing to take on that responsibility to some degree.
It’s my opinion, alot of times I consider men who over emphasize their desire for an independent woman as being they don’t want the full responsibility of having a wife.
Some men want the benefits, but they don’t want to pay the price for being responsible for inviting someone in their life. I’m more of a “for better, for worse, in sickness or in health” kind of girl.
Also, when a man really makes an investment in a relationship, he is more willing to protect it and do whatever is necessary to maintain it. If it comes to easy… he will not cherish it..
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As much as independence feels good to know that you enjoy your own company and are self sufficient I particularyly do not wish to spend the rest of my life alone….that is not to say that I will chose whoever whenever…everyone wants love and to be loved that is what we are all doing on this site. So independent girls and guys at some point we want to be able to DEPEND on our significant other for something even if it is just a nice hug. Cheers!!
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I second that Sista Lazy Love, well said.
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When I first became married / I was number 1 in her life . When we had children / I moved to the Position of being a Father and accepting that Our children came First in our daily lives . This did not change the Love We had for each other it just Enhanced it . When I look back at the thousands of dirty diapers , the peppermint candy I would put in their water bottles to calm their sick tummies , the comfort that I would give them when they felt Bad , the teaching as I would read stories and they in turn would read beside me . The times when their bicycles would fall over and I would pick them back up and clean the dirt off them and apply bandaids to the hurt . Life is taking Independance and sharing Good and Bad times together as a Partnership . We all start by being independent / We grow together as a Family because we want to Learn to Share the Good life together . I look at my Wife as the Reward God has given me for the Good things I have Done .
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I think that its a real travesty when I hear women say they dont need men, they can do well on their own. For me that is not so although I can take care of myself it is nice also to have someone around who you love and respect and will offer you some degree of protection.We are all dependant on someone to an extent
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@salsera77 & Meron ummm yeah, you are right on the money.
@ YngCaramelQT this is meant in no way disrespectful, but the adage, “with age comes wisdom” seems to fit just nicely here. If you have a happy lifestyle being alone, then that is what fits and works best for you.
It certainly does not mean that you are bitter, wanting or lacking in any way. Antiquated notions like Mr.needaqueen & NOPLAYER are what continue to recycle the antediluvian notions that because a woman likes, enjoys, and sometimes craves space she must be bitter, is baseless and boorish.
I myself personally would like to meet and date a nice considerate man now, but for years after my divorce I liked being alone. Just me and my lil ones. I was more concerned with my career, and the things that mattered most in my life, and that had nothing whatsoever to do with a man. I think it’s a little superfluous and malicious to insinuate that women who are independent are basically bitter, pungent, and have some sincere abhorrence for the male; that they are basically just fooling themselves because in all respects they are man haters; and only their financial status makes the man subordinate to them, and thus it is only because of this financial independence that they have any type of self sovereignty.
This within itself has no sphere in actual intellectual thought, and both Mr.needaqueen & Mr. NOPLAYER’s comments should be ignored wholly; because they don’t apply to the preponderance of women.
Because of ideals, not ideas like this women who are INDEPENDENT get a bum rap; because they are portrayed as loathing in opposition to men, with a earnest antipathy. And on the whole, tart and acidic just because she likes independence, and doesn’t see herself needing a man to associate or equate value to herself; seems very sad,outmoded and obsolete.
Vamos hombre, este es el siglo 21!
(translation; Come on man, this is the 21st century!)
Hope I didn’t , Paso de dedos de los pies de nadie (Step on anyone’s toes), Sorry, a little peeved, and I am a St. English professor.
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1st of all, ppl are misinterpreting the definition of independent.
we dont NEED a man, we WANT a man. men are one of those things that just make life more enjoyable. men can scratch some itch u cant scratch by urself so i dont care>no matter how rich and successful i get i still want a good man to spend my life with. u can talk to that fluffy teddy bear or pillow all u want but it wont talk back, or rub ur back or anything like that. i love tooting my own horn but let’s be real, at least or 3x a month us single ladies wish we have a man to call our own for different reasons. same goes for single men (but am a lady so i’ll speak from a ladies point of view) or shld i say my own point of view. don’t wanna offend all the miss “independent” out there!
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As I’ve read some of the responses to this Blog, maybe a few of you should pick up Webster and actually read the definition of “Independent.” Then ask yourselves, can this word be used in many forms and does this word apply to your current situation?”
The word itself has been misplaced, mis-used, and mis-represented in its entirety for a long time now.
Men should STOP confusing “Independent” women with “Secure /Non-Codependent” women. There’s a difference.
More women these days are self-sufficient with great incomes, working as single parents and can actually survive without the 2nd income of a spouse, this in absolutely NO way equates to a woman being disgruntled and “Bitter” with “Clinched Teeth” at the fact that she is not in a relationship with a man.
Folks, this is just so not true.
So for the men out there and (some women)…, if a woman says these words to you “I don’t need a Man,”…maybe you should ask her to clarify in what regard?.
It is the human condition to feel lonely from time to time, so we all desire companionship equally.
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