Interracial dating: What makes black men lose their mind?

Posted by James, 19 Feb 08

Well the above is a title of some radio show on blogtalkradio.com.

Which leads to my questions: Why do people always try to find fault in black men dating interracially? Seriously people, is interracial dating seen as losing the mind really?

Your views are welcome.

Tags: black men, black relationships, black men and interracial dating

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30 responses to "Interracial dating: What makes black men lose their mind?"

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  1.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 11 Aug 10

    All the black men I have talked to on this site have been very civil and polite and rational so I see no basis for them losing their minds more than any other race. Although all the insults I have gotten have been by African-American women and one white woman with an African American male fetish(which is fine by me but she sounds exactly like all the African American females that have insulted me.) They have accused me of being gay(not true) and being a black man(also not true) with no proof whatsoever. In my opinion, purely based on the treatment that I have gotten on blogs(and African women have always been civil to me as well) which one would you surmise were the crazy ones especially when I get insulted with no provocation? Just food for thought. Not trying to insult anyone. Just pointing out my experiences here on the many blogs and personal contact through messaging. Come up with your own conclusion. Joseph Moyer

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  2.   GreanEyz says:
    Posted: 10 Aug 10

    My lil observation for what its worth... I hear black men complaining that "sisters are always up in yo face" (paraphrasing) It has been my experience that brothers are just as confrontational and aggresive but its more acceptable behavior for males so they get away with it...(not with me of course, I insist my man "plays well with others") Maybe thats why Ive been on this site for 7 yrs.....:/

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  3.   hmontaq says:
    Posted: 25 Apr 10

    WOW I brought this thread back from the dead lol

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  4.   hmontaq says:
    Posted: 25 Apr 10

    amen seancarter03... Way too many black people put themselves in a box and hold themselves back in so many respects. On the date front. Be with who ever treats you best. Dont stereotype and get to know each person for what they bring to the table. The world has enough problems.

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  5. Posted: 21 Sep 08

    I am actually happy for you, QMAN... anyone (AND I DO MEAN ANYONE) who can open their heart and mind in this world has a better chance at finding quality people (whether it be as friends, business associates, lovers, life partners/husband wife, etc.). Yes, you got some feedback but I hope you see it as sincere and positive. Peace and blessings tatted2death

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  6.   qman205 says:
    Posted: 21 Sep 08

    What I am about to say is my opinion and mine alone. Don't try to generalize or relate this to all black men. It is just my observance. I am attracted to beautiful women. At first it was the outward appearance but now it is inward as well. I have noticed that for the most part, black women in my age preference have let themselves "go". Their appearance is lacking whether it is the extra weight gain or their looks. I may be wrong but I sense an inward belief on their behalf that we as black men should seek their companionship as a right in which they deserve. When discussing topics that are very much in line with this one they say things such as "we were there when you had nothing" or "when the going gets tough the white woman will get rid of you and you will come running back". I have actually took a long look at myself because I always look on both sides of the fence so to speak. I made and am sitll making a conscious effort to seek a black woman that stimulates my mind as well as my loins. (Eddie Murphy, Coming to America) I can talk to white women for hours and we just seem to hit it off. A black woman eventually will surface an attitude that is a turn-off or demeaning. I have tried and chalk it up to not meeting the "right" sister for me. I believe she is out there but, I also am open to the fact that the "one" out there for me could very well not be a sister. I know I am going to get feedback and I just want those to sit back and look through the eyes of a black man who is searching for "The One".

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  7.   SweetGirlLA says:
    Posted: 25 Aug 08

    Hey ladies, If we could all find a man like Barack Obama, maybe all of our problems would be solved. LOL! Now that's the kind of African-american man (although he is technically biracial) I'd love to come home to. He's smart, a hard worker, a family man, a good husband, not afraid to be with a strong woman, and respects intelligent African-american women. And...he also knows when it's time to practice humility when the occassion calls for it. This is the kind of man I'd rather be with-not a rapper, athlete, or any other superficial icon we put on pedestal in this country. BTW-Did I say my other dream man is Rep. Harold Ford Jr. of TN.

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  8.   Snoop11 says:
    Posted: 24 Aug 08

    Hello. I'm not a blogger persay, but I wanted to take a little time to share. First of all, I think it is a severe mistake to make blanket statements about black men. If any of you know "most" black men, let me know. I'm a black man, and I know a lot of others, but not most of them. What I do know is this. Everyone deserves to be happy, and there are men and women of every race that will do horrible things to each other. I love women. I have dated several different races, and I am positive that all women have one thing in common. They are women, and they deserve to be treated with respect. The failure is not in the "Black men dating other women", it is in the emphasis placed on why someone is doing something that others dissapprove of. When you frown at an interracial couple you see on the street, do you know the people or their circumstances? Do you know if they are in love? Do you know what they have been through together? DO YOU SCRUTINIZE BLACK OR WHITE COUPLES THE SAME WAY? I never date anyone or befriend anyone that is not a positive influence. I have never dated a woman because of her skin color, moreover, I have never felt that I had the right to judge the relationships of others. When you venture into this territory, you might miss out on a lot of interesting people. It is understandable to have a distaste for the powers that be, and the horrible things that have happened to people of color throughout the course of history........ But it is 2008. Personally, I think that the damaged image of black men has a lot to do with the media, but more importantly, it has to do with the failure to understand what a loving relationship is. We do have a lot of work to do in this area, because a lot of us (not including me) did not have the example that they needed as a young man. Every young man, of any color can benefit from having a father, in or out of the home, that is involved in his life. That is something that cannot be duplicated. There are young men that overcome this, but they shouldn't have to. I don't have any children yet, but I never hesitate to coach, mentor, teach, or just listen. Most black americans, both men and women, have suffered some sort of racism in their lives. But, I ask of you, did the white woman that you saw with the black man have anything to do with that? Well, it was my first blog, so try not to be too hard on me. I have a lot more to say about this, but I have to go now. I just hope that everyone takes a step toward tolereance and acceptance, and not stay in the same mindset this world has been in forever. Personification of anger and distaste truly hurt. It is up to us as a race (the human race) to develop into a more understanding society. Black women, you are beautiful and wonderful, but so are other women. Find someone that you love, not because of how they look, but for who they are as a person. Oh yeah. In terms of the black men you date. Set a higherstandard,make us comb our hair, pull up our pants, and treat you with respect. Notice, I didn't say "them". PEACE

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  9.   poetlove says:
    Posted: 11 Jul 08

    Well to get into a debate over wether i'm a match to a white man , would be childish. The things I've accomplished in life is of a high enough caliber that I hold my head high performing in front of Div-1 colleges. The problem with you rr is somebody hurt you and now you're insecure. So to make yourself feel better you dog out black men. Granted alot of brothers are very trifling, but you take the good with the bad. It seems you're black so are there any decent men in your family. If so think of them the next time you spew self hatred epitaph. If you don't have any good black men in your family, that means it's a bad gene pool. Which inadvertently means that gene's know no boundaries, no good men in family+= no good women, you get the point. Now put the white pipe in your mouth and smoke it. God Bless you rr, I hope you find peace somehow

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  10.   rr says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 08

    And another question: Are you really disturb, about blackwomen with whitemen? Or is it because you are no match to whitemen? Be honest with me and yourself..

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  11.   rr says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 08

    First off, Christ has nothing to do with this. Second, and I'll be honest, I have been hurted by blackmen alot and I have alot of anger against them, not too say that "all" whitemen are angels, because they're not. Third, I find that the majority of blackmen, tend to be: Macho,Chauvinistic, egotistical and insensitive, not to say that there aren't any whitemen that are like that, I find that the whitemen that I was involved with are little more sensitive, understanding and goal oriented, which is something I don't find in too many blackmen.

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  12.   poetlove says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 08

    Dating outside of the race is a touchy subject that will go on until Christ comes back. Me being a black man there is nothing more beautiful than a sister on a Sunday morning coming from Church. With that being said one of my best friends is a white female, who only dates bros,. I don't even notice it at times but it's brought to my attention at times, but I can't control who anyone else dates. On the topic of blkwomen,whtmen. I just have a hard time with it due to the historical connotations of it.I mean there was a period where any whtman could have any blk women. I know that time is over but the wounds haven't completely healed

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  13. Posted: 10 Jul 08

    I have to say this is an interesting topic and for some reason it never gets old, but I find that what we focus on as people is some what amusing. We can talk about the dating practices of others and why they do what they do in terms of dating but would can you really envy a person who dates another person based completely on their skin tone. For me as a black man to say I wouldn't date someone who was black or of any other "ethnicity" is ridiculous. I as a person tend to date someone with similar interest and more often times than not they are usually white because we as black people allow ourselves to be limited by the restraints that the media and certain accepted stereotypes about us lead us to believe. I like to white water raft and take random road trips, as a hobby I produce and write hip hop music but I love going to country and rock concerts but these are things that white people are considered cultured for doing but for some reason we as black people are often accused of "acting white" when we do things outside of the assumed stereotypical roles set for us. We are all people just trying to make it through this world, still trying to figure it out and the last thing we should do is allow ourselves to be caught up in is a silly social construct such as race. NEWS FLASH we made it up, so date who you want to and be around the people who love and support you no matter what. As for the woman who talked about men not holding the door for you, I advise you to look at a**holes like that as what they are A**HOLES. If a man, I don't care what "race" he is, doesn't have the courtesy to hold the door open for you, is he really anyone that is worth knowing in the first place. PEOPLE CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS AND THE THINGS YOU LOOK AT WILL BEGIN TO CHANGE. We don't have to see things the way we think they are. There are beautiful black, white, Asian, Hispanic, and "others" lol out there for all of us just open your eyes and see. Stop letting the idiots out there define how we see the world. As you all can tell that was a little therapy for me lol.

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  14.   Tatiana says:
    Posted: 29 May 08

    well i get it to, and i have, the thing is, i have dated interracially and never really got much flack about it,and i am happy about that. i didnt have but one instance where a black man embarassed the heck out of me w/ my boyfriend. i did have some older black folks give us some looks, and of course white people, )lets not pretend like they dont have a problem with it), but for a black man they get these responses all the time from black women ( i think)or at leaest thats what i hear from them, the stares, eye rolling, and teeth sucking, you know lol. i have never done this , i think its disrespectful and i don't consider it my business who someone is with generally. but in general, and this is an Opinion only, feel like black men don't like us, sure they may pursue us, date us, even marry us, but pursuing a sister and bedding her, giving her kids, having her wondering what you are doing and how you feel, is that really "liking" her, always having one foot out the door is that love? i cannot speak for all the brothers, i know alot of them are not like this,b ut it seems you have to weed thru so much to find one. even the black men who have "liked " me, this is usually on a superficial level, its about gettin' me in bed or talking game, and in the same breath another good lookin female passes i have seen him try to chat her up. im not saying white men don't do this, im s ure they do, they are just men afterall,b ut it doesnt seem to be more blatant, it seems like a black men is so quick to stop doing the little things, stop calling as much, and have you guessing, much less likely to pop the question..and trust me black females have their share of drama too. what is it about our relationships with each other that we don't cherish ( generallly), now with the older crowd of black folk, this isnt so much the case, i can see love there, spontaneity, respect, holding doors, I don't see/ feel that with the average black man today. you can feel that change, and you can feel that often when they are with other women, they try harder, do more, are much more proud to talk about their white,latina,asian etc. girlfriends, i am not saying there is anything wrong with dating interacially, although we do have alot to work on in our communities, i respect that love is love, society is more open and things are different. but i see us doing this in the detriment of our own communities, there is some sort of "gender" war between black men and black women, based on alot of things we hear in the media, i just feel there is a certain respect that is lost, i don't know if this is self hate or just plain fed up or what, but who wants to settle, honestly, on either side black man or black woman none of us want to settle for anything, and black women are feeling that way too now.we should date who we want too on both sides, but still respect and foster love among ourselves, and more importantly , be open to love each other and give and fight to the end for our relationships with each other also. ( sorry so long, they dont let u put in paragraphs)

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  15.   lolli says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 08

    And I was hoping to find out why my black fiance goes ballistic about things that I don't understand. Black men have not lost their minds. White women might be uncomfortable around black women when they are with their black boyfriends if we aren't used to associating with african americans in general; the protocol is sometimes very different. I think its more of a socio-economic schism, because white people and black people from the same neighborhood generally have similar slang vernacular and social etiquette. Black women are probably intimidating to some white women because the stereotype is out there that black women are angry with white women for dating black men. White women are not more inclined to be good listeners or less inclined to start a verbal altercation. Have you never seen rednecks go at it? Opportunists come in every color.

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  16.   SweetGirlLA says:
    Posted: 08 Mar 08

    PattyCake48, Those are not the kind of men you want to be with anyway, although I understand your frustration. Just keep an open mind when dating, and don't discount anyone. You never know if you could be marching along the side of, working in the office next to, or grocery shopping in the same aisle as a great guy or even "the one". Although I primarily date African-american men, I grew up dating men of all races. As a matter of fact, one of the greatest men I've ever met and who changed my life in many ways, was a German guy I met while interning at a university in Northern California. At a young age (he was 10 years older than me), he taught me how to love and not to accept anyone's crap-not even stares of disapproval from others. He proved what he meant by having me come to Munich, stay at his family's home, and meet his parents. This experience taught me that love can be found anywhere, at anytime, and by anyone. Keep the faith and keep moving on when you see a bad apple.

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  17.   PattyCake48 says:
    Posted: 08 Mar 08

    SweetGirlLA and Lil MaMa, Thank you, my sisters. This is what we need. Open, from the heart, conversations concerning a very sensitive subject. Calling the interchange of conversation stereotypical or professing it to be an "upmanship", is to barricade oneself in a bubble of fantasy. Each of us speaks from our experiences. It's our compass of reference. Mine is from growing up in the south (Alabama), living in the north (Mass.), enlisting in the Army, traveling, and living in several countries. When the brothers got to Germany, they did lose their minds. Including my soon-to-be former husband. The lifestyle and mindset of the people were different. I love Europe, the people and its languages. I had conversations with some of women who were dating black man. They told me, with the demeanor of someone who is highly regarded, that their man had told them that they were better than the black woman was, that they couldn't trust us and to stay away from us. What do you say to someone who believes we are there to harm her and to try to take away her man?!!. The black man is suspicion of my attempt to be friendly with his Caucasian woman and the woman is suspicions of my attempt at friendship. What a mess! The notion that white women were taking away "good black men" left when I was in Germany. I became very angry at the behaviors of some my brothers of the way they treated European women. Most were not with them because they loved them but what the could get out of them. A friend of my estranged husband was one. He dated a Germany woman who took care of him for over a year. He was in the Army but only netted about $25.00 a month after debts and back child-support was paid. He lived with her, she brought his clothes, and gave him money. He told her when got out of debt they would marry. At about the end of that year, his finances became solvent and he started treating her differently. He told her he didn't love her anymore, he started dating other women. He left her. He hurt her, really, really hurt her. I hated him and every time I think about it, I become angry. She was my friend and she was never the same after he left. Interracial dating does not upset me. It's the lack of respect that upsets me. I have been open to interracial dating since my twenties. I fell in love with a white man and him with me but we weren't prepared. The onslaught of prejudice from family, friends, and strangers were disorienting. I married black men, the first, an escape, the second for love and it was safe. However, I never denied my attractions to white men, I just never acted on it. Until now. There nothing stereotypical about my observations. They are what they are. Peace and Blessings to all

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  18.   SweetGirlLa says:
    Posted: 27 Feb 08

    PattyCake48, no problem. It took me a long time get real answers from different people because this issue is so sensitive. Also, thanks Lil MaMa for your insight. I recently saw a story on tv about Minneapolis(?) that did not mention the points you're speaking of. Very interesting information.

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  19.   Liloldme says:
    Posted: 25 Feb 08

    Living in MPLS, the "interracial capital of America", I see things differently. There is alot of interracial dating here but, the black men who do it usually only do for a night. The person that they go home to is black. I'm white and have dated black men for years and I can tell you now that here, where I am, white women don't usually end up with the good ones. Black women always state that white women are taking their men, especially when they become successful. I beg to differ, how many athletes, music/rap artists, movie/tv stars are with white women? How many white women do you see in R&B/hip hop music videos? Not so many; unless they are protrayed as strippers. Black men usually, from my experience, date white/asian women for stereotypic reasons not genuine "I want to know you as a women reasons". If black men don't like black women, they seem to not have regard for any women, of any race. Sista's please don't assume that he is a better man to me than he would be to you. More often than not, the way a man treats us as women has little to do with us as individuals, but how his father treated women and set the tone during childhood. If the father was absent from the home, often men have grown up in homes where there mother always scorned the man who left her alone to do it herself causing men to have feelings of unworthyness especially when being compared to their fathers. I hope this helps those who feel betrayed by the whole inter racial dating thing!!

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  20.   PattyCake48 says:
    Posted: 24 Feb 08

    SweetGirlLA, You are sweet! Thank you for your insight.

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  21.   SweetGirlLA says:
    Posted: 23 Feb 08

    Hello, this is an intriguing topic I've often discussed with other black men and women, particularly since moving from Chicago to L.A. I see the points Mrjoynfun and PattyCake48 both make. Mrjoynfun feels black women have allowed mass media to dictate what type of black men black women should be looking for. And PattyCake48 feels black men don't respect black women as they do women of other races. In reference to Mrjoynfun, there are women out there, like myself, who aspire to be with intelligent, hard-working, kind-hearted black men. The problem is that mass media has also affected the way some black men view black women, often generalizing sisters in a negative light. Not all black women are loud, overbearing, and hard to communicate with. The questions arise, "Where are black men meeting these black women, and what type of black women are they?" Some of the same brothers who think black women have unrealistic views of them, are the same ones who seek out sisters who are model-looking, rockin'Prada and Gucci, but are uneducated, loud, and unable to communicate respectfully with men. I asked them why they date them if they know what type of women they are, and I usually get a shallow response relating to looks. Also, in L.A., it used to hurt me to see numerous black men "practically killing each other" to get to that 1 white woman at the bar and not even give me a second glance (and I do have best friends who are white females). I have a BA, was premed, grew up traveling all over, am attractive, size 6-8, communicate well with others, and still was being treated in the manner PattyCake48 describes. So her feelings are also validated. As for PattyCake48's feelings of being treated disrespectfully by black men, I get that all the time in L.A. However, I know what type of man my grandfather was, who my father, brother, and brother-in-law are, and don't feel angry or hurt anymore. And if you want to go wide scale, all you have to do is look at the way Barack Obama treats his wife Michelle, and then you know there is hope. The main thing for PattyCake48 is to seek out good, black men who respect intelligent black women, build platonic, loving, and non-threatening friendships with them, and the hurt will start to dissipate. Another point I'd like to make is that, while living in L.A., I finally realized that the city is not very supportive of healthy black male/female relationships. When I recognized this, I started changing my personal behavior to "get to know my brothers" again to help rebuild the loving, nurturing relationships we once respected. Because of this, I've been meeting black men who say, "I've been dating white, asian, and hispanic women for the last 5+ years or so, but I find you interesting. At first, it's seems a bit awkward "learning how to talk to each other again". However, I don't chastise them, but try to develop open, honest dialogue. Currently, I have a very good friend (who is a black male) that has a girlfriend of another race. He has not dated a black woman in years, but is relearning how to communicate with black women and realize we aren't so bad after all(LOL). Whether he decides to stay with his girlfriend or start dating black women again is his choice. However, whatever he decides, he will still remain my friend, will be my brother till the end, and I will be happy for him if he is truly happy. Hope this helps. Now everybody have an online group hug!!!!

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  22.   dark1ande says:
    Posted: 21 Feb 08

    I am amazed and amused at the stereotyping in the responses. People are people.

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  23.   Free14u says:
    Posted: 21 Feb 08

    One reason why black men prefer white,Asian, or Hispanic women is communication. Of course nothing is 100% but typically a black man can have a conversation with a white woman where he is heard, understood, and appreciated with sensitivity and respect. Too often the black woman plays word games waiting for the man to say something that she can catch an attitude over. It's not long before the arguing and patronizing begins in an attempt to dominate the conversation (or the male). Before anyone labels me as being "this" or "that" I am attracted to black, white, and other women. It's about chemistry, personality, and connection.

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  24.   Free14u says:
    Posted: 21 Feb 08

    If a black male is well spoken, respectful, and kind he is considered to be white or weak. It's 2008 and still there are many who believe that to be black one must be loud, disrespectful, ignorant, and mean spirited ready to explode at any moment. Sorry…it's true…many women are attracted to the thug image and mentality and if they are mistreated they label all black men as being undesirable.

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  25.   Free14u says:
    Posted: 21 Feb 08

    Whenever the subject of black women dating white men comes up the only response you hear is "you go girl!" or "she has every right and there's nothing wrong" Let's cease with the double standards and allow black men to live their lives.

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  26.   ILOVEBLUE says:
    Posted: 21 Feb 08

    MrJoyFun is neither joyful nor fun. I am a Black woman nd I find his statements upsetting. But I will not allow my behavior or response to become rude or disrespectful. Instead I will accepthis statements with the hope that he will accept mine. I am looking for a strong, masculine, intelligent man. No fantasy is required. Black, White, Latin, whatever. Intelligence, strength, integrity, and character will get my attention first. This is not about race. This is about people.

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  27.   Froggy29 says:
    Posted: 20 Feb 08

    I am a white woman that dates only interracially so from my prospective We are not trying to take your BLACK men. I see everything that you see in them, it is what I am attracted to. He is my future, my husband and father of my children. Black men have not lost there mind. In my opinion there is nothing sexier than dark skin and light skin intwined together. Everybody deserves respect regardless of skin color or which race they choose to date.

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  28.   PattyCake48 says:
    Posted: 20 Feb 08

    I will try to comment on this as rational as I can. I have waited a long time for someone to ask that question. Now here is my answer. I, as a black woman, love my black brothers, they are beautiful, strong, sexy, and funny, but for some reason they despise us. They have forgotten where they came from and despise the very ones who gave them life. We are your Sisters, Mothers, Aunts, Cousin, Grandmothers, and that crazy girl down street who would cuss you out for looking at her, LOL. We don't hate you because you love a white, Asian, Hispanic, or whatever woman. We hurt because of the way you treat us when you are with them. When we hurt, we lash out. Why can't you treat black woman with the same respect you treat them? When you hold the door open for your woman, why do you have to let it go when I'm trying to come through? Why can't you say, Hello, How are you doing, when you are with your woman, it's just a form of courtesy. Why are your non-black women so insecure when you (two) are around us? You chose her. You love her. We understand that. Why can't you? I have wonderful interracial and non-interracial married friends whom I love and they love me. I don't care who you love, just love them, and treat others with respect.

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  29.   daisy says:
    Posted: 20 Feb 08

    I would like to take the time to thank ***blackcentury.com*** for the wonderful service they have provided. I met my husband through the site 1 year ago, we were two people of different cultures and countries. Yet, because of this great website we were brought together after finding love. Maybe you will love it.

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  30.   mrjoynfun says:
    Posted: 19 Feb 08

    blackmen have not lost their minds. Every person wants recognition and appreciation of their character, Insightfulness, great heart, personality and looks. Today's black women do not appreciate true intelligent, educated, strong, hansome, black men. They are brainwashed to believe,through mass media, that they are superior over black men. The black man are only worthy of their attention when he fits some superficial, unrealistic, fantasy version of a blackman that do not exist in America. They are far from perfect but they want the black man to be perfect. Go figure. peace

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