What "color" is your Fantasy?

Posted by Leticia, 14 Aug 07

Recently I received a copy of this clip from a friend that does a late night show on a Chicago radio station. The topic hit close to home so I thought that I'd share it with you all. What are your thoughts on black "male" celebrities that choose to only date women outside of their race? Do you think that there's a group of women out there that "train" their daughters to snatch grab and marry a black athlete? Do people really believe this stuff? Don't think that it's ONLY black men that do it either. Is it really a matter of choice or SOCIAL conditioning?

Listen to clip of BJ Murphy radio show
Hey, this is Leticia saying thanks to my buddy BJ Murphy for that clip from his show on WVAZ, V103 in Chicago. Now I know that it's not just me that continues to see the large number of black celebrity men with women that are not of their same race. So, imagine my somewhat surprise and delight when I came across this article about Serena Williams. After reading the first answer to the question "tell us about your new boyfriend", I knew this was going to be one of "those" kinds of interviews.

By that I mean I would spend the rest of the article wondering how much of the interview was true. How much was fabricated or misunderstood. Not that celebrities are incapable of "keeping it real"; there is just usually a little more buffer between their actual thoughts and the words that get printed. Nevertheless, her answer to the question was "there is no new boyfriend. I stopped playing with boys when I stopped dating black guys..." damn!

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

Serena went on to say that yes, there was a new "man" in her life and yes, he is white. There is nothing wrong with that, but did we really need the slam too? I'll be the first to admit that I've had my small share of dating boys that refused to be men, however, I'm not close to debasing a whole race of men because I couldn't find the best one for me. I'm even willing to put money on the fact that there are far more "white boys" in men bodies than brothers...only because there are more white guys, period.

Perhaps it's just a perception thang. We see and hear celebrities far more than your average Joe and so their choices and preferences are out there for public scrutiny and debate more often. That still doesn't explain the statistics! After hearing the callers on the radio show, it's very apparent that there are those that still believe that it's more about status and symbolizism than choice or preference.

Call me naïve, but I find it hard to believe that there is a secret class of mothers out there teaching their children how to grab a black athlete. If so, why would he have to be black? Wouldn't any jock do? Then why stop at sports figures? How about training programs to get a politician, a rap artist or better yet, how about a super computer geek, at least if he got injured, he could still bring home a fat check.

I'm not really sure at this point which is worse, people that still believe that there has to be some "other" reason for people to date outside of their race...(other than love), or people that actually do date outside of their race because they think it makes them look like they've arrived. Yeah, you've arrived alright!!

This is Leticia, reminding you... not to worry about things that you can't control, because you can't control them...and if can control them...there is NO need to worry...just do what you gotta do, for you!

42 responses to "What "color" is your Fantasy?"

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  1.   EnboyMale says:
    Posted: 16 Aug 09

    I think it black women talking about white men can do better than black men (bullshit). Hey Women, stop talking about nonsense. Look at Obam'wife. He and She Black!

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  2.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 21 Jul 09

    I try to keep my eyes and my heart open. It is the woman who makes me jump not the amount of melanin she has. I have dated right across the spectrum and hope to continue to do so until I find that one.

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  3.   Williebear says:
    Posted: 13 Dec 08

    I have found this article and, even more so the comments it evoked very interesing and revealing. I, too, dream and fantisize in technicolor. I have all my life, despite the fact that our society or some stubburn remnents of it frown upon interracial dating (for lack of a better term). To this day I still get razzed with well meaning comments about my preferences in women. So be it. I guess it started when I was very young that I was attracted out of curiosity to people of other colors (who looked different than most people I saw every day. There was a certain allure that stemmed from the "forbidden fruit" concept when it came to girls and later women. I'm sure, in retrospect that some it had to do with a certain level of rejection of my own race's attitudes, status, culture, etc. A kind of rebellion. Of course I came of age in the sixties. Then there grew a genuine respect and admiration of the culture and history that women of color possessed. Now I'm to the point that while I prefer certain physical types I have actually become more open to women of almost all colors and cultures. I think I've reached a point where I am more independent minded and mature. I like everyone have prejudices, though I try to keep an open mind about possibilities in almost all situations and spheres. I must say I particularly relate to comments by Dutton, fkoi anf velvet. Thanks for prodding the old grey matter folks! Keep thinking & keep talking!

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  4.   Velvet63 says:
    Posted: 21 Jun 08

    Fantasies are just that, fantasies. It doesn't matter the color as long as he respects me and treats me well. Wevwould all do well to open ourselves up to love whatever color it may be. I love men, period!

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  5.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 24 May 08

    Even with Serena categorically denying the interview attributed to her (and ignoring the question of how well Leticia checks her sources [there are journalistic standards in the world outside the Web]), the fact that rumors like this take root so easily seem to point out a common stereotype. The truth is that any woman who looks to White guys to be "men" while accepting that Black guys never mature beyond "boys" status is in for a rude awakening. It's just not true. Unfortunately, too many of my gender remain in the boy category for far too long, some for all their lives. Expecting anything else based on pigmentation is naive and, of course, racist.

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  6.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 10 May 08

    I fantasize in color of course!! Its not a black and white world...or is it?

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  7.   Darkeyes says:
    Posted: 09 Apr 08

    My fantasy colour is for me to know and you to possible find out hahaha.. it is sensual, deep, romantic, and SEXY Yay !! hahaha

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  8.   Dutton says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 08

    If you think of race strictly in terms of physical attributes it seems that people pick white partners because they are attracted to white physical features (thinner lips, straighter hair, lighter skin, etc.) or black physical characteristics (darker skin, bubble butt, fuller lips, etc.). People who are mostly focused on sex in a relationship probably are choosing on that basis, so you get more into European ideals of feminine beauty and hot, black, athletic stud ideas of masculine attractiveness. But some people look a lot deeper than that when it comes to who they want as a mate. If you are choosing mates on the basis of cultural/personality compatibility, why is it necessarily the case that a black person of either gender should want a mate of their own race? If you socialize a lot with people of other races growing up, or simply have a personality that is more in keeping with a cultural group with members primarily of another race, it stands to reason the people you are compatible with to marry will be of another race. To demand that people find a mate within their own race is a very harmful form of racism. So is it to assume every person of your own race will be stereotypically black or white. If you look at each person as an individual then pick someone you are compatible with, you won't go wrong no matter what their race turns out to be, and you won't spread racist ideas to the next generation.

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  9.   SnehaSeeli says:
    Posted: 03 Mar 08

    I feel that there are a lot of interracial daters that look upon their potential partners as people. If you are mature enough, secure enough as a person to date outside of your race; then your driving force should be: who they, how to they make me feel, do they respect me and can I return that respect. Learning about and respecting an indivual's culture should be a given no matter what your race if the person you are with is to be your partner in life.

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  10.   SWEETNES20 says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 08

    A FANTASY IS A FANTASY, PLAIN IN SIMPLE.

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  11.   ruthere says:
    Posted: 04 Jan 08

    Some of you guys I tell ya....Look at this article this way. Who cares who anyone dates as long as it makes them happy? If you don't like what you see...you can: 1.look the other way 2.turn the channel 3.try to date the person yourself since your so much better People date outside of the race because...well because they can! This is America and it is a free country so #4 travel to a place where there is only one race...oh wait... there isn't such a place.

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  12. Posted: 11 Nov 07

    What bothers me are the black actors / athelets that openly comment that they will never date / marry a black woman. They were birthed by a black woman! I don't get it. So for me, I don't support them, period. I don't purchase any of their DVD's, CD's, movie tickets, game tickets,etc. I boycott their black azz! No one ever realizes this but I know and that is all that really matters.

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  13.   hoganfan says:
    Posted: 02 Nov 07

    I see things in life. Not color!

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  14.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 07

    Urban legends to me

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  15.   krisshan says:
    Posted: 31 Oct 07

    personally, i'm an equal opportunist!

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  16.   2ute4u says:
    Posted: 24 Oct 07

    well if Miss Williams did say this disparaging comment pshaw on her...but i understand ,according to history, some black male slaves were given to ugly white prostitues to bed as some form of reward...so u see the social engineering of grooming the black male may have stared w/ this

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  17.   steflyric says:
    Posted: 23 Oct 07

    The color of my fantasy is love. I want that elusive emotion to envelop my every being so that I will be loyal, respectful and committed to "The One" that was meant for me. I expect that I will possess only an appreciation for the uniqueness he brings to the union.

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  18.   stingray3 says:
    Posted: 06 Oct 07

    It is very interesting reading these articles on race. I am new to interracial dating sites, but am not new to interracial relationships as I am black and have three mixed-race children. Can I just ask, are a lot of the people writing these articles from America? I am from England and I think we have a much more accepting attitude to interracial relationships than our American counterparts. No doubt lots of you will write to argue with this view! And I would openly admit that, as with everywhere, attitudes are more accepting in larger English cities than they are in more rural areas where you do not have such a mix of different cultures. I will also not pretend that England does not have its racial problems. But can I add my view that just as all black men should not be dismissed as behaving like boys as this is just not true, neither should people who date/marry people from another race be accused of trying to hide their own culture in order to be accepted. Of course some will do this, but they are being human, whether you approve of them or not. It is very easy to find situations to fit our views, but please look at the big picture. There are lots of people living in ways that fly in the eye of those views. I also notice that it seems the comments seems to be aimed at black people trying to hide their blackness, rather than white people trying to hide their whiteness. Why is it that black people are always criticised more? For myself personally, I did not consciously think about my cultural background when I lived with a white man. I WAS my cultural background. I was myself. Black. My children were surrounded by their English and Jamaican cultures and are more rounded human beings for it. Interestingly though, two of my children have encompassed the 'blacker' cultural side of them, whilst the other likes to experience both of his cultures.

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  19.   Cocokisses says:
    Posted: 26 Sep 07

    I think its all a matter of preference, but I don't have to slam my own race to make a point.

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  20.   Fala says:
    Posted: 12 Sep 07

    I dream in Technicolor anyway!

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  21.   ColorBlind says:
    Posted: 10 Sep 07

    I love Jesus more than anything, the person that God sends me is the color i'm to love.

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  22.   leopard07 says:
    Posted: 07 Sep 07

    When you say that you dont care what colour the guy is you just want someone to take care of you and the family. The question for me is whose family? Your family or his or do you mean the family you are going to create? To reiterate the coming together of two people from different cultures should be strong enough to be able to handle cultural differences. Generally speaking many black cultures believe in the taking care of the family, especially their elderly and this is partly due to our tribal ancestry and today many of our countries of origin dont have the luxury of welfare states where we can dump our elderly. Even though many of us live in countries that have these system were are still reared to look after the family. For some coming from the caribbean and africa we also have responsibilities to raise younger siblings. When someone from a black culture unites with someone from a white culture these responsibilities appear to clash and they end up abandoning these responsibilities because the other person puts pressure on them not to conform any more. In my opinion this is not good. Unless interracial couples agree to abandon each others cultures to create their own cultural parameters afresh then its not fair or equal to insinuate that one culture is better than the others. This is the challenge of interracial relationships. To go it alone without any influence from any culture. 90% of my offers for dating have been from white guys. Although I am not saying No, the mens attitude to my culture is very important. If they dont want to learn about my friends and family then really they aint that interested in knowing who I am. Because, you know what? I did not get here by myself.

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  23.   Fala says:
    Posted: 07 Sep 07

    I think Cocokisses summed it up best. It's not the color of the skin, it's the quality of the man that matters most.

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  24.   Fala says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 07

    Good point Dexter.

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  25.   Fala says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 07

    I think there's a certain amount of social engineering involved. I know in some places in Western Europe it's become common for white women to want to have kids with black men. They like the idea and the look of having brown skinned babies and the "exotic" look of mixed-race kids.

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  26.   Cocokisses says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 07

    I don't think many care about what colour the guy is, as long as he is taking care of his lady and family. Bottom line is, we just want someone to love us, no matter what his race.

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  27.   leopard07 says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 07

    I really dont have a problem with interracial relationships but heres the deal. In coming together you should have a better understanding of each others culture, but what seems to be more apparent and dictating is the physical thing. The appearance. Each of these couples just ends up hating their culture and the sad thing its usually the black person. Why because they dont value themselves enough. Away from the physical thing, there is nothing much to the person. They are usually not very strong in regards to their heritage and really believing that their culture is a good as anyone elses. There should not be a sacrifice of backgrounds but a coming together. On the converse I often find a disportortionate number of these relationships are skewed. Either the white person is really uncomfortable about been around more than one black oerson or its the other way round. Also because each couple choose to hero worship each other they tend to want to impose this on everyone else. One of my best friends who came from jamacia who is more black than me, used to eat nothing but west indian food and chat jamacian. Now she is married she refuses to send her children to the carribean for even holiday, they never see any of her black friends or family, her husband is white and an only child and they have really isolated themselves bringing up their two girls. She says her mother is an embarrassment and I think she is somewhere I would not want to be if I were in an interracial relationship. The same with my kid brother. We are a well educated family and my brother got a blonde hair, blue eyed girlfriend and we never saw him for 5yrs and when he set up an award winning business, he never even so much as invited his own mother. Her friends and family were there none of his black friends or family. 5yrs later she has ditched him after all the hard work and who does he come running to for a roof over his head? Us. I dont understand it. But its not good from where I am standing. Perhaps people need to just face it, that sexual attraction is good but they dont have to do the marriage thing, till they can really learn to appreciate each other culturally.

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  28.   silvertop says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 07

    The color of my fantasy has not been identified by what is categorized as color. It is the completion of the puzzle that we often refer to as a "soulmate".

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  29.   naptrlbti says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 07

    ineresting article..thanks Leticia. Not sure if Serena ever said that about black men since she's dated a couple.

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  30.   Fala says:
    Posted: 29 Aug 07

    I'm with Cocokisses - go for it all!

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  31.   Dexter says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 07

    According to present calculations, by the next millenium, there won't be any thing such as race so why resist the inevitable....it really comes down to personal choice.

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  32.   mimi says:
    Posted: 25 Aug 07

    That says it all CocoKisses!!

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  33.   woodstrider says:
    Posted: 24 Aug 07

    What seperates a man from a boy? Who knows, you could defin it many different ways. A measure that my father used is that men take care of their families financially and emotionally, while boys do not. White men marry and stay married at much higher rates than black men do. Does that mean that there are not many black men who do not hold down jobs, come home at night, support their children? Of course not! But by that measure, Serena was right, black men do tend (statistically)to be more boylike than white men.

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  34.   woodstrider says:
    Posted: 24 Aug 07

    What seperates a man from a boy? Who knows, you could defin it many different ways. A measure that my father used is that men take care of their families financially and emotionally, while boys do not. White men marry and stay married at much higher rates than black men do. Does that mean that there are not many black men who do not hold down jobs, come home at night, support their children? Of course not! But by that measure, Serena was right, black men do tend (statistically)to be more boylike than white men.

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  35.   Cocokisses says:
    Posted: 24 Aug 07

    My fantasies are in TECHNICOLOR :) Why limit yourself to one flavor?

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  36.   Fala says:
    Posted: 23 Aug 07

    Way to do your research Purdey!

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  37.   Purdey says:
    Posted: 22 Aug 07

    Leticia, check out this link. I have done some very basic research. Let me know what you think. http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_serena_williams.htm

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  38.   Purdey says:
    Posted: 22 Aug 07

    Leticia, who/what is your source regarding the claim that Serena refers to black men as boys? You mention an article, but that's not enough. This rumour has been floating around for the last couple of years, but I have never seen verification. Why are you perpetrating this rumour? I'd be very surprised if she actually said this, but those comments seem to suit your agenda. People say they 'can't help who they love'. Why is it that so many of us can't help but love other nationalities, and not our own?

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  39.   unme23 says:
    Posted: 22 Aug 07

    great article.......thanks

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  40.   Jade74 says:
    Posted: 20 Aug 07

    Excellent points Sxyblkchoco.

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  41.   sxyblkchoco says:
    Posted: 19 Aug 07

    It's sad that most black men believe that the closer a black woman resembles a white woman, the more beautiful a black woman is-this form of brainwash is especially prevalent in these athletes and entertainers. For one, beauty is only judged by the person observing and can have some extreme variations, although it's unfortunate that many of us have been conditioned to believe that a certain type of look is beautiful. We are all beautiful women no matter what color we are. Men need to look into the hearts and the minds.

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  42.   Jabali says:
    Posted: 17 Aug 07

    What colour is MY fantasy! That's easy...it's a colour called SEXY!

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