Interracial dating: getting personal
I was going through various interracial dating articles the other day and I bumped into this comment. My first reaction was WTF! Are we ever going to get past black and white dating? Are we ever going to let Black-White interracial couples just be? Well this I had to share:
Find your soulmate on InterracialDatingCentral
"I feel that interracial dating among minorities is fine, such as Black and Asian, black and Latino or any other person of color. My problem with white and black dating is the history and also the way Black people are treated by White America still today. I believe the only reason Whites want to date Black people is to further divide our families and our communities, love has nothing to do with it. When Black men and women stood together, our communities were stronger, our children were better off as a whole and economically our communities were more vital. Please don't be fooled by White people’s trickery anymore. And furthermore, in America there has always been interracial dating. This time Black women are not being taken behind the wood shed, they are making the decision to be with White men. How can sleeping with the enemy be beneficial to any person of color? ... The majority of White people in this country are still racist, even the ones who date outside of their race. Talk to some of the people who have married Whites, especially the White women are the most racist of them all. She hates Black women and loves the Black man?"
Since this person is saying black-black dating made the black communities stronger, I believe he or she also means dating Whites makes the communities weaker. And if this person is for interracial dating within minorities, how does that make the Black community any stronger? I thought interracial dating is interracial dating. The composition doesn't matter. Should we really be dragged behind by the history of slavery? uuuuuuughhhhhhh!!! Snap out of it!
Enough about my opinion. What do you think?
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82 responses to "Interracial dating: getting personal"
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Escalademan says:Posted: 10 Aug 09
I've been dating white women for the past 10-14 years. I'm 34 now. I've noticed how the hate comes out of people (mostly white men), because they don't want to see a good looking white women with a black man (good looking meaning, slim/small, nice shape and pretty face). If i'm walking down the street with a black female, everything is cool, because i'm following the rules. When I walk down the street with a good looking slim white female, I get the hate looks. For example, my X-girlfriend on my profile here. We were on a cruise last year and the entire trip was a hate fest. Black women looking at us mean, white men looking with evil in their eyes, white women looking mean and black men waiting for me to turn my back, so they can try to talk to her myself. Pathetic, but very true. These white men look at me, like, their wives, or gf's don't look no where as good as my girl, so I shouldn't be with a good looking white women, because i'm a black man. That is the impression I feel and the look I'm translating by the way they stare for long periods of time. Some black men can't take this type of pressure, i've learned over the years. I've gotten the worst service on the cruise, from the people that work there, because they didn't approve of our relationship. But this is a pattern. The story gets much more ignorant. My X from 3 years ago, she was a very good looking Asian female. Everywhere we went, there were Asian people hating us being together, white males hating, because they want a good looking small Asian women for themselves. Black women, hating, but not as bad as a white women. We got looks everywhere we went. Asian people look at her as a sell out. Their thinking was, why should a good looking model type Asian female be wasting her time with a black man? Black men, should be getting the bottom of the barrow, is what I heard from other people. When My Asian X was on a cruise together 3-4 years ago, we used to walk into a dinning area, and we had the entire dining hall turning their heads looking at us. I remember a family of 10-15 asian people eating dinner, and every one of them stopping what they were doing to turn their heads to look at us. This happened all over the ship, everywhere we went. It was similar to how black men are used to being stopped and frisked by police. It was really entertaining. I could never forget this one time, when me and my x was in Paris. These two older Asian men were staring directly at her 3 feet away while we waited in line. The men's face looked so evil and mean, it was as if they were saying: "If you were my daughter, i'll cut off your head." That is the exact look on their faces. Even though i'm used to this racism, I just deal with it, because i know i'm happy in the relationship. I'm sure there are plenty of black men on here, who can concur with these examples. IF a black man is with a fat overweight/ not so good looking white or Asian women, then people (white/asian) don't really care. Because they don't want them, themselves, so its okay a black man to have them. But once you are with a good looking female, that they would want, they automatically give you those hate looks. Who agrees with this?
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ezrhino2001 says:Posted: 09 Aug 09Infact ladies this guy who started this has issues with all women , he will put down a black woman for dating outside her race yet he will not date a black woman .
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ezrhino2001 says:Posted: 09 Aug 09
The person who originally started this blog , is a racist and should ignored , most white females are not racist in fact most females period are not racist , people who give/carry life really cannot be racist. Racist people need to get out of the box ! I would rather see a person happy with somebody of a different race than miserable with somebody of the same race. Divide and conquer what ? God and the economy know of no race. What is suppose to be so great about being any one race, if your race is your only sense of pride then u have u issues.
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DianaVreelan says:Posted: 21 May 09People please,if you are a human and dating another human you are not dating out of your race. However you may be dating outside your ethnicity. That being said, if i see you dating a Vulcan, or a Romulan, then im calling you out as a race trader! lol Have a chuckle. xoxo Holly
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DianaVreelan says:Posted: 21 May 09
“The Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living” I’m sure you’ve read this quote before: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Socrates said that at his trial for heresy. He was on trial for encouraging his students to challenge the accepted beliefs of the time and think for themselves. The sentence was death but Socrates had the option of suggesting an alternative punishment. He could have chosen life in prison or exile, and would likely have avoided death. ( Karl W. Palachuk ) We are all here living our lives, and truths. Keep an open mind, and don't surcum to the petty Neurotic tendencies, and idiocincracies of poorly thought out,and or badly written bloggers. the comment made by the author of the blog is just... painfully stupid! How did you even arrive at the concept? Nobody no matter how much you distrust them is diabolical enough to devote their life to interracial dating, just to distroy a community. the very idea boggles the mind. Peace...Holly
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Member says:Posted: 07 May 09
Dear Godiva I read your little book you wrote. You worried about how I come across. I can have a civilized conversation with anybody. Until they start bashing black men to justify dating a white man. I try to stick on topic but some of the nappy headed black girls feel they have to attack me. This whole calling the proper authorities on me for a public blog it is beyond disturbing. I can just see it now, you in your lingerie calling up saying this man "Laurelton Queens" yea he is saying things I do not like on the computer. That is simply not the real world you live in. I am not trying to disrespect you or put you down. When people say things to me I don't call the proper authorities. If it ever got to that point I would dial up the local mental health clinic and check myself in. Now let me address the statements you said earlier. I don't remember who you was responding to. I generally respond to a topic and if it has general statements involving black men. I am a black man so of course I will jump in. For example, many years ago this nappy headed black girl in my college was walking by with her friends. She said something to this other black guy. Something about "I hate dark skin men". At first I wasn't even going to jump on her monkey ass. Then she try give all these reasons and glanced at me. Once it got to me I had to let her "have it". I said trust me no dark skin men like you. You look like a duck! Then everybody started laughing. She tried to get "puffed up" .I took my jacket off like what are you going to do. She trying to plead she was joking. Yea you was joking ok. They never see what provokes the incident. They just see retaliating. When it comes to me on blogs it is like " Oh put the guns away jesus". The moral of the story don't run your mouth and not expect to get a response. I am drawn to several sites. This site happens to have interesting topics that I like to respond to. I don't have specific issues with anybody on these forums. I see a topic and I respond. It is never personal to me. They make it personal. They want everyone on a blog to think alike. You kiss white pee pee so every black girl has to do it. It almost like they want to disrespect black men and never have us respond. I got a solution for you. Stop running your mouth about black men. Then I wouldn't have to get in your face. Black men that date white women hardly devote their time to endless blogs about what black women did. I haven't seen it. You want the white boy then kiss his ass on the blog. You can write about how the white boy is baby jesus. Instead you throw black men up in your desperate shit. Go call the blog police already. They got to call the blog police over the first amendment. Why don't you call the proper authorities when white men disrespect you on these blogs. I never hear you do that. You have a nice day
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godiva61 says:Posted: 06 May 09To Laurelton Queens, Concerning your post on May 4, 2009. I'm assuming that you were speaking to me about my comments to missyE42. First of all in the legitimate adult world, when people ask a question they are usually expecting an answer. Ms. missyE42 asked a question concerning black women problem with black men and white women. Now here is the tricky part, as a black woman, I answered her question!I don't understand why, in this particular question, you felt compelled to comment, especially because the primary focus in this question was black women. However, I do understand that ALL are welcomed to comment, afterall, this is a public forum, and free speech rocks!! You have every right to inject your comments, and voice your opinions. The problem that I'm having with you is your inability to conduct a intelligent, decent and gentlemen like dialogue. I do not appreciate your referring to me as a "whore". As an adult you should know how to articulate your feelings, opinions, and experiences without resulting to childlkie behavior, including being inflammatory, degrading, disrespectful, and name calling. You know nothing about me personally, so therefore you have no right to call me out of my name. What did I do to you to offend you in such a manner to be treated with such contempt and disrespect? I merely answered a question. In my opinion that does not warrant your type of behavior. On May 2, 2009 missyE42 asked a question. The question was "why do black women seem to have a problem with black men dating white women? My answer to her was based on my experiences and first hand knowledege. My answer was this " that some, notice the word some, black men have a tendency to verbally bash and degrade black women to white women" and there lies a big part of the problem. Not once did I say that it was ALL black men. So I do not understand why a self proclaimed college educated man such as yourself, commented on behalf of black men, by reputing that this doesn't happen. Just because you have never witnessed it, or heard, so you claim, that does not mean it doesn't happen, or that it has never happened. I know this might be too hard for you to comprehend, but you have not, nor will you ever hear every conversation that black men have. You are not the know all, seen all, been everywhere, know everything there is to know about every thing. The only one that can claim those abilities is THE ALMIGHTY!! Also when were you appointed to speak on the behalf of all black men? Also I find it a little hard to believe that you are disputing this in one breath, but in the same breath, you are calling me, a stranger and a black woman a "whore"!! The word for today is "HYPOCRITE"! The other word for today(phrase) is "READING COMPREHENSION"! Reading Comprehension is the ability to understand the entire writing that you have just read by focusing on key words, points, and the entire message. More important than than that if you were not so full of anger, contempt and some deep rooted hurt, you would be able to listen to people with an open heart and a open mind, and at the very least, you would have enough discipline, and respect of others as well as yourself to be polite and articulate, and at the very least, a gentlemen. In closing, this is an interracial dating site. Having said that, there is a very high probability that black women on this site are going to be mostly attracted, and seeking men of another race, including white men. Since you seem to have a HUGE problem with this, and because you are engaged to be married, and to a black woman, according to your accounts, then please explain, why are you so drawn to this site, or any dating site for that matter? You have the woman of your choice and claim to be happy, so why a dating site? Please do not insult my intelligence by saying that you are here because of the so called "sellout black women". You believe strongly that they are sellouts, you are entitled to your opinion, but why is it important to you? Your comments to these women has helped how? As much as you have offended me, and many other black women on this site, I refuse to compromise my integrity and my character by STEREOTYPING you or referring to you other than Mr. Queens. I don't care for your tone and your choice of words most of the time but that gives me no right to mistreat you in a degrading manner. We all hear things that we don't agree with and dislike at times, however as responsible, intelligent and loving adults, we can disagree without being obnoxious and degarding. It's called "conversation". I hope and pray that you will accept responsiblity for your behavior by acknowleding it, repenting from it but most all, learn and grow. I will respect you as long as you respect me. However, I am a very fair, yet honest person and please hear me when I say, REFRAIN FROM THE DERROGATORY, VULGAR, AND UNGENTLEMEN LIKE BEHAVIOR ON THIS SITE. NOT ONLY DO I NOT WANT YOU TO CALL ME NAMES, I DON'T WANT THAT FROM YOU TOWARD ANY OTHER WOMAN ON THIS SITE, BLACK OR WHITE! If it happens again you will leave me no other choice but to report you to the proper authorities. Peace and Love
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Member says:Posted: 04 May 09
Here go with the bullshit. Black men harass black women with white men. Show me where that happens?? I haven't seen it you attention whore. We don't verbally lash out at anybody unless they had it coming to them. White men unfairly stereotype you and I do not hear a peep about it. Not even a whisper about it. So let's not talk about what black men do. Your on E Harmony and the white boy got half naked black girls on his profile. You sit and nod your head like a desperate rat overlooking that. I rarely see white women talk down to black women. If anything, black women provoke the confrontation with their harsh and abrasive nature. Now you want to visit your misery onto white men. You kiss the white man's ass because he is your last resort. You will join a gym because the white man is your last resort. You wouldn't join a gym before. Now you stop eating popeye's chicken. Your in Olive Garden with your white men lying to his punk ass about eating salad your "whole life". You don't fool me. Na, all women shouldn't stick together. Simply, this is the reason. Both white women and black women will sleep with your man. I don't care what color he is. You got slut buckets on both sides. I rarely talk about white women because I never dated one. They never disrespected me. I don't even know where this bullshit about black men don't defend you against white women. What the fuck a white girl do to you. You tell me????? Some black women, usually the educated ones, are quiet and lack a backbone. All of a sudden, they get an emasculated white man. They starting eat cheerios and think they can talk reckless to black men. Nobody gave a shit who you was with before. I didn't hear all that tough talk when you was single. Now you got a beer belly white man and he is "Brad Pitt". Stand in the mirror backwards because you can't face yourself! Good day
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godiva61 says:Posted: 04 May 09
To missyE42, I'm going to try and aanswer your question about black women having a problem with black men who date or prefer white women. First of all I would suggest that you would not stereotype and put ALL black women into that group. It's unfair and trust me it doesn't help matters. What I'm hearing from most black women is the fact that black men OFTEN verbally bash, trash and degrade black women to you. When they choose to do that it speaks volumes. It's one thing to be attracted to someone but it's a whole different ballgame when most black men, not all, but most need to justify being with you by trashing black women. Have you ever asked yourself, why? Please don't tell me that you have never heard the degrading, and negative comments about black women from black men! If for some reason you haven't it's very, very rare! I wonder how many times, if any at all, has a white woman put him in check for talking down about black women? Have you ever spoke up? More importantly, do you need to hear this for some reason? I personally don't think it's appropiate, fair or just for ANY person to be bringing negative conversation about the ex, or past relationships into the new relationship regardless of the color. Another point and I hope that you are not perceiving this in a negative way, I'm just trying to shed some light on your question. My other point is this, why do women get caught up in this nonsense? I think all women should try and stick together and not rip each other apart and definitely not let men come into a relationship with negative vibes about past relationships, besides it's two sides to each story. I'm not denying that some black women have a problem with brothers dating white women, they always have and probably always will, but that's their problem, however I know for a fact most do not, but they resent the constant put downs, and stereotyping of ALL BLACK WOMEN. Since that I'm a honest woman I will say this, black people should be the very last people to STEREOTYPE anyone! I really believe that this conflict and hostility between the women would cease if we as women don't allow it but mostly when the black men that engage in this type of behavior , cease with this behavior, then maybe the hostility end but in the meantime, what are you prepared to do? Peace and Love
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missyE42 says:Posted: 03 May 09
I agree with FIRE the colour of skin should not be an issue but it is.... which is ironic cos ive noticed alot of the racist ignorant fools are the same fools who frequent suntan parlours lol ya feel me .... i been dateing a black guy for almost 4 years and love him too bits ( even though hes hard work aint all men ) but too me hes a MAN despite his skin colour and thats whats important. Am i wrong here in thinkin that its alot of black women that have a problem with black men dateing white women?? why?? When i see a black woman with a white man it dusnt even cross my mind too think she shouldnt be with him, i wish them both all the luck in the world cos there gonna need it the way ignorant haters are towards them as it is. In my ideal world we can date,love,marry,have children with whoever makes us happy . stay strong too all in a mixed relationship and hold on too the one you love. lifes too short too be bitter or angry so live it too the max .
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Fire321 says:Posted: 02 May 09This whole topic has gotten old and is absolutely ridiculous. If we took away the color of each others skin, what would the argument be then? Get a life and get over it. With all the issues that are going on in the world today, the color of skin should not be an issue.
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Member says:Posted: 24 Mar 09
Dear Commentators I wrote that post in a rush. Please forgive me, you get the idea I was trying to get across. Sincerely Me
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Member says:Posted: 24 Mar 09
Let me address these comments. I am kind of tired of pathetic black women who have envy towards white women who date black men. Originally, this is what caused this raging debate to continue on. So what does these nappy headed black women do, they date white men to get back at black men. That is the real story behind interracial dating. Nobody cares if an Asian or Latin is with a black person of either gender. People do care when you step out with a white person of either gender. The reason that is because white privilege has benefited them for a long time. I don't care if a black woman was with a white man for 10 years. I have personally seen black women blood boil seeing a successful black man with a white woman. Their full of shit if they said they don't care. I hardly see white men with black women. I saw it maybe once or twice. The white man sure was not " White collar guy". Come to think of it, this myth black women spread around that they are dating highly successful white men is a fantasy. These people on here lying to the public and the blog world. I will not apologize for having a loving black fiancee. I got nothing against white women they always been nice to me. I am indifferent to white men because they never come in the black community. They rather have black women in their "comfort zone". You think a white man wants to see you "Uncle Ray Ray' at a predominately black church. He does it just because he is so emasculated. If a black man said look I ain't going to church. We don't go period. By the way, I go to church. People need to start telling the truth. You know damn well you been jealous of the white woman for a long time. You date white men to get back at black men and in particular white women. You still going to be pick last. Stick with black men who was with you from the beginning. Instead you bash black men trying to get brownie points from white men. When shit goes bad you run to us. I am hear to bring the light! My blog is to help bring black women to the "light". Come to alter and confess your sins. Black men forgive you. http://mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/
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jorj.jerry says:Posted: 27 Jan 09
One of the most public manifestations of race is the choice of one's partner or spouse. This very individual and personal aspect can sometimes produce a lot of public discussion. Studies consistently show that Asian Americans have some of the highest "intermarriage" (also known as "outmarriage") rates among racial/ethnic minorities -- marrying someone else outside of their own ethnic group. But as always, there's more to the story than just the headline. --------------------------------------------------- jorj.jerry Adult Dating
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ShellyPoo says:Posted: 11 Jan 09I'm confused. If dating white people weakens our community, wouldn't dating people who are not either black or white weaken our community just as much? Besides, I think the author of this article needs to learn how to stop hating. Hatred accomplishes nothing positive in ANY community.
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JenniferDawn says:Posted: 10 Jan 09Wow, I can't believe that someone would be ignorant enough to think that there could be an Interracial Conspiracy inwhich white people would marry black people Just to weaken their communities... Isn't everyone (regardless of race) looking for the same things... Love, to be loved, and to have a loving family? I don't understand why it even matters anymore.. People are people... I know as for me I'm going to date whomever makes me happy an will allow me to do the same for them!!
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Tulsi17 says:Posted: 01 Jan 09All I can say is Wow. There are so many good things said and to be considered in this forum...I never dated outside my race until recently, mostly because I was never asked. I've dated a lot of white guys - some great, some good, not so good and what the hell was I thinking? The first "other than white" (Hispanic/Latino/who am I offending by picking the wrong term???) man who asked me out - I spent two good years with him. The second "non-white" (and by the way I think I'M kinda "eggshell", actually) man who did ask (black), I was not interested in because he was a major sports fan, and I had NO intention of being a Sports Widow. Recently, I met a GREAT GUY -an EXCELLENT guy, and he just happened to be black. I initially discounted his request to spend time together not because he's black as HE thought but because I thought he was much younger than he is (my own preference - no more really young guys, please!) We had SO MANY THINGS in common. As he said, I feel like I've found a long-lost friend. So did I. I'm grateful for that. It was the first time in my life I had the opportunity to openly explore the differences in appearance, though, that we do not share - as well as some things culturally (but that may be his southern roots as opposed to my northern ones - who knows?). and I loved it! SO interesting to be able to enjoy something NEW yet not and enhancing! How nice that we're made in so many different ways and have the opportunity to find our commonalities as we weren't allowed just a few decades before (I know - not that that b.s. is all over. I know)! I like to think there's something and someone for everyone (ok, PLEASE! lol). We need time to work this out. I've got a long way to go before I don't sound like a rambling fool, but it's a start. and I do not mean this post to sound like "how enlightened am I!", but just as a start for MY evolution into being open to all opportunities and embracing them wholeheartedly. Peace, everybody! You know what you need, now go get it!
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bdsista says:Posted: 20 Dec 08I have dated interracially in the past, but after attending two HBCUs, my preference tended towards BM. Working in the civil rights movement tended to reinforce that although I met some cool white activists whom I hung out with as well. That being said, I married a Blk/Japanese man who divorced me after six yrs of marriage. So finally I have been challenged to broaden my horizons. I am attracted to intelligent men who share my values and religious beliefs, and my politics. Now that I have gotten older, I have decided that its time to accept men as men, so this puts me in a new place in life. I have no stereotypes to say about any race of men having dated all kinds (except Hispanics, Asian Indians and Middle Eastern men). I have also gone through what Agape Reign has suffered (like my entire 30s) and its very painful, particularly back then (80s-90s)white men were not really approaching Black women like they do now. If there are angry Black women, that's partially why. BW are tired of being the ones who are stereotyped and depicted as negative by BM and WW when often they are carrying the burden of their families and relationships and their jobs. Just putting that out there. But I joined this site to challenge myself to be open to men as men. I personally am African American, Piscataway Indian and Scottish (wayyyy back). But a man who treats me with respect, takes the time to call and acts like they actually enjoy my company (and performances), that's what works for me. As a bellydancer, I cannot tell you how many men contact me, talk endlessly on the phone and never come see me and my Troupe perform even locally. I think its important to support each other's interests as well.
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scarykat says:Posted: 19 Dec 08
i dated my first bf for a year and a half and broke up with him two months ago. i know for sure now he "loved" only my body ( my boobs,my ass)and sometimes i dread to think about it but sometimes it seemed to me he dated me just to show how dominant a black person can be over a white one. he was physically abusive,as well as verbally...and i felt like i was nothing but a piece of meat for him and he proved he can beat lots of white ass, if you know what i mean..
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BigBaldGuy60 says:Posted: 28 Oct 08Well personally I must say that my dating experience has been somewhat outside the norm over the last few years. I lived in Europe for over four years and while there I dated a Malaysian woman, a Turkish woman, German, Italian, English, Saudi Arabian, American, and South African. Out of all of those women only two were 'white' and out of those only two ever got beyond the casual stages into a serious relationship. One was a white German girl and the other was a black South African girl. While my tastes in women seem to be very wide and broad and I have tended to be more attracted to other cultures and other races I still have not let skin color be the sole of most defining factor for my selection of partners. This trend has continued since my return to the sates while I continually find myself drawn to black women more often than others it is not the only factor I use in order to determine who I may or may not go after. There is just something about black women that I find to be very very attractive, however skin color is just an initial attractor not a deal maker. Attitude is everything be it black white hispanic or asian if your a jerk your a jerk if your a beautiful person you are beautiful!
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cocobaker813 says:Posted: 17 Oct 08I liked Dire-Wolf's description of Black and White communities after the Civil War. He completely leaves out the fact that the separation of the races was on the lawbooks, not a "choice" by either community. It's not as if all the newly freed slaves and the generations afterward got together and thought, "Wow, we need time to regroup and get ourselves together and become stronger and educated!". It was more like "Okay, you're free now, unless you stay and keep doing your job, we'll kind of pay you something. By the way, don't move in next to me, you can't attend school with my children, shop in the stores when I do, walk down the streets the same time as I do, and don't even think of trying to eat in the same restaurants!" I know that was over 150 years ago, but 60 years ago, Blacks and Whites still didn't live in the same neighborhoods, sleep in the same hotels, drink from the same water fountains, ride the bus sitting together, and Blacks could only shop in big department stores on certain days of the week. And yes, this happened even in some of the so-called "enlightened" cities up North(I'm from NJ, and heard the stories as a girl from my mom and grandmother). While Caucasian men dating and marrying women of other races and cultures and races happened, and there was some shock and disapproval, the Black/White mix brought more scandal and anger. It brings me a lot of joy that me and others of my generation and the younger folks are stomping on those barriers and making it more and more normal and accepted to be in a racially/ethnically mixed relationship, and it bothers me that the old wounds that have never been healed from slavery keep us locked in a never ending dispute. The issue is like the striped elephant sitting in the corner of the room. A lot of folks on here type of moving on, but it's a bit hard to truly move on unless past issues are resolved. While its true that no one alive participated in slavery, the slave trade or anything else involved in that time, the impact of racism, discrimination, and the notion that African-Americans are seen as "less than" in the eyes of some(SOME)Caucasians are still present. If this wasn't true, there would be no KuKluxKlan or NeoNazi groups active in the 21st Century, and groups like the Urban League, B'nai Brith, the NAACP or the Southern Poverty Law Center wouldn't have to exist either. I agree we as a nation and individuals have come a long way from Jim Crow, but there are still things there that linger.
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serenity798 says:Posted: 27 Sep 08
My preference is white men. I've always been attracted to them but never entertained it. I've had both positive and negative comments but life goes on. Seeing couples of the opposite race is uplifting. We are moving forward and speaking out how we truly feel.
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Golden_Brown says:Posted: 23 Sep 08
I think that a lot of black women are afraid to date outside of there race. The black woman is always thought of has the strong, backbone of her community. If they date outside their race they may be looked down upon and thought of as abandoning blacks. It is stupid and should be a thing of the past, but it's not. When black women stop being made to feel guilty for dating other races is when this interacial dating divide can really start to heal.
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Deenea says:Posted: 09 Sep 08T2Deyh, Thank you for you comments to me I reall appreciate your blessings. I wish you all the best also. Please always remember to always look for the beauty inside and not outside. Again thank you for your positive energy. Deenea
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T2Deth says:Posted: 09 Sep 08
...wait a minute is there a specific reason Chocprincess's post was pulled???..She neither cussed nor said anything anymore offensive than anyone else here.......priceless
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tatted2death says:Posted: 09 Sep 08
NO...Thank you Deenea for sharing your story. And what a story it is. First, of all my condolences on your loss but kudos to you as well for not "falling into the abyss" of depression over it and "getting back up on that horse"...lol. I am sending you all positive energy to aid you along with your new beau...It is truly a wonderful thing....magical Peace and Blessings
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Deenea says:Posted: 09 Sep 08
Well I guess it took a little time for me to get into this. I was 28 years old. I have had one long term relationship with a caucasian man and he made my life wonderful. It was after a divorce so I needed this so I would not go away thinking that all men were terrible. Then 15 years later I met and married a wonderful man caucasian, that to my great sadness passed away last year. He was my love, best friend and soulmate. We were married for over 10 years and this was the best relationship of my life. I think I have met another wonderful man, caucasian and I do pray I have. I miss the loving relationship I had and I want another one. Interracial relationships have been around since the beginning of time. Maybe God made people different colors just to see how they would love each other. Because God never meant for love to come in any specific color. Thanks Deenea
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tatted2death says:Posted: 08 Sep 08
Yes, ChocPrincess....I noticed that as well.....a subtle yet definite put-down. Why must this continue be the tactic some resort to in order to exonerate themselves from their responsibility in the situation?? Don't just sit there and spout something some man told you to stroke your ego. All that does is lengthen the line of propaganda. And I read and reread the article (maybe I missed it....someone please point it out if I did) and I still can't see where the person's gender was specified. Why is then the assumption that it is a Black woman???? Yes, there is mention of the White woman loving the Black man but that does not automatically rule out a Black man as being the author. It could very well be a male member of some militant Black seperatists group. I have heard some of those people (mostly men)speak and it all sounds quite familiar to their espoused beliefs. I, too, could come on here and regurgitate the many reasons I have heard that many white men are growing tired of white women. First of all, the majority of white women would probably be in denial and not even recognize the comment then there would be all sorts of lashing out and nasty comments. So to what ends would I do such a thing??....the only somewhat logical reason would be to TRY and make myself seem more desirable/attractive to white men. Luckily, I DEFINITELY have no need to do that but certainly is sad that a few (but loud and proud) white women seem to think it is necessary to perpetuate the madness. Scientific poll or not some things are better left unsaid (lest we wish to start debate over which race of women is better...ridiculous). Women in general need to seriously stop looking at each other as the enemy/competition. For the truly GOOD women out there, there really is NO competition (good men will naturally be attracted to you if you keep a positive attitude).....so we all just need to relax and exhale....LOL.
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Secchance says:Posted: 08 Sep 08I needed a hand getting out of a creek one day, and the mind is a funny thing, a young man was walking by and I couldn't get out of the creek, so one mind sad to the other you can ask that person that individual is white, the other part of my mind said you want to save you a__, then you'll ask for help, well I'm still here today.
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toastie says:Posted: 07 Sep 08
I would just like to say in general, people need to move on past what happen in the past and stop passing judgement on things your not going to change, people are going to be with who makes them happy, and it takes a hell-of-lot more energy to stay mad than it does to be happy.I have dated blacks and whites and to me skin is just a covering, we all bleed the same, and people like the one who wrote that article are the main ones walking around miserable and blameing everyone else but themselves for splitting families and cultures.GET OVER IT.....
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luvanurse says:Posted: 07 Sep 08
ChocPrncess I am in full agreement with you. While there are still some black women who get upset about black men dating outside of the black race. There are so many more who could care less. I don't hate black men for dating out. I just wish they would stop blaming us as the reason why they do it. It sounds weak. I like white men because I find them very physically attractive. Black men have nothing to do with it. I will not put down black men because I date white guys. Too bad alot of them will not do the same for us.
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ChocPrncess says:Posted: 05 Sep 08First, to 1sweetblonde...comments such as yours regarding the 'drama' and 'attitude' of black women being the reason black men choose to date out...frankly it is divisive and offensive. I could enumerate many reasons I've heard black men say they date white women (white women being easy being one of them)...and I am sure you would find it offensive and most likely untrue (note...I am NOT saying I agree with this view, I am using it to make a point). You could have made your point without throwing that in... Lastly...I have never been interested in dating black men...white men have always been my preference since I first discovered the opposite sex. So we must remember that for some of us...there was no struggle...no disenchantment with men of our own 'ethnicity'...no drama of feeling left out because black men were wanting to talk to our white friends...heck...they can have them all because I never was interested in black men! For some of us...perhaps a small few...this is just an innate preference...no drama...no trauma...but a preference...nothing more.
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AgapeReign says:Posted: 04 Sep 08Let's see...my father's mother was black. My father's father was half Choctaw and half English. My mother's father was half black and half English. My mother's mother was half Iroquois, 1/4 black and 1/4 white. What does that make me? I'm not big on "political correctness." I'm about being real, so here is my take on the original blog. I will admit, when I was younger, I used to be bothered when black guys chose to date "outside the race." To me, it felt like a total rejection of me and anyone that looks like me. Like I wasn't good enough for them. How did that make me feel? Rejected, unwanted, undesirable and worthless. It took me a long time to get over this "feeling of rejection". I went to college in Minnesota, and I tell you it was very difficult to date. It was hard going to clubs with all my white female friends, most of whom were less attractive than me (just being honest, not arrogant), and having "brothas" tapping you on the shoulder and asking me to introduce them to one of my white friends. All night, the black girls would have to dance with each other or the gay guys because the brothers weren't interested in us. And it wasn't that we didn't keep ourselves up. We weren't white. They weren't interested. I finally got to the point where I had to realize that dating outside of the "black community" was not a bad thing and I began dating white guys. What a liberating feeling to realize that you no longer are "obligated" to your skin color. The older I get, the more I realized that race is so subjective. It was a painful journey for me, but I'm glad that I experienced it. It helped me learn a lot about myself and enabled me to begin to define myself by things other than the color of my skin. So, don't be too hard on the sistah. She's where I was a loooong time ago (an many black women still are). I know it may be difficult for white women to understand this emotional termoil, so I only ask that you acknowledge that it is very real for many black women and it is something that cannot be comprehended if you aren't black. This woman is probably a 70s baby, who grew up when "Black Power" and "Black Is Beautiful" were the montras on the day. It's a generation of which I'm a part and there are things we experienced post civil rights movement that were very unique. There are many things that are breaking up the "black family." Dating white women, I feel, falls WAAAY down on that list, if it's on the list at all. I hope she finds healing and peace and release the anger. If she doesn't, that's on her.
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soulsrching says:Posted: 01 Sep 08All I can say is that to each is own. We fall in love with who we fall in love with and we can not force our views on someone else, that goes hand-in-hand with religion and politics as well. There is hatred towards other's no matter what race we look at, some of it being deep rooted and past down from geration to generation, all we can do is to try to understand and move forward. There are black women who hate white women dating their black men, and you will hear the black man say that, "A sista doesn't want us until we have a white woman on our arm, before that she would have never given me the time of day". Given that same note, I am sure there are plenty of white men who hate that their are white women who date black men, and so on and so on. I do know that the Lord blesses us daily, and if there is love in our hearts and we find that love to share with someone else then that is all that counts. Leave the ignorance out, do not feed it's fire by adding fuel, you will never change how a person thinks or feels, its only in their heart to find peace with it.
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jessiecat says:Posted: 31 Aug 08
I joined this website, and other sites, to meet new people and maybe meet someone special after my seperation from my husband...who is white. I have never been racist against colour, creed or sexual preferences. I have brought my children up to be the same. I cant believe that there are so many narrow minded people out there!!! What difference does it make about what colour your skin is?? White people lay on a beach all day to get a tan...then say that they are racist..makes you laugh, doesnt it? Well, I think that as long as twp people are happy together, thats all that matters!
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theonly14u says:Posted: 30 Aug 08I believe that race is not a factor at all. I see more than one's skin color or nationality. As long as they care about one another and love each other, it doesn't matter. By the way, why do we care about what other people say or think, as long as we are happy.
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SingleMom_24 says:Posted: 27 Aug 08It shouldn't matter what your skin color as is, as long as you and that person is happy and really care about it eachother, that is all that matters.
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SingleMom_24 says:Posted: 27 Aug 08
I think it really doesn't matter what race they are, just as long as they both make each other extremely happy, then they can be with who they want to be with and shouldn't care what anybody says about it or what they say does not matter or count.
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Dire-Wolf says:Posted: 26 Aug 08
Funny, we always treat the whole black/white issue in terms of race. I think it's more an issue of culture. With the end of slavery in the US, African Americans, for the most part, lived in a separate society. Sure, there was a symbiotic economical relationship with European Americans, but socially, both cultures were separate. This allowed African Americans to develop their own customs, music, cuisines, etc. Over time, as the economic ties grew tighter and popular communications advanced, the cultures assimilated into each other more and more. Now, through Hip-Hop, the two (not to mention countless other cultures) are closer than ever. Partnerships and marriage, the most intimate forms of social bonding are a part of this cultural blending. This will, inevitably continue. Regardless, some forces & individuals in each culture see their inherent uniqueness being threatened by this fusion.
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chiman says:Posted: 25 Aug 08fortunately most respondants to this ignorant blogger are intelligent and have a good sense of right and wrong so i dont feel i need to respond directly to all those ridiculous accusations. i would just like to say that I think we all overthink this interracial dynamic. Personally I think it just comes down to preference without any racial subplots, overtones or weird ulterior motives. whats wrong with someone wanting to be with someone because they prefer darker skin and they have alot in common. Or they prefer lighter skin and they happen to like all the other im portant character traits. I dont think anyone wants to be with another solely for the color of their skin, but even if that were true as long as you dont discriminate against other races or religions, whats wrong with that. We like what we we like, and as long as you dont hurt others thats fine by me. I happen to prefer green apples over red. That doesnt mean I dont appreciate red apples or I think people who eat red apples are less important than me. If thats what you like, that should be celebrated. Its only the insecure and true racist who have a problem with people who excercise their alienable right to free choice.
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blueandrogen says:Posted: 25 Aug 08well.... for starters i am a 27 year old white male, i am a very new age person, an old peacfull knowledgable soul. i refuse to stand for ignorance. i have like black/african american women since i was in elementary school. by the 7th grade i KNEW i would love and give my whole heart to a lady of color. even though i have dated 4 other races since coming to this understanding, i still knew my hearts destiny stood to be captured by a black woman. i came to these ideals of love before anything or anyone could get to me or put alternative ideals in my head about any kind of choice i would have in the future. with my new age nature, it wouldnt of mattered even if they did. its just natural to me to want companionship with a black woman. alot of new age people were aware of theirselves, choices and independence as a child. most born after 1975 probably felt this. these are the kinds of people that will help blow down ignorance walls. because we see the relevance of connecting on higher levels and we know we CAN choose any "type" of mate we like. new agers need a variety of people to choose a true coonection with because of the expanding conscience awareness that the possibility of love is the size of our own planet, NOT the size of our personal race. these things will show what the future is made of...intelligence. people who refuse to flush old ways will get washed away in the tidal wave of natural human evolution. that being said, i think it a shame that black women constantly harp on one another over the issue of id of white men. i personally think that it is about TIME black women get to choose who ever the heck they want to love. dont you think black women deserve this? why cant a black woman be happy the way she wants? why cant she be consciencely free enough to see her choices in life ? why must she be held down even after she knows her freedoms? dont u think she has the RIGHT to choose, where she never had it before?? THAT is what u take from slavery ;She didnt have choices before, but now she does. and again u want to take it from her....MAKES NO DAMN SINCE TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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EJGreen says:Posted: 25 Aug 08
I'm not going to pretend as though tensions no longer exist between races. I admit, however, that I've never heard of this argument against interracial dating before. To think that people date interracially for the sole purpose of breaking down the black/white communities is ridiculous, in my opinion. There is nothing more uplifting than seeing interracial couples holding hands and sharing their love for each other. People committed in these relationships are in them because they chose to be in them. They share a deep, spiritual connection with each other. I can't fathom them putting on an act simply for the sake of breaking down their respective communities. We could have heaven on earth if humanity could set aside their prejudices. Unfortunately, there are still those people out there who would rather drive a wedge through the middle of the crowd than celebrate the fact that we're all one.
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cinnamon1111 says:Posted: 24 Aug 08to sexythickfun. why is it that white women always think it is about them. If white women dating black men is or is not breaking up the black community, who cares? black women who date white men have long abandoned the "save the black race ideal" I date only white men and when I see a white woman with a black man. I could care less. I'm with who I want. the only problem I have with bm/ww relationships is that black men make a constant point to ww why they do not want them and why they are so glad that they are not with black women. I feel that once bm leave and decide to date ww. bw should not even come up in the conversation. I hardly ever mention bm when talking to my white dates. for what? I do not even interact with them in my social world. and as for you saying you like bm just for love. that is a crock. you date black men because you are very heavy, and white men are not attracted to that. if you were thin you know for sure you would be with a white man. you also know that black men treat you better as well. it is so funny, cause I date white men because they are much nicer to me and we treat one another with respect. I guess somtimes you have to date outside of the box to get what you want
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1sweetblonde says:Posted: 24 Aug 08The double-standards that are embraced by so many closed-minded people only serve to perpetuate the division between races. When opinions such as those of the author are voiced in such a public forum, it serves to further incite racism. It defies logic. We are all members of the HUMAN Race. I understand that racism is an emotional issue, not so much one based upon fact and logic. Nevertheless, when one applies such hatred towards a group (such as hating white women who date black men) then the hatred is taught to yet another generation, and thus perpetuated. Ironically, according to the black men I've queried (granted, not a scientific poll) the reason they choose to date outside their ethnic group is because women of their ethnicity have displayed an attitude like that of the author of the article. That "attitude" and "drama" is what they are trying to escape. It saddens me that so often, the SAME people who cry for equality or affirmative action or who complain about being treated "differently" are the people who turn around and treat the "offending" race with such disdain as the author. They drive the wedge deeper, then seem alarmed that the wedge exists. What hypocrites! Equal treatment is equal treatment - whether whites toward blacks or blacks toward whites or any other ethnicity. God doesn't love one skin color more than another. How can she (the author of the article) think she knows more than the Creator of our universe? I pity her - not for her color, but for the smallness of her mind.
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sexythickfun says:Posted: 17 Aug 08
I can't believe that this person had the audasity to even write this blog. I have ALWAYS been with nothing but black men. My first was and my last will probably be also. I am in no way, shape or form racist towards black women, or black men. I am against anyone who has this type of ignorant view. I am against anyone who is trifling, demeaning, racist, or anything to that effect. Now, also, as a white woman who has primarily been with only black men, I can tell you one thing that does still exist as a problem between mixed couples who are black and white is that I find that the majority of black men out there now go get with a white girl because he thinks she will let him get away with anything, and still choose to be with him. I chose this lifestyle sure enough, and thought racist people were complete morons. I married my husband because I loved him, unconditionally, and not for reasons of splitting up the black community. That is the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard. It just so happens that white men do not attract me. Never have, so if you think I am doing it for that reason, and if you knew even half of the bull i went through with my husband before he died 6 years ago, and stayed with him through it all, you would know that it for damn sure was not to seperate a race. Grow up and get a life, and get off of an interracial dating site you moron.
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Cityboy55401 says:Posted: 17 Aug 08
In spite of this point of view, the younger generation is going to save us all. When I walk down the street and I see interracial couples--of all colors and ethnic combinations--it's very exciting. After centuries of hatred, oppression, racial sabotage, and ethnic indoctrination, this generation of young adults is finding its own way in what appears to be a new era of humanity. Will they all be happy? No. Relationships and marriage are tough, whatever the composition of the people in them. But, they have gotten past what so many preceding generations were unable to. And, I think it's one of the most exciting and promising things to happen in my lifetime.
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happy2bjai says:Posted: 17 Aug 08Who ever wrote this article obviously has way 2 much time on their hands! I'm so sick of the whole we used to b slaves thing. That was clear before our time, so why r some pple trying so hard to hang on to it. The past is the past, you learn from it pick up and move on. None of the white pple today had anything to do with the things happened back then, so why try and hold them accountable. White pple who are in a relationship with black people obviously are not raciest or they wouldn't b with them. And this whole thing about black & white interracial dating weakening the community is true 100% bull! If anything it is making it stronger. It is teaching the generations to come to b color blind and look at people for what they are... people. Whether good or bad, not whether black or white.
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sweetforlife says:Posted: 15 Aug 08
I have read several articles on this website regarding interracial dating. I am wondering did I make a mistake by joining this website? The comments about race is out of control. Why can we all just get along and respect each other for who we are and not by our skin color?
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Faye79 says:Posted: 14 Aug 08
I agree, when will people just mind their own damn business?? This is the attitude that makes me hessitant to date outside my race. I mean can we REALLY say that all whites in America are racist, and only date black people to further divide us? thats so far fetched, how does that opinion / attitude, differ from those who think that black people are thugs,lazy & good for nothing ?? If I date a white guy I would not see that as dating the enemy, If we want to eliminate racism we need to start with the likes of those above who have the problem & hammer on behind the scenes, love is color blind, we are no longer in slavery and need to stop hanging on to that and using it as an excuse, that only holds us back, and we really need to go forward. We cannot blame every white man / person for what happened soo long ago. I for one will not be labelling every white guy that wants to date me as a secret racist, or to having a secret agenda. We all want to be treated equally and Deserve to be treated equally regardless of skin color, who we date, religion, sexual preferance ect ect.
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Hey,self exzamenation. I agree with your example, that we are all the same race. Us humans are 99.9% identical. Ethnicity would be different. When will us humans stop looking at skin color, this is so primitive for us to continue to think like this. I think in the future, when man is able to change their pigmentation in their skin, to whatever color they wish, then maybe everyone will be one color years after that. I think there will be alot of black men, changing their color over to maybe white (similar to what micheal jackson did), then getting a face lift, so they can get any job they want and don't have to worry about being discriminated against. I know this sounds crazy now, but in the future things like this might be the norm. Being black these days is not easy at all. We are the first to be laid off, and last to be hired. We are working hard everyday, sometimes just to go backwards. If skin color is causing most of these problems, why not in the future, another generation of black men, find an easy way to avoid all these problems? Anyone watch family guy? There was a question on there a few weeks ago on an episode. Peter asked his friends, "If you had a choice to be one of the two, which would you choose? Being black or being white crippled?" That question really bothered me as something I had a hard time deciding between. Of course I would go with black, but it shows the struggle we go through everyday and in life. Being a different skin color really does make a difference in this world. Sad, but true.