Is Race really the problem or just the excuse?
Recently, a very close friend made a leap of faith from the comfortable and into the unknown. Despite all the well wishes and strokes of "you can do it", it took reading a story about a guy that didn't let the fact that he was a "minority within a minority culture", stop him from pursuing his dream...to convince her that sometimes you've got to do what you love...no excuses!
How many of you have ever felt so passionately about something or someone until you asked the opinion of another? Then you went spinning into the pit of the uncertainty, confusion and maybe even doubt? Perhaps it was about a change in your career, buying or selling a piece of property or dating someone of a different nationality. We often hear the experts say that we should not share our dreams with too many people. The reason is simple. People, are fickle. They can have the best intentions in the world. However; their passions are not yours and vise versa.
This past Tuesday a new documentary was released to DVD called "Afro Punk". The Los Angeles times ran an article and interview with the movies creator, a brother named James Spooner. Spooner talks about how the ethnic identity of the African American musicians along with their "deep attraction to the aesthetics and idealism of punk rock often keeps them from being fully accepted as a member of either group". How true is that in multicultural dating? It seems as though we are either not understood or misunderstood. Either way, it sometimes becomes easier to give up than to give it another try.
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That is why it's so important to have a network of like-minded friends; friends that you can make here on our site. You wouldn't consult a foot doctor about an issue with your heart. You wouldn't ask a virgin for sex advice or tips. So, why would anyone rely on the sole opinion of their family and friends about dating someone of a different cultural, if they have never dated anyone outside of their own race? Crazier things have happened.
Now back to the documentary. I haven't seen it yet but the article did capture my attention enough to share it with a friend. Recently, she made a choice to end a twenty year career of working for someone else. Her career had come to a stand-still, the passion was there but the results were not. How many times have we stayed in a relationship long after we've know it was over? Using excuses like, "he/she is a good person", "at least I know what their faults are and I don't have to start all over with someone new".
I didn't say they were good excuses...just excuses. No matter what well meaning friends say like, "you can do better" or "that job/man/woman doesn't appreciate you," each person has to find out for themselves and make that ultimate decision to stay or go...on their own.
What really hit home for me in the article was the passion and dedication that this young black man had for a culture that looked nothing like him. In a society that is quick to stereotype and categorize you. James Spooner isn't afraid to do what he loves and loves what he does. How many of us can honestly stand tall and firm when we are not understood or misunderstood? Somehow I think that both James and my friend will be better than okay with their choices to pursue greatness even when mediocrity is handed to us on a platter.
Don't you deserve to have a love that shares your beliefs, goals and is with you for all the right reasons? What have you done lately to reward the greatness in you? Oh, yeah that's right...you came here. Go make a friend, you both deserve it.
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