If honesty in your relationship might bring hostility, please lie
Long term love should be based on trust right? The spouses are expected to be confidantes right? Since we are being honest, I don’t know who came up with this idea that lying between spouses is a bad thing; that secrets between spouses means lack of intimacy; that secrets are inherently wrong.
There has always been the assumption that their should be absolute honesty between couples; that couples should expose their personal and private lives to one another because the other person matters to you. But have we ever stopped to think that sometimes, the act of withholding truth or lying could be an act of caring and respect?
We need to be real and acknowledge the fact that sometimes we have to lie to preserve our spouse’s honor and give them peace of mind. Why would I start telling my spouse that I once had the hearts for her sister before settling for her? For her own peace of mind, that information is better off with me only. Why would a woman tell her boyfriend she has slept with 60 men when she could easily say 9? I like to call this kind of lying “gentle lies”.
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Before you start confessing in the name of honesty, you need to consider what that full disclosure of yours is going to do to your spouse. Can he or she can live with the burden of knowing? There are times honesty is just brutal! And in such cases, why not be the caring, loving person you claim to be and spare your spouse the cruelty of having to live with knowing? If that truth of yours will cause hostility and an eventual break up, sometimes, a little selfishness is salutary. Plus not telling means you are selfless enough not to cause the other person pain, right?
This culture of believing in the philosophy of absolute frankness is fundamentally flawed. And that said, I tell you: Its okay to tell gentle lies in relationships. Sometimes, those lies are what brings sanity to that relationship. Those lies might be the only thing that will make the two of you live happily-ever-after. So if you feel the truth is that cruel, then by all means lie or just shut it!!!
Has full disclosure ever cost you the relationship you were trying to save by being honest? Do share your transparency-moments-gone-wrong!
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