"I don't date my own race because..." is self racism now?

Posted by Ando, 27 Sep 12

"I'm an Asian Woman and I Refuse to Ever Date an Asian Man" went Jenny An. And her article has churned many stomachs, stirring up controversy as she defends her choice to date interracially. Why she refuses to date Asian men?

"It's simple: I'm a racist," she says. "And guess what? I'm not alone. I'm actually –- shudder to think -- part of a trend," she adds.

Trend she calls it… based on the fact that Asian Americans marry non-Asians (especially Whites) at a much higher rate than other racial groups marry interracially. And she is with the program too.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

"This trend has nothing to do with skin color. It has everything to do with patriarchy and cultural sexism and a lifestyle I grew up with and want nothing to do with anymore… what I'm looking for culturally doesn't come in an Asian package."

Hmm… package? No wonder like most, An doesn’t stay away from the stereotypical male "package". In her case, she wants us to see how her dating interracially isn’t a physical thing saying many White men have small penises and not all Asian men have tiny ones. "(Though, I'd have to sleep with some to find out for sure.)" Her reasons for dating out aren’t based on the usual stereotypes she says.

But why does she talk about White men, the men she loves dating, having sexual stereotypes about Asian women? Its like, she loves being a stereotype, so long as it’s a White man stereotyping her. Check this out:

"… But as long as men tell me over dinner, "I've always wanted to be with an Asian girl" and then still think they're getting laid, and as long as during beauty countdowns white girls are called "beauties" and Asian girls are called "exotic beauties" -- well, then white will still be the societal standard."

An says Asian women like her date white men...

"…because we still see ourselves as minorities, immigrants, outsiders. And we want the same thing new residents of America have wanted for hundreds of years: To be true Americans… I date white men because the term "model minority" grosses me out. I date white men because it feels like I'm not ostracizing myself into an Asian ghetto and antiquated ideas of Asian unity. I still see myself as a minority. And with that, pretty soon comes connotations of "outsider." And I don't like that.

Dating white men means acceptance into American culture. White culture… the societal standard."

So just because you want so bad to be accepted into the American culture dating a White man is supposed to make you get that acceptance? Does dating a white man somehow transform your whole being into White? Well maybe it does because her "pale, white-bread boyfriend jokes that [she's] one of the whitest people he's ever met." :roll:

The American culture is a mixed culture. And Asian Americans are in that mix. I think some of these reasons people give for dating interracially, is the reason that up to date people still have trouble believing an interracial relationship can be based on pure and genuine love. Been looking for the "I am racist" explanation in her article, but all I kept picking up on was self loath and pity.

Well in An’s later article, she explains what she meant by "I am racist" saying the title of her earlier article was "… an indictment of the racism exhibited every time minorities say, "I don't date my own race because..."" She continues to say:

"Lots of minorities engage in this. And it's easy to hide behind "It's just personal preference" or we didn't like the culture we grew up in. I wanted to show that personal preference has much deeper implications… that it's a manifestation of self-racism…To admit that when I say that, I was racist, too. That is how racism works. It creates self-racism…And I think knowing what you're feeling when you say you prefer people who look differently than you -- is feeling that what you look like is less than."

Well, now preference is racism? Since she sings about White supremacy, when a White man prefers to date say Asian women or Black women for instance, considering he is meant to be better, is there a less than feeling here too? I am trying to get the above argument people. Help me out here!

18 responses to " "I don't date my own race because..." is self racism now?"

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  1.   ally2311 says:
    Posted: 20 Nov 12

    LOL

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  2.   rage_pretty says:
    Posted: 19 Oct 12

    I personally don't consider dating black men simply because I haven't found one that I find attractive. Many of the ones I met have bigoted attitudes and just rubbed me the wrong way. This of course goes for men of any ethnicity. If I find him attractive somehow, I'll date him. If we are attracted to each other, we'll date. I don't consider myself to be racist or "self-racist" in any shape or form. Prejudice and bigotry abound in all ethnicities and no single one is better or worse than the other. I still keep an open mind, but some men are already out of the run.

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  3.   oldschool56 says:
    Posted: 15 Oct 12

    I am also a woman in her 50's and I date white men. Its my choice. I do know a couple with very nice "you know what" so that myth about men of different races and penises is just that a big MYTH!!. Im old enough now to know what to do with any size and young enough not to get into trouble for it. So Im ready to enjoy the second half of my life. Any takers?

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  4.   jod212 says:
    Posted: 14 Oct 12

    As a widow of a white male, woman of a blended background as well as someone in her 50's...may I say that choice is the factor that make's the most sense at the end of the day. I have dated Black men who are good kind wonderful people but frankly I was not turned on the same way as with white guy's. Call it the reverse exotic attraction but the bottom line is men and women need to feel comfortable with whoever they choose to build a life with. A this point in history this is the main issue everyone should be focused on. Remember if someone has a problem with the partner you select, it's their problem......don't make it your problem. Extricate yourself from those individual's as they will only bring you unhappiness and heartache. Live for you, because when it's all said and done your the one who need's to be happy so that's all that need's to matter. As for the woman who wrote the article, I believe she need's to seperate cultural nuisance and politics from animal/physical attraction. Her reaction is very clinical, not sexy but again that's my interpretation. There are white men I would not touch and black and asian men who are interesting, sexy and wonderful. Follow your heart folk's, follow your heart!!!

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  5.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 06 Oct 12

    Maybe the asian woman in the article is practicing self-hate maybe she isnt. In my opinion, she may be trying articulate what she wants in a man and that she see's those qualities more often in white men more often than in asian men, maybe not so eloquently stated but nevertheless attempted. I relate to her attempts to explain why she seems to be more attracted to non-asian men because I catch so much flack from other black women as to why I'm not attracted to black men and prefer hispanic and/or white men. Those black women tend to be in my circle of friends unfortunately but they also don't grasp my "individuality" in other areas of my life either, to be fair,lol but I cut them some slack. Bottom line no one has to explain why they are attracted to a certain race. Also I like what Deltagirl73 hinted at. Being a black woman dating interracially I am fighting hard to not allow myself to fetishisized by refusing to be referred to as a flavor, or jungle fever or swirl or chocolate queen and such. A non-black man using those kinds of names or referrences signal to me fetish, experiment and he doesnt see me as woman that he potentially wants in his life or by his side. I'm fighting for the day when marriage and dating among black women , white men ,asian men and hispanic is a "normal" and as common as it is with other non black women and I feel the first step is to send a message loud and clear to those non black attempting to date black women , that he first need to see me as a woman and a person or he can't and won't see me at all.

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  6.   pink28 says:
    Posted: 04 Oct 12

    arlandf, I think that you are so wrong about women dating white men to be excepted. I date white/ other race men because they have goals, and want something out of life. The majority of black men where I live have 6 baby's mom's with 6 kids and they want to sell drugs and go to jail. The other black men that want something out of life only date other race women. I am an educated black woman who wants an educated man who is going somewhere in life.

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    • sagitt45 says:
      Posted: 06 Oct 12

      From my own personal experience, I think dating outside of my race is a stage of life that I have evolved to as part of my life's experience on this journey. I was married to a black man for 20 years, my son is black, and so are my father and brothers. It's ludicrous to say I am a racist against my own, but what attacts me is the compatibility I seek in every aspect. No, I have not met a black man recently that I have been attracted to............why? That's a good question, but at this point, my preference has been dating a white man. Let me say, SOME white men are no different from black men, but I've found conversations with white men are more stimulating to me. They have been more insightful to pique my interests, and I like the open-mindedness of the ones I have dated. When I meet them, they all are put on notice that I am not a figment of their stereotypical fantasies with a Black woman, and if that is what they are looking for, they are wasting their time. One thing I must say (from my experience) is black men are more in tune displaying and relaying their deepest emotions at heart than the white guys. I have had a close friendship with a white guy for the past 3 years, and he will remain my best friend, but I don't see it turning into a serious commitment at this point. So, what I am saying is it's not about the color for me, it's about where I am on my life's path.

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  7.   Deltagirl73 says:
    Posted: 04 Oct 12

    Self hate is a drug. It's this kind of thinking that makes people not believe that interracial relationships are based on love. Bashing your own race is never acceptable. Do you have to say I'm not attracted to dark skin. Would you want another man of another race say the reason I don't date black women is because I'm not attracted to dark skin or white skin? Come on people speak with purpose, intelligence and sensitivity. Another thing if a man leads with white man searching for his chocolate queen I skip. I don't appreciate behavior like that. I'm not a flavor or a color I'm a human being.

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  8.   Reese says:
    Posted: 02 Oct 12

    I think Asian men get a bad rap. I hear the complaints they have about Asian men and I am like yeah, but they are not tripling. They take care of their kids and families at hire rates than anyone including white men statistically. They are independent, they are very chivalrous. I am trying to remeber when I seen one begging on the street, have a bunch of babies mamas or even one who had kids who hasn't married. They are some of the top earners. I think women are sleeping on Asian men seriously.

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  9. Posted: 30 Sep 12

    I myself personally do not date black men not for stereotypical reasons but because I am simply not attracted to dark skin and I have nothing in common with the average black man. People can prefer a certain look there is nothing wrong with that . We like what we like and we cannot control what we are attracted to.

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    • Kkco83 says:
      Posted: 06 Oct 12

      I'm lost when you say don't have anything in common with the average black guy. Didn't know they was a standard and all black males are the same.

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  10. Posted: 30 Sep 12

    She hasn't broken past anything. Social ladder climbing is an important component of marriage in many Asian cultures and she's just keeping up with tradition. That said, this line really did resonate with me This trend has nothing to do with skin color. It has everything to do with patriarchy and cultural sexism and a lifestyle I grew up with and want nothing to do with anymore what Im looking for culturally doesnt come in an Asian package. Not that I'd never date a Black man again, but I think the chances of finding one that will see me for me and beyond "just' being a Black woman are rare.

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  11.   cakelady says:
    Posted: 28 Sep 12

    To each its own

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  12.   NaijaBabe11 says:
    Posted: 27 Sep 12

    Self-racism or not, she still has the right to include and exclude who she wants from her dating pool.

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    • QTpie1968 says:
      Posted: 30 Sep 12

      Exactly. Date whomever you're most attracted to; be it White, Black, Asian, Latino etc.

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  13.   arlandf says:
    Posted: 27 Sep 12

    When it comes to women of color, the reason why they date white men is because of acceptance into society. Notice they didn't say the Indian man, the Latino man, or the Black man. These non-white men isn't the "standard" of man. Finally, if any race of women (exception of black women) marries a non-white man especially a black man then they will be disowned. Now is this woman who write this article a racist? No. First off, minorities can't be racist. They can be bigoted or prejudice. Racist is something that is systematic. Second, she has her own preference. She isn't on this "my race ain't ish" or "I can't find a good man" campaign. It is her choice. Like I said yesterday about "If Obama had a white wife, would he be president?", some people don't like interracial dating unless they are in one. Plus, some of them that get into interracial relationships with ulterior motives. They will be the same people that would get upset when their male/female counterpart goes interracial, they would make snide comments. That's my spill on it.

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    • arlandf says:
      Posted: 27 Sep 12

      I forgot to add. She isn't talking about go date a white man in one breath then telling Asian women to not support an Asian man who is with a non-Asian in another breath.

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      • Reese says:
        Posted: 24 Oct 12

        Or maybe they are just attracted to white man. It might not be about what society says they just might find them attractive regardless of what there family thinks. Alot of them don't want their daughters dating outside the race period. Some people don't like their families in ir relationships period regardless of the other color.

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