How to Approach the Right Way and Destroy Approach Anxiety

Posted by Jordan, 17 Oct 13

There are two things that suck about approaching women: The anxiety that you get and the sense that you’re doing it the wrong way. If you struggle with the right way to approach women, you need to read this article. It’s going to drastically change your social live by showing you the best way to approach women, while at the same time decreasing your approach anxiety by boosting your confidence and increasing your success rate. Best of all, this is all stuff that you can start doing tonight.

Step 1: Working the Room

Believe it or not, your approach begins even before you see her. It begins when she sees you. This is why it’s very important for you to be aware of how you’re acting in a room full of people. You want to smile, stand up straight and project an air of confidence. Once of the best ways to do this is to clink glasses or get high fives from people around you. It shows you as a confident man, but also makes you look like the man who knows everyone. Believe me, she’s going to notice.

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Step 2: Don’t Wait

Did she notice you checking her out? You bet she did. This is why you need to approach her as soon as you notice her and not hang back trying to get your courage up. Rather than doing this, just walk up to her and start talking. The longer that you wait, the less your chances of success are. Trust us, you’re not gaining anything by waiting. It is definitely true that when you snooze, you lose.

Step 3: Avoid a Head On Collision

How often do you approach a woman directly, head on? This is a big mistake. It creates unnecessary tension that can totally blow the interaction before it even really gets started. Rather than walking up to her directly face to face, instead approach from the side. When you’re speaking, turn a little bit toward her. Then turn away when she talks, but lean in. This is a lot more like how a natural conversation goes and it will remove a lot of unnecessary pressure from the equation, giving you a better footing on which to start.

Step 4: Keep It Light

Don’t walk up to her and start bombarding her with requests for personal information, no matter how innocuous. Instead, start off by getting her laughing and smiling by joking around with her a bit. This will relax her and show her that you’re not a threat. Once she’s relaxed a bit, then it’s time to get more into the getting-to-know-you types of conversations that men generally start with when they speak to women out at a bar or club.

Step 5: Always Approach

Approach anxiety is real. How do you get rid of it? By approaching a lot. Just like some of the best bar fighters in the world are men who have just been in so many fights that they’re no longer intimidated by them, so are the men who have the least approach anxiety just the men who have approached the most. You can become this man by setting a reasonable goal of how many women you want to approach in any given night, then sticking to it.

Do you have approach anxiety? Tell us about your struggles with getting over it.

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you're interested in The Art of Charm residential programs, apply for a strategy call with a coach. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook or Twitter.

5 responses to "How to Approach the Right Way and Destroy Approach Anxiety"

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  1.   boiler1 says:
    Posted: 01 Dec 13

    Neil Strauss talks about the inner man. That most men don't know to do. When wanting to talk with a woman. I amit, I was one. But now having to look an the ineer man. T face all my fears and to deal with them. Making me a better man. I even got a date and have a great time. Their is another book call double your dating.Hope this help you. We man must learn how to treat a woman. Its a must .

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  2.   boiler1 says:
    Posted: 01 Dec 13

    One book is call the game and the other is call the rules. Also look un utube. They are in the live. Anothe book is David De angelo.

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  3.   boiler1 says:
    Posted: 01 Dec 13

    Read the book Neil Strauss. It teaches you have we are to act around a woman. I just started it my self. Very possitive book. We men make lot of mistakes. YOU'LLL REALLY LIKE THIS BOOK.

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  4.   tallman1980 says:
    Posted: 22 Nov 13

    I just have a problem approaching women a friend or group because the friends (who are usually jealous) make it hard for you to get to know their friend especially when you're of African-decent trying to flirt with a hot blonde or brunette from the south at a bar or club. And then there's that sista that has that hot Caucasian female friend you're interested in but shes all jealous because you don't want her but she has to cock-block you.

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  5.   xxsorbetxx says:
    Posted: 21 Oct 13

    Totally with this advice, i recently started practicing many of the above techniques haha, glad to see it has been approved somewhere. And i cannot tell you how invading it is to be approached full frontal head-on, kind of is pressuring and puts me in a tense mode, keep it light and keep it subtle guys.

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