How do you ask for the sex you want?

Posted by James, 06 May 09

Most women find it hard to talk about sex in general let alone ask for the kind of sex they want. Maybe it’s because they don’t have adequate education about sexuality, maybe they just lack the language to discuss sex. Maybe they have self esteem issues, or they just assume it’s the duty of their partners to know exactly what they want.

Most women find themselves in the position where they want some certain kind of loving, they want their men to make love to them in a certain way. Problem is, they don’t have the sex they want and to make matters worse, they don’t know how to ask for it.

Everyone is worthy of being loved and worthy of a great sex life with someone they care about. Emotional intimacy and trust allows one to feel more secure and makes it easier for one to discuss their needs hence allowing their partners into their private space.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

I know most of us have been in such a situation. So how best should you guide your partner and remove all the guesswork? Men, what is the best approach for a woman to talk to you about sex without crushing your ego?

11 responses to "How do you ask for the sex you want?"

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  1.   sam says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 10

    How do you ask for the sex you want? Well, just ask. She/he says yes or no. No problem.

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  2. Posted: 16 Nov 09

    Fortunately, I have never had that problem. Talking about intimacy has never been a problem for me because I'm somewhat open minded, I'm not turned on by just "anyone" of the male species; anyone I've come in contact w/intimately, we think on the same levels concerning that. Our minds are on the same page therefore it all comes naturally. It's all in the "mind"; if your mind is not focused don't expect other branches on a tree to have a sense of direction. No. 1 rule: "Don't fight what u feel." When the connection is strong from the beginning, it can only get stronger. For thought: Look before u leap.

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  3.   freddone says:
    Posted: 29 Oct 09

    dude, get off your high horse.

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  4.   Crucial says:
    Posted: 13 Sep 09

    OK, everyone, I need some advice. I married a 25 year old virgin. 16 years later 44 him and 40 her, I have broken her in, mostly, and she LOVES the way I make love to her. She prefers to make pasionate love rather than to Fuck if you understand the difference. But I prefer to FUCK with all of the noises, slaps, hair pulls, grunts, sweat and various locations (everywhere) that comes along with it! She prefers routine; bedroom, rose petals, candels and I prefer the anytime, anywhere, spontaneous reaction to anything that she does! Once I get her started she will go with it, BUT, I can't get her to be AGGRESSIVE! I need her to be aggressive and do me at times. I don't want to always have to guide her. I am always the initiator and it is driving me crazy. She gives in to all sexual request except one because I am rather large and she is rather tiny at only 120 lbs. I need sex at least daily, half an hour minimum, but I can't always get off in that timeframe and she can flush out a minimum on 3 orgasms during that timeframe. I am 6'2", 225, still have a six pack at 44, educated with a great job and sex is a part of my swagger so I need it. Bottom line is I can't get her to open up and at least talk to me about her lack of aggressive participation. At times she will just lie there and let me have my way as she comes and comes and goes to sleep. I am a Black Male from New Orleans and she is Chinese and Black female who grew up in a oriental enclave in Brooklyn where sex is somewhat surpressed. How can I get her to open up, initiate sex and be aggressive. I want her to tie me up and ride me among other things until I pass out!! PLEASE HELP!

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  5.   Apollonaire says:
    Posted: 24 May 09

    Honestly, this is a hard article to take seriously. If you're afraid to tell your partner what you want, then just suffer through what you get, or find someone you're more comfortable with talking about such 'adult' things. Having sex is like playing bridge; if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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  6.   phillymama says:
    Posted: 12 May 09

    Honesty is the only answer here! How will you ever get what you want unless you ask or go for it!? I do Adult Toy Parties for the ladies (and Jack-n-Jill) and I get asked a lot of these questions from both sides! It's simply communication people! If you want a toy to be used in bed-- Buy it and bring it to bed. Talk to your partner-- 9 times out of 10 you will get an 'Ok' as everyone wants to be pleased and sometimes pleasing someone else is it's own pleasure! :)

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  7.   Member says:
    Posted: 09 May 09

    Dear World Citizen I would like to thank you for your comments. Actually my fiancee enjoys her clitoris. Some sexual "enjoyments" may be different for other women such as yourself. I am a Jamaican "Stud". In the case of "We women", perhaps you should stick to your own sexual fetishes. After all, I never met a woman who did NOT like getting their hair pulled. Of course you should know I don't dictate the rules in the bedroom women do. I simply abide by them. Your an educated women I figure you will understand this post. Good day.

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  8.   Austrian says:
    Posted: 09 May 09

    Sir Laurelton Queens! We women just LOVE to be pulled by our hair, spanked and told precisely what to do to please you men. Your fiance is so lucky to have a companion like you. As you well know, in many cultures, women are freed from their clitoris, they really do not need it under these circumstances. I congratulate you for describing yourself as THE BLACK AMERICAN STUD. In case you will not have your book or radio show, you may want to try to go for the GUINESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS.

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  9.   american says:
    Posted: 09 May 09

    Choosing a woman who is open minded from the get go is good. From the get go if two people cannot even discuss sex, ask each other what turns them on or will turn them on ,its a waste of time and resources if no communication tunnel carved .A woman suppose to be in touch with her and his life and create the atmosphere for love .Its hard enough staying hard women should automatically do the rest.

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  10.   sophiecica says:
    Posted: 07 May 09

    I know what I like and I tell my Man it.. Thats it.

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  11.   Member says:
    Posted: 06 May 09

    It's real easy I tell my fiancee suck and lick my dick. I am an aggressive Jamaican men. It has worked so far. I tell her come to daddy and throw her on the bed and spank that ass. I need to get in shape. I have been working on my cardio.

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