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Honey, time to shed those pounds off

Posted by Ria, 20 Oct

Most women can't stand their men's constant nagging about the extra pounds they have gained. Sometimes it makes them eat more instead of shedding the pounds. Some woman's hubby used to nag her about her weight but whenever she finally dropped her weight, the dude bought her cookies. And their marriage ended in divorce after the weight loss.

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Telling your partner its time for them to go on a diet can be very tricky. Given the fact that almost 2/3 of US adults are overweight, this is an issue we cant run away from. Don't get me started on the marriage penalty problem - apparently on average after the "I do", most people gain six to nine more pounds than their single counterparts.

Much as we hate being given the talk or giving it, its worth it. Packing on the pounds can not only affect one's health, but also weigh on the relationship. Despite you finding your spouse physically unappealing, he or she may not feel attractive enough to be physically intimate with you.

So, how do you tell your spouse to go on a diet without coming off as nagging or doing more damage to the situation?

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25 responses to "Honey, time to shed those pounds off"

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  1.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 10

    I think overweight couples look cute together especially when they are really in love.:-)

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  2.   gjones66216 says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 10

    I've been heavy most of my life. My wife was too. We dieted together just before we got engaged. We lost a few pounds together. My point being, if you're seeing your partner sliding up the scale a bit, it's far more constructive to help him/her than to suggest a change in his/her behavior. Where weight is the issue, plan healthy meals and snacks. Be sensitive to eating fattening foods around your partner. Plan activities that get your metabolism running. If you didn't like her wardrobe, you'd offer to take her shopping. Be a friend.

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  3.   Kanzan says:
    Posted: 24 May 10

    For me, seriously, I would only suggest an "activity date" and not a "honey - you need to lose weight" comment. THen again, I think hips and overall pear shaped women can be really hot - I dont feel that way about apples though. :( (sorry all you washingtons - I like bartletts)

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  4.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 19 Aug 09

    My point exactly!!! Well stated!!

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  5.   whiteanproud says:
    Posted: 18 Aug 09

    I would definitely bring it up, It is more than just appearance and vanity. It is that person health and I definitely want someone health minded in their diet and exercise. Obesity is a disease of choice much like smoking.

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  6.   miri2008 says:
    Posted: 16 Aug 09

    I think we have to be fair. If a man meets a woman at size 4-6, I think he has a right to be alarmed if he sees that climbing towards a 14-16. He will probably notice that things are changing when she hits size 10-12. As superficial as it may seem to some, barring a health condition outside of his control, I would be quite distressed if my guy began to neglect his exercise and healthy eating habits and started packing on pounds. While some see extra weight as benign, I see it as a health issue. The fact that it tends to be unattractive is just a side note. The attraction to a thinner fitter form is a subconscious attraction to 'healthy'. By the same token, I don't think it would be fair to meet someone at a certain weight, get into a relationship with them, and then start harassing them to lose weight. No one should try to change anyone. Either take someone as you meet them, or leave them alone.

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  7.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 25 Jul 09

    As a woman, I actually would welcome the "suggestion" to weight loss IF it is for healthy reasons to foster a better life style in the long run. However, no man or woman should tell their significant other to loose weight simply because they've become obsessed with "Halle Berry" or "Jennifer Anniston" or "Brad Pitt". Make sense? Shotgun007

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  8.   VA_SongBird says:
    Posted: 26 Feb 09

    Hmmm... This is a touchy subject. However, I learned by being married to an African how culturally driven our attitudes are about weight in the U.S. Assuming the concern is legitimate, I think you have to address it head on with your mate, by expressing your love and concern and your desire to see them live a healthy and productive life. Sometimes it is a matter of developing new eating habits for life. Other times, there could be deeper issues driving that person to over eat. Whatever the case might be, I think as a supportive mate, you should encourage your love one to seek out help to resolve the issue is the most healthy way.

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  9.   slimandhappy says:
    Posted: 26 Jan 09

    Yes, Miss Sing for You-I agree- many people in the internet and online dating worlds can be quite superficial. I get tons more responses now (on just about any site I have tried) as a size 4-6 than I ever did as a size 16! I also agree that it is essential to love yourself first before you can "release" weight on any diet, program or plan. Think about what is beautiful about your body , mind , or spirit? Think about your best characteristic and "flaunt" it-is it your sparking eyes? Your wavy hair? your curvaceous hips? Are very kind? Agile or graceful? Perhaps you sing like an angel....? ARe you dressing to cover up or hide your weight? Do you feel comfortable or attractive in your clothes? I'm a psycholgist by training (also known as "Dr.Donna") - however all that training did not teach me what dietary, lifestyle and even mental habits/attitudes and relationship factors would contribute to my serious weight gain over time. It actully took breaking my foot to "wake me up". Now I understand so much more about easy lifestyle changes which can contribute to losing weight and keeping it off for life! Any reader , male or female, please send me your e:mail address and I'll send you an article from a holistic health magazine with my story of losing and maitaining a loss of nearly 70 pounds with suggestions on losing weight and keeping it off! It was really easy and you may end up looking and feeling like a new (and improved) person! I love weighing what I did in high school-perhaps my story can inspire you and help you get healthier too! My best, Donna

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  10.   singforyou says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 09

    To lovelybbw and others:READ ME PLEASE: This problem has to be consider under several aspects:first,it has to be considered the main cause of getting weight,which is the lack of love,always,unless you get weight under cortisone or similar medicines. So when a person sees her/his partner taking too many pounds,before thinking how can he/she tell to the partner to loose weight,he/she has to ask him/herself what is going wrong with the partner. Try to talk with the partner,to get out problems.We search pleasure and satisfaction in eating when we don't have enough satisfacion in our life,often after a difficult experience.Sometimes hurt and frustration are too strong to be stood and we find some tregue in eating,just like when we were babies and one of our biggest satisfaction was to eat from mum's breast..we needed so much then,to grow up;but this isn't a good reaction for an adult,whose body is already grown up.But it happens. So if you see your partner get weight,maybe the first thing you must to ask yourself is if you are doing enough to make her/him feel loved.Then try to find out what is the problem,talking with the partner.And help her/him.OverWeight will surely disappear!!! And let me say one thing:why the hell love should reduce because of the weight?!?!It's not the only body that stimulate sex-attraction in a person!!!Overall if you know Her/Him since years..!!Why all this SUPERFICIALITY?!?!I loved a man,he was really over-over-overweight(while I was thin)but he was so caring and clever and has character,wich attracted me even sexually!!weight doesn't matter at all!! Lovelybbw I know what you mean!!When I was thin I had too many (blind)men around.Who were attracted mostly by my aspect.It wasn't easy to choose the good one.Infact I didn't.The one I choose left me after one year while I was waiting for his baby.. That took me to madness.And I took a lot of weight.I became very very fat after this bad experience!!I needed to keep men far from me. And I had no men around anymore just because of my weight!!! No more men to turn back to look at me passing on the street,to come closer to talk with me,to whistle or sending me kisses.. But this turned ok for me, at least I could grow up my two daughters without noone cheating us around!! But when I fell in love again,that was hard,because I've never been loved in return.THE MOST OF PEOPLE IS SO SUPERFICIAL!!! So I decided that I would have loose weight for the man who would have seen my beautyful and richness me through my weight. But it hasn't happened yet!!So what I'm doing right now is to loose weight just for myself and my health.And to show the superficial man I loved what he really loose..!!! Love.

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  11.   slimandhappy says:
    Posted: 18 Jan 09

    I know this can be a painful challenge for both the slim and overweight partners adn cause ost fo tension..- I was overweight for most of my adult life-African American and Caribbean men seemed to prefer me that way and often complimented me - Anglo men however found me a bit "chubby" and I eventually reached nearly 200 pounds, yikes-way too big for a 5 ft.2 woman! In 2007 I was able to lose a significant amount of weight -on an excellent, safe and easy program called "Take Shape for Life". Lost nearly 70 pounds in 6 months and have kept it off for over a year-now coach men and women nation wide and in the Caribbean. Happy to share more if you contact me .I love being slim and happy and heathy now and I did it for me -not for anyone else and you could too! My best, Donna

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  12.   lovelybbw says:
    Posted: 14 Dec 08

    ...Well per my earlier response on this subject,in the approaching new year, dieting is my number one priority, due to weightloss surgery! Reject can drive a woman to take drastic measures! LOL

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  13.   changeagent3 says:
    Posted: 12 Dec 08

    Make sure to start with "we," as in we need to eat a more healthy diet. Add joint exercise daily and vigorous recreational activities on your days off. If you are both working together to invest in each other long term, what harm can come from that?

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  14.   lina822 says:
    Posted: 03 Nov 08

    women are very sensitive especially when it comes to their physical appearance. there is a diplomatic way of delivering the message.. well politely ask her to join you for a jog or walk(its actually very healthy and romantic) then with time she will get into the system of jogging.or hint about the gym! but dieting doesnt really work and its very frustrating if you dont achieve the end results. moral support is hey here

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  15.   juicyfruit74 says:
    Posted: 27 Oct 08

    I am a plus size woman myself and I have not experienced the nagging about loosing weight from any man, but I do notice that if your not the tall, slim woman, you'll get overlooked. This is such a touchy subject and most of us woman has gained our weight having children and its never left. I just feel that if you want your significant other to loose a few pounds, then it should be done as a joint effort.

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  16.   Eric_T says:
    Posted: 24 Oct 08

    I think that finding a habit that both can enjoy is probably the absolutely best way to approach this problem. Me and my lady friend found the perfect weight loss hobby..., meth! ;) I kid, I kid.

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  17.   Eiane54 says:
    Posted: 23 Oct 08

    I find that if you have a shallow mate then they are shallow and will always one reason or another to be dissatisfied. Many of us develop bad eating habits from out work schedules and when we become parents especially women. Physiologically we tend to gain weight as we get older and that is a sad but true fact of life so many people have to eat less and do more exercise. There are also people who gain more easily than others especially after years of yo yo dieting. The subject can be approached but one must be tactful. I see many more men with beer bellies and thin wives and maybe they should be approached as well. I suppose a man would need a thinner wife when he appears to be six or seven months pregnant himself. People usually make changes when "they" decide it is time for a change until that happens ladies lose the weight that is nagging you ( your mate) and you can start to work on yourself for you. Remember before any diet or exercise routine consult your physician.

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  18.   lovelybbw says:
    Posted: 22 Oct 08

    Well... speaking from the perspective of a LARGE and LOVELY woman, its been my experience that men will reject me for my weight. Sad but true. It hurts, especially if you have an attraction to the man.

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  19.   lala2qz says:
    Posted: 22 Oct 08

    exactly, which is why I said that I dont think any woman would take telling her to go on a diet the right way. I'm only saying that it wouldnt hurt to hint at the fact that they are getting chubby. especially if you do it in a playful way, point in case was when I was 13 and my mother said I was getting the jello booty. I thought it was funny, but then I started to think "wait a minute...... oh yeah it does look really big" and I didnt take what she said the wrong way at all, its a mental thing, you say one thing and it leads to thoughts of another. So when you suggest yoga together or something to do with fitness, they'll be more willing. And nothing wrong with curves, they're beautiful, but I do believe this is more about fat rolls and an unhealthy amount of fat.

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  20.   Gaone says:
    Posted: 22 Oct 08

    Different women would react differently to being told to go on a diet by their boyfriends or husbands. A few would would appreciate it and take it a sign that their partner cares about their well-being, but most women take it as an insult. It all depends on how the man brings it up, if he say "honey you need to go on a diet" is equivalent to just saying "you are fat" which is just a HUGE slap on the face. Try a fun active life in the relationship , play tennis together, go to the gym together, go hiking, cycling etc.

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  21.   Irishguy1983 says:
    Posted: 22 Oct 08

    It is one dumb arse man that tells a woman to go on a diet!!No matter how tactfull or polite you are about it... I think the best thing is to begin eating more healthy yourself and suggest the gym for some dates. Or like me you could just like a woman with curves!

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  22.   Irishguy1983 says:
    Posted: 22 Oct 08

    It is one dumb arse man that tells a woman to go on a diet!!

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  23.   lala2qz says:
    Posted: 22 Oct 08

    you're so very right, I dont think any female could take you telling them to go on a diet nicely, lol. but it shouldnt hurt if you hint at the fact that theyre getting a buddha belly early on. as long as you arent crude or malicious. do it at your own risk, and bring it up because you care about their health. and dont nag, noone likes that. and at times, it doesnt really help.

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  24.   party1 says:
    Posted: 21 Oct 08

    FELLAS,,,,,DO NOT under any circumstances tell your girlfriend or spouse to go on a diet!!!! Pffffttt this was a No Brainer fer me

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  25.   lala2qz says:
    Posted: 20 Oct 08

    Well, with my boyfriend, when he had gotten a little out of shape, I brought up the subject subtly. Definently wouldnt say I nagged, thats something I just dont do. and besides i didnt have to, he knew well ahead of time that chubby is just not my thing. Im lucky because I have never had to worry about my figure, good metabolism, genes, and Ive always been pretty active and even when Im not I just dont gain weight. But that's besides the point. Staying in shape is just something thats good for you, so your partner shouldnt take it the wrong way as long as you're not mean or cruel about it. And you know.... I didnt know cookies make you balloon in the weight department unless you overdo it, she must not know how to eat in moderation when the temptation arises. Thats more so her fault than his, I love Krispy Kreme doughnuts, but that doesnt mean if someone bought 3 dozens for me that I would eat them all right then. If you're someone with a weight problem, then you should know better, when you have your goodies you should enjoy it, and simply take a walk or do something that will burn it off.

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