Guys, "Don't Be An Interracial Dating Lech!"

Posted by Jordan, 22 Aug 13

"I just love my chocolate."

"I've got a bad case of jungle fever!"

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

"I love how Asian women are so submissive"

" I love hot and spicy Latinas!"

Those pitiful lines might sound good in your own head, but no woman wants to be fetishized object, interchangeable with another other woman in her racial group. Nobody wants to be treated like a non-person. Trust me, you'll get a lot more interest if you treat the women you approach with more respect. Here are a few do's and don'ts to ensure a better swirling success record:

Do avoid cliches and stereotypes like the plague! When you see someone attractive, comment on what about her as a individual caught your eye. Does she have a nice smile? Did you recognize the place in her hiking picture? Did you grow up in a town nearby where she did? Mentioning something that is unique to her will show her that you're really looking at her, and not just fishing.

Don't mention her anatomy in a lecherous, racially-specific way. Even if you "love you some black girl booties" it's best to keep that to yourself, my friend. And another big no-no is asking for naked pictures...c'mon, dude...

Don't let your entire interest in a relationship be about a girl's ethnicity. Again, she is a person, and should be treated with respect for her individuality.

Do discuss your preferences with her (in a respectful manner) once you've made a connection and have gotten to know her as a person.

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you're interested in The Art of Charm residential programs, apply for a strategy call with a coach. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook or Twitter.

25 responses to "Guys, "Don't Be An Interracial Dating Lech!""

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  1.   mike573 says:
    Posted: 12 Sep

    This is true for gay men as well. It is especially hard for a white gay male who hass a preference for men of color. Everyone assumes they are all about "size", when it is so much more.

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  2.   hifreetime says:
    Posted: 20 Jul

    Its funny how they always make the white guy the creepy one. Please.. where would you be without us.

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  3.   dochman says:
    Posted: 21 Jun

    I wish I could meet a white woman for serious relationship!

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  4.   Samson34 says:
    Posted: 20 Jun

    True

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  5.   yoniasli says:
    Posted: 17 Apr

    Hi

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  6.   kijabe says:
    Posted: 18 Mar

    True we respect each other personality

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  7.   Iroarlouder says:
    Posted: 14 Feb

    Just be yourself and hopefully your reason here is to find a special someone who completed you. I believe that no one is whole alone so keep it 100 and good things will come your way.

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  8.   offside1961 says:
    Posted: 17 Oct 15

    I find this article offensive in both racial and gender terms. 99.999% of men don't need lecturing on their conduct. Why isn't some advice given to women, many of whom promote their ethnicity on this site? Also what about advising the gold diggers to avoid being just that...easy to spot with lines like 'love to be spoiled', 'looking to be taken care of', 'treated like a queen' or some just blatantly saying they are looking for financial support. Why everything is turned round on men offends me deeply. Terrible article.

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    • myzola says:
      Posted: 01 Nov 15

      I will take care of my true love regardless.

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    • ccwilliams76 says:
      Posted: 03 Jul

      Actually a lot of guys do need lecturing in how they approach women, and vice versa. I have been on a lot of different sites, including this one, and by and large, the majority of men tend to objectify women as sexual objects or trophies to be displayed on their arm when they go out, unfortunately the 90% of men who do this ruin it for the 10% of us trying to find that real romance. I have gone so far as to create fake female profiles just to test the waters of certain sites and sadly my research has proven those statistics as accurate, in that 85-90% of the emails I received either ignored what I wrote in my profile or were outright sexist and disrespectful to the extreme, comments such as: "you are hot, we should f*ck" being the norm. So a man who doesn't want advice or a lecture as you put it, on how to respect a woman he is interested in is doomed to ruin it for everyone else, himself included.

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    • 2_restless says:
      Posted: 05 Sep

      Lol Hell yeah that's too much like right. Here's my favorite one. Lookin for a generous man! Pahhhhhh! Screams (just leave the 35.00 on the nightstand.

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  9.   wc662 says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 15

    It's sad how black women are used as a commodity sometimes by men trying to live out some white power trip in or out the bedroom, and basing things out of stereotypes

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  10.   smallblood says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 14

    i just say. there is a secret to live life diffarent ways.you can just jug a person in life.the table will turn.and remember the love is not a money.the love of money its wont last that is why theres so many divorce.if you dont know ask me i can tell you.i have and expiriance.

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  11.   gilliam67 says:
    Posted: 07 Apr 14

    I've dated a 'woman of color' before and she told me she's 'Black' and 'not into the PC crap'. When she said that, I knew she was just fine with me. I'm not into that either-I see a woman as a woman. Does'nt make any difference to me what race/ethnicity she is and what race/ethnicity her children are. They're here and so am I and if we get along and like each other after finding out more about each other, all is well. I don't get what the big issue is and why someone would waste time and emotional energy if they're not serious.

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  12.   T.d.h.502 says:
    Posted: 03 Jan 14

    Funny, I am not a leech and still no success, lol. but i will never stoop to being the creep lol.

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  13.   morpheousx says:
    Posted: 18 Dec 13

    This has done nothing but help these types of men, to hide their true intentions. I would rather a person, say those things to me, therefore show their true self, so i can stand clear of them. Now that they have been tipped off, they will take their fetishes on the down low and just pretend to look at women of color as individuals but in actuality, look at them as fetishes and a fantasy to for fill, nothing more. I say, let them ask for nude pictures, let them use those corny lines. It makes it a lot easier to see them coming, therefore time won't be wasted, courting these fakes and phonies.

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  14.   tyrii18 says:
    Posted: 07 Nov 13

    Lol so funny got chocolate before

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  15.   statician says:
    Posted: 04 Sep 13

    I wish this guy lewhiteboy can read this.Ladies stay warned by people who ask for nude pics.I experienced this for many months by that guy who has no photo and his profile reflects what he is not.He is a white man lives in States.@Dave74 can you please connect me to any one whom you know that can be genuine and sincear? and wish you the best in your marriage.

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    • offside1961 says:
      Posted: 17 Oct 15

      How do you know his real ethnicity if you haven't met him or seen his picture?

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  16.   jimtwobees says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 13

    Love it, Jordan. Thanks. Good topic. Ladies, the same is true in reverse...if you are dealing with a gentleman. "Want me some cream in my chocolate," doesn't go nearly as far as,"Will you be as chivalrous in person as you are in my dreams?" Or, "In search of the man who touches my soul and enlivenes my spirit." Use the right bait...Or you'll keep right on catching the same old fish.

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    • blackbelle01 says:
      Posted: 04 Jul

      Jimtwobees - I could not agree with you more.

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    • JoyAndLight says:
      Posted: 06 Jul

      What a wordsmith! And yes, it has a completely different energy to it. I've never understood how anyone thinks a more 'base' way of communicating will attract a quality person.

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  17.   khouri62 says:
    Posted: 25 Aug 13

    Thanks Jordan, your article was really educational to me & I'm sure it will help others.

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  18.   dave_74 says:
    Posted: 24 Aug 13

    This is a great topic! I am now happily married with another child on the way. So I thank god and AR that I am not looking any more. However in my years of searching for right wife , I met scores of women who all had at least one crazy story of similar events of guys saying something totally cheesy, asking for nude pics, showing private parts in the chat room (is that even allowed?) All before even asking for 1st name , interest, reading the profiles etc. Some people don't know how to date period, now add internet and Interracial into the equation? On another note, I'm sure men are mostly guilty of this, most likely even white men. However I came across similar statements /behavior from a couple of black women lacking intercultural, communication and/or dating skills. Let's see I've heard "I'm addicted to white men" "I need my vanilla swirl on" " I need me some cream in my coffee" Ladies and Gentlemen, the fact that you are even on an Interracial dating site IS a HUGE clue that you are interested in another race, no need for our super hero "Capt. Obviously" to fly in and make it THAT clear. On a final note, I truly wish the best for all of those sincerely seeking love.

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  19. Posted: 23 Aug 13

    Oh. My. God. Jordan. THANK YOU!!! Someone had to say it. Perfect post. Let's hope it falls on receptive ears/eyes/hearts.

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